Trop à faire...

So little time.
It has hit me this morning.
Time is flying by.
Money needs to be transferred.
I need to schedule payments.
I need to finish things up neatly at work, so that the next person to pick it up can find everything.
I need to exchange some money.
I wanted to buy tickets to JT, but missed out on it and cant find 3 tix to buy because there is probably only single tix left...what kind of f#$%ing system does ticketek have where they leave single tix for sale? Who is going to be a nigel and buy 1 seated tix for a concert??? If you are going by yourself, get a standing tix, cos then at least you wont feel like a loner throughout the night!

I can't believe i'm flying out next week.

(lit: Too much to do...)

Je suis malade...

I went to see my doctor to get prescriptions before the trip. I told him about a skin thing i noticed and he told me to take a blood test because he thought i might have low platelet count.

So, i gave some blood and started panicking that i might not be able to go overseas!

How bad would that be? After all this organising and then the waiting and it all amounted to the fact that i would not be allowed to travel due to some blood condition i didnt even know that i had!
=(

Got the results yesterday, and i am fine. Don't know what is causing the problem, but i can still go overseas, so thats a good thing.

But its sooo anti climatic if you have a problem and yet there is no explanation. But its there. You cant treat it, though. It doesnt seem to exist. But it is right in front of you. grrr...

And im currently nursing a flu...Codral cold and flu should kick it...need to get another pack for the actual trip!
>_<

I did a trial pack of the clothing i plan to bring. Even though i am being advised to bring about 5 tops only and 2 bottoms...for me, that is unrealistic. I packed 12 tops - a mix of singlets, tees, long sleeve tees, 2 jeans, 1 pair of shorts, 2 dresses, and 2 skirts, 1 jumper, 2 cardigans, 1 jacket, 2 sets of pjs. And you know what? It all fits into my handcarry bag...and im not talking a HUGE bag i plan on smuggling on board the plane with me without anyone from the airline noticing...i'm talking a standard sized handcarry bag.

The problem for me is all the other things to pack. Like toiletries, medicine, towel, shoes, miscellaneous stuff...but irrespective of all those things, I should be well under my allowable 20kg.

So, i'm pretty proud of myself...no need to take things out of the bag as yet.

(lit: I am sick...)

Texas to California...

Mum got a weird phone call on Monday from Texas. It was a lady from my Dad's primary school back in Vietnam. How weird is that?

She asked if Dad was at home, but Dad was at work. So, this lady starts talking to Mum. She told Mum about how after sooo many years leaving Vietnam she was on holidays in Sydney and was in Chinatown at a store when she bumped into Dad again. This happened about 15 years+ ago, as i was still a kid.

It seems that while this lady was at the store in Chinatown, she had written something down and Dad saw her writing and asked her if her name was "so&so"? She didnt recognise him at first until he said his name and that was when he gave our home number to her. They were suppose to bring each other's family and meet up for dinner, but it never happened.

15 years+ down the track and she calls out of the blue. The purpose was to advise Dad that there was going to be a School Reunion in California. Not sure what made her think that Dad would be interested in going...but i guess it was a nice thought?!

After mentioning the reunion to Mum she proceeded to ask about the family and found out from my darling Mum, that Mum has a single 26 y/o daughter. This sparked a frenzy with the lady. She proceeds to insist that Mum and Dad bring me over to Texas to introduce me to her 29 y/o nephew! Like, what the...?

Mum, obviously thought it was funny. Which is why she told me about it the moment i got home on Monday night.

I'm heading overseas in about 10 working days. Weekends dont really count, because they usually fly right by! Last thing to do is purchase some medicine and exchange some money.

I found out that a credit card i have allows me to put my cash on the card (over the limit) and withdraw without being charged any transaction fee or exchange fee from an ATM. Transaction fee will be charged from transactions via EFTPOS, but still no currency exchange fee.

I was over the moon when i found this out! I dont know of any other card, debit or credit, that allows you to do this!!! And get this, zero annual fee for the credit card! The usual 55 days interest free on purchases applies too. Like, woohoo!!!

*^_^*

Rêves...

I had a vivid dream early in the morning (3/4am). I woke up from it. But the only other person that i recall in my dream is my mother, but there were at least 3 other people in the dream.

I was pregnant. There was a man apparently infectious with some sort of disease. He was slumped in his car which rolled into the circle in which we were all sitting - as though there was a camp fire, but there was none. He got out of the car and stumbled towards me. Grabbed both my wrists and started to tell me about how i was now infected and how quickly the infection will reach my heart and there was no cure.

While he reached for my wrists everyone around me was shouting, telling me to run away because he was obviously sick with some sort of disease and that i would catch it too if he touched me. I couldnt hear anyone, not until the old man grabbed my wrists and it was too late.

I woke up at this point.

I had two re-runs after that. One very similar to the description above, but the ending was different. I fainted while the old man grabbed my wrists and ended up dying. The final version was that when the car rolled into our circle, everybody present dodged the car and ran off before the man could get out of this car and infect me or anyone else.

What a whacko dream!?

I dont usually remember my dreams either, so this is an odd occasion. I wonder what it is that is causing my lack of sleep and these weird dreams. I mean, if it was excitement over my trip...shouldnt i have more pleasant dreams?

(lit: Dreams...)

Mes filles...

I like watching the Simpsons episodes on tv. I like watching the dvds. I don't actually tire from watching the cartoons...and Chloe is very similar to me in this way. Before you start pointing the finger and tell me what a bad influence i am on her, that the Simpsons is too "adult" for a 5 year old...i can assure you that the jokes that are for adults fly right over her head. I laugh at some things, she will laugh at others on the opposite side of the spectrum.

I took her out on Saturday to watch the Movie as an early birthday present because I wont be here for her 6th birthday. In fact, on her 6th birthday i will be in Paris...in particular, i will be lunching at La Tour d'Argent and then shopping to buy her something special.

She loved sitting in the recliner at Gold Class, but at the same time she must have felt like she was being swallowed up...because half way through the movie, the novelty wore off and she asked me to put the recliner back upright.

She was armed with her cheesy popcorn from Kernels and i ordered strawberry smoothies for the both us, which arrived when the movie started and were about 750mL each.

I like spending time with her at this age. She teaches me patience, i teach her manners, we can reason with one another. It works when it is one on one. Just me and her. It gets complicated when her mother is around because then she will sulk and throw tantrums and silent treatments and will be awfully difficult.

I know that this is the time to be cherished...because in a few more years, things will change dramatically. She will inevitably start thinking about boys in ways other than just friends. How scary?!

I better start thinking of some tactful answers to the impending questions that lie ahead. I have a knack of being around when she is curious and the questions gets deflected towards me for an answer...*sigh*.

Aimee is such a cutie. She is 3 and a half. I called her a baby the other day and she corrects me by telling me "No, i'm a toddler!" and yes, she is right and i am wrong.

(lit: My girls...)

Mes vacances de tourbillon...

My long awaited whirlwind holiday is less than a month away.

I just received advice that my travel documents are at the travel agent and i can go pick it up any time.

My manager's wife works on the airline i will be flying on and she will be helping me reserve good seats so i can have comfortable flights there and back.

LESS THAN A MONTH!

I have been waiting sooo long since i paid for the whole trip for this time to come. And now that it has...i'm feeling a bit ambivalent...I was born a chicken and therefore sometimes feel like a chicken!

I'm excited, no doubt, but being cautious is forcing me to think about the "what ifs" and in some ways, its good to think about those things so you can prepare contingencies to deal with such situations.

But i'm not sure if im well prepared.

Well, thats a lie, i havent prepared anything yet...so im not prepared.

I need to go and see my doctor too, so i can get a med kit prepared, just in case...

(lit: My whirlwind holiday...)

Danser...

So, last night I had my second dance lesson.

We went over the cha-cha, salsa, and jive. We started to learn the waltz and the "box step".

I can do the cha-cha, just not the spot turn. But that could be partly due to the fact that i was wearing my running shoes and not a pair of heels. So, the grip on my joggers didnt allow me the fluid movement that i required.

Salsa became a little more interesting with the "cucaracha" - the "cockroach" stomping move. It seems with this addition, i have managed to move my hips much better.

The jive is sooo much fun. Especially when the music is playing really really fast! We have done the basic step and the instructor incorporated the turn into the sequence, but didnt show the girls how to turn back and return the start, but us girls are so "smart" that we taught ourselves...ahhahaha...to be honest, its actually quite easy to figure how to turn back with the jive. Its actually quite natural for the body to want to turn to the original position and start all over again.

The waltz...what can i say? I can't do anything outside of the "box step". This is due to the fact that you must alternate from right to left (girls), each time you finish the 3-steps (the step-slide-together). I actually thought the waltz was really easy...but i am wrong. Its actually tricky if you are unco like i am.

(lit: Dancing...)

Mon père...

I often talk about my mother...like it was her birthday on Saturday...i took her out to lunch and my brother paid for dinner later that evening.

I talk about how my mother is so talented and is a brilliant dressmaker.

I tend to not talk about my father's accomplishment.

Its not that i have a problem talking about such things and there are many achievements that i can talk about...i just dont.

I dont hesitate when the opportunity arise, either.

For instance, the bus driver of the company bus noted that he had never been into the Chinese Gardens at Darling Harbour and that he should really make a visit. This triggered me to mention that my father was one of the men in my Great Uncle's team who helped build the structures in the garden.

My father was also one of the men who built the home for the panda's when they visited from China (way back when) at Taronga Zoo. I remember this fondly, because we ended up going to see the panda's after the construction was completed and the panda's were comfortably housed.

On a smaller scale he had worked on some restructural constructions inside the restaurant - East Ocean.

Dad built the shelf in my room where i put my shoes. He built the desk my older brother used during high school. He built one of the wall units that now houses the portraits of my grandparents and the incense holders. The lattice work outside the front of the house was also made by him.

So, Dad is very talented & brilliant too...

I'm guessing that my creativity stems from both my parents. The fact that i'm hands on with everything i do also comes from Dad as much as Mum.

(lit: My father...)

Toujours une demoiselle d'honneur, jamais une jeune mariée...

I bought a pair of silver satin shoes for some weddings i will be attending that i could also use for my friend's wedding where i will be one of the bridesmaids. And since its more pertinent that the shoes will match my dress when i am a bridesmaid, i asked her to bring my dress over to my place when she visited her mother last Sunday. (She lives a distance away, while her mother is actually in my local area).

I tried on the shoes and then slipped the dress over my head and tugged on the zipper. To my horror, I couldnt zip myself up.

=(

I'm too FAT!!!!

I first did the rounds of trying on gowns for her wedding in December-January 06/07. It had to be made, so she paid for the dresses and i had forgotten about it ever since. I can't believe that in 7 months...i had managed to put on weight...so much that i cant zip the damn thing!!!

~~~>_<~~~

I can only zip it up to under my bustline. And then i'm stuck!!!

I knew i had put on a little bit of weight compared to what i averaged the last couple of years, but not more than what i weighed in January this year...I thought i was still roughly the same...i didnt think i had put on so much that the dress wouldnt fit!!!

Mum has offered to fix the dress for me...but i dont want her to.

Now, I am on a mission.

TO GET INTO THAT FREAKIN' DRESS (AND LOOK DAMN GOOD TOO)!!!

The bride-to-be had a moment yesterday where she realised how unreliable the other bridesmaid would be...she saw a hint of it previously...but something else happened yesterday that really ticked the bride-to-be off. This wedding is gonna be a loooooooonnnnnngggggggg day for me.

We started a beginners ballroom dancing course last night. The whole bridal party is attending and it was fun, but i cant salsa. I can cha-cha, jive, and rock'n'roll...but am unable to salsa the most basic steps.

Lets see if i improve next week.

(lit: Always a bridesmaid, never a bride...)

Enchante...

(Pronounced: on.shon.tay)

Life is funny in almost every circumstance.

Like shopping with my mother every weekend...ritualistically...meeting all these people - her friends...their children sometimes...

Being single and more the fear of dying lonely with no one to bury me when my turn arrives makes me sit and wonder sometimes.

There are the people who are fortunately charmed and everything seems to go there way. And there are the others who dont lead such a charming life. I come across a lot of people, but i have been trained to keep to myself and and pretty much avoid eye contact.

I dont try to make conversations with strangers. But i have an ability to have friendly conversations with say the stranger that is serving me at the cafe or the local fruit grocer...etc...

I am sometimes lucky, but i dont have it all.

With my weekly ritual my mum goes to this one asian grocer and always chit chats with the owner and their sons. The older of the two sons had a crush on me about 8 years ago...I was young and he was a smoker...sooo not my type. And in the end his parents forced him to marry a girl from Vietnam whom they had arranged for the two of them with her parents when they were toddlers. Weird, i know...who'd actually go through with the arrange marriages their parents set up yonks ago, in this day and age - all willingly?!

His younger brother i knew only by face, because he went to the same highschool as i did and is a year or two younger than my older brother. He would on occasion help his parents out at the grocery store on the weekend and my mother would chat to him whenever we'd drop by. He would always ask my mother what she would be cooking that night and ask if he could come over? My mother would say "sure thing...and dont just say you are and not show up! I'll get angry with you..." She said that jokingly and he never did show up.

The thing is, i never thought he was attractive. And when i saw him, i'd keep to myself and patiently wait for my mother to buy whatever she needed and when she would appear out of the store, the two of them would joke while i grabbed the bags from her to carry the bags to the car. I didnt even say hello to him, nor did he say hello to me...not until maybe 2 years ago did we speak a little to eachother.

After speaking to one another, i guess i saw him in a different light and i noticed that he had a nice smile...that he was cute in a very quirky way...and that this guy genuinely liked chatting to my mother...he didnt do it just out of politeness.

I think its very hard to find a guy who will get along THAT well with my mum. Not that she is a difficult person to get along with...but the two of them talk like friends...and well, its nice to see that.

There are some things word just cant express. Sometimes we'd look at eachother. He would notice something. I would notice something. We're probably not thinking the exact same thing, but were on the same wavelength...and its some form of enlightenment that transcends verbal communication.

I do believe that he finds me mysterious and interesting, because i dont often say anything more than a "Hi!" to him. And i have the tendency to look at something or someone and smile or laugh to myself...and he has the tendency to catch me in the action of doing so.

He was there at the store today. We said hello and i stood to the side waiting for my mother like the diligent daughter i am, he was talking to his parents and as my mother and i left we noticed a girl with him.

When my mother and i got into the car i told her that he caught me laughing to myself when i saw this old lady try on this hat. Mum later mentioned that he was getting married in September this year.

I then realised that i could have, would have, should have...but its too late.

I put it down on the fact that it was one of those moments where i was the unfortunate one.

It just wasnt meant to be.

There is a saying in Vietnamese that my mother often quotes...and it seems befitting this moment.

We both didnt have the "charm"...

(lit: Pleased to meet you...)

M'épouserez-vous?

I had lunch with a friend today and was told about a friend we both know. That the mutual friend was going o/s to marry someone he has only had phone conversations with for the past 6 months and plans on going over to marry the girl in a Las Vegas style wedding.

There are twists here...its not a straight and simple connection of 2 single people meeting online and finding love across all the expanse of water and land via the cyber-highway.

She is currently seeing someone long distance. Has not broken up with the current bf, but feels that she can marry this mutual friend.

For me, I just couldnt do it. I would not be flying over to meet the person...I wouldnt even be thinking about marrying them - knowing that they had someone and still hadnt broken up with them...even after supposedly committing themself to you.

Its too wacky for words.

I am a known sceptic...but I do wish the mutual friend all the best - no one wants a friend to be hurt especially from a broken heart...but am i the only one who thinks this situation is too much left of the centre?

(lit: Will you marry me?)

Dermatologue...

A girls best friends, i think are: water, SPF30+, laughter and a good dermatologist.

Some may want to add to this list and rightly so, depending on their needs, but i would highly recommend a good female dermatologist for all of our girly needs pertaining to skin and hair.

It brings a world of difference when you find a truly talented dermatologist. One who is open and honest and understands what you are talking about...

I have found one and she has helped me return my skin back to the days where i didnt have pimples. I see her now whenever i have a skin problem. She likes to chat too. So, it is quite easy to visit her without having to feel like you are about to be interrogated. The only hang up of visiting such a good dermatologist is waiting to actually go in and see them.

(lit: Dermatologist...)

I gotta tell you about Milan...

For the past few voicemails left on my mobile by L&E...they have repeated the same line over and over and over and over and over and over and over...You get the drift...

And the line is "I gotta tell you about Milan"...

But in the message itself...they say that line, but they dont say what about Milan. I guess they are trying to keep me interested by messing with my mind.

And they keep mentioning "Susan".

But "Susan", brings back bad memories of a girl at Uni that had a thing for our G! And L&E know it too.

The last message listed a number of people on their tour, a couple of 80-something year old people, someone knocking their head and the Canadian couple laughing at the poor person who knocked their head, i think there was 2 guys (can't remember where L/E said that they were from) but one talks and the other doesnt...

And the surprise of the day...?

I came home and spied some writing on a postcard that looked familiar...it looked like L's handwriting. So, i picked it up and read it. Sure enough it was addressed to me and the message on the left read:

PETALS,

WERE THINKING OF YOU IN ITALY....

LOTS & LOTS & LOTS
OF LOVE
L&E
xxx

I flipped over to see what was on the postcard and it was Michelangelo's David - but the focus is on his specific part!!!

I told and showed my Mum, and she told me that she was outside by the letterbox with her friend when she took the letters out of the letterbox and her friend asked what it was? Mum saw it upside down without her glasses and said it was a flower in bloom! *RofL*

They both looked closer and had a heartattack when they realised that it was David's man bits.

At least Mum recognised it was Michelangelo's David! *LoL*

Un jour chez Luna Park...

My Saturday was crazy.

I had booked my specialist appointment before knowing my cousin and 2 kids were coming to visit us from Melbourne. So, the week had been pretty hectic. A lot of dinners and throughout the week, it was tag team - where my younger brother on his days off would take our cousin + kids around town...and then on my older brother's days off he would take her and the kids + his own kids around town...and since i only have weekends free...I was to take them around town on Saturday and Sunday.

Saturday - took them along while Mum and i were getting grocery...so we had breakfast and did some shopping...then it was a quick dash to the specialist...but when we get there, i find that the family would have to wait for an hour with me, so i decided to take them to the local Westfields so at least they could shop or sit around and get some food, etc while waiting for me. So, i drive in and park the car walk them in and leave them to walk back to the doctor's office, no point in driving back and forth if i can walk there. After the doctor's appointment i go back to Westfields and then rush to Medicare, because i dont know when the next time i would be near one, so i powerwalk to the Medicare office only to find that they have relocated back inside Westfields!!!

WTF???

Its a race against time. I was worried that i wouldnt make it to the Medicare on time as it was almost noon. In the process of powerwalking to and from i called my cousin and told her what was happening...so i powerwalked...they followed...when i had to rush back to the shopping centre...the stayed at the park whilst i did my thing and then would meet me back in the shopping centre.

It was a crazy hectic day.

Sunday - Luna Park, Harbour Bridge/Opera House, Darling Harbour.

We only made to 3 out of the 4 and the Harbour Bridge was done via the fact that the train went over it and from looking at it at the Opera House.

Luna Park was great but really cold during the day. There was a lot of fun and laughter but some of the kids got really grumpy and it was really eating on my nerves. Since my nieces and nephew were born, i have become more tolerant, but not as much as their respective mothers. The kids are great until they get grumpy and even the older ones can be extremely difficult to handle...because its clear that they are grumpy but they wont tell you what is wrong no matter which technique you use to extract it, its worse than going to the dentist!

So, we caught a train around 9am all the way to Milson's Point...walked to Luna Park...unleashed 4 happy screaming kids inside...Mums waited while Aunty chapperoned them on the rides. After a number of negotiations with the kids, we hopped onto a ferry from Milson's Point to Circular Quay and then walked over to the Opera House. A number of happy snaps with some grumpy faces, 1 child desperately needs to go do a pee-pee...so Aunty rushes down with kid in arms hands child over to Mum...Aunty sits and waits by the pram.

Aunty notices that its 1pm and we havent had lunch, so we trek back to Circular Quay and hop onto a bus to go to Chinatown. We would have gone to Darling Harbour after lunch but unfortunately, 2 out of the 4 kids had a dentist appointment at 3:30pm. So, by the time lunch ended, we had to go back to Central station and catch a train home for the dentist appointment.

During this whole escapade between the Opera House and home, one child in particular was getting on my nerves. No matter how i would reason with her, she was so stubburn and sooky and so badly behaved, i cant believe that she is "this" close to my bloodline!!!

I asked Mum if i was that horrible as a child and she told me not to that extent. At home, yes i was naughty fighting with my older brother...but when we were out and about i would always hold her hand and cling to her side.

Today, i woke up feeling extremely buggered. I'm sooo tired and its not from all the walking yesterday. Its the mental strain of yesterday and the past week.

I dont think i would ever want a big family. Having four kids in my house is a headache and its too much to handle when you are so use to keeping an eye out on two.

I must commend those single mums or dads who actually bring up their multiple kids right. And those parents who have 4 or more, who bring up their kids right should get a pat on their backs too! Its a really really really tough job.

I couldnt do it.

(lit: A day at Luna Park)

partie deux...

I went to the same ticket booth at the trainstation this morning to get the same ticket for the same fare as yesterday.

I came across the same ticket booth attendant.

I said "Good Morning!"

And he grinned from ear to ear and told me "Good Morning!"

I asked for the same ticket and he enquired if i had a weekly ticket? I actually bought a ticket from the beginning of the year until my last working day before i fly to Europe. Thats about 8 months worth of fare...

For the sake of conversation, i told him, yes i had a City weekly and i was going to a training course in Nth Sydney today (as i did yesterday).

He said to me - "Oh, then you should keep today's ticket and yesterday's as a receipt. So, you can claim back on tax!"

God bless him.

(lit: part two...)

Et j'ai dit bonjour...

It was probably a quarter past 7 in the mornin'...I went up to the ticket counter and asked for a ticket connecting Wynyard and North Sydney, but before making my request i opened with a "Hello!" which seemed to make his day.

Its funny how a simple 'Hello' with a smile can make the world a difference.

He was so cheerful towards me after that, that i started to think if he had a spare million $$$ to hand over, he would have gladly done so.

How sweet it is to be able to turn someone's day around like that!

I should endeavour to remember in future how little the effort it is to say hello and smile to reap the benefits of making someone else happy.

I had to go to Nth Syd today for MS Project training course! Yes, i asked my company to send me to do this course because i'm stuck doing schedules for my projects and i realise that i am doing certain things that are deemed "bad practice"...so this course is righting the wrongs i have picked up fumbling my way through, trying to use the application.

Its for 2 days and already i feel really good about attending. The trainer is a perky Swedish lady, who is soo clever - i am glad to be a student in her class. She knows so much and quite frankly, she bends over backwards to ensure that the whole class is up to speed.

Highlight of the day for me was learning all these nifty short cuts and learning from the trainer the proper methods of organising relationships and constraints for my tasks...and i got a chance to explain to someone in the group about the purpose of baselining schedules (in which the trainer didnt quite understand where this person's question was coming from). I felt quite knowledgeable...how cool is that?

I go back to work on Friday for more training on a new application that is being brought into the company due to our close working relationship with our major client. Then the following week i have another training session for some new PM tool being intro'd for our project services group...reportedly, eliminating our project checklists, issues & risk registers, incorporating SAP financials, and supposedly shorten our project reporting because all the details will be encapsulated in this one tool.

I highly doubt it will make any of my work easier...i forsee my workload doubling...geez, i hate being psychic!
;p

(lit: And i said hello...)

Rapports...

Its really uplifting to see & hear about your workmates and their partners getting along really well. Yes, they probably have issues to deal with, but its obvious that they know how to deal with the issues and to hear that they are both working at it together shows me that it is possible to be in a relationship that has longevity.

I have friends who are in long term relationships, but its not the same as my workmates who have been married for 15 years+. And its not that i dont believe that they can last that long, its more that that would mean i was looking into the future, while my workmates relationships is currently the present...and that view holds more weight currently.

I wish i could say that my parents married and had a blissful marriage right in front of me, to look up to, and hope that one day I would be part of such a relationship...but i cant.

Theirs is not horrendous, but it wasnt coming up roses either.

So, i guess thats why i look to others for that sense of hope...and my workmates who have gotten the relationships right, would be good examples for observation and inspiration.

(lit: Relationships...)

Bonjour, nous sommes en Italie!

I know it should really be: "Ciao, siamo in Italia!", but i thought i should keep with my French theme.

Last night was one of those oddly well-coordinated nights. I seemed to have gotten everything done in a timely fashion, and there was one last thing to do...return my alterna-date's missed call.

So, i returned his call about the DSLR he bought from the JB-HiFi my brother works at.

Normally, i put my mobile back in my bag so that i dont forget to bring it to work the next day. I mean, i wake up so early, the last thing i want to do at 6am is scramble to find my missing mobile, because i accidentally misplaced it somewhere the night before.

But i did leave my phone in my room last night, on top of the cardi i planned on wearing today.

And of all nights (it was in fact morning - but it was pitch black, so i'll stick with night), L&E decide to start those prank calls from Europe. I get a call at 5:15am from an unknown number...and stoopid me, i answered the call!

The instant i picked up they started the ranting and raving...and i recognised their voices...and i also recognised the "we just landed and we already got screwed...why did you pick up?!??!?"

I knew that they should have landed in Italy sometime yesterday...i just didnt know what time. I know the drill. Turn my voicemail on...well, don't turn voicemail off, as it is usually on for work purposes...so that they can leave drunken messages at 3am or "crank" calls of the cranky "we just got screwed and its all your fault" variety.

Every holiday they have together, i get a number of voicemails left on my mobile messaging service, and quite frankly its the highlight of my morning to hear them on the line. *LoL*

(1) I know that although they suffered mishaps from being screwed by the locals...that they are in fact safe & fine, and laughing their heads off after it.
(2) I get my daily dose of laughter and get an ab workout.
(3) It gives me material to tell my workmates about my crazy friends currently in Europe!

Now, i need to practice leaving my phone on silent or turning it off at night...because there's like 4-5 weeks of these calls. It doesnt happen every night, so its always a surprise and well worth it!

***

I've realised that i take my friends for granted...and im sure most people are the same...they dont intentionally do so and perhaps dont realise. But with the way things are: whether you are busy because of your new relationship with your partner, you're busy with family, you're busy studying, etc...especially if they are your good friends...you expect them to be around and the same goes for you...they might expect you to always be around.

And then at some point you realise that you should really make an effort to keep the friendship going.

I'm trying to make the effort and become a better daughter, sister, and friend.

I realised that I should really be grateful for my life and current situation.

It might not be as charming as others. And i might not have scored a hat trick, being: love/health/career...but 1.5 out of the 3 is 50% and thats an underestimation. But life isnt all that bad. I'm going to Europe in less than 2 months time. I should be able to go to SG/KL in December...and when my review occurs at the end of this year, I will know if should be able to get to Japan in April...which is pending on my payrise and hopefully promotion.

So, i really cant complain.

And if i do ever complain, dear friends...please pinch me.

(lit: Hello, we are in Italy!)

Mise à jour...

I submitted my letter of confirmation from my Program Manager basically saying that I have been "managing" some projects for the last 6 months. I also submitted my CV.

I asked if that was it. He confirmed - "that's it!"

So, basically in July when my company renews my membership to AIPM, they will also be upgrading my registration from a QPP to a RPM.

At the end of the day, a good project manager is developed through practice of managing projects. To me, its like common sense. So, this piece of paper I will be receiving through the mail doesn't really indicate to anyone how good or how bad a project manager I am. It just shows that I am aware of the "best practiced methodologies"...

Fortunately, I have been working in an environment that is highly process driven, which is part of good practice. The company is ISO9001 compliant.

The piece of paper basically makes me one of the "skilled" employees, that Australia seems to be lacking.

Like my degree, on its own...the paper isn't of much value, its the implication of the words written on it that carries the value. For me, personally, the degree, the diploma, and the registration as a RPM means that I can command more $$$. And so, those 3 pieces of paper actually means a lot to me & my future.

I will be given more responsibilities. Better (harder) projects to manage. It will provide me with more opportunities. I will grow.

(lit: Update)

Dépression, au delà de bleu...

I believe that i am very susceptible to falling into depression...or maybe i'm exaggerating and depression is the more stronger sense of what i have felt before.

I'm the middle child of my family and sometimes i do get forgotten, or perhaps i just view myself as being forgotten...

I have felt lonely. I have felt helpless. I have felt like being swallowed up by a gapping hole in the floor. I have wanted to just fade into the walls and disappear. I have felt the despair. I have felt worthless. I have wanted my life to end.

That was when i was younger.

Is that what depression is? Because the thing is, i have always managed to pull myself out of it without help from anyone...well, not direct help of knowing that i actually felt the way i did back then.

I envision depression to be something so great that it is sooo hard to knock back. An addiction that is too hard to kick without proper intervention.

A friend once told me that i was resilient. I didnt believe him at the time. My heart was in the process of being bruised. But he was right. I am a tough girl.

Maybe it comes from being a cynic. I'm very skeptical of most things in life. I still hope that there is some good out there, but i'm more inclined to assume the worst of anything until i am proven wrong. It is my armour in facing the world. I see it as a glass half empty and I prevent myself from getting hurt or disappointed. So, i am extremely organised and prevent the worse from happening to me.

I believe that this is why i am good at what i do for a living. If i stay organised, i stay in control. I account for issues and risks, but its assessed and i know that i can handle them if they pop up. On the rare occasion something i cant handle will appear, but i know that i can still handle it.

If what i went through, in those years before was depression...when the first time it happened, something must have pulled me through without my knowing. I'm not sure if it was the perfectionist in me that said "wake up and smell the stench of impending failure looming"..."perfectionists dont end the game, they win the game"...? Who knows...but all the other times when i was feeling hopeless, i know i got myself out. And i think it all comes back to taking control.

I manage to bounce back, because i know that i am the one in control of my actions.

That knowledge is empowering. To know that you make the decision to get out of it. Slap yourself if you have to, but you are the one in control. Take stock, life is will always have waves of challenges rolling in to shore to knock you off your balance.

Balance.

From practicing yoga and pilates and seeing my physio, i have learnt that balance is the key to keeping my joints and muscles feeling fine after any strenuous workout.

I strongly believe that balance is the key for life.

I may have felt dire at times and then flipped to being ecstatic at other times, but i always come back aligned to my equilibrium. I actually do balance on one leg for 70 seconds or more, then alternate. I do this each and every day. Thats for the physical side of things. In terms of mentally and emotionally, i laugh.

I like working with a bunch of guys. They either make me laugh with a joke or two, or alternatively they bring me down to earth by making me find something to laugh about within myself.

For those who do and are suffering from depression, i hope that you do see the light - you can get beyond it. Find your inner strength. It is hard. But there is hope. Just think about how blue the sky can be after a storm. The wonder of your eyes getting tricked to see rainbows - colours, even. The joys of hearing the sound of laughter...

It helps me, to think about awe inspiring, naturally beautiful things. Maybe it can help you too.

(lit: Depression, beyond blue)

télévision...

Last night, i watched Michael Buble on Rove.

"T!t-humper"...if you watched it, you will know what im talking about...

I enjoyed the interview and decided that I will skip half the day of work today to be in the audience for Enough Rope with Andrew Denton.

My alterna-date was invited to be in the audience and asked if i wanted to go last Friday? I told him that that was a dumb question. That it was a no brainer...and then i realised that it started at 1:15pm and ending at 6pm.

I told my manager that i scored tix to be in the audience and that i had to go. He said he'd think about it.

This morning after i decided last night, i told him when he walked through the door that i was most definitely going.

12:40pm I left my office to go to ABC building on Harris Street.

The process of getting into the studio was a pain in the behind. We didnt get seated until over an hour later.

The first guest was a man named Lincoln Hall (?) who basically died while climbing Everest, but came back from the dead to tell his tale. It was an interesting story to tell and the interview was engaging at times, but i was getting sleepy and i wondered how it would look in the play back if they glazed over the audience and caught me snoring???
=T

Anyhoo...I was getting impatient as the interview with Lincoln was dragging, not because of the lack of trying...i think it was just his voice that droned on. I was waiting for Michael and i really just wanted the first interview to end.

And end, it finally did.

Next in line, i thought it was going to be someone other than Michael...from Andrew Denton's hints before the filming began, it sounded like Michael would be last in the 3 guest line up. But to my surprise, Michael was next.

He is really charming and enthusiastic and funny. And i adore him.

This episode being filmed today was for Enough Rope's new season. I would like to reveal some funny things that happened on stage, but i dont know what will make the cut or which part will end up on the cutting room floor. But if you do watch Enough Rope and catch this episode and hear a girl laughing pretty heartily during the Michael Buble interview, you can be sure it was in fact moi! But i sat in the back row and i dont believe they filmed any shots of me...thankfully!

*LoL*

After the episode is aired and i remember to, i will write another post and reveal some parts they had cut out.

Did you know that they film the audience applauding and smiling and laughing, and then edit it into the actual interview with the guests?

I didnt until today.

(lit: television)

Comédie allemand...

I watched a German movie last night. The first German movie I had ever seen.

I always considered going to the German Film Fest, but never quite made it.

I was actually watching Iron Chef and in between I saw the commercial for "Kebab Connection". I giggled because it was pretty funny (the ad) and it got me curious.

So, when Iron Chef finished I stayed with SBS and watched this movie. It was about a Turkish boy knocking up a German girl and his family disowning him for getting a German girl preggers. She is an aspiring actress, he an aspiring director with an obsession to make the first German Kung Fu movie (totally Bruce Lee inspired action).

I laughed quite loudly, and my laughter must have shook the house.

It reminded me of E (the boy and his obsession with film directing) and his family (all the crazy things that happened in between). It got me wondering whether this "craziness" was a cultural thing. I mean, all the stories E had told me about his family...they were portrayed in the movie in one way or another. I always thought it was just E and his family, but if the theme is carried out in a German movie about a Turkish boy...hehehe...

(lit: German Comedy)

Anniversaire de 2 ans...

Its 2 years with my company and its exactly the same amount of time working with the same client.

Its also just a little over 2 months before i fly to Europe.

And ironically, it will be 2 years tomorrow, since i broke my left ankle.

Life is hectic, but interesting right now. In terms of work. In terms of social stuff. In terms of thoughts running through my head.

In terms of work...I'm working on some summaries in support of gaining my RegPM (Level 5 registration). If successful, i shall be a registered PM by the end of Financial year.

In terms of social stuff...I'm meeting a number of people since moving to the Glebe office and i quite like these new people. Its really funny, there is this one guy who purrs when he walks past my desk - he does so as a joke to me...i havent quite pinned what the purring is actually for or what it actually means...but it makes me laugh...so i guess its worth it!

There is a local cafe we go to and i keep seeing Yumi from Channel V...she brought in her daughter today while the guys and i were having our morning coffee. Her daughter is a little cutie. The guy at the cafe who makes our drinks, he is really funny. He knows just how much to stretch when he teases various people and when to stop. And he just makes me laugh and really yummy soy hot chocs.

I bought Miss Saigon tix for October at the Lyric Theatre today. L, V, M&D, Mon and i are going. I ended up with 3rd row tix...close to the centre...im so chuffed! I can't wait!!!

I went to Eiger Swiss restaurant last Saturday and had cheese fondue, air dried beef, seasoned mushrooms, veal schnitzel, roesti, choc fondue, and chestnut vermicelle...basically i stuffed myself with a whole variety of comfort food. The owner, Alain, is rather eccentric, but since he said i that i am a beautiful girl...i forgive him from being a tad pushy at times. I went to Eiger with my workmates and their spouses and it was fun.

I'm going to drinks and dinner with other workmates this Friday and i'm sure that i will enjoy Friday night too, as much as i did last Saturday. I dont usually "hang out" with my workmates...only a select one or two. But the people i have met are really nice, so i figure why not? It cant hurt me and i sooo need to branch out more.

(lit: 2 year anniversary)

controversé...

I have a lot of opinions on controversial topics, but i usually dont voice them because i know that my opinions are based on very limited information...and therefore i shut up and prevent myself from being a fool in public.

Because i graduated from USYD i get their quarterly "Sydney Alumni" magazine and when i have the time i try to read it. This Winter edition has an article about Stem cell research which i found quite interesting.

Not like we all havent heard a lot about it in the news. So, its not like its all new. There has been so much debate about it all over the world. But there was something written in the article that presented an idea that i had never considered until now. Which i basically found thought provoking...

"Enchantment with our own uniqueness remains central to the Western imagination of the self. Therapeutic cloning not only shakes that idea; it also confronts our notion of ourselves as circumscribed individuals both spatially and temporally.
...
'Stem cell technologies involve a reorganisation of boundaries and elements of the human body. Bodies become materially implicated in each other,' says Prof Waldby. Through an indefinite fusing of bodies, what disappears are the safe, certain lines where our body stops and another begins." --Immortal lines, written by Dr Kate Rossmanith

I didn't think about it that way...the fusing of another's cells in one's body. I saw it more from the idea of using "babies" and "cloning"...in some ways my concerns were fears of Frankenstein-esque monsters being created and man becoming power hungry and wanting to play God...like i said, i dont know much about stem cell research, so i usually keep my mouth shut on the topic.

I have been against the idea, because i didnt and still dont know enough about it. And thats the thing I have learnt by reading the article. That most of the scientists dont know enough about it either, that all research done so far is only scratching the surface and that more needs to be done. They can not definitively advise that it can be used therapeutically in a clinical environment. It looks promising, but the truth is that there are years of research left to be done to know for sure.

I guess i should wait and read more before i can really say that im for or against it...i wonder if a decade is enough?

(lit: controversial)

Je ne suis pas asthmatique.

I hopped on the train and chose my seat.

Next stop.

A girl hopped on and sat down next to me. She was coughing a lot and i thought to myself "uh-oh...i'm going to come down with yet another thing"...

As the train ride progressed, she pulled out her inhaler. I had forgotten that she was asthmatic. You see, i had often seen her on this train and she has on a number of occasions taken a puff from her inhaler, especially in the colder months.

How could i be so unsympathetic? I know how bad it is to be sick and not wanting to go to work, but having to go because you are sick, but not that sick. Sounds like torture when you put it down in writing, but some people are unable to work from home or they just can't afford not to work even if they are sick.

I use to have really bad asthma. I've taken it for granted that I have overcome it and that I am no longer a slave to my Ventolin.

But it wasnt like it was easy to overcome. Often it felt like I was running an uphill battle and the funny thing is - that is exactly how i overcame it.

I ran.

I exercised. I exerted my lungs and my heart to a point where my organs got use to the exertion. They started to switch on and function as per normal without the drugs. And then, I stopped coughing and wheezing and feeling as though my lungs were going to explode.

It was a slow process in reducing the amount of Ventolin I was taking, as I was increasing my cardio exercise. I started out taking a puff before, during and after exercising. Then I slowly dropped it down to a puff before and during (if needed). As my cardio increased, then just a puff before my exercising. And one day...I just decided to forgo the single puff before starting.

It was tricky to deal with at this stage. And I think if I was ever wheezing, it was happening out of anxiety and the fear of having an attack, when in fact I was really fine.

I stopped using my Ventolin when I was about 19-20, there abouts. I carried it around in my handbag where ever I went, but I didn't have to use it for about a year or so. And then I stopped carrying it and it has been a good number of years now.

I have also stopped ticking the box which says "Asthma"? on the various forms I fill out.

Sometimes, when I do my interval training on the treadmill, or when I run outside and the air is really crisp, I still wheeze a little. But its nothing unbearable and I can jog it off. I think its more from being unfit than an onset of adult asthma.

Well, I hope.

(lit: I do not have asthma)

Se faire aimer Napoleon Dynamite...

When Napoleon Dynamite was released in the cinemas in 2004, i had really wanted to watch it. I don't know what got in the way, but i didn't end up catching it in the cinemas...and i didn't even get to watch it on dvd...that was until this weekend.

It is soooo geeky, the movie, as much as Napoleon is, which makes this movie so endearing!

I had chuckled throughout the movie, and my friends were right. I was totally missing out!

Recently, i had borrowed a selection of dvds from G and this was one of them. I'm so glad that he had let me borrow this gem of a movie. My alterna-date was telling me that this was one of his favourite movies and he was surprised that i hadnt watched it until now.

I have to agree...this is now one of my favourite movies.

Highlights of the movie:

* Vote for Pedro - I now get it!
* Kip changing into a homie with the help of his "soulmate" LaFawnduh...hehehe...
* Jamiroquai's - Canned Heat (Synkronized 1999)

(trans: The endearing Napoleon Dynamite)

Mon meilleur ami...

My alterna date and i were talking about how many people we would consider to be our best friends...the type of friend that you could call at 3am or in an emergency, knowing that they would come to your rescue - guaranteed...and also, that they lived in a 5Km radius.

We had eachother. I could add D...but i actually feel funny if i imposed on him with an emergency call at 3am.

If M still lived in the area, i would put her down. If E was closer by 5Km...then i would put him down...and that is the same for K, L, G and V.

We spoke about this on Saturday, prior to watching "Mon meilleur ami - My best friend" on Sunday at the Palace Twin Cinemas.

And it was funny that our topic of conversation was the exact premise of the movie.

I was hoping that the movie would be more funny...but I found it dramatic and serious...perhaps, it is because it touches on the topic of alone & loneliness, and I obviously have an affinity with being alone.

Irrespective of the serious underlying tone of the movie, i still enjoyed it. After all it is a story about being a true best friend.

But if you had to watch one French flick this year, I would suggest vehemently, that you go watch "Prête-moi ta main - I do". It was part of the French Film Fest 2007, but I missed it by watching Priceless and OSS-117.

I think it speaks for itself that it was part of the Fest and now its actually showing in cinemas as general release.

G got a free double pass to the advanced screening of "I do" and asked me to go with him - as I obviously have this thing with foreign movies, lest to say French flicks.

And it was the BEST French film I had seen for the year. It was FUNNY!!! If anyone said that the French don't know how to do comedy, they should really see "I do". I couldnt stop laughing and i thoroughly enjoyed it.

***

Over the long weekend, i slept in and i went shopping - lots of shopping!!!

I didnt buy anything really expensive, but i bought a lot of inexpensive things...which in the end broke my budget for this month anyway.

Shame on me.
>_<"

Je suis ici de passage.

(Pronounciation: zher swee zee.see der pa.sazh)

The audit is almost over...and i wasnt one of the lucky people to be selected...
^_^

But all the hard work in catching up took its toll. And then all of a sudden it turned into an anti-climax...because today...in anticipation of the auditor arriving there was a buzz in the office and then he left. He didn't question my team. Didn't enquire what we did all day...just pretty much walked past us.

It was good and bad.

I closed a project today! *woohoo* I also saved the company a couple of grand...except, i think it was by accident...not because i managed the budget well. Ha!

I think im over the panic attack...and just going with the flow. Finally.

Plans for the weekend...I'm going to work from home on Friday...catching another french flick "My best friend" and was going to walk the markets and go for a bike ride...but i believe the weather will be working against me.

(lit: I'm in transit)

travailler à vivre...

Work has been crazy lately. Stress levels have been really high. Energy levels have been waning. A workmate and i had to stay back on Thursday night and it wasn't fun...even though i have started to laugh hysterically - it isnt actually funny.

I have noticed that since moving to the Glebe office, i barely have time to think about anything except work. I don't respond to emails, unless its from the customers or something urgent from a manager. Everything else is low priority.

My workmates have noticed that it is Glebe. We have other things that could potentially make us feel "fast & furious", but essentially we would not have been so hard hit if we were still in the CBD.

I have started to pick up bad habits like taking 10 minute lunches at my desk...mind you the unhealthy part is that i sit on a level (in the building) that is enclosed by 4 walls and only 2 smaill windows that are tinted so that you cant look to the outside. So, its really just blank walls. (Highly secured area).

I've also started to continue working, even though i have left for the day, even while on my train ride home. I'm following up with workmates on requests, phone calls to customers, managers, et al. I'm like "this" close to carrying my laptop and wireless around to work on the train...how sad is that?

I've always said that "I work to live, NOT live to work", but it seems to me that work is starting to take over my life...and its what i wanted to prevent. 95% of the managers i know have a balance of about 75-85% work, 25-15% life ratio. They aren't 'failing' from the lack of trying to create a 50-50 ratio...its just the nature of working in the project environment.

But to their credit, they are either in a long term relationship, married, &/or with kids...and their better halves are understanding. So, they are obviously getting some things right.

My workmate and i, who are both single females, and are developing our careers in this industry have realised that we are basically screwed (apologies for the lack of finding any other word that would define it more eloquently). We both have been trying to avoid this impending moment...and now we have to look straight into the eye of the monster.

I had a panic attack last night. I called 3 friends in Sydney, who didn't pick up their phones, so that i could panic with a rational voice on the other line to talk some sense into me...but as that was lacking, i sent an sms to E, who is currently in Istanbul.

He responded in a couple of minutes, and that calmed me down a little. Funny how the person who is miles away across some oceans can respond in a couple of beats.

It was my father's birthday yesterday, so i was actually panicking while sitting in my car waiting for my family to arrive at the restaurant. And since it was Dad's birthday, i didnt want to alarm the family, so i abstained from talking to Mum about the fear that was in me.

So instead, after dinner i drove to A's place to catch up with some friends and watch Shrek 3 on A's new big ass plasma, in his new pretty, pretty apartment.

I barely took my boots off when i broke down in front of the girls in the hallway.

Its shameful, but they understood my concerns...at least that means im not over reacting too much.

I think i alluded in my last post about wanting to pay off my mortgage, building my nest egg, and potentially that now is the time to start planning if not acting.

So, im sort of stuck with a connundrum...my catch 22...

At 26, work my way to become a fully fledged project manager, my registration is 6 months (tops) from being awarded. Get flogged with work and have no social life for the next 4 years...reach 30 and have another panic attack realising that the last 4 years i should have been socialising instead of working my butt off...at this point in time have no friends, because i haven't had the time to make the effort to keep in touch, and therefore everything spirals out of control and i die lonely!!!

Have i ever told you that one of my biggest fears is dying lonely?

Its not like i can avoid work. And its seems natural to get promoted to project manager and the promotion means i get paid more...which helps me pay off my mortgage faster, and on a projet manager's rate i will have money to start building my nest egg.

So, do i choose the pending career which would free me financially or the life i currently dont even have but would like?

(lit: to work to live)

progrès...?

Its been a while since i last wrote...i think i was sick...and then i got sick but in a different way and during that time i was thinking and considering my next career move.

The possibilities out there are abundant right now. And i am getting heaps of positive feedback. Quite frankly, i'm being offered interviews on a weekly basis...

I'm just being awfully selective. I'm comfy where i am right now. I'm going to Europe in about 3 months time...some companies dont want to deal with that right now...I fully understand...which is why im turning down interviews more than attending them.

I went to an interview...only 1 of about 6 I actually even considered...but it really got me thinking.

The opportunity is actually fantastic. The money and perks being offered is ideal. He was willing to consider bringing in a temp to fill up my 5 weeks of leave - if the Programme Mgr's Manager was cool with the idea. I was offered a second round interview right after the first interview...

When i went home, i started to really think about my career...where do i really want to go with it? How am i going to do it? Am i going to take the shortest but surest route to get there? Or can i prolong it by 6 - 12 more months and achieve it in a bit of a roundabout way, and still get there in the end? Should i take the one offering more money...? I mean, reality check...I have a mortgage to my name that i would like to pay off ASAP.

I spoke to Mum about it. I spoke with a couple of friends. E really put things into perspective for me. It was short and simple. Go with the place that pays for the highest accreditation you can get...as soon as you can get it! In the end, after the accreditation...i will be able to ask for more anyway...and i was leaning towards this all along...but the change...the money!

So, i decided to stay with my current employer.


The interview was a good experience none the less. I now know that i am perfectly comfortable in selling myself as a PM. I know that i can impress the people worth impressing under such circumstances. Which at the end of the day, is a good skill to have - who knows when you will be made redundant or decide to leave and look for something new?

My managers (client side) know about the interviews...well the ones i have asked to be my referees.

They are all wishing me bad luck or that i fail...or that the company that im interviewing for, fails in my eyes. They dont want to lose me, but they know the reality of having a mortgage...most have their own...and the fact that theirs is with their wives and mine is on my lonesome...they understand the need for me to make more money.

And its not that money is everything. If i didnt have the mortgage...i wouldnt be too fussed, because i would be comfortable. With the mortgage...its not as comfortable as you would imagine.

Like, come on...i have to start thinking about my future. Who else will do it for me?

I'm not in a position to marry someone in the near future or the luxury to think of a different path to where i am headed.

I'm single. I'm independent. I need to grow my own wealth for my own future. How else will i retire comfortably? If i continue the way i am now, its not like i will have kids to rely on in my old age. And i wouldnt want to rely on my children. Even when i am old and grey, i would like to retain my independence.

So, right now...i have to look at things strategically and objectively. I want to maximise the opportunities that are presented to me and use them to my advantage. The choices i have to make from now on, must be of a benefit - otherwise its not worth making.

I received a long overdue email from a manager who was made redundant at the client side in January this year. It came on a Monday...(about a week ago)...and i replied before 8:30am that day. He called me back...we arranged for a coffee at 11am...I sat down with him and he basically advised me that at the new company he currently resides with...they are restructuring the company and he will be able to build his own team in a couple months time. He was advising me this because he basically wants me to join him when the time comes.

I have never worked with this manager - ever. We spoke to each other on a personal level on a day to day basis. He would make fun of me, really, and i would take the p!ss out of him. He didnt say to me "I want you to be part of my team in a couple months time"...but he asked me where i was at in this point in time...i told him about the interview i just had...he asked me where i wanted to be in 2 years...what i would like to earn in 5 years...and basically advised me what he could offer if i joined "their" company.

This colleague has been a deep well of knowledge and advice. I'm in debted to him for a lot of defining moments (career wise). We are both USYD Alumni and we joke about it too. I asked him why me? We have never worked with one another. He said he could tell that i was very good at what i do. He had heard me on teleconferences at my desk...on phone calls with clients...basically it was the way i held myself...im bright...ambitious, but willing to work for what i want to achieve...he said that he didnt have to work with me to know that he wanted me on his team.

You know, a couple months time is a good schedule for me to follow...Europe will be over by then...i should be a fully accredited RPM by then too.

So, i wont be making any swifts move for now. But there are a couple of plans that may come to fruition by the end of this year.

(lit: progress...?)

Je veux essayer...

A while ago, i wrote about wanting to find my passion, but i didnt know where to find it.

This year is jam packed and im limited in my budget to try something new because of all the travelling i want to do...ie, all the money i need to save so that i can spend while im travelling abroad.

But while thinking about what i love, as opposed to things i just want to try for the heck of it, i discovered some things that might make me feel passionate about something - dare i say, anything...

I love the sound of a trumpet. I get goosebumps listening to the opening of My Funny Valentine - live by Michael Buble at some concert hall in South Africa. The trumpet being played is sensual and provocative.

I've watched doco's about Miles Davies. I swoon over Miles Davies - the music, not Miles Davies - the man. BUT, I have to appreciate that there would be no music, if it wasnt for the man's talent.

So, i have decided that i want to try and learn to play the trumpet.

This could be another hare brained idea of mine...but who knows...unless i try it out.

I also want to, and this i will definitely try out, is learn various dances. I want to learn the flamenco, tango, mambo, samba, and especially the lindy hop - so i can swing.

I want to take up some art classes too. One for drawing and one for painting.

I think i figured myself out a bit more. If you look at the list above, its pretty obvious that im actually a creatively minded individual.

I've always loved music...always loved dancing...and always loved art.

(lit: I want to test /try)

Aliéné...

I'm under the weather to say the least...i felt it coming on on Friday with the sore throat and cloudy head...so i went home to rest and did so for the weekend.

I went in to work on Monday morning, left at lunch...took Tuesday off and rolled back into work feeling crappola on Wednesday. Luckily i was in the office...the projects im looking after evolved into nasty and my manager needed me back on board.

I should really have stayed at home again today...head is still cloudy and the acid reflux in the back of my throat is hovering around. I haven't eaten much and it is still there...even now as i type. How disgusting is that?

Another manager sitting beside me, informed me that the amount of flows has more than doubled for one of the projects. I am wayyy out of my depth on this one. The delivery date is insane!!! The schedule is soo tight - its touch and go...im not even sure we should bother with one.

*ugh*

(lit: Insane...)

Je suis perdue...

(Pronounciation: Zher swee pair.dew...)

I don't think i can really call myself a good samaritan.

I've always had a soft spot in protecting children or the older more frail.

But of late, i've noticed the helpless more often and i find myself wanting to reach out and help.

During my lunch break on Thursday, i was walking with a gf to Pitt Street to check out some pens at the Mont Blanc store (sis-in-law wants to buy a pen for my brother, who got promoted on Tuesday to a head position). Along the way, from the corner of my eye i saw a women slumped on a bench. She was semi upright with her head slightly leaning on her shoulder...slightly leaning on her chest.

My gf was oblivious to her and only turned to look when i said aloud "i wonder if she is okay?"
I wasnt sure if she was homeless...although she didnt quite look like it. She dressed neatly and had a handbag tucked under the crook of her arm and looked like an old lady who just got really tired and dozed off.

My second thought was "i wonder if she is dead?" and i really should have taken a closer look, or at least taken a moment to notice whether or not her chest was inflating and then deflating to know whether she was breathing.

But i didnt and had continued to walk away.

I wrote that i wanted to reach out and help, but i havent.

I cant really say what fear grips me and prevents me from being a "good samaritan"...because the intention to protect and help is there...its just that no action amounts from the intentions.

I wonder if that makes me a bad person. The fact that i dont act. I just wonder.

(lit: I'm lost...)

Singe effronté...

I came home on Sunday after going to a house warming in the afternoon and Chloe was at the table having dinner.

She said to me:

"Aunty, i have another party to go to. Its for my friend Isabelle and its far away AND I WANT YOU to take me. If you want a lolly from my lolly bag...you.will.have.to.deal.with.ME!"

(1) Her mother was shocked, because she is free to take Chloe on this occasion, but Chloe had never asked her mother to take her to the party.

(2) Chloe and i did a pinky swear before the first birthday party i chapperoned. If i took her to these parties, i would get to pick 1 lolly from her lolly bag before she demolished it. That was the pact, which is why she said what she had said.

(3) I'm shocked that she is "re-negotiating" the terms and conditions with me. What a cheeky bugger...and she is only 5 y/o!!!


(lit: monkey cheeky)

Beyonce - L'expérience...

On Saturday night, E & L & I went to the Beyonce Concert at Acer Arena.

Chris Brown was the support act and i was thrilled when he sung "Just Fine". The mother and daughter duo sitting beside L were going bananas over him...well i should say that the mother was bananas, the daughter only had half the enthusiasm as the mother.

But lets get straight to it.

Beyonce is HOT! She is really fit, can dance and sing at the same time all night long, she wore some really pretty stuff and some of it was really racey, but the guys really loved it, and all her band members are women!

I loved it. I loved her singing...I loved her dancing...I loved the fact that it was only women on the stage...two drummers, 3 sax players, 2 on the guitars (maybe one was bass, but i couldnt tell from where i was sitting) and 2 on the keyboards, 3 back up singers and i think there were 6 dancers. There were some male dancers, but they were only there for partnering and looks.

Those boys were there to make up for all the oestrogen on stage. They had really nice bods...one would have been to drool for, except im not into tats.

And its funny how there was like 1-2 token white girls. I love it! Usually, its like a token yellow/black chick to make up for all the white girls. But its like the reverse on her stage extravaganza.

She sang songs from her new album, her old album, songs from when she was with Destiny's Child and it was all sung for 1.5 hours straight. The only time she stopped singing and dancing was when she walked off stage to change her outfit. Which was a matter of minutes. I was breathless from the screaming, i dont know how she manages to sing, dance, and jump around in sky high heels!

We had hoped for an encore, but alas, there was to be none.

We got ushered out even though we wanted to sit around and wait until most of the cars had left the carpark. But instead, we raced back to the car and tried to get out as soon as possible so i could have my first HeyHey Kebab experience.

As we left the carpark, some words were exchanged between the driver of a beemer and L. It was a very "sormuijai" experience and i wont bother explaining it here, because i doubt i would do the incident justice. Just check her website for her update. Its funny when i reflect on it, but my jaw dropped when i heard the words utter from L's mouth. Not from the words, but from the amount of aggression that backed the word. I was scared for my life, to say the least.

(lit: Beyonce - the experience...)

Mères...

On Saturday I went a bit beserk over knitted tunic tops/smocks/dresses that were only $15 each. I grabbed about 15 and settled on 5. In the process of elimination i put back a top that was very in vogue this season, but Mum dutifully warned me that i would look up-the-duff, no matter which belt i used around the middle.

So, i put that top back. From my peripheral vision i saw a girl with her mum, eyeing me and that top out. When i put it back she took it off the rack right away. She then asked her mum the same question, whether or not it would make her look preggers? Her mum said it would. But like i said, the top is very this season...she just wouldnt take no for an answer. She was trying so hard to convince her mother she could make a dress out of it. But the top barely skimmed the top of my hips, even if she tugged it down, it would only extend 1 more inch of its length.

My mother, being the queen of nosey, turned around and said to the girl:

"My daughter asked if that would make her look pregnant and i told her yes, but its okay for you because you are round."

What Mum left out in her sometimes broken English is that the girl had a really round face (and that it would suit her in a cute way). How round you might ask? It was really rounder than mine, and for the record i do have a round face.

The girl was flabbergasted!

She was talking to her mum insisting that her face wasnt round and that she didnt have a round body. But fact of the matter is, she was round. Not in an obese way, she was just really curvy in all the places that mattered and she reminded me of Betty Boop.

She then proceeded to state to her mother, more as a fact than a question that she couldnt be rounder than me! I was surprised that she was comparing herself to me. But her mother answer her thinking it was a question or maybe she just wanted to set things straight...and instead of being "nice" to her daughter, she just stated matter of fact that her girl was rounder than i am.

Her daughter then proceeded to say with great melodrama that she wanted to just go home and die.

I was still stunned that my mother said the girl was round and i my head was hazy with all the choices of knitted stuff i could buy.

I was telling Mum that even if it was the truth about that girl, she shouldnt have said it out loud to the girl's face like that...it was just so wrong on so many levels!!! I mean, i would be mortified if someone said that to me.

But as you can see, as mothers age, they just say what they want - cos its the truth! To their own daughters, as well as others.

(lit: Mothers...)

Est-ce que je vous connais?

There is always more to learn about my friends. And im relishing it. I think its really great that as a person they are always ever growing and learning, and have developed into really interesting people.

Whats bad is that it makes me look at myself and i wonder if im interesting to be around. I wonder if i am still growing???

But i dont want to look at myself today...

On Sunday i went out to lunch with G, because he couldnt make it to my birthday dinner and drinks. We tried to catch up for lunch during the week, but he was committed to his workout regime with his work colleagues and i was busy with interviews and various meetings. So, i went ahead and asked him to venture where he had never ventured before...

G is a really shy guy and i have known him since 2nd year uni. We have stayed friends ever since and i am starting to see him come out of his shell. I would say that he is one of my close friends and yet i still dont know a lot about him. He likes to keep to himself...and he is always mysterious, of course in a good way, as much in the way that irritates me because im nosey!

*LoL*

I asked him if he was free on Sunday. No point in trying to fit each other in our respective work day calendars if our Sundays are free. So we locked ourselves in for Midday on Sunday.

We went to Majors Bay Road in Concord and popped into an Italian cafe/restaurant because it looked like it was busy...you should always go where the locals go! And it was here where i learnt that G was also into foreign films.

O_O

He had a stash at home...and according to him, i havent even seen the popular ones he had. I asked if he was interested in going to the film fests with me and E. And he was. If only we had known this earlier! I wouldnt be such a loner trying to find someone to go with me to watch a flick at the film fests!!!

After lunch, we had gelato and then we went back to his home where i had left my car...and for the first time ever i saw the inside of his home. I went in because G was lending me the foreign flicks he had that i hadnt seen yet.

The house is really cool in temperature and really neat...and its so wonderful that his father (a painter) has played around with different colours for different rooms in the house. And his backyard...very good for entertaining and bbq's...gotta convince him to do so next time!!! Although, when i asked him about it, he was quite dismissive.
=P

When we went into his "office" to look at his foreign DVD collection i noticed some photos of his mother. She is wayyy gorgeous and its easy to see now, where G gets his good looks! From his mother and her father...and yes, we have been friends for years but we have never met each others parents.

G has many layers. But i dont think i have really scratched the surface yet. I always thought he was simplistic in his way with life, and therefore he led a simple life. Not to say it wasnt interesting (this was always a mystery), but i always thought it was very family centric. And not to say that it isnt family centric now, but there is sooo much to him that i have yet to get to know.

I'm glad to have a good friend like him and its fun to have these one-on-one lunches with him, to get to know him better. If I had asked him 2 years ago...i doubt that he'd feel comfortable in having lunch with just me, a friend. Its good to see that he has overcome that.

So, G, when is the next time we're catching up for lunch??? I know you'd be reading this...
;p

(lit: Do I know you?)

Voici ma un frere fille...

(Pronounciation: vwa.see ma un frair fee.yer)

I took Chloe to her best friend's birthday party at Hungry Jacks on Easter Saturday.

It was pretty intimidating...all these screaming kids who didnt even have their soft drink yet. They were just excited. I understand that. But OMG...i was spinning out and fearful about whether or not my head was going to explode.

I mean the kids are cute, but all the squealing...for like 25 kiddies in one enclosed space...it was getting too much.

Why was i the chapperone that fine Saturday? Well, my brother had to go to work...my sister in law had to go to her cousin's wedding and had to be present during the tea ceremony and so was the rest of her family. My little brother was at work...Dad wasn't about to take Chloe and Mum doesnt drive.

So, i was cornered. I want to be a good aunt and it sounded like an easy job to fulfil.

And low and behold...i was suckered!

It was very quick; the whole 1.5 hours...and yet it felt like it went on for everrrrr.

The following Saturday, I took her to another birthday party but at McDonalds this time. And the party was longer...a whole 2 hours.

But unlike the last time, where i juat sat around and watched Chloe interact with her friends, i sat and talked to one of her friend's mother. She asked "so, which one is your's?"

WHAT?!

I explained that none were mine. That i was there with Chloe...as chapperone.

I guess, if we spoke in technical terms...I could be a mother...Chloe could be mistaken as mine...we look so much a like...and she is really affectionate with me. And she doesnt call me "Aunty" in English...she calls me "Aunty" in Chinese...so, unless you spoke my dialect of Chinese, you wouldn't really know what she was calling me...and could mistaken her for calling me by an affectionate name meaning mum.

*shudder*

How scary is that?

(lit: This is my brother's daughter...)

Vendredi Noir...

I have sort of been out of it lately...

My motivation at work has declined and it feels like the work i do is not recognised for what it is. That my contribution means nothing.

I think i have been on the same programme far too long. Its been over 1 year doing the same thing (for the majority of it) and it doesnt seem like the programme will end. I just spoke with my Programme Manager and he has noticed the lack of interest, the fact that i am getting bored. But he said he will throw more projects my way to at least keep me busy.

I've started looking...and the market is really good.

Did you know i could easily make twice as much doing the same role by just changing to contracting? And if i went for a Jr PM role, i would be paid three times as much as I am now?!

The money is alluring...especially when im thinking about my mortgage.

*sigh*

What to do...?

(lit: Friday Black = Black Friday)

Joyeux anniversaire! Joyeuses Pâques!

First and foremost, THANK YOU!!! to everyone who turned up for my birthday drinks and dinner and then more drinks!!! You guys are fabulous!!! Except, next time - please stop me from acting like a fool!

=P

I celebrated BIG for my birthday. I get a throbbing headache when i think about how drunk i had gotten. So bad, that i got sick while my friend drove me home...so bad that i got sick again when i was inside my house.

BUT, it was all good. I wanted to experience it. Its like a rite of passage. I turned 26 and i had never gotten drunk. I just felt like it was something to that i should do...cos it wouldnt be right to get that drunk when i turned 30 without it being an act of depression. I wanted to let go of my inhabitions and get plastered...like something i should have done on my 21st.

I mean, it was all well planned. My friend (who lives like a street away) was going to take care of me, in terms of getting me home. And i knew he would look after me, through and through. I had my drinking buddies with me, who i knew would keep me company until i wanted to leave...but it appears they stayed long after i had left...and i knew i would have a fun night.

I wasnt expecting it to be THAT fun...and it seems some had more fun than others *cough*...

But it was fun, all the same.

There are some pretty crazy photos out there...(i believe some people are obsessed with my chest)...

In my defence, i was completely plastered. I deny everything because i dont remember anything from that night and i woke up severely hung over! My room wouldnt stop spinning and i had to sms my brother and ask him to get me a happy meal.

He brought the happy meal over with my niece in tow and she asked me why i was having a happy meal at 10:30 am with a towel tied in turban style on my head...and why my head was propped on my hand under my chin...and why did i drink so much...???

I basically told her i did something really stypid and that i would never do it again. And i really dont plan to. I like my glass of wine here and there, like after work on a Friday night, a glass of white is perfect to wind down the week in preparation for the weekend. But drinking in excess like i did on Thursday night...sorry, no repeats for this girl!

The count down of what i had, and this is the most i have ever had in my life:

(1) 2L of water before lunch
(2) Sangria during lunch
(3) 2L before i left work
(4) Midori with lemonade at EQ after work

At Lord Roberts before and during dinner...
(5) Vodka and cranberry
(6) 1 glass of Verdelho
(7) 1 glass of Chardonnay
After dinner, still at Lord Roberts...
(8) 1 shot of something really nasty
(9) 1 shot of "slippery n!pple"
(10) 1 shot of "wet pu55y"
(11) 1 shot of Agwa
(12) 1 shot of "wet pu55y"
(13) 1 shot of "wet pu55y"
(14) 1 shot of "slippery n!pple"
(15) I lost count around here...i dont know if i had more "wet pu55y" or "slippery n!pple"...
(18) I know i ended with 1 shot of tequila.

Now all those shots were in a span of 1.5 hours and by the end of it, i felt like dancing and was suppose to head to Scary Canary because some friends headed off over there, but i didnt quite make it because i started to feel sick. My friend and i were driving towards it, but i did the smart thing and told him that i doubt if i stood in line that i doubt i would get in, so we should head home...well, I definitely should head home!

All in all, if it wasnt for the up-chucking, the night was a blast - but i still wouldnt want a repeat.

The hard work i have put in to make my body healthy was undone in a matter of 1.5 hours of shots. So not worth it!!!

*A round of applause* for the bartender Cam at Lord Roberts Hotel...next time we go there, we need to bring our own cinnamon so he can make our beloved "flaming shot"...they didnt have any on Thursday night...what a shame!

I spent my real birthday nursing my hangover for the greater half of the day, and watching Season 1 of Fresh Prince of Belair, and then having dinner with my family and i ended the night with both my niece at home watching "Happily N'ever After". It was a really enjoyable way to celebrate being 26.

(lit: Happy Birthday! Happy Easter!)

enfants, gosses...

My personal long standing belief is:

(1) If you don't like kids, you shouldn't have kids;
(2) If you don't want kids, you shouldn't have kids;
(3) If you can't be responsible for your own self, you shouldn't have kids;
(4) If you can't afford to pay for one mouth, what makes you think you can afford for a family???
(5) If you are not ready to have kids, you shouldn't have kids;
(6) There are a countless number of parentless children out there - think about that before you consider bringing another into this world.
(7) I don't think the world is as beautiful a place to live as i did 15 years ago...it has changed and with the rate that we are killing natures resources, i wonder how long it will be before these resources run out and we implode on ourselves. Why would you want to bring a child into such a world? I know a lot of people will disagree with my perspective on this one, but that is how i feel about it.

When i read this post by Sam de Brito (Mr "All Men Are Liars") yesterday, titled Childfree not childless: why kids are a luxury it really got me fired up about those particular people who want/have kids and their stance on another person's choice not to be parents, as a self-absorbed.

I also read this comment someone had left on his previous post, and wondered what bomb would drop...which i guess led to Sam's post on why kids are a luxury.

The comment from the former post is as follows:

"Parenting is all about self-sacrifice and the joys outweigh the negatives but this is something that you self-absorbed childless hedonists will never understand."

I don't deny that parenting is a self-sacrifice, which is why i believe so strongly in the listed points, from 1-7, about whether a person should bring an innocent child into this world or not. Having a child in this day and age, is as Sam describes, a luxury.

I don't believe that a person who chooses not to have children, for whatever their reason, should be called "self-absorbed childless hedonists". I think they are the people you should be patting on the back for avoiding the mistake of becoming resentful, bad parents who raise resentful, bad children that become resentful, bad adults. I mean, they don't want kids. If they had kids, even though they didn't want them, they wouldn't be good parents.

I know this is an extreme point of view, but you and i both know and see a lot of this happening out there. Some people just shouldn't be parents.

And yet they are.

I could copy and paste so much from the "kids are a luxury" post that serves as a "take that" approach of rebuttal to all those people who keep harping on about how its their right to have children and that somehow something is wrong with you if you don't have children, but i should just leave you to read it if you are honestly interested.

J and i were briefly talking about this at work (and i later sent her the link) and while we were discussing kids or no kids, she crossed over to the abortion topic...but i don't want to get into that right now...thats an ugly debate and i don't know exactly where i stand on that one.

(lit: children, kids)

mes cheveux...

On Saturday afternoon, i visited my hairdresser and asked him to cut my hair. Obviously.

But i asked him to reduce the length by 4-5 inches.

He said 4, but it looks more like 5 inches were removed.

Its funny how secure my hair had been making me feel. I have kept it long, in terms of length, it has always sat about 3-5 cms above my waist. I'd trim about 3 inches off, a couple of months down the track it grows back to about 3-5 cms above my waist...

It was basically long enough to wrap twice around my neck on a cold night, when i find my self needing a scarf...now its noticeably shorter in length. I feel a tad naked. Its much more blunter at the ends around the back...no more wispy bits around the whole head...just around the face to make the style look softer...he reduced the "texturising" to just the layers at the front and so the rest of my head should be even steven and should look healthier.

Its funny...i asked him if he was proud that i had come back to see him for a trim in 3 months versus the 6-9 months it usually is...he told me of course, and he commented that all that he had removed in December has grown back and then some. He asked what was i eating so he could pass on to his other customers?!?!??! Because not only did my hair grow so fast, its really healthy.

I dont think most people really attribute good, healthy hair (or good, healthy anything for that matter) with what they eat. Yes, they know about it...Yes, people can read alot about it...BUT, people are still looking for quick fixes...i mean, it does explain why there are so many different "hair care" products or equipment out there claiming to help one thing or another. And i do use leave in conditioner (when i remember to) to give my long hair a helping hand...

I dont know...in some ways im a "naturalist" when it comes to my hair and skin. I dont like using too many products. To this day, i still dont wear make up to work. I put on moisturising sunscreen (SPF 30+) and lipbalm (SPF 30+) in the morning and reapply my lipbalm like 50 million times a day, but nothing else.

I actually wash my face with a cleanser that "will not strip the skin of natural protective oils or emollients, or disturb the skin’s natural pH balance. It is fragrance-free and non-comedogenic"...same with my body wash...

The only thing that goes onto my scalp and hair follicles is shampoo, conditioner and the leave in conditioner when i remember to.

I have never dyed my hair.

Sometimes, i say that and it has the same impact as me saying out loud "I have never taken a puff from a cigarette. NEVER!" And yes, it is true. I have never tried to smoke, never even lighted up a cigarette...never actually held one between my fingers...I've held a packet for my friends once...but thats as far as i have ever gotten.

Weird coming from a 25 y/o (im still not 26, btw)...? Yes...Has it really affected me in a negative way in any shape or form because i havent tried to smoke...? No.

I'm not much of a sun person...which is another reason why i think my hair is healthy. I put on sunscreen when i go out, but i dont like sunscreen staining my clothes...so i rather not go out to somewhere where it would be a requisite to slather on heaps of sunscreen...

If you are still wondering what my diet is like, because you want to grow your hair faster, here it is:

I have 1/2 a cup of muesli for breakfast with skim milk, 1 regular soy chai latte.
1L of water between breakfast and lunch.
I usually try to have a salad with tuna, 1 small whole grain bread roll, 500mL of water.
In the afternoon...at this point i can be really bad or try my best to be really good. Bad = something sweet. Good = dry roasted nuts (i got bored of raw nuts) or a small yogurt, 500mL of water.
Dinner is whatever my mother cooks, which is usually rice with something...250mL of water.
At the gym and after working out, 1L(+) of water would have been consumed.

Thats another thing...i drink heaps of water. If you could change one thing for yourself which would guarantee better skin and hair...it would be to increase the amount of water you drink...if you dont already do so.

If you already drink heaps of water, i would recommend increasing the amount of vegetables you eat...im talking dark green leafy veges and other colourful ones...like beetroot, carrots, tomato, squash, onion, capsicum, etc...AND legumes!!!

Okay, enough about healthy hair...

I'm getting excited about tomorrow being the day before our long weekend...which also happens to be the day before my birthday and all the celebrating i will do all day with my workmates (for lunch) and friends (for dinner).

Its going to be a great day...I've already received a present this morning! Its a road map of France and its HUGE!!!

(lit: my hair)

Dimanche, premiere Avril...

(Pronounciation: dee.monsh, prer.myair a.vreel)

Its been exactly a year to date.

I went in to hibernation, i guess as a conservation/preservation mechanism.

I wanted to heal what was wounded and then move on...healing was easy...im pretty good at bouncing back...moving on is another story.

I cant say that i have "moved on"...i've just kept on moving...and moving anywhere is better than just remaining static, right?

A lot of things have been happening around me, involving me in part of the decision process. I have also made huge decisions which have impacted on my life in a positive way.

If my life did not turn the way it did one year ago i would not have accomplished all that i have and will accomplish by the end of this year.

So, in a way i am grateful for the events that took place this time last year. I am grateful that it had spurn so much change...pushed me in the right direction...forced me to take charge and get my act together...because finally, i can tick off a variety of things off my list.

(lit: Sunday, 1st April)