Enchante...

(Pronounced: on.shon.tay)

Life is funny in almost every circumstance.

Like shopping with my mother every weekend...ritualistically...meeting all these people - her friends...their children sometimes...

Being single and more the fear of dying lonely with no one to bury me when my turn arrives makes me sit and wonder sometimes.

There are the people who are fortunately charmed and everything seems to go there way. And there are the others who dont lead such a charming life. I come across a lot of people, but i have been trained to keep to myself and and pretty much avoid eye contact.

I dont try to make conversations with strangers. But i have an ability to have friendly conversations with say the stranger that is serving me at the cafe or the local fruit grocer...etc...

I am sometimes lucky, but i dont have it all.

With my weekly ritual my mum goes to this one asian grocer and always chit chats with the owner and their sons. The older of the two sons had a crush on me about 8 years ago...I was young and he was a smoker...sooo not my type. And in the end his parents forced him to marry a girl from Vietnam whom they had arranged for the two of them with her parents when they were toddlers. Weird, i know...who'd actually go through with the arrange marriages their parents set up yonks ago, in this day and age - all willingly?!

His younger brother i knew only by face, because he went to the same highschool as i did and is a year or two younger than my older brother. He would on occasion help his parents out at the grocery store on the weekend and my mother would chat to him whenever we'd drop by. He would always ask my mother what she would be cooking that night and ask if he could come over? My mother would say "sure thing...and dont just say you are and not show up! I'll get angry with you..." She said that jokingly and he never did show up.

The thing is, i never thought he was attractive. And when i saw him, i'd keep to myself and patiently wait for my mother to buy whatever she needed and when she would appear out of the store, the two of them would joke while i grabbed the bags from her to carry the bags to the car. I didnt even say hello to him, nor did he say hello to me...not until maybe 2 years ago did we speak a little to eachother.

After speaking to one another, i guess i saw him in a different light and i noticed that he had a nice smile...that he was cute in a very quirky way...and that this guy genuinely liked chatting to my mother...he didnt do it just out of politeness.

I think its very hard to find a guy who will get along THAT well with my mum. Not that she is a difficult person to get along with...but the two of them talk like friends...and well, its nice to see that.

There are some things word just cant express. Sometimes we'd look at eachother. He would notice something. I would notice something. We're probably not thinking the exact same thing, but were on the same wavelength...and its some form of enlightenment that transcends verbal communication.

I do believe that he finds me mysterious and interesting, because i dont often say anything more than a "Hi!" to him. And i have the tendency to look at something or someone and smile or laugh to myself...and he has the tendency to catch me in the action of doing so.

He was there at the store today. We said hello and i stood to the side waiting for my mother like the diligent daughter i am, he was talking to his parents and as my mother and i left we noticed a girl with him.

When my mother and i got into the car i told her that he caught me laughing to myself when i saw this old lady try on this hat. Mum later mentioned that he was getting married in September this year.

I then realised that i could have, would have, should have...but its too late.

I put it down on the fact that it was one of those moments where i was the unfortunate one.

It just wasnt meant to be.

There is a saying in Vietnamese that my mother often quotes...and it seems befitting this moment.

We both didnt have the "charm"...

(lit: Pleased to meet you...)