Wrong perceptions...

I was asked by a male colleague if I would like some of his red bean bun from Bread Top (its weird, cos he is like a 40-ish, white male)...but that wasnt the point of this blog. The point is what followed my response to his offer.

I told him "no thanks, i'm dieting". Well, technically we are all on a diet. Since, strictly speaking, we all eat food. But what i mean is, i have restricted my calorie intake and hope to keep it that way as a complete lifestyle change.

I told him that i have dropped a couple of kilos and don't want to ruin it by having something packed with sugar, since my biggest problem is that i am a sugar addict. So, i basically have cut out all sugars unless its from fruit or dried fruits, that is anything but natural sugars.

He was astonished that i wanted to lose weight and he mocked me by saying: "What do you have to lose from all of your 50 kilos?"

O_O

Errmmm...i weigh far more than 50 kilos...which is why i am trying to lose the weight. And i'm not even trying to lose enough to get down to 50kg. I just want to get to about 58-60kg. Then i will be smack bang in the middle of the healthy weight range for my height! I dont have to lose weight until i get to 58kg. I might get to about 62kg and realise that i have lost my curves and decide that i want to stay at 62kg and just tone my muscles. And at the end of the day, i know that muscle weighs more than fat...

Its just weird that as we were discussing everything, he kept thinking that i am fine the way i am - but i kept thinking how "technically" i'm overweight for my height.

I must dress very well to be able to deceive a man to think that i am like 30 kilos lighter than i am...well not that much, but you get the gist of it. His perception of me is a flattering one. I wonder if its not just because i wear black...

I wonder if his perception is based on my personality. A lot of the men i have worked with, over the years, all think i am nuts when i say i am on a diet. To be honest, sometimes, i just dont want to eat the junk they offer, like chips...and the best way to shut them up is to say you are on a diet, because they dont want to argue with a girl who is "on a diet"...*LoL*...but they always tell me that i dont need to lose any weight.

Is it really true? That i dont need to lose any weight? But i'm not happy with my weight. I think there is a lot of flab to reduce. I dont want to be skeletal, i want to be toned with curves in the right places. I want to be fit, not a supermodel.

So, why do the men i work with say that i dont need to lose weight? They could simply be saying it to be nice to me. But their reactions say otherwise. I think its all to do with the perception they have of me. In their mind i'm a bubbly girl they work with who is confident in the things she says and does. When i talk to them, i probably sound like and give the impression of a toned, fit chick! So, when a girl who in their mind is a toned, fit chick says "no thanks, i'm on a diet"...its like a shock to their system.

You've all received those emails where there is a paragraph with words spelt incorrectly but the first letter and the last letter is correct, and your brain understands what the word is suppose to be...or even 3D images embedded in a picture and you need to cross your eyes to see it...

I believe the men i work with, their brains have translated me into the girl i want to be, but not quite there yet. Which is why they tell me i dont need to lose weight. But i really do.

I was at the gym last night and there were two vietnamese sisters. I know they were viet because they were talking in viet and i understood them. The show "The Wedge" was on and there was the big girl with the curly red hair dancing in a pastel pink leotard. One of the sisters was watching this, as was i, and exclaimed to the other with disgust in viet: "OMG - she is so FAT!"

Being a tad offended for the big girl on TV, I turned to look at who made that comment as i was getting off my cross training machine. And i was utterly expecting a skinny chick that is just strolling on the treadmill without breaking a sweat and has make up caked on her face (which makes you wonder why they paid almost $20 for the entry fee to the gym, to gain no result from it except pimples), but i found 2 really chubby girls who are not far from being as big as the girl on TV.

It really took me by surprise. And it made me wonder about the perception they had of themselves.

Typically, if i see a big woman or a chubby girl, i sympathise with them. Because i personally feel like i am one of them and i think to myself that i know what they are going through. I don't sympathise with people who are obese. Because i think there should have been some point where you looked at yourself and said "Sh!t, this has got to stop, or i will be obese!" And that is when you do something drastic about it...because thats what i would do. And i know that not everyone thinks like i do, and not everyone reacts the way i do...but if everyone cared about their appearance, they should react and do something before it spirals out of control.

Its a good thing that these girls are at the gym and doing something, but from noticing what they were doing and how they were using the equipment, i give them a month, and if they dont see themselves transformed into Jessica Alba by then, they will give up and go back to their old habits. Which is of course, not a good direction to turn. So, i do hope that they keep on going regardless and actually seek out the help of one of the personal trainers at the gym.

Back to the point about perception...i wonder if they see themselves like Jessica Simpson (for instance) after the divorce with a few extra kilos...and their efforts at the gym now is her preparation for the video clip to her song "A public affair", where she slimmed down quite a lot to look as hot as she did???

I am starting to realise (or should i say accept) that we all have these perceptions of ourselves, and that others have perceptions different from our own.

Why is it that we can't just see the reflection in the mirror! Why is it that some of us see whales, hippos, elephants? Why is that some see poles, tree trunks, and rakes???

*ugh*

-_-"

Home Sweet Home...

He called me today. My bearer of good news has been doing the hard yards on my behalf. I had been feeling really anxious when he recently told me that there were some complications with my application. I asked him in almost hysterics - "why? how? what?"...

But as he promised, he came through. Like music to my ears, he told me this morning - "I've got your approval! I'll fax it to you right away, what's your fax number?"


It started off as a silly notion. Mum was telling me not to bother if it was going to be difficult...and there was a time i wanted to just give up and accept that i wasnt good enough. It was scary. I never did it before. I had no clue as to what i needed to do. I didnt do enough research because it was all on the spur of the moment. But once the momentum got the ball rolling, i couldnt stop it. I didnt want to stop it.

It really irritated me that it was going to be a challenge to overcome simply because i am single and i still have my HECS debt lingering over my shoulders. But it just made sense and would be so much easier for me if i could consolidate things under my name.

I am really grateful that everything has pulled through.

Its just the approval, i know that there is more to it. But this was one hurdle that i wasnt sure i was going to make.

*sigh*

It is a glorious day today.

What women want...

Well, its really about what this particular woman wants.

Or should i say, what this girl wants.

(I'm referring to myself)

I may not actually find him...and i am not writing this to complain. I'm just writing it, because its clear in my head and i want to finalise the epiphany that came to me over the weekend, by giving it a place on my blog.

At the end of a day, the women of today are very self sufficient. We are brought up today with the ability to do almost everything on our own. It doesnt mean we dont want a man in our lives, but we have learnt to accept that if there is no man in our life, we got to be able to do it for ourselves. The right man may not cross my path. I may not cross his. I won't sit on the side waiting for a man to come into my life to help fix my tyre either, (if it needs mending). I will, on the other hand, change the tyre myself.

That having said, the type of man i would like to end up with will be one who cares about my health and happiness. He will be the one who will ask me when i am sick with the flu, whether i want chicken soup? He may not know exactly what i need from him, but will be loving enough to care to just ask if i do need anything at all to make me feel a bit more comfortable. I may not want or need anything, or know what i want or need, myself...but if he just asks me: "Honey, is there anything i can do to help make you feel better?"

He will make my day.

I can look after myself in every other way...the only time that i cant or am unable to is when i'm physically down. Just like when i broke my ankle. It was frustrating not being able to sleep...even though i had pain killers and sleeping pills in my system. The throbbing was insane and it kept me awake.

To have someone come over and keep you company melts any ice queen's heart...when the guy asks if you need more pillows to keep your leg elevated...*sigh*...it shows that he is looking out for you and really cares. (This didnt happen!)

So, thats what im talking about!!!

I think at the end of the day, if a guy genuinely cares to ask if he can help you to make things a little bit easier, less stressful, less painful, or just to see you smile...then he is a keeper.

^_^

Quotes to mention...

“You’re considered superficial and silly if you are interested in fashion. But I think you can be substantial and still be interested in frivolity.”
-Sophia Coppola

I think that is a comment that rings true with women today. I feel, that i use fashion as an escape from work, from thinking, from anything stressful. Because it is creative and fun. But that doesnt mean i am stupid because i like fashion and dressing up! There a plenty of women out there who are super-dooper smart that love fashion as much as the next girl.

"Now I can wear heels."
-Nicole Kidman

This was the comment she made after divorcing Tom Cruise. I like this comment, because I can relate. My ex was "just" taller than i was, so wearing heels would make me tower over him. He hated it with conviction when i wore heels. But like most women, i adored them, and still do. I think this quote should now be a motto for me to remind myself that i am better off...uno in those moments when im feeling low.

To me, this quotes stands for: freedom, confidence, honesty, acceptance of one's self, strength and beauty.

And the best part, i can wear heels!

^_^

"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead."
—Louisa May Alcott

I have always loved the story of the Little Women. So, no doubt i would be keen about a quote coming from the author of one of my favourite books. I don't need to explain why i love this quote. It speaks for itself.

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
—Janis Joplin

At the end of the day, its true. You are all you've got. You are all you can really truly rely on. Realise that the times are changing and we need to look after ourselves. And so we will.

Pet is peeved!

I always try my best not to be mean or nasty, or tread on peoples toes - basically be a good person.

So, it really gets me soo peeved when people do mean or nasty things to me, when they don't know me and have no real reason to.

My car was scratched earlier on in the year while parked in a carpark. The person who did it obviously didnt care to leave their details. The scratch is on the bumper. Its actually a big waste of my money to get it fixed, so, the scar is still there today.

Yesterday, in the evening after work, i drove to pour petrol at the station and found next to the petrol cap, there was a key scratch mark. Someone fudging keyed my car. It didnt look random, like some kid was bored and keyed along the side of the whole car, it was keyed in one spot, right there, so that when i went to the petrol station i would have to notice it.

The thing is, i cant think of one person that i have done something wrong, enough to warrant my car being keyed...until i got to the gym and recalled Monday night when i had parked the car at the gym.

I took mum to get some groceries on Sunday afternoon, and there was no key mark then. So, the mark was created between Monday and Tuesday evening before i poured petrol. Which lead me to believe that the crazy girl who was driving a mini cooper was the one who did the keying to my car on Monday night.

On Monday night, I got to the gym and parked my car, but I sat behind the wheel with the radio still on, because my nose was running and i was blowing my nose. The crazy girl, (who doesnt know how to drive but thinks that she was the stunt double pretending to be Charlize Theron in Italian Job), came to park to the left of my car. There was some screeching and basically her driver side mirror ended up only 5 cms away from my passenger side mirror. I freaked, thinking "what the hell!" looked at her and thought "OMG! What are you doing? Do you know how to drive?"

She proceeded to give ME a dirty look and tried to fix her car up.

To be honest, she doesnt know how to drive if she is having problems parking a car front end in. She wasnt trying to do a reverse park. I would understand if she had problems with that!

After she finally got the car in properly between the lines, (after fixing it a few times and begs one to wonder why she didnt just drive a bit slower and park the car in one attempt!!!) she quickly got out of her car and probably decided to scratch it then. The side of my car that is scratched, is also on the side she would have walked past.

I was recovering from a near accident, while my car was stationary mind you!!! And i still was in the process of blowing my nose, so i didnt notice if she did anything fishy. But you know what, she had that look of a vengeful person. The look that makes you wonder what other mean things she would do if you actually called her a name...

I was so mad and peeved yesterday while at the gym, that i almost rushed out of the gym to look for her car and key it for revenge.

But i then thought about it - tried very very hard to be rational...I could be wrong. It might not have been her. And if it was her, i believe in karma. She would get hers when the time is right, and not on my hands.

And anyway, my body balance class was going to start in a couple of minutes!

=P

At least my priorities is still in check!

I am still frustrated every time i drive my car knowing that its scarred all over by inconsiderate people who dont give a rats arse about other people's belongings. I hate inconsiderate people who after doing something wrong don't take the responsibility for their actions.

All I have to say to those people is: Karma is out there. Do bad things to others and bad things will happen to you. Pray that its not 10 times worse than what you did.

Controversy is my middle name...

While on the train this morning, i recalled my childhood and thought about the controversy i stirred on a day to day basis when i was high school.

Nothing as great a deal as causing mutiny between the teachers and students - well i hope i didnt, and if i did, i apologise.

It was more along the line of the topics i would talk about in class when i am asked to present a speech. Or the type of evidence i would use to back up my argument in a debate. They were never the obvious arguments, they were always something highly political, or too touchy that the opposing team wouldnt have a clue as to how they should refute my arguments. Sometimes, it would just go over their heads.

I remember this one time in Year 10, we had a substitute teacher for English and she told us to pick a topic, any topic, and write a 3 minute speech. I somehow got volunteered by my peers to go first - possibly because i would always volunteer myself during speech-type assessments. (Its an advantage to go first when you are being assessed, there is no benchmark to be measured against. And since im a confident speaker, i'm usually who the teacher will then use as the benchmark).

So, i walked to the front of the class with the blackboard behind me and proceeded to make my passionate speech on none other than...euthanasia!

3 minutes on my belief that every person has the right to make their own choice about the subject...it basically didnt go down well with the teacher. I didnt use coarse language, although I may have been slightly explicit talking about how euthanasia was done. I believe i wrote that speech down really well, the problem was that the substitute teacher was highly religious. She was anti-euthanasia and perhaps I should have been more sensitive to others feelings towards the subject. I mean fair enough, she was and is entitled to her opinions and beliefs. Although, she didnt have to condemn my public speaking skills because she didnt like the subject matter. She was the first and only teacher who ever negatively commented on my speaking skills.

Shortly there after, the teachers at my school had asked me to participate in a public speaking competition in our local area. There were great prizes to be won. It was extra curricular activity that i could add to my references. So, i entered.

We were advised that there would be 2 impromptu speaking rounds and then a round where we could speak on a topic of our choice, but it had to be based on current World News.

I researched for 2 months, and decided that i would talk about Aung San Suu Kyi, the leader of the National League for Democracy in Burma. A Nobel Peace Prize winner in 1991, who was placed under house arrest in 1989. This woman is amazing, when presented with the option of freedom only if she leaves her country, she chose to stay to fight for her people. I was going to present the current situation in Burma - the suffering of their people at the plight of the military...

But when i learnt that the other students were going to talk about "Bright Yellow Cars", or "The food we eat", or even "What is the meaning of life?"...i thought i should soften my subject matter. Obviously, it was a strong political subject that no one in the audience would anticipated a 15 y/o girl would talk about. So, i focused on how Aung San Suu Kyi was an inspiration to women and world leaders alike, and how we could all learn from her diplomatic methods to solve problems versus going to war.

It was still heavy. The student who won talked about the "Bright Yellow Cars".

Yeah.

What’s up with the babies…?

I am either looking extremely young for my age or these boys (who are barely legal), have this idea that being with an older woman is of some advantage. And there are heaps of advantages like, wisdom, money, experience, and hopefully patience, just to name a few.

I have none of the above. So, once again, I don’t know why they seem to be interested in me.

I was behind the wheel of my car after a stint at Ikea – it was one of the stores on my cousin’s “Wishlist” of things to buy for her baby shower. There was a Camry in front of me at the lights and the driver was saying something to the other 2 guys in the car. The guy in the backseat turned around to look at me, and he actually waved and being oh-so-flirtatious. The driver kept checking me out in the side and rear view mirrors. The front passenger pulled down the sun visor so that he could look at me in the mirror too.

While this was happening, I was thinking “why me”??? At the same time, I was thankful that I had my big black frames on, to cover the ghastly glare I must have been sending these boys.

They were red P-platers. That would make them younger than my little brother. And that would be extremely EWW!!!

I don’t remember flirting or being flirted with in such a way, since high school.

Its flattering. Yes. But at the same time, it feels yuck.

On Friday night, while K and I made way to Opera Bar, I noticed some really cute guys, but I knew they were fresh uni students. They looked to me, like they stemmed from the same tree as my younger brother, and that once again made me feel yuck!

For crying out loud, some one tell me, where are the cute good looking MEN???

Its wrong to be perving on these babies…and thankfully, I haven’t been "perving”. I look at their face and think that they are cute and realise that they are “baby” cute, way too young, and I scare the bejeezus out of myself for just looking.

One of the PM’s I briefly worked with, was also a contractor and we email on a regular basis. He is like the Yoda of Project Management, which is why I think its necessary to keep in touch with him. But he is also a good source of gossip and common sense. He has these analogies that sometimes go over my head, but its good. I keep learning each time we email each other. Whether its about GTS or about expensive panty hose…this guy would be able to tell me about it…and I think its obvious that our age difference shows. He would be about late 40’s.

He recently told me about GTS…he thinks that I have reached the age where “all women” seem to suffer from GTS.

What is GTS?

This is his explanation: (direct from an email)

GTS is known amongst us cynical males as 'Gravy Train Syndrome'. Tends to kick in for the female of the species in the mid to late 20's. This is where you start to look for a male that would be suitable for breeding. This manifests itself in the form of chicks going out with blokes that they wouldn't previously look twice at... but they're rich, have a nice mortgage, love kids etc etc. The chick can drop their career and jump on the gravy train for the rest of your life.

Where at younger ages such behaviour was often limited to narrow bands (eg HH's) you seem to find GTS spreading across broader cultural demographics. Perhaps it's unfair on your sex but there's plenty of evidence. A mate of mine, still single in his 40's prides himself on being able to smell GTS ;)

I think this may be true for his “era” and the women in his age group. But for all the women I know…they all have their own mortgages and are basically taking care of themselves.

Would it be nice to have someone loving, who happens to be rich, taking care of you – I think so!

But are all the women who are currently in their mid-late 20’s sitting around waiting for this Prince? NO! Maybe a couple of women are, but not most.

Personally, I am in the process of acquiring my own 25-30 year long mortgage…and I’m doing it all on my own.

With this obvious shift (obvious to me) between older women and young boys, let’s hope that these boys don’t get it in their heads that they can jump on our gravy train…well, at least not this woman’s gravy train!

***

I bought a ticket to fly to Melbourne during the Labour Day long weekend. In the course of telling my brother and sister in law, I got coerced into taking my niece with me…pending on whether they can get an airfare on the same flights as me, for her.

Now, we all know that I love my nieces. But my parenting skill begs to be questioned immensely!

I can barely look after myself! Will I be able to look after a 5 y/o???

Yes, she is much better behaved than when she was a year ago…but there is a difference between taking her to the cinemas and taking her on a short holiday interstate. I’m not questioning her manners, I’m questioning my capabilities.

I am obviously not a parent. I can’t even say that I would make a good baby sitter. What if I accidentally lose her?! I’d kill myself. My brother would kill me. My sister in law would kill me. I’ve never even had a pet. The plant my ex gave me has recently died…well, I deliberately neglected it so that it would die…I just stopped watering it for a few months…I didn’t see the point any more! See, how awful a person I am?!!??!! I deliberately let things DIE!!!

I told my mother that she shouldn’t have made me say that I would take my niece with me. But my mother has this “neat” idea that taking my niece to Melbourne will teach me to become a mother. I’m like, "WHAT THE F@#$ FOR???"

I’m not in a relationship! I’m going to have a mortgage that will take all of the good years of my life to pay for! And more importantly, I don’t want to have kids anymore!!! And she seems to forget that I’M NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE!!! Who does she think I’m going to have a child with??? And does she really believe that I will have a child in the near future (within the next 2 years) that warrants the need to learn how to be a mother RIGHT NOW?!!?!?

But since I have told my sister in law that I would take my niece…I can’t go back on my word.

Yes, it will be a learning curve – I just hope and pray that every thing goes well!
*touch wood*

Mirror, mirror on the wall...

...who's the fairest of them all?

Not me.

Of late, like a mirror, i have been showing other people's reflections.

Be it their bad or good mood, I will reflect something similar. If they are sour, i will give them lemon juice...If they are happy, i'll be shining like the sun.

I dont mean to be this way. I'm just observing and its all reactionary, this reflecting thing. Its not intentional.

I will consciously try to stop.


It seems that because i have so much time on my hands, i just sit, stand, or whatever, and just observe everything that is around me. I watch how people act around one another...what they are saying...how they are saying it...whether there are any PDA's between couples...I notice how some on their mobiles think they own the public domain, because they are on the phone...I notice how many people there are running in the park during lunch and wonder why there are still so many that are overweight...and then i realise that "technically" i am overweight...but i'm one of them who are jogging on my lunch break! ha!

And its not just people i observe...but people make up most of the time.

I notice the weather...I notice the news...I notice advertisements...I notice cars...I notice stores and how they display things in a way that is suppose to entice me...I notice food and various produce...I notice smells...lots of smells...I notice light...I notice the smokers - that i want to avoid on the street...I notice the aggression in others...see, it always goes back to people...

I just notice many things.

I guess it keeps my head space occupied.

Not like i have better things to do...
=P

The Alterna-Date...

There is something absolutely beautiful about having a non-date with someone and yet feeling quite good about spending time with them.

Its just like having a girly night out with your lovely gal-pals, except, its with your best guy-pal who appreciates the effort you have made to look good and enjoy ur evening out.

I ran out of time during the afternoon to put on makeup, so i reduced it to accentuating my eyes with some liner...doing that smokey look, and slicked on some gloss so that the lips would look juicy. But that was it, i didnt do the foundation thing...i figured if i was going to get freaked out during the movie, i didnt want foundation on my hands (from covering my eyes) and then transferring it on to my clothes. (Neat freak).

We did the round of shopping and thankfully i wasnt tempted to buy anything. He almost made the mistake of buying a pair of trousers that were too tight, fortunately, i convinced him to try them before he would buy them. So, instead, he bought a Ben Sherman jacket...although, he really needed trousers. *LoL*

After shopping, we went to the restaurant and i have to tell you, this place has ambience without the hefty price tag. Admittedly, there is a lot of talking done at each table, and there is some music in the background, so be prepared to have a good rowdy dinner.

At Ubud, we had Martabak Telor, $7, Indonesian style crepe with beef, shallots and egg (crispy fried) for entree to share. The crepe is actually more like the pastry for spring rolls, but gosh, it was yummy! We then had for mains to share: Sate Ayam - (6 pcs), $11.90, Chicken satay with peanut sauce. Eat this while its hot, when it gets cold...its not so great. We also ordered Beef Rendang, $14.90, Indonesian traditional beef curry...the beef was soo melt in your mouth...if you order only one dish, order this! Its not too spicy, some may find it mild, but the meat...thats what counts when we talk beef rendang. We also ordered Gado Gado, $11, Steamed mix vegetables with peanut sauce...sounds boring, but its really really good.

We figured this would all go best with steamed rice, versus a fried rice. And we ordered a side of roti canai. Now, im use to roti canai to be about 3-5mm thick, but this roti canai was as thick as 2 sheets of A4 paper put together. I'm also use to the roti being doughy, but this one was flakey...it was still yummo all the same.

I stopped eating half way because i was getting so stuffed, but i kept picking at the gado gado. So my alterna-date had to finish off the food. I really wanted to have their black sticky rice for dessert...but i really couldnt fit anything after eating all of that for dinner. And uno what? The bill only came to $52. I felt like i had a feast, and it was all delicious...it was all worth it!

After we rolled out of Ubud, with 2 substantially satisfied bellies, we headed back to the CBD. Trying to find parking at 7:30pm was really bad. So, we parked at a parking station.

We then headed out to Scary Canary on Kent St. It was early in the evening, but there was going to be a party on from 10pm onwards (i think). We dropped in for a drink before catching Hard Candy @ 21:15. It was empty, except for a group of girls who i think were kicking off a BIG girls night out. After we finished our drinks and were about to leave, i went to the ladies and i swear i only disappeared for like 3-5 minutes max and yet, during that time, the bar filled up with like another 20 people...which is more than the 3 that were originally there.

So, we headed off to the cinemas...and as i was wearing stilettos, i held on to my alterna-date's arm...it brought a sense of comfort to me. Something i have been missing for a while now. A strong arm to hold on to. But i knew where i stood and he knew that it wasnt a come on...I'm telling you, i am utterly relishing this type of relationship/agreement we have.

When you purchase your movie tickets online, you can "jump the queue" to collect them, but man, it makes you feel like scum when there isnt a person working "that" queue, and you have to be served by someone else tending another queue and they tell their next customer in line that "they have to serve u first". It makes you feel like you are pushing in.

We picked up our tickets...and by that time, my stomach had settled and i was ready for my green tea ice cream. So, i got a tub from the Sushi Train. We headed into the cinema and thought that it was going to be only the 2 of us. I started thinking "how cool, the whole cinema to ourselves"...but that was short lived, cos a couple walked in after the thought was made. Then another couple and then a group of 6 or 7 asian guys. Then a group of 5 or 6 middle eastern looking guys.

It surprised me how many guys turned up for Hard Candy. Considering the knowledge they would have, that something bad is going to happen to the "privates" of the male lead. And i kid you not. Its a funny movie being a girl (& slightly sadistic) and watching what gets done to this guy...the torment, the lead up and then the ultimate - well you can guess what type of revenge is exacted on a paedophile and his privates.

I dont want to reveal too much about this movie, and yet if i dont reveal some things its really hard to describe. I didnt really enjoy it overall. My alterna-date gave it 3.5 stars out of 5, I would give it 3 stars out of 5.

It was slow in some places...which made you just wish that you had another tub of green tea ice cream to keep you entertained. And thats just wrong for a thriller. If my mind gets sidelined because the pace is too slow, by ice cream...it cant be all that a great movie!

The one thing i do like, and i think if it was the objective of the director to do so, then he had done it brilliantly. And this is where the my stars amounted from. In a very twisted way, and i will use the "Red Riding Hood" analogy...(since it sorta uses that particular story line, Hayley wears a red hooded jacket...she is Red, and is prey to the Big Bad Woof - Jeff the paedophile). You feel really bad for the Big Bad Woof, because you are left to believe that the Woof is actually innocent. And i did. I spent most of the time wondering if Red was a loon and picking on an innocent guy who was just lonely - there are many people out there that are severely lonely who use the internet to meet people, uno.

And Red, in this movie is crazy. I mean crazy! Psycho. Looney. Scary. I really didnt feel for her...although i should. I was made to feel for the paedophile, sorry for the woof...uno the whole innocent until proven guilty thing? It really played on the fact that she could be really wrong...like maybe there was an error in her iron clad judgement.

I dont commend or approve or in anyway believe that rape or paedophilia is ok, even if a person is sick. I feel strongly about severe punishment to any man who commits it. I'd elaborate, but that would give you ideas as to how Red hurts the Woof...and i dont want to give it away - although, you could probably guess. What i commend in this movie, is the way the director skillfully swayed my feelings to empathise for the majority of the movie, for the wrong person.

The group of asian guys joked to one another: "Hey you'll be Jeff in 5 more years!" Another at the end of the movie said: "Man, I'm staying away from girls!" Hmm...i dont think that is likely. Actually, one of the asian guys walked out of the movie when Hayley was "slicing" away on human flesh. I think it had to do with where she was slicing, that had made him uncomfortable...*winkwink*...if you know what i mean?

Which to me, was the funniest part. Hearing all the guys in the cinema *gasp* and the silence that fell when the knife made contact with flesh. Have you ever prepared meat and had to cut it into smaller bits and then you sometimes come across bits of tendon...that sound your knife makes...it was all over the speakers...imagine what she was slicing. *LoL*

Sorry to any guy who is reading this, but as i am female, i cant feel for you. To me, its just funny. But i do apologise, i should be more considerate.

Okay, other than the disappointment from the movie, the alterna-date was a smash hit. After the night out, we went home. I got to rest. And then bum all day Sunday. It was a really good weekend. So good, my alterna-date is planning the night out for Varekai. (He bought a ticket off me, and were going together, like the last time for Quidam). He wants to go to a pizza place in Balmain...apparently its a place that has gotten rave reviews.

It will be good timing, at the end of the month. August is looking to be a great month. Lots of stress, but well worth the effort.

Apologies for the late entry if you were waiting for my Hard Candy review, i was at my PM training course on Monday and Tuesday, and then catch up occurred yesterday.

Impromptu Alterna-Date...

He asked me to go watch Earl Gray at a local RSL last night. He wanted to go to a live acoustic show...he heard of this guy and sampled some of his music and thought it was really good...i listened to some of it online and thought i would give it a shot. Hey, it was free! Why would i say no, when i have nothing better to do on a Thursday night at home?

So, he picked me up at 10 to 9. We drove to the RSL...parked...walked into the RSL and signed ourselves in. The support act, Melanie Horsnell, was singing and playing her guitar...we missed a part of her act. But for the 20 minutes or so that she played and we listened...i think i fell in love. Not with her personally, but with her voice, the music, the way it made me drift away to some better place.

She's so cute, in that quirky musician sorta way, playing sad songs with really happy beats and melodies. But i really enjoyed them. My best friend did too...he describes it as Sunday morning music...which he really likes.

As i listened i formed an analogy of her singing, comparing it to wine.

I would say that she is like a fruity semillon or reisling, aged in a stainless steel barrel. Her voice is fresh and smooth with the hint of passionfruit and honey. And yet there is something woody about it, which makes me wonder whether she would be better described as a well oaked red wine? Something spicy like the Petersons (Armidale) Shiraz from 2005.

Irrespective of which wine her voice reminds me of, I enjoyed her performance more than I enjoyed Earl Gray.

But Earl Gray has one up on Melanie Horsnell. This guy is cute! He can just smile all my worries away. Its a shame that when he performs, he does this funny "bend-at-the-middle" thing with his body and he likes to kick his left leg in the air every so often...say like every 4th beat or so. After a while you do get use to the way he performs, but at the beginning, it just really made me wonder...?

O_o

I have to agree with my best friend on his comment about Earl Gray, wishing that he doesnt turn out to be a one hit wonder. His first song, which got him into being a musician is called "Bad Luck". Great song, pity all the other songs weren't as memorable. He plans on releasing his first album under the title of "Not for sale", which happens to be another one of his songs. He likes irony. He also has a song called "Sarah"...which reminded me of Eskimo Joe and their song "Sarah"...(on their "Black fingernail, Red wine" album).

It would be a shame if either of them fail to make it...

I gotta say, i appreciate the local RSL clubs taking on "Acoustic Night" to support up and coming local acts...and providing it all free of charge. *3 cheers*

It was a fun evening, I even made it home before 11pm, just in time for bed.

And now, for the real Alterna-Date...
;)

Alterna-Date...

Veronica Mars had the "Alterna-Prom" - which was an alternative to not having a school prom, since the rich kids boozed up and got caught by the principal, thereby forcing him to cancel the prom that year.

I am having an "Alterna-Date" this Saturday and I am actually getting excited about this. He will take me shopping, because he wants to go too. Then we will go have dinner at Ubud (Indonesian). And after that, we'll go watch Hard Candy.

What is brilliant about this Alterna-Date, is the fact that im going with my best friend. So, i dont have to worry about whether he will kiss me or not. Whether i should kiss him or not at the end. I dont have to worry about any awkward moments. We dont have to try and fill the silence with clever comments or some funny anecdote to impress one another. Its casual, its cool, and it feels like a date without being a date.

I am even going to make an effort to wear something other than jeans, a stretch knit top and my black coat.

I really am loving this idea of "going out" with my best friend, without actually having the pressures of a date. What makes me feel guilty, though, is the fact that he isn't gay and i am potentially ruining his chances of ever finding a girl. And sadly, he will find a real "girlfriend" who will replace me in terms of the time we are spending together. Sooner or later.

So, although this is working out fine for me, since i dont ever plan on dating anyone, full stop. I'm not sure if he will be cool with the idea that he is my Alterna-Date, but I just wont tell him. Well, i probably will tell him...he will laugh...and just flow with it...and then when he finds his "somebody", and he will then inevitably replace me with her. And then, my Alterna-Date days will come to an end.

=(

*sigh*

At least this Saturday will be fun.

Selling ability...

Could you sell a 5kg bag of ice to an Eskimo?
Could you sell 1 gallon of milk to a cow?
Could you sell a dozen eggs to a chicken?

I think i just did.

Sometimes, it amazes me of what i am capable of achieving. I dont think that im a fabulous sales person. I dont ever think of myself as a sales person period. But surprisingly, i sold an idea that should have already been in my managers head, and spinned it off as mine.

Well, it was my idea...and i helped him along. I planted the seed, so to speak.

I have a knack for doing things like that. My track record stands at 99% success rate, but its only that high when I sell on behalf of someone else. I think its a karma thing. I'm not good at selling myself. And when i do try to sell, for moi, it just doesnt work out the way i want it to. A shame, i know, but what am i to do?

I cant fight with what nature has given me. Although, i believe selling is a skill that can be acquired over time. Its a matter of being creative when you are putting a positive spin on things. I think my downfall in selling "me", would probably be in the fact that i look at myself pessimistically. While when i am say, selling a friend...i do a fantastic job, because in my mind that person is just rosey! I can only think of the things that make them peachy...so my sales pitch on them is a sure winner.

Now, if this current seed turns into a gorgeous flower in the next 6 months...I will have to think hard about how i will plant another seed to score a big pay increase.

*thinkingthinkingthinking*

Analyse this...

When i was young, i loved the movie IT (based on Stephen King's novel), i loved watching the Freddy Kruger movies, i pretty much enjoyed watching horror movies.

Today, the calibre of horror movies is just pathetic. Or perhaps i am older now and therefore, i fear more less than i feared even when i was young (and i really didnt fear much back then).

I really enjoy watching crafty, thrilling, intelligent, play-with-your-mind type of movies. Movies that make you think. Which probably explains why i enjoy Veronica Mars and House so much, they make me think. They fulfil my curiosity. They challenge my problem solving abilities. My mind gets a workout.

Which is also probably why i enjoyed watching Irreversible (French, R-rated thriller). Well, i'm not sure if "enjoyed" is the appropriate word to use...because it scared the bejeezus out of me. It really made me wonder what kind of monstrosity lies within a person to commit such a crime.

For some reason, when i watched Donnie Darko (Director's cut), i just didnt find it compelling to me. Or perhaps i didnt give it a fair chance, since i went to watch it with a friend who was so self-assured that i would love it, that i chose to prove him wrong...and basically picked at all the things that i didnt like about the movie...and ended up giving it a thumbs-down.

This weekend, i will be watching Hard Candy. And i am looking forward to it. Apparently there is a scene in which all men will grimace and shudder empathising with the paedophile, simply because he is a man. The movie is about a teen girl meeting a 30 y/o man she met off the internet. She is under age and you are given the impression that he has lured her out to snare her, as paedophiles do...but then the story twists and you are lead to think that she has lured him...and then the story continues.

I think the movie will be interesting and mind boggling. It will definitely give me something to talk about. I wonder if they will have a 60 second disclaimer at the beginning of the movie advising the viewers that there will be horrific scenes, just like Irreversible, and ask that if you cant stomach it, to leave the cinemas immediately...?

I'll be back with a review after watching it on Saturday.

If you walk like one and talk like one...

...then you must be one!

I was given a really nice compliment from a quirky Manager just a moment ago.

He assumed that i was a Project Manager. Since i had the Dip. of PM assessment answers for him to borrow for his 3 year re-assessment. (As a registered anything in Project Management, you get assessed every 3 years to prove that you are up to scratch).

But it wasnt because I had the assessment answers from when i got assessed for my Cert. of PM. He just assumed because:

"You look like a manager. You act like a manager. You have this persona that is to be respected."

So, it really comes down to the fact that if you dress like one, and you sound like one, people perceive you as "being" one?!?!

I have been dressing less bummy, now that i am located at the CBD - but thats out of vanity. I dont want to look crap around all the gorgeous women. I have to at least dress accordingly. Even when i was at Glebe, i deliberately dressed more professionally when i knew i had to go to the CBD for meetings. I know i dont look as gorgeous as the other women do, but i think a woman in a good suit looks just as impressive as a man in a good suit. I might not wear suits all the time, but thats besides the point. The point is, I am dressing more smart than casual.

So, i guess i have succeeded in what i have been trying to achieve, some what.

He thinks, by my current display, that i would make a good PM...I'm not sure if i agree with him. Why? Because i dont think that i am ready for all the responsibility that rests on the PM's shoulders. PM's are like the Jack of all Trades. They don't specialise in one thing in particular, but they know enough about everything.

I don't know enough about everything. I wish i had more technical knowledge, especially around the physical networks. *ugh*

I just hope that once i get my Dip. of PM, that they wont throw me into the deep end. I am suspecting that there is a lot of work coming in, which is why the quirky manager wanted to confirm that i was a PM. Once i become registered as a PM, i think they will give me projects to handle on my own. Especially if they dont have enough PM's to take on the work.

And that is what is freaking me out.

Slippery slope...

I adore flat shoes. Flat ballet slippers and all the new variations that are out there.

My previous problem with them was imbedded by the fact that i am vertically challenged, so i really relied on shoes that gave me the extra height.

So, for a very long time i would just look and pine over these utterly cute and gorgeous flat shoes that i could never actually wear and do my outfit justice.

But then on a not so sunny day...I played touch footy and broke my ankle.

Then my life did a drastic turn.

I had no choice but to wear flat shoes. I had to make amends with my outfits and find a way to wear the flats with my clothes so that i wouldnt look absolutely fugly.

Its a dramatic analogy, but breaking my ankle was like a get out of jail card. Even if i didnt look good in my attire with the flat shoes, well too bad mate, i broke my ankle and i cant help that!!!

In a very long and painful process, i gained my freedom. Freedom from stilettos!

Don't get me wrong, i now look at stilettos with lust and i envy all the women who can balance and parade in sky-high heels. I use to be the girl who could run in 3 inch heels. Now, i can barely stand a half hour in them - even with minimum movement. The closest i have gotten to wearing high heels with comfort are actually wedged heels shoes, which provides much more support and is the only way i can wear anything high attached to my feet.

So, now that i often wear flats, and i absolutely love the ability to...i have another problem that is annoying me.

Am i the only girl who has noticed how slippery most of these shoes are? And this isnt just when the floor is wet either. Even when the floor is dry. When wet, is just the worst case scenario.

Hello??? Mister Shoemaker, have you considered that we wear flat shoes for comfort...and if we wear your pretty flat shoes for comfort, do you think we want to slip and slide and potentially fall and land on our bottoms with your pretty flat shoes attached to our feet??? Or worse, where your pretty flat shoes have been hurled across a walk way and smacking some poor guy in the head???

I dont want to slide and land on my butt, especially not while im in a skirt, while im walking to or from work! And i especially dont want to be caught falling by a cute guy, simply because my shoes are slippery!

So, please Mister Shoemaker, could you please make your comfy flat shoes not so slippery???

Loose lips sink ships...

After having a scrummy breakfast at the Glasshouse, Hilton with our GM...

I was walking back to the office along George Street. As i walk past one of those Mission Australia people, I thought to myself that i'm going to side step this guy. He happened to be talking to someone else...but just my luck...as i walk by he stops talking that guy and says to me: "Excuse me Miss, you dropped your..." and he trails off.

I had my scarf drapped on my handbag and since it was the only thing that could drop, i absentmindedly thought that he was referring to my scarf. So, i actually stopped and turned around and noticed nothing was on the floor. I looked at my handbag and my scarf was snuggly hanging off the handles, just where i had left it.

I looked up and he finally decides to finish that his statement with: "You dropped your smile..."

I gave him a grimace and then chatised myself for being rude, it was barely 9:30 in the morning...i thought i should give him a break, so i offered him a smile.

I think he noticed the grimace, because he asked for confirmation that it was a pretty good line. I told him it was creative. And i continued my way back to work.

After a long day, being told that my role in the programme is to basically do 1/3 of what my Programme Manager is supposed to do, that is, take care of all the finances from start to finish and make sure that we are in the black and not in the red...i thought i NEED a drink tonight. (I'm an IT person...not an accountant or anyone that is even slightly proficient in managing finances!)

I caught up to have dinner with a friend. Then afterwards we went for a drink. I met an acquaintance after getting my glass of white at the bar. I had the most bizarre conversation with this acquaintance (that i haven't seen in a year)...i actually think it was highly inappropriate, the things he said to me.

Below is a recount of our conversation. Its not exact, its close to...i'm thankful that i dont remember it word for word!

Me: Hey, how have you been?
Him: Good, you?
Me: Yeah, im good too. (Lie. Blatant lie, but i thought i should pretend to be pleasant).
Him: Where is M these days? How come you didnt bring her? (I met him through M).
Me: Oh, she's busy, probably playing bball or with her bf...(Another lie...I improvised). So, what have you been up to, what are you doing now? You changed jobs, right? (Rapidly changing subject...)
Him: I'm in recruitment now. (Previously in Software Testing - i think).
Me: Really? Thats a huge change...who for? How are you liking it?
Him: For "said company"...its been 5 months and im over it. But its okay, i'm just more interested in starting my own thing.
Me: Recruitment? *Baffled look, saying "what?"* You want to start your own recruitment agency?
Him: No, but something like it... (Hmm...right...)
Me: So, you're one of these guys with the new ideas...what is it? (The friend i had dinner with, was also into this whole "new idea - get rich" sense of mentality).
Him: If i tell you, i'd have to kill you.
Me: Right, haha, did you notice how far my eyes rolled back? (Me thinking, "like i really care about acting your idea". I'm not even into being innovative!)
Him: Well, if i tell you, you might have a really long, unforgettable...(some other supposedly interesting adjectives)...orgasm! (He laughs so loud, i think the floor was shaking).
Me: Err, right... *Eyes rolling back since he said it loud enough for everyone one around us to hear, and its a noisy bar!*
Him: (Proceeds to make fake orgasm sounds!!!) "Oh...oh...oh...OOOoooHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh..."
Me: *Cough* ...right...and it would be fake! *eyes roll back so far i thought they would get stuck* (I should have added that i'd just be faking it to shut him up ASAP...but that would be even more slack. So, i didnt!)

Girl to the right of the table gives him a disgusted glare. I think anyone within a 5m radius from him heard his pathetic attempt to orgasm like a female enamored by her lover. Just picture a really packed bar, and everyone going silent because this guy was being a complete d!ck in public. Everyone heard him.

Thankfully (only in the sense it offered me an escape route), the acquaintance's friend, who happens to be this really offensive, arrogant, 'I-think-I'm-God's-gift-to-women' turned up and joined us.

Him: Oh, you remember "said friend"?
Me: Yes. *eyes roll AGAIN* I think im going to go and mingle. See ya.
Him: I thought you would say that, bye. (Him implying that the friend would make me run, not realising it was actually his disgusting display of bad-taste-left-in-mouth sense of humour!)

Guys like that make me feel *icK!!!*

Mental note - acquaintance is now demoted to hi/bye person. Conversations = nil. Make no attempt to reacquaint one's self to hi/bye person. If hi/bye person tries to hold conversation, make effort to make eye contact so he gets it through his head that you mean it when you tell him, you need to excuse yourself to go to the ladies!

Hi/bye person should learn when to shut the f@#$ up...especially when the ship is sinking.

A Venetian Affair...

They kept each other at a safe distance: lovemaking was mostly limited to what their eyes could see and what their eyes could say. It is easy to imagine how, in a city where both men and women wore masks during a good portion of the year, the language of the eyes would become all-important...

"Today my lips will not be able to tell you how much i love you...But there will be other ways...Will you understand what my eyes will be saying to you?"
--Andrea Memmo, in a letter to Giustiniana Wynne.


I just started reading "A Venetian Affair" by Andrea di Robilant yesterday afternoon. What makes this such an interesting read, is that this book is based upon the love letters between Andrea Memmo and Giustiniana Wynne, which were written in the 18th century.

So, its real. The book isn't written in a prose of a fictional novel. Its a man telling a love story that his father was unable to tell before he died from a terrible death. I'm not naive to believe every word of it. Obviously some letters have been lost or disintegrated because they were so old. And obviously the letters were from only the two lovers perspective, so they would be considerably biased. Some gaps would need to be filled, but the author has tried to keep the account as true as possible. The fact that he is writing about his own ancestor, makes this book all the more intriguing to me.

I've only just started and its taking me a while to get my head around reading it, names are Italian and long, there are too many Piazza's that they refer to that keeps me wondering which is which. And i had just finished reading another book which was from the present, so flicking between centuries is taking a toll on me, i think.

Even though its a struggle, i cant stop reading. Its absorbing and i didnt think a man could tell a love story based on letters so old and make it riveting, especially when it appears to be written like a history book or book of essays. There are direct quotes, there are footnotes and explanations, a summary at the beginning...and there is possibly a conclusion at the end - i have yet to confirm this.

Its quite an exotic read.

The letters were actually written in a type of hieroglyphs. So, they were in themself a task to translate without losing the essence of the lover's words.

I'm going to be glued for a while to this book.

I may go MIA.

If you dont hear from me, im just reading.

I'll get back to you when i finish the book.

Smile just to smile...

For the sake of trying to be happy...

I will endeavour to fake some smiles.

My weekend was an emotional tirade of one thing to another.

I am overwhelmingly tired now.

I want to rest in an unadulterated blissful slumber.

100 nights without disturbance.

At least i found my "Christmas in July" present for my Chris Kringle.

One thing less to think about.

Just tired...

I feel like i have been working overtime for the past month and a half...and although im getting into the swing of things, its wearing me sickingly thin.

Pity i cant say that im actually losing weight over this.

I'm the opposite to almost everyone.

I put on weight for almost every reason under the sun, even when im sick! The only exception is when i am happy.

So, i guess its a clear indicator that my life sucks when i put on weight. When i lose weight, you will know that my life is on track and everything is hunky-dory!

The funny thing is that i havent worked overtime. I dont ever work overtime. I get pushed out the door at the hint that i might stay back an extra hour that no one is expected to pay. Basically, no one wants me to stay back for anything. Fine by me - really.

Why am i tired?

I think its all the crap that i have been going through in the past month. A non stop ride on the emotional rollercoaster to last a lifetime!

Its not just the potential stalker that i am referring to. Its EVERYTHING that i have yet to mention (and maybe never will), but have had to deal with on my own.

This month has been disturbingly intense, to put it extremely mildly.

My mind is running at 110kph and yet im trying to hold it still. I think everyone knows that that is just suicide. Who would ever consider standing in front of a car driving at that speed, thinking that they will be able to stop it? No one. And yet here i am trying to stop my mind racing at that speed.

I think its partially due to the fact that im sick, and grasping things is like 5 times more difficult if you are inducing really strong antibiotics into your system. If you are trying to make decisions while the drugs are inhibiting your ability to - it just doesnt work!

I need a break. I need to take time off. But i want to save my leave for next year so that i can spend more time in Europe.

It will be a relief when i can work from home. I can sleep an extra 2 hours. I can go to the gym during lunch...and it can be for 2 hours!

Work will provide me with a laptop and wireless broadband for me to use.

Hopefully i will be less tired. Hopefully i will lose some of the weight i have put on. Because, hopefully, i will actually be a bit happier.

Victim...

I hate the feeling of being a victim.

It probably explains why i am hesitant about speaking with the authorities. Because that would force me to admit that I am a victim of some sort. That i, as a victim am seeking their advice/protection/help for something that i can not control myself!

But thats the thing, when someone is trying to hurt you or scare you - they are also betting on the fact that you will be too afraid to tell anyone. Which is why i started my own assault, in informing all the people near and dear to me what freakish things have been happening. The events, the time of events, the frequency of the events, what i think is happening, why i think it is happening.

I also made a clear decision to speak to the police.

Yes, you heard me! I told the police. I reported the events to the police.

I admit that i am a victim. And i say it loud and clear. So, everyone knows now.

I want you to stop. And i say that loud and clear.

Paranoia...

Its weird...I get home and i walk through the door. First thing Mum asks me is whether some guy had called my mobile or not?

O_O

No, noone has called me. But i check my personal mobile and there was a missed call and an empty voice message at 11:10:59AM. Checked my work mobile and it was clear.

I asked her what was this guy's name? She said she cant remember...

I asked what did he say, she said he didnt say anything, just that he was calling from work.

You see, the thing that freaks me out is the fact that no one at work knows my home phone number. Only person who does is my boss, and he would never contact me at home unless he has left a zillion messages on my work mobile and i havent responded in a couple of hours and he actually feared for my life.

But the call to my house was at about 17:10-17:15PM. Whoever called from work would have known better, if they were in fact someone from work. And it doesnt explain how they got my home number. I work at my clients site where most of the employees think that im one of them. Noone would think to actually get my number off my boss. And even if they managed to ask him, he wouldnt give it out to anyone; im sure of it!

No number appeared on the missed call on my personal mobile. It was "unknown" and it shits me that the message they had left on my voicemail was just of some background noise.

What is freaking me out even more is that someone had given my mobile number as their "mother's" contact when they got arrested for a breaking and entering. A supposed policeman had called my mobile in search of the culprit's mother. This was about a 3-4 weeks ago. It was a Wednesday afternoon, im not sure about the date...possibly the 14 June, when i got this call.

He had asked me confirmation of my mobile number. He told me that the culprit was arrested and gave this number as contact for his mother. He asked if i was from a nearing suburb. I told him that i was near that suburb, but i didnt know of any woman by that name. I told him that i was sorry that i couldnt help. He advised me that he will update the "database" so that no one else will bother me.

In hindsight, i should have written down his name and badge number, and asked him from which police station he was from. As far as i know now, the person who called could have been an imposter, posing as a police officer.

But the truth of the matter is, i didnt feel as though i had given him any personal details about myself. I didnt feel as though i was under any threat.

Now with this weird phone call last night, i am beginning to worry. I'm worried that there is a connection. I'm worried that someone is trying to hurt me. Why would someone call and say they are from work, when its obvious to me that noone at work would do that!!!

The more important question is what do they want from me???

I have this problem, well not really problem, but if i dont listen to my gut feelings, the worst of what my gut is telling me seems to happen to me. So, i'm listening to my gut but i dont know what to do, short of going on a witch hunt!

If someone is fishing for details about me, they potentially now know my personal mobile number, home number and address. I'm worried that someone is trying to get my details to commit something fraudulent.

I know this sounds like im going crazy, but its hard not to worry about this when a woman at work is having problems with her "identity" (being assumed by another) and the bank.

I hate you Fruit!

I'm on the train minding my own business, book out, nano plugged in. I happen to be sitting on a 2-seater bench, by the window with my bags on my lap, leaving the seat beside me on the aisle very clear for another passenger. I make sure that i am only taking up my half of the seat, if less - i dont like thigh rubbing on the train.

The thing is, its really early morning. This particular train never gets full. Its usually half empty. Like the 3-seater benches might only have 1 person sitting by the window and the other two seats would be free.

This f@#$ing fruit hopped on the same carriage as i was on, when the train stopped at Strathfield.

There were 3-seater benches with only 1 person sitting in them. There were a few 2-seater benches with only a person sitting by the window, just like moi, that were closer to him. BUT noooooooooo, the F@#$ing FRUIT had to pick the seat next to me, didnt he???

I wouldnt have had a problem with this, if he didnt have such an appalled look on his face. He made a clicking sound like i had done something wrong. That my bag was on the seat, thereby making that seat unavailable, when the bags were actually on my lap and the seat was very free for someone to sit on!!!

I'm not bothering anyone, YOU F#$%ING NITWIT!!! I am minding my own business. The seat was an attractive seat, because it was clean and i was sitting on my side of the seat, not blocking your half!!!

In any case, he didnt have to sit next to me. If he wanted more space he should have sat where there was a 3-seater that was occupied by only 1 person!!!

So this half-wit, precious fruit cake sits down precariously and places his bag on the floor. He crosses his right leg over his left, swings his body away from me like im harbouring some disease that could be passed through my coat, opens his newspaper with a complete "huff"!!!

I was soooo close to turning around and asking him what his f#$%ing problem was???

When it was time for me to get off the train, I stood up and he picks up his bag off the floor, and instead of standing up and getting out of his seat, he swings both his legs over the armrest while hugging his bag to his chest. Blocking all the other passengers trying to get off, from walking down the aisle in a very ungentlemanly manner.

I couldnt be f#$%ed to say thank you. And i always say thank you to people, even if they do that stupid "sit-as-close-to-the-seat-as-possible" instead of getting up from their seat for me. Come off it, who wants to be kicked in the knees from a person who is trying to get off the train. Younger girls have gotten up from their seat to let me walk past. But this guy couldnt be bothered, and so he didnt deserve any politeness from me.

I should have given him a "huff" back as i walked past, but im not a petty fruit cake. I'll just bag him out on a forum like my blog.

I was always under the assumption that fruits were nice, this one must have been pms-ing...and taking it out on me, when it wasnt even warranted!!!

I hate it when someone makes me feel bad for something i havent done. I dont know what he was imagining that i had done wrong...but i f#$%en hate him for making me feel inferior. I want an apology...unfortunately, its something i will never get.

So, this is my rant and rave...

I will now put the issue to rest.

Welcome back...

I put the Service Request through about an hour ago.

They will move my PC and all my belongings back to the city sometime within a week or so...my casual relaxed stint in Glebe will come to an end.

I was suppose to move 2 months ago, but that fell through.

Now that some team members have been reunited with the others in Glebe, there are empty workstations in the Head Office. My PM's have readily fought with other managers to acquire a workstation for me.

I once was eager to move back to the city, but when moving back was knocking on my door, i realised how good i had it in Glebe.

Its quiet (when the loud lady who sits behind isnt talking so much)...i dont have anyone hovering around me or watching my every move. I have a shuttle bus that i can use almost like a taxi, except, i dont have to pay for the trip! My managers are not around me to ask me something every 5 seconds. They have to pick up a phone to contact me, therefore, they will be inclined to try and find the answer first before contacting me. When that fails, then they email or call me.

Back in the city, they will delegate everything to me. They will be sitting near me. They wont bother with finding the answer on their own, they will just walk over to my desk and ask me to find it while im trying to juggle the usual responsibilities for the 1 programme (containing 14 projects, as of today) and 2 projects. They will make me attend meetings which i would normally just conference myself in and do work at my PC while listening.

What a shame, what a shame, what a shame...

Its crowded in the CBD office. Too many people. Too noisy. The floor shakes when there is a strong wind (i think they built it that way since the building is so tall, its been designed with some flexibility in case of emergencies). I've managed to avoid shopping on a regular basis, because im located on the quiet side of Glebe. Back in the city, there are shops just beneath me. And Town Hall is a short stroll one way, Chinatown the other. I feel broke just thinking about the temptations.

And i dont like the frequent thoroughfare passing by each workstation. Knowing my luck, i will have a desk where everyone can see my monitor as they walk to the exit or the printer or the toilets, maybe its an even suckier desk where people will walk past for all three of those things!!!

=(

The move will come at a crazy time as well...

I'll move from Glebe to the CBD...get settled in...then disappear for 2 days doing my PM course...go to a breakfast function for work at the Hilton...try to get the project billings out of the way and the numerous reports that need to be done before i go on my PM course...bloody...grrrr...

I'll miss the guys from the EMC though. I think i know them far better than my own team. But they will be permanent fixtures at Glebe...so, i wont ever see them again, unless we all get invited to a work thing.

*sigh*

I dont want to move...

>_<~

Hazy weekender...

I went to Paddington on Saturday. I got f@#$en depressed.

Everywhere i turned there were beautiful couples. Every second beautiful couple was asian. Talk, slim, good looking and trendy. They were everywhere!!! I walked into the markets thinking i could escape the masses on the street, but to no avail. They had infiltrated my market!!!

I went in a mad search for my ice cream cookie man, thinking that the ice cream sandwiched between two yummy cake like cookies would ease the pain and insult of seeing all these beautiful people...but alas, it was not meant to be. He must be hibernating during the winter...

=(

I think i would have bursted out crying had i not talked myself out of it. Instead, i walked on with my head held high, at a stealthy pace to get to the bus stop and head back towards inner city...away from the gorgeous and trendy in Paddington.

My usual pick-me-up became a let-me-down. What was it about that Saturday? Were they holding some convention for the beautiful and down right handsome? And what i really want to know, is where the hell can i find a good looking partner like that who will carry my bags? Cos other than that Saturday, i hadnt seen any around!!! Albeit, these were holding hands with their partners (very far from single)...and i really shouldnt have been looking...and im not even thinking about stealing them either...thats karma i dont want to have!

Point being, it made me feel shit for the rest of the day...

Which brings me to the house party i attended to that evening...L and E were invited to their Italian teacher's housewarming sorta shindig. I was a tag-along and so was G. On the car ride to L's place, i was complaining to E...when we got to L's place and went inside, i complained to L. To add to the mix, it was freezing in L's place...its spacious with just us in the living room...no body heat to keep us all warm.

Then its revealed that this house party is going to be in the backyard. That was the last straw, we needed liquor to keep us warm...to at least get us started before we freeze our butts off! L went to the kitchen and brought back some watermelon schnapps and 3 shot glasses. I basically had the equivalent of 1.5 shots. But i dont do shots...so this really got me going.

When G arrived we all piled into E's car and headed off. We started talking about something and i started laughing and i just couldnt stop. I knew i was laughing too, but i couldnt stop myself!!! And then L started laughing because i couldnt stop laughing...G was just getting freakin scared sitting next to me!

I think the plan, although unsaid, was to get me happy with booze, since i was so f#$%ing depressed.

When we arrived we couldnt find a way into the backyard for the party, and then we realised we could go via the side of the house. There was a rush of seeing a number of people who had started the party. There was a gas outdoor heater to help keep us warm. There was also this wonderous warm boiling wine in a pot - Glühwein [usually prepared from (not too expensive, sometimes outright cheap) red wine, which is heated and spiced with cinnamon sticks, cloves and sugar]. L had brought with her some strawberries and apples dipped in chocolate, and some coconut macaroons. Which was all very yum!!!

There was so much delicious food, and im glad that i had tried a few things and i had eaten more there (even though i had dinner at home), because after my first cup of Glühwein, i had some Canei - sparkling white wine. It was so good that L suggested that we should finish the bottle. So, she went and grabbed it, poured me a full cup, her a full cup, E half a cup and thats how we finished the bottle (already half empty)!

After the Canei, we went back to the Glühwein, just before that ran out too. And after the Glühwein we had some muscat. I think by the time we had the muscat, i was a goner...i was definitely happy...but i didnt feel like puking, so i can only assume that my tolerance of alcohol has upped a level.

As the drunkeness progressed, there were a lot of interrogating questions from L & E, and those questions were thrown back in their direction. I think G was the only one who walked away from that party sober and was probably wishing he was drunk so that he could forget our conversations. I like the fact that we can be frank and then we can turn around the next day and say that we were drunk. I'm glad i was depressed, because i really needed a drink to unwind (although, i ended up with more than 1 drink...)!

I'm also glad, because after Saturday night's events, i had the courage to make contact with my ex but i couldnt get through, so i left him a message.

In my drunken state i heard the first message on my mobile, replied something along the lines of "im a bit drunk right now, speak to you tomorrow..." then it appears to me that he tried to call to check up on me, because i'm never drunk. I obviously fell into a deep slumber and didnt pick up. So, instead he left me a message that i didnt see until 9am the next morning.

Amazingly, no hang over.

So, it was Sunday morning and i called him back. We chatted. There are still some things at his house that are mine and i wanted to go pick them up...like an apron (xmas present), a bathrobe (xmas present), a moose, cookbook, etc. So, i arranged to pick them up Sunday afternoon.

I went over, he had just finished his soccer game and he was in the shower...so there i was, freezing my butt off in the cold waiting for him to get out of the shower to open the door for me. He then pointed out that the door was opened, i could have let myself in. I was wondering if that was something i coulda/woulda/shoulda done? I mean, yeah if i was still his gf...of course. But im not.

We chatted and i asked him for the truth. I told him i needed closure. I needed to know exactly what went wrong - if it was me, i dont want to make the same mistake. I told him that its been over 3 months! I gave him space...now he owed me the truth.

He said it wasnt me, it was him. He didnt think he was good enough. He didnt think that he was the right guy for me. He was at a place where he had no direction, he was going no where. He needed out. He admits it was his fault, he shouldnt have talked marriage with me. Things just didnt work out the way he had planned.

To be honest, in his state, he looked like someone i should pity.

And if we had tried to stick it through, i might have broken up with him a month later anyway...i have a bit more patience than i use to, but i was running low at that point.

I'm just glad to know the truth. Now it doesnt feel all that bad. Because it was him, not me. No matter what i could have done, all correct by him, he would sooner or later drift away from me, because he was at a point in his life where he needed to be free.

I did that to my ex before him. I broke up with that ex because I needed space to find myself. I needed to nurture me. I needed to be on my own. That ex didnt quite understand, because we were young. I am older, and i have worn those shoes. So, i understand that this was meant to be. (Karma coming back at me???)

I can now be glad that he did what he had to do. I couldnt see it before, but i do now. Its hard to break up with someone, especially when you genuinely care about them - i know. I believe him when he says that he loves me still - its just not love in that way. But he really needs to find himself. We will remain friends.

I saw that in his room, the collage i made for him with photos of us together and various ticket stubs, etc. was still hanging on his wall. If he really wanted me out of the picture - out of his life, that would have been taken off the wall a long time ago...so, i still mean something to him.

The photos of us in my room are still there where i had first placed them. They are small, and i could easily pack them away in a box. But i dont want to. Is it weird that i keep it there to remind me that someone use to love me? I have various cutesy things he gave me that i have put up in my room to add to the colour. I dont want to take them down, but shouldnt i? Shouldnt i detox him out of my life? He did break my heart...but i dont want to annihilate him from my world?

I feel that i should do something, but i dont know what.

And is it really necessary that i do do something?

French Kiss...

Book 12 from the Plum series, finally went on sale last week.

Kat bought the book as there was a $10 saving. She is currently reading the Chronicles of Narnia, so she kindly suggested that i read it first. I hesitated. I told her that it was a new book and she bought it, so she should read it first. I guess im finicky that way. If i bought a book, id want to read it before lending it to someone. I told her that i might ruin it some way. She then pointed out that all the other books she had lent me, they always come back in pristine condition.

We started talking about her wedding and stuff. And then we were talking about me becoming godmother to her kids...I was joking about something...and then she joked saying "you're not asking for much are you?" And the joke continued to her thinking that i would talk openly about sex in front of her kids! Still a joke but implications are there...

I was shocked! I would never do that! I might accidentally get caught talking to another adult about the "cheeky" topic in another room without realising there was a kid who had just joined us. But i would never openly talk about such matters in front of a child!!!

Kat thought she could justify it by saying that it was "I" who enjoyed the juicy bits in the Plum series. I told her that she was wrong. What i liked the best about the books, were its outright humour and the sexual tension between the characters. And i enjoy them because of all the sweet PG-rated tactile experiences the main character has with Morelli (the hot cop in the book) and Ranger (the hot bounty hunter/mentor in the book).

The hand holding, the hand behind the waist, the short but ultimate chocolate melting kisses without tongue, the knight in shining armour saving moments, the tender kisses in the palm of the hand...the list just goes on...and its completely clichéd, but i love it!

And i love it so much because its intimate, its personal, and i use to have such moments...

Book 12 is absolutely brilliant, i didnt think Evanovich could out do herself, but im only half way through the book and i wonder whether i should stop reading, because she only just released this book, Book 13 wont be out yet, i dont think she has even started writing it...and then i would have to wait a year or more waiting for it to be written and the released! *gasp*

But the book is so addictive...i think i will finish it tonight and then re-read it on Saturday and then re-read it on Sunday.

While on the train reading the book this morning, I had to let out a sigh when i came to a passage where Ranger kissed the palm of Stephanie's hand while they were in the car.

I use to get those. It was one of the "special" things that only he did. They would make my body go all tingley and a rush of warmth makes me glow from within. I had felt utterly loved and adored. I sighed for reminiscing something that has now become a piece of history...i felt complete nostalgia. It made me think what if the next guy doesnt do those little things? They are little, but are significant to me...

I had to verbally tell myself, in my head, to quit thinking!!!

I guess, im just missing that intimacy these days...i thought i could do without, but obviously not...

hmm...

PS: There is no tongue action in this post. Sorry to get you all excited!

;)

Myer Madness...

I have probably contributed immensely to the madness. I went to Myer just as the doors opened at 8am today.

Allow me to firstly clarify that I usually start work early, around 7:45-8:00AM. Since i was planning on staying back today, as i have a drinks thing to meet up with a friend i havent seen in 2-3 years (cos he has been working in Vietnam and China). I figured i had the time to go and hunt down some bargains and just finish work a couple of hours later than the norm. (I'm lucky to have the flexibility to do so).

I went to Myers specifically to get some wine glasses. I bought some bottles of wine from the Hunter, but didnt have a bottle opener, and during the stocktake sale I had bought this really cool one that came with a foil cutter and a wine stopper. But then i realised that Mum didnt have any wine glasses. So, in true vino style i had to buy some wine glasses!

I popped into Myers before the concert (i was going to listen to at Angel Place) last night. I found some really simple and chic glasses named after moi! It was meant to be and at $10, a third of its price, it was a match made in heaven...BUT i couldnt put them on hold or layby or anything in a way to reserve them. They were laid out for the sale that was to happen today!

It was resolved, i had to come back in the morn and secure my stash of wine glasses. I bought 4 white glasses and 2 red glasses - all $10 each. I was such a happy camper...And then i noticed how it was pretty quiet where i was in the home section. I wondered where all the women i saw marching into the store had disappeared to???

I went back down and found them in the lingerie section. Prior to going into the store, i promised myself that i didnt need to buy anymore bras or underwear. I have soo many that i have yet to wear. A lot of my stuff still have tags on them. I only bought a pretty lacey set from CK 2 months ago that i havent even brought out of the bag...

=(

But i got to tell you, its infectious to stand there and see a crowd of crazy women nabbing all these really great bargains. Stand clear. Dont block a woman from chasing down her bra size on a rack. She will ram you out of the way. I had to be a bit precious, since i had my wine glasses in hand and the 2 reds were only wrapped in paper, (there were no boxes for them). So, i was worried when i was around groups of women, worried that the glasses might get broken. I backed away to some racks where the women werent strip searching. I happily found some really snazzy bargains.

Biggest bargain was the Elle Macpherson Bodyfit bras. Originally, one retailed at $49.95. Then they packaged them as a 2 bra pack and sold them for $69.95 (a saving of $29.95). But at the sale today, it was being sold at $20 for the 2 pack. Talk about a saving - $80!!! Now, how can a girl resist that? There were pretty Crystelle sets, but i was so lucky, there were only big sizes left, and only one in my size. Another girl came to the rack just moments after me and couldnt find her size - which was the same as mine. So, i slowly retreated in the opposite direction to her...so she couldnt see me holding on to it and pounce on me!

All cash registers on the floor, and im talking about the one in the PJ's section, the mens shoe section, the mens clothing section were all surrounded by women trying to pay for their bras and briefs!!! The registers in the lingerie section was swamped. The line was getting too long, which is why the women were being directed to other registers.

Its like, OMG, its not even 9:00AM and thats how crazy the sale was. I walked out of Myers at 8:45AM in time to catch a bus back to the office. I was in the office by 9:05AM and if i didnt have a big Myers bag, no one would have been the wiser. They would have just assumed that i was starting at 9:00AM today. *LoL*

Word of advice, if you have many shopping bags with you and you are catching a bus...and there are 3 buses coming at the same time which are on the same route, with the same Bus Route number, choose the old looking bus to hop on. You get a whole seat to yourself so you can put your bags on the seat, and you dont have to put it on the floor blocking the walkway. No one chooses to hop on to the old looking bus if there are 2 other "newer" looking buses that arrive at the same time.

I'll have to hide my glasses at work today and bring them home tomorrow night. Its too cumbersome to transport to a bar for drinks after work tonight. It will probably get broken too. But i'm so happy, i can crack open my Ernest Hill Semillon...*yum*...yeah i know i swore i would reduce my drinking...but these bargain buys deserve a toasting to! Its a cause for celebration!!!

*^_^*

hahahaha...

The dissemination of petals...

I was going to rip myself to shreads with a critical self analysis. Its what i do at this stage, the 3 month mark. Its not that i was setting out to achieve anything in particular either. I dont want anything to happen. Thats the irony of it all. I dont want to meet new people. I dont want to find a new boyfriend. People keep asking me to get out and meet new people. Get out and you never know, you might meet Mr Right.

But, I just dont want to meet Mr Right. Maybe later, but definitely not right now.

Part of my healing process from the shift and changes is to analyse myself. I break myself down to little pieces and I usually end up feeling really crap about myself wishing that i was better in many many ways. Its like tearing the petals off a flower. Its selfish, filled with self loathing. I am left feeling completely naked and raw.

In a sadistic yet revitalising way - I have enjoyed it. But that was simply because i thought it was a way to help transform me into that better person I have wanted to be. In this bare state after being stripped down, its like having a blank canvas again. Maybe thats why i enjoy it? Its like when i draw or paint. If its blank, i can start all over again.

I was going to pursue the same route of emotionally abusing myself, but I fought myself against it.

I'm older now. Maybe not much wiser, but I've done it too many times before. What is the point of it if it hasnt helped me achieve the "better" me? What is the "better" me? I do change a little after the extensive review of my life. But nothing drastically, where hurting myself is warranted. If anything, its more the realisation and understanding of the good things i enjoy and the outcome is a review of all the things i have yet to achieve and want to go out and do.

So, i dont need to mutilate my soul to figure those things out. I just need to kick back and review my goals in life.

There are some things in the works already. I'm glad i have decided not to waste a couple of months tearing petals off, scattering them around, trampling on the petals, only to start gluing them back on to make a new flower.

Maybe i am a bit wiser?

Artistic ménagerie...

So, I whipped out my easel this weekend and I actually used it to paint a picture.

It is no longer a virgin...after 2+ years!

I said i would paint my friend something out of gratitude for her generosity. And i did. But i am not pleased with it. It should be beautiful. I think its an awful attempt, but i dont want to fix anything...it might make it look worse off. Which makes me question my ability. Thankfully, im not an artist by trade...i wouldnt make any money from it! Luckily i have a degree to fall back on, right?

*sigh*

I know im being self critical.

I should accept that it was my 3rd attempt at actually painting something!

Although, its a painting on primed canvas stretched over a wooden frame...the fact that i painted it, backed on an easel...the idea that i used acrylic paint with a variety of paint brushes...Does that make it a "painting"? Does this make me an artist?

I felt a lot of pleasure in bringing the picture to life...but i dont know...maybe im not seeing dark and light as the way it should be seen. My portrayal of dark and light is, well, a bit more dark than it is light.

The picture that i based the painting on, I feel as though I havent done it any justice. The only comfort that i have, is that i can say my 4 year old niece knew what it was supposed to be. She looked at it and said "Ooo...Aunty, thats a flower..." So, at least its recognisable. I mean, kids are brutally honest. If she didnt know what it was, she would have just asked "Aunty, what is that?"

I spent most of my weekend painting. If my nieces didnt come over on Saturday, I might have finished it earlier. But they popped over on Saturday afternoon. So, I packed up shop at that time to play with them.

I thought it would be good to see if they could paint. I mean, they enjoy drawing...why not let them try painting?

I grabbed my palette of watercolours. Its easier to work/clean up with and less messier than acrylic. While i was setting up, i grabbed some paper and asked them to draw the outlines of things they wanted to paint. I showed Chloe, for instance, the sun...she could just draw the circle and then later she can fill it in with paint.

I left them both to their own devices and got some water and some brushes that would be easier for them to use. I set some newspaper to line the floor and put the palette, brushes and water down. Then I showed them how to wet their brushes and dip the brush on to a colour they wanted to use on the palette.

They both loved it.

Aimee, being 2.5 y/o, didnt quite grasp the water dipping and the changing of colours...so i did that for her, and every time she wanted to use another colour I would ask her which one? She would then start with an "ummm..." *thinkingthinkingthinking* "...this one...no no...this one!" She was absolutely adorable! (Mind you, were talking baby voice here! It just melts your heart!!!)

They both love colours and try to use every colour on the palette. Chloe painted the rainbow with some rain and flowers in a garden...she even painted an underwater feature...she painted a clock...then she painted something that looked abstract to me. Aimee, I helped draw a fish, so she also had an underwater feature...then she painted something on her own...i have no idea what it was meant to be, but she knew what it was. I just dont quite understand her mix of english and baby gibberish sometimes. But i think the variety of dots were supposed to represent our family. Her mother, father, sister, grandmother, grandfather, aunty and uncle.

After they painted a few pictures, we went outside to play badmington. It was fun, they laughed so much...its a delight to have them around when they are behaving! (Obviously!)
=P

After i completed my painting on Sunday, the girls came over again. The first thing Chloe said to me was "Aunty, i want to do some more painting." Unfortunately, my eyes were tired from adding the final details on my picture. So, in true "Aunty" form, i promised her that we would have another painting session next weekend. And knowing Chloe, she wont forget the promise. So, i better make myself available to paint with them.

Its fun playing with my nieces...as they get older, its gets easier, because i understand them more, as they understand me more. I actually played Barbie with Chloe the other time. And the fact is, i didnt even play with Barbie when i was a kid. I actually spent my time making clothes for some other dolls. This is probably why i thought i was going to be a fashion designer...because i was making clothes for my dolls. Mum taught me how to sew with a needle and thread.

Its not that i didnt have a Barbie. I did, but i liked the free accessories and stuff that came with Barbie, not Barbie the doll. Like, Barbie - the Rockstar, came with a cassette with some songs on it. I was more into the cassette than the doll. Then I got this Barbie "Architecture's Desk" that had a lamp attached to it that actually worked! It was the best birthday present that year, because i could use the light during the night - not because my Barbie had a desk! (The light was bright enough for me to see in the dark, but not bright enough for my parents to know that i was awake).

Being with my nieces, they bring me back to my childhood. Most importantly, they make me laugh. Aimee, when she is feeling fiesty, goes up to her dad and suggests that they go into her uncle's room and "smash her uncle"!!! By smashing, she means, tickling, poking his tummy and fake punches. They recruit Chloe and the three of them go nuts when they attack their uncle! I laugh, because were talking about 2 little girls and their father here.

My brother has brought up two little girls who like bashing their uncle up. And its funny, because they are the cutest little girls you could ever meet! They are the type of little girls that if you saw, you'd want to give them lollies. And people do. Take them to a restaurant and the waitress will give them lollies - just because they are cute. Take them to people's houses, they bring out cakes/biscuits/lollies for the girls. We took them to my mother's boss' place and she gave them lollies because they were cute! I see a trend.

So, if you ever witnessed how they bash their uncle up...its hilarious!!! They are like a pack of monkeys. *LoL*

Hmm...i think i went way off course with this post. Too much gushing.

I'm going to end this abruptly, right about now.