...and I miss you...

Reflecting upon 2007 last night, as i didnt get a chance to while I was on holidays...I recognise that there are a couple of things i miss.

I miss those nights where you are in your pj's, but you're flirting like crazy with someone you crush - all via the phone...having a deep and meaningful conversation into the wee hours of the night and only managing to get about 4 hours of sleep and yet you get up at the usual time to go to work, but its all okay, because your still buzzing from the really great conversation you had with that someone special. And from somewhere you don't know, you have the energy to power on throughout the day!

I miss the liberating feeling of wandering the streets of a city you have only just arrived in and manage to get to and from your hotel after a binge shoe shopping spree at a local mall that happens to be next to a really HUGE glass penis-looking building. Succeeding in buying 4 pairs of shoes and this is all done with only knowing how to say "hola", "por favor" and "gracias". [Referring to Barcelona]

I miss the moments where I feel completely passionate about a personal endeavour, whether it be running a race or painting a picture. I want to know that I am not wasting a moment of my life. I want to be sure that any time (outside of work) will be spent on doing something I love and feel passionate about.

I miss having the confidence to say and do anything i feel like. I'm actually a very quiet (reads: boring) person now. My interests are much more subdued than they were when i was 22 y/o. The last time I partied was actually when I was 22 y/o. The type of confidence I carry now is more in line with the fact that i'm older and it comes from maturity and practice. I'm still not glowingly confident...its a type of quiet confidence.

I miss being the child in my relationship with my mother - without the awkward sense of knowing that i am now an adult and should be treated like one. There is a weird resistance on both sides of the party...its really odd. We used to travel and Mum would take care of everything. She'd keep our passports, she'd fill out all the forms, she'd hold on to all the money, she'd get the bags off the carousel, etc. This last trip, the tables have turned. She didn't have to worry about anything, because I had our passports, I filled out all the forms, I took care of the money, and I schlepped all our bags for the both of us. I was the leader, the navigator, the fearless. I don't believe she is quite comfortable with the knowledge that I am now 100% independent of her. I don't believe that I am quite comfortable with the knowledge that I will float and not sink without her.