Struggle...

You see, I have this thing with climbing the ladder. I don't mind working hard. In some ways I don't even mind the stress with dealing with incompetent people, even though I do complain about it very often...but at the end of the day, I have to accept that I will forever be dealing with incompetent people...so I had better suck it up sooner rather than later.

What I don't like about climbing the ladder is when you are put in a challenging position and realise that maybe this isn't what you want to do with the rest of your life...is it really worth it? It will only be tougher...

Yes, I need the money...thats the whole point for me...the money. If it wasn't for the money, I wouldn't be working so hard to further myself. There is that little incentive to further myself personally. But for me, at the end of the day, I need to make more money to pay off the mortgage and have the sense of financial freedom that I crave.

I have had moments recently where I have caught myself wondering if it is all worth it? Is my hardwork now going to get me to that happy place that I want to reach later?

I have been thrown in to take over a project that is of highest priority to the client. It was meant to be easy, but I'm working with ever changing requirements, and therefore the scope is so skewed I don't even recognise the tasks at hand in comparison to the Scope of Work. I'm also dealing with people who want this implemented yesterday, but they are not delivering sufficient information for me to do my job today.

Lately, while my Program Manager has been on leave, I have been doing a lot of things that were his responsibility. I was sitting in a whole heap of meetings. I have also been managing this project...What this ultimately meant, was that my own work was jeopardised and to compensate I was leaving work way later than usual. I have been driving to work because it would save me 1 hour of travel time, but saving an hour to only spend 2-3 hours more isn't a good way to save time.

I don't want to be a single woman for the rest of my life. Drained by work with no social life. Only ever wanting to go home after a hard days work to rest up, so I can face the challenges of the next day.

Right before catching up with M&D to head off to Jervis last Friday, I found myself having difficulty switching off from thinking about work. I don't want my life to be like this for the next 35-40 years. I don't want to consciously tell myself "Now its time to think about something other than the implementation that is supposed to go through tonight..."

I'm struggling. I don't know if I have made the right decision. Maybe I just need to be managing other projects...anything other than network security...*sigh*...

On my way to Jervis Bay...

Well, not quite yet. Later this afternoon, after work...i'll head off with M&D and drive down to Jervis for the long weekend.

My Program Manager is still on leave and won't return until Tuesday week. And the stand-in finished his 4-weeks notice yesterday to pursue greener pasteurs. I'm it!

I'm the one everyone is sending their bloody emails to. I'm the one everyone is calling. Its a mad house and I don't really have the authority or knowledge to approve half of the things! On top of the project with #1 priority being thrust upon my shoulders, I have the billing and financials to deal with, which is due today. But i need to ensure an emergency change the customer wants goes in tonight!!! There is noone around who can do the billing and financials. I'm it. On top of all this, I keep getting invited to attend 1-2hour long meetings, where i'm required and not optional. If i go, its such a waste of time. If i don't represent myself...i'll be used as the scapegoat.

pfft...

I can't wait for 4:30pm today. I'm out the door. I am not going to stay back as I have over the last 3 weeks. I can't...or I miss my ride to Jervis and then my whole weekend will be screwed!!!

>_<

*touch wood*

If you have gotten through my above rant, I hope you have a lovely long weekend!

Paris je t'aime...part trois...

Musée Rodin wasn't my choice, but i'm glad I visited. I should know better by now...I love art. I love being surrounded by creative pieces - no matter what media is used to create it. Rodin was never appreciated as a great artist while he was young and alive...nothing new...but he sure is appreciated now.

It was delightful. It may have been a gloomy day but the statues looked lively. The "Thinker" draws a crowd, similarly "The Gates of Hell". The two being his most famous statues. But what I love the best is the angel diving south...which reminds me of another angel diving south in Madrid.

After the Rodin, we walked around the Latin Quarter in search of Pierre Hermes, Gerard Mulot, and Christian Constant. As we were searching, we came across Cacao et Chocolat and stopped to pick up some chocolate eclairs...as I was continuing my search for the best eclair. The eclairs here, were pricey and really really really rich. I can recall my teeth were aching from the sweetness. There wasn't a balance of pastry/custard/chocolate, like the eclair from Henri in Biarritz. So, it was disappointing...

So, when we got to Gerard Mulot, I bought another chocolate eclair along with a bunch of macaroons. This was also a tour to taste test a variety of macaroons. Which is also the reason why we wanted to go to Pierre Hermes...we lined up to buy a bunch of macaroons from there too. And if you ever get the chance to...if it happens to be on the list the day you visit...try the white truffle & hazelnut, the green tea & chestnut, the passionfruit and there was a lily (i think) flavoured macaroon. I just love the way it is crispy on the outside and crumbles to a gooey mush because of the ganache centre. *yum*

As we made our way to the Jardin du Luxumberg, we stopped at Christian Constant. What i liked best about Christian Constant, is the total and utter respect for quality chocolate that they have. The way you are served. Its with patience. Its like there is a sense of serenity. The chocolates are handmade and the range of exotic flavours...oh...my...gosh! Earl grey...saffron...ceylon...heaps of tea variety...oh so refreshing. I adored the fact that when it was my turn to be served, when I asked about each different flavour I had never even heard of before that day...I was responded to with a "would you like to try one?"

My jaw dropped. I get to stand in this poshy store of handmade dark chocolates and try them. It wasn't just one. If I wanted to try 5, they were cool with it! (But I didn't forget my manners! So, I didn't push it that far...maybe 4).

For a small gift box (approx. 10x10 cms) was 10 Euros. You are charged per box, not weight, so they really pack the box as full as they can and with all the little gaps, they fill it up with chocolate covered orange peels...hehehe...I think I ended up with about 16-18 pieces of chocolates...not including the orange peels. What you end up with is a pretty black gift box with a pretty pink ribbon around the box.

After picking up my choccies, my friend and I head off to the garden.

I think its a must to go and visit the gardens if you are in Paris. Go on a Saturday, as I did, and appreciate the mellowness of the occasion and just relax. There are plenty of seats...take a moment to sit down and watch the kids launch their boats in the fountain. People watch. Just observe the beauty that surrounds you. The kids that are smiling and having fun. Couples canoodling under a tree. How big that tree is on the corner. The variety of flowers that are growing right before you...

If I wasn't trying to cram so much into my day, I would have sat there and drawn some pictures.

For lunch we had crepes. A savoury one to begin with and a sweet one for dessert...I had a nutella one for dessert...enough said! *LoL*

I also managed to buy two pairs of heels...don't ask...just accept that I was tempted and couldn't help myself. Thankfully my friend was there to prevent me from buying more than 2 pairs.

After our lunch of crepes in the Latin Quarter we headed back to the apartment...but not after a detour past the Pantheon. I think they charged us for entry, so we didn't actually go in. And since it was pretty clear in the sky, by this stage, we decided to walk home from here. Which was a pretty good idea...since, after our crepes I bought a massive 4 flavour gelato cone and pretty much had it myself...I also, couldn't help myself. They made it into a pretty flower!!! *LoL*

The day was filled with gluttony and I really did intend on going to a jazz club after dinner, but we didn't make it. I think we were too full to do much else but sleep! It was still satisfying and I'm glad that we covered so much during the day.

Paris, je t'aime...part deux...

Lunch at La Tour d'Argent was booked a month or so ago. I asked Reservations if I could get a table with a view, and they delivered.

It was a miserable day to be roaming around Paris...it was raining, but I couldn't have been anymore excited than I was at that moment...to walk thru the rain to get to a big feast. Not tres chic to turn up to such a restaurant looking like a water rat...but oh well. You make the best of such an occasion.

We walked in and I thought I would try my best and advise the MD that I had reservations for two - all in French. And because I had done so, he proceeded to ask me further for clarification something else in French...it took me a moment, but he was asking for the name...

We were asked to wait in the sitting room for a moment before we could go upstairs for lunch.

When we were ushered to the lift, we went upstairs and were pleasantly seated by the window. I had placed a bag I was carrying on the floor and a waiter grabbed another seat for me and placed my bag on top of it. *LoL*

The service was exceptional. The bread was delicious and the butter was to die for!

Now on to the duck that you can only have at this restaurant and no other...

We ordered the pressed duck with blood sauce. Now it sounds a bit *ick* but its actually quite delicious. And La Tour d'Argent is the only place in the world in which you can have it because there are only 4 press machines in the world. Two are in museums and the other two are owned by the restaurant. One they use and the other is a reserve, in case the one they use breaks down or something.

A plump duck gets brought out for inspection, like you would for a crab or lobster at a Chinese restaurant. We were also asked how we would like it cooked...and we went with medium spice. Since we ordered the duck to be prepared this way (that is the blood sauce), we will end up with 2 main meals for lunch. But before we have the duck we have a couple things to enjoy...

We had a plate of 3 bite sized things: 1 triangular pastry, 1 bite of fois gras, & 1 mussel with semi-dried tomato. Then we had a bread crumbed thing with a sprig of rosemary stuck into the centre of it, I can't remember what it was now, but it was delicious none the less. Nothing I ate that day was short of exceptional.

The red bordeaux we had was wonderful, and I think it was a turning point for me...because I now like drinking reds.

For the entree, my friend orderd a scallop and sea urchin ravioli dish that was light and tender. I had ordered a dish of pike dumpling, which was creamy and mousse like.

While we enjoyed all of this, our duck with blood sauce was being made on a stage in the centre of the restaurant. We saw the alcohol being lit and the sauce being reduced, it was quite a spectacle. It was really fun and interesting, considering we were the only couple in the restaurant at the time who ordered this, so everyone else on the floor were watching our duck being cooked! *LoL*

We took a photo with the chef who made our main meals.

When served it looked dark...of course, due to the blood sauce. But trust me when I say that the duck was yummy!!! The sauce was yummy and the pom frittes was really fun to eat!

After the duck with blood sauce came out and while we waited for main meal #2, our postcard for the duck arrived. La Tour d'Argent gives out duck numbers, for each duck served at the restaurant. Our duck was #1059054 and we have the postcard to prove it. I think this is one of the novelties of eating at such a restaurant.

I'm not sure how the second duck dish was made, but it was also yummy! By this point, i'm stuffed and appreciate that they serve each thing slowly for digestion. I also can't help but eat the bread with butter...because I have never had this bread, with such to die for butter in my life!!!

For dessert, I ordered waffles with licorice ice cream and fig, while my friend ordered some creamy thing with madeline. I often harp on dessert, because I adore sugar, but I won't this instance. Dessert was nice, but the mains was the reason why I went to the restaurant in the first place.

After dessert, we were given petite fours: dark choc tart, friand, macaroon, and some nut waffle thing. And after the petite fours we were served with some dark rum truffles and gelee pastilles.

By this stage, forget about grace...I had to roll my bottom out of there.

My friend and I decided that we should stroll to Notre Dame and walk some of lunch off, but the rain started to come down heavily and so we managed to walk past the Notre Dame, but did not stop and just proceeded towards the Metro to get back to the apartment and sleep off the lunch! *LoL*

It was an experience at La Tour d'Argent, that I will never forget. It may have cost me 2 days of wages, after tax, but it was worth every cent.

After sleeping it off, we went out to roam about again and went to La Fayette to check out the centre piece that was hanging off the glass dome ceiling - which is an architectural feat in itself. I bought Chloe's birthday present from there and I bought a gorgeous red coat from Zara just outside of it.

We took photos of the Academie Nationale de Musique and then walked to the Lourve to take the photos of the Pyramids by night. After the Lourve we walked to the Notre Dame to take a photo of Zero Point and of course the Notre Dame at night.

After that we called it a night. Dinner was back at the apartment. We weren't even hungry because of lunch. So, we called it an early night and went to bed so we could get up early the next day to visit the Musee de Rodin and go chocoletier & macaroon hunting through the Latin Quarter and see the Jardin du Luxembourg.

Vous semblez beau...

After work last night, I was heading towards King Street Wharf to meet someone at The Loft. I was on George Street and thought if an available taxi comes along i'll get into that...or if the right bus comes along i'll get on that...whichever comes first.

A 412 bus to King Street Wharf comes my way...totally forgot there was a bus that could take me directly there. So, I hop on. The ticket machine on the right was out of order, so i had to use the one in front of the driver.

As I put my ticket into the machine, the driver said to me:

"You look beautiful!"

It took me by complete surprise, I don't recall anyone ever saying that too me. EVER.

Keep in mind, the bus driver is a female, not a dirty middle age man...Asian...and she said it with the utmost sincerity. I'm surprised that I managed to be gracious towards her. I gave her a warm smile and said "Thank You!"

I walked to a seat and was glowing from the compliment.

Its not every day a girl gets told she looks beautiful.

Paris, je t'aime...

The morning the rest of the tour made their way to London, was the day I spread my wings...

The night before we celebrated at Nouvelle Eve and enjoyed the champagne...returned to the hotel and drank some more...took farewell photos and made promises to see each other again.

I got up just in time to say goodbye to the ones that really became my friends during the 24 days I got to know them.

I then went back to my room to sleep. I later got my proper wake up call from the front desk so that I could prepare my check out and meet up with my friend.

My friend messaged my mobile to say that they had arrived and was in the lobby waiting for me. We then proceeded to the Metro to make our way to the apartment we had rented for the next 4 nights.

It was a bit of a trek, going from Porte d'Italie (where I was staying with the tour) to Arts et Metiers, but we made it in time to meet the representative from Lodgis.

Thankfully the apartment is right next to the Arts et Metiers stop. This made it really convenient for us to travel via the Metro. Its about 15-20 minutes walk to the Lourve, about 5 minutes to Site du Centre Pompidou. So, its central enough...but when its raining, who really wants to walk around when the train is just underneath you.

The first day we met up and went to the apartment, did some laundry because we had a washer and drier, and then just relaxed for an hour or two - because up until now, it was a whirlwind for the both of us. Me with my "24 days, crossing through 9 countries" - tour...My friend's 5 weeks backpacking through Eastern Europe via Eurail. We just really needed to stop and revive.

After taking stock of where we were, we started to think about whether we would eat out all the time or whether we would cook some meals, and the most obvious, which sites, museums, or galleries we wanted to see the most! And then, we discussed the specialist culinary stores we should visit. My friend was ultra keen on Pierre Hermes for the macaroons and me, I wanted to go to Christian Constant for the chocolates.

We decided that we should cook a couple of the meals as we were going to La Tour d'Argent for lunch the next day and that would really take a lot out of the pocket. So, we should be conservative and have brekky at home and dinner for a couple of nights. So, we found our want to a supermarket. Weird thing is, we couldnt find fresh milk for our cereal...we had to get a bottle of the long life type of milk. The fruit and veges weren't as fresh as back in Sydney, and at this point I was really missing fresh produce. It seems like there is a shortage in Western Europe for fresh fruit and veg.

After getting the groceries we went to go see Basilique du Sacré-Cœur and we climbed the stairs to get to the top. After watching the Snowpatrol video clip for Open Your Eyes so many times at the gym, I had wondered how the girl walked up to the top to meet the guy in the car? And there I was, walking up the same stairs as she did in the clip. Its not that i'm completely dopey...I'm just ignorant! My perspective of Sacré-Cœur was skewed from the clip and I wasn't sure from which direction was she coming from.

I like the fact that, similarly to the park in Madrid, there were people just chilling on the steps of Sacré-Cœur. You know how if you smile, others will smile too...? Well, I like seeing people relax around me...it makes me feel relaxed or at least start to relax too.

After visiting Sacré-Cœur we headed over to Arc de Triomphe. At this stage, it was late into the afternoon and the sun was beginning to set. We decided that we would climb the Arc. I'm really glad i did. I know that its one thing to climb the Eiffel, but the Arc seemed more intriguing to me. I had climbed the Eiffel with the tour and it was "the thing to do". But climbing the 284 steps of the Arc was more of an achievement for me.

Its chaotic on the road around the Arc. Its a 12 exit roundabout with about 4-5 lanes of traffic. But up above, its quite serene, or maybe I just felt as though I had reached a summit and it was very still for me. I know that I was surrounded by people up on top of the Arc. I had to wait to take photos of each exit. Its weird, I felt as though time stood still for me.

The best moment was when i tried to take a "creative" shot of our shadows against a wall. I really felt at peace.

When we decended the Arc, and got to the road the ceremony for the unknown soldier was completed and I witnessed these men of war hobbling back to the Metro to make their ways home. My friend told me that they do this every evening. I felt horrible for the man who had a crooked leg and carrying the flags walking underground in front of us. To do this every day, without fail...how admirable.

It was starting to get dark around us but there was one thing that I didn't get off the coach to see and regretted it while on tour, that i really wanted to see that night (it was also convenient and on the way home). It was the view of the Eiffel from Musée de l'Homme...when we got there, it started to sparkle again with the green and gold lights (for the Rugby World Cup - not for Australia). And it just soo had to start sprinkling and dampen my parade.

We were meant to see the Lourve at night too, because we both wanted to see the Pyramids illuminated in the courtyard, but with the rain, we decided to go back to the apartment and rest up for our big feast tomorrow.

...and I miss you...

Reflecting upon 2007 last night, as i didnt get a chance to while I was on holidays...I recognise that there are a couple of things i miss.

I miss those nights where you are in your pj's, but you're flirting like crazy with someone you crush - all via the phone...having a deep and meaningful conversation into the wee hours of the night and only managing to get about 4 hours of sleep and yet you get up at the usual time to go to work, but its all okay, because your still buzzing from the really great conversation you had with that someone special. And from somewhere you don't know, you have the energy to power on throughout the day!

I miss the liberating feeling of wandering the streets of a city you have only just arrived in and manage to get to and from your hotel after a binge shoe shopping spree at a local mall that happens to be next to a really HUGE glass penis-looking building. Succeeding in buying 4 pairs of shoes and this is all done with only knowing how to say "hola", "por favor" and "gracias". [Referring to Barcelona]

I miss the moments where I feel completely passionate about a personal endeavour, whether it be running a race or painting a picture. I want to know that I am not wasting a moment of my life. I want to be sure that any time (outside of work) will be spent on doing something I love and feel passionate about.

I miss having the confidence to say and do anything i feel like. I'm actually a very quiet (reads: boring) person now. My interests are much more subdued than they were when i was 22 y/o. The last time I partied was actually when I was 22 y/o. The type of confidence I carry now is more in line with the fact that i'm older and it comes from maturity and practice. I'm still not glowingly confident...its a type of quiet confidence.

I miss being the child in my relationship with my mother - without the awkward sense of knowing that i am now an adult and should be treated like one. There is a weird resistance on both sides of the party...its really odd. We used to travel and Mum would take care of everything. She'd keep our passports, she'd fill out all the forms, she'd hold on to all the money, she'd get the bags off the carousel, etc. This last trip, the tables have turned. She didn't have to worry about anything, because I had our passports, I filled out all the forms, I took care of the money, and I schlepped all our bags for the both of us. I was the leader, the navigator, the fearless. I don't believe she is quite comfortable with the knowledge that I am now 100% independent of her. I don't believe that I am quite comfortable with the knowledge that I will float and not sink without her.

2008...

Its been 3 months since returning from my European escapades and only a day since my short stint in Asia.

I spent the end of 2007 in bed asleep while in KL and woke with the first *boom* from the fireworks to ring in the start of 2008. I got up and opened my blinds to see the Petronas Towers glittering from its own lights, as well as from the reflections of the fireworks display.

Its by no means as pretty as the fireworks we have in Sydney, but it was special in its own way.

I spent the last moments of 2007 ringing up a huge credit card bill by shopping away. I basically spent more than the average monthly wage of a local in a matter of 1 hour. Fun for me, but a bit harsh for the locals to observe while they watched, waiting in line behind me. Malaysia is great for spending like you are royalty without having to actually spend like a real one, after currency conversions and all.

I actually feel more tired returning from my week in Asia than i did returning from my month in Europe.

I slept well on the trip, i just didnt sleep well for the last 48 hours, which is the real reason why i feel soooo tired.

I'm wishing that I was at home right now, in bed.

2008 is going to be a year of more travelling. Lets hope i can save!!!