Pleasantly Forgettable...

Look at her. She has a round face, average brown eyes, medium full lips and long black hair.

On the street, if your eyes meet, you would think that she was pleasant enough, but the moment you walked on by, you wouldn’t remember anything about her, she would be forgotten.

She isn’t particularly pretty. There aren’t any features about her that stand out. Nor does she have any distinct disfigurement to speak of. Although, it would be unfair to refer to her as ugly, because…well, she is not.

Her charm, if you can call it such, is in her polite manners. That’s why the Old Man is in love with her. You could put it on her mother for teaching her so well. “Always respect your elders, say hello to them when you see them.”

That’s exactly what the girl did when she saw the Old Man on the street. She would give him a curt smile and say hello. Then she would progress to do whatever she had planned to.

I guess it’s a rare thing to witness young ones these days, paying respect to elders. He couldn’t remember the last time his grandchildren were so polite with his friends or anyone older than them. He felt fortunate that the girl validated his existence everyday.

People may find it odd that an old man the age of her grandfather, was so taken by her, enchanted. She is nowhere near beautiful. She isn’t even cute. The only feature that one might notice is her hair. Long and black and at times would reflect light like a river.

I wonder if he has ever looked into her eyes. I wonder if he has seen her sorrow that is kept under lock and key within her heart. Perhaps then she would leave an impression on the Old Man far greater than the self satisfaction that she provides with the simple hello.

Lately, she has been hiding. Harbouring a lot of pain and fearing the day she has to face the world. The Old Man misses his hellos. He bumps into her mother on the street and tells her that she is fortunate to have such a good daughter; that her daughter is so well mannered and polite. He dares not ask what has happened to her daughter. Discretion is a virtue. But nevertheless he is wondering what has come of the girl, as he speaks to her mother.

I guess, no one will ever know what has happened to the pleasantly forgettable girl. But, will anyone remember to ask her mother of her?

Fairytale belief...

Once upon a time on a bright sunny day there lived a little girl who had all these hopes and dreams to fulfil...

When i was younger, it might not have sounded like i was optimistic, but in my heart i believed that love conquered all.

I believed that if someone loved you, nothing could stop the two of you. (And you would live happily ever after...)

The concept that people can fall out of love seemed like a hoax to me.

A bit "Wayne's World" -

"no way!"

"wayyy..."

"nooo, way!"

"yes, wayyy..."

"No! Way!"

It sounds ridiculous but that truly goes around in my head sometimes. This coming from a tertiary educated girl...maybe thats why i didnt graduate with honors?
=P

Its not like i envisioned it to be a bubble like state...where you would fall in love and then nothing could hurt you or burst your 'bubble'.

I was still very much realistic. I knew that there was a reason why in the vows it said "for better or worse"...there are always ups and downs, but i truly thought that if you loved a person, you would always work things out and you would never give up on trying to work it out - thats the commitment that you promised to when you signed the dotted line! (Its written in the fine print of your marriage certificate, under Section 1C, clause (ii), line 3. Just under the part that says you will love the person FOREVER!)

*LoL*

Anyway, life is about learning. And just like Goldilocks, i've learnt my share of lessons. Problem is, i cant get my heart to agree with my head. My head is being practical and logical and is trying to move on. My heart is telling my head to go get stuffed, cos its waiting for the fairytale to come true!

Films and more films...

I rented out Gosford Park on Monday night, because my friend and i missed it on Sunday night...too busy watching Big Brother...so we missed the first section of the movie and thought that we would rent it out and watch it Monday night.

Since it was a weekly dvd, i rented 5 other dvd's.

And, i watched five out of the six dvd's i rented.

So, we watched "Gosford Park" on Monday night...it was very slow for like the first 90-something minutes, but the twist at the end was good. Not necessarily worth waiting for, but at least i wasn't left thinking "Omg, what was that?"

We started watching "Girl with a pearl earring" and that was another slow movie...i fell asleep, it had interesting moments...but i was expecting some sort of climax in the film as it was developing, but it failed to do so. Since, i slept through the later half of the film, i watched it again on Tuesday morning. And there were really interesting moments...hissy fits...but it just didnt deliver what i was anticipating. And the ending...one word...disappointing!

I then popped in "The Cats Meow" dvd. I had read a novel about William R. Hearst and his mistress Marion...they are real people...and there were real deaths involving those two people...maybe not directly, but there is still much speculation, which is why there are books and movies about the two. The movie was another let down...highlight was Kirsten Dunst playing the role of Marion, and there were a few semi-famous people in the cast.

After The Cats Meow, i started watching a film about an American artist...a depiction of how he became famous and the pitfalls of rising and rising fast. The title of that flick is "Basquiat", about the life of the street artist Jean-Michel Basquiat. This flick had a list of famous actors just as long as "Crash"...were talking Benicio del Toro, Dennis Hopper, Willem Dafoe, Davie Bowie, Parker Posey, Claire Forlani, Gary Oldman, Tatem O'Neal, and even Courtney Love.

I wasn't expecting much from this movie, and it was surprisingly interesting. To watch people change under the influence of money...to watch how some people's perspective of others don't change at all, even though they have gained star status within the art world. To see how racism doesnt change, even though you are famous. To see who remains your true friend, and to watch the people who keep pointing out that you shouldnt trust someone...that someone being your true friend.

Insightful, very good for a lazy afternoon.

Next flick to watch is "Hotel Rawanda". This movie is really good...but it stressed me out...and i hate movies depicting others killing one another, especially when its killing in terms of genocide. It was a great movie that provided closure at the end...which i wasnt expecting and was grateful for. There was hope in the film. It moved me. I almost cried so many times...but thought i was stupid for doing so, and i held back the tears.

Don Cheadle did a wonderful performance, and its no surprise this movie was nominated for the Oscars in 2004/2005. I would recommend this movie to those who have not watched it, unless you dont like movies that depict death in a very real sense...and you have a very sensitive stomach...but sometimes, you just need to watch these movies to desensitise yourself a bit.

There is one point where he crumbles and cries, and you have to wonder when would you have crumbled if you were in the same position? I think i would have been in tears way long before we saw him crack!

The final dvd that i have watched previously and really enjoyed, I am leaving for another day. Its "Finding Neverland" with Johnny Depp and Kate Winslet. I'm saving it for Friday night or sometime during the weekend...where i can sit at home and ball my eyes out!

I cried when i watched it in the cinemas, and with the state of my affairs, i think its high time i induced some crying action. I'm feeling a bit too controlled right now. I need to cry all my tears out, to the utmost exhaustion...and then maybe i will be able to see straight again.

I miss him, and some things have happened over the past weekend to really cause my heart to ache.

*sigh*

What to do???

I was just offered to work on 2 other projects while doing this big programme. I accepted at about 9:30am today.

So, i'm being petitioned to be moved back to the CBD...they desperately need me there...and if they successfully move me back within a week, i will know for a fact that the upper management knows about me, that they too really want me there and understand how important i am to the company.

I told a colleague in another team about the move and i told him i that i don't quite want to move from Glebe. I like the office in Glebe. I like the fact that it is not as busy as HQ in the CBD. I like where i am now. And i would miss having him and his team around.

BUT i move where i am needed, its part of my job, i move where my team is and i get moved frequently as its the nature of my role.

The colleague is a manager and he has a position to fill. A communications analyst role, i think. And he is offering ALOT of money. Although it is a contracting role for 4 months or so, until the team figures out what to do with that position. The thing is, what i would make in that 4 months is twice the amount i would normally make from what i am doing now. Maybe even more. Since the rate he was quoting was the permanent position rate, while i would be paid the contractor rate, which could be twice the amount he told me...

So, i could in fact make 4 times as much as i would normally make. Which really means i could make the equivalent to my annual salary in 4 months.

I am utterly tempted, since i plan on going to Europe next year. That amount of money would be really really really handy. It could mean that i would get to Europe earlier or i could go for longer.

I am wondering how i could get this opportunity to work with my current role.

I am a contractor, i should be able to do whatever i want, take whatever roles that come my way when people want me. But it could be career suicide if i ever try to get back into Project Management. I don't want to appear as though i don't have conviction, that money wields my way.

My company goes by a first come first serve policy. If you want me to work on your project, you need to get in first, or pray that the project i am on will be short lived.

I will be completing a PM course shortly (company paid) and at the end of the course i will pretty much be handed my next certification as a RPM, thats with a few more months of experience in the industry too. But that RPM title will then give me heaps of leverage.

So, what is a girl to do?

I have never thought anyone would offer me a six figure salary, off the bat like that. Well, not until i become a RPM, at least.

So, as a quick reaction, what i did was diplomatic and politically correct.

I asked the colleague if he was serious about the position being available, that he really needed the help? He said yes. So, i told him to contact my company and we could help him find a suitable person to fill in the contract, we will look after him and find him a great person!

=)

And it was so sweet his response: "But i want you to work with us...we don't want anyone else! That's why i offered it to you!!!"

Me: "But i don't even know how to troubleshoot the problems you guys get!"

Colleague: "Don't worry, you log the problem and pass it to one of the guys! They'll fix it for you!"

...

Talk about excellent opportunity...I would get paid six figures to pass work off to other people, and i'm already friends with all the managers.
*hehehe*

...

What to do???

"grievance period"

I happened to mention to a doctor friend that i was recently broken up with my boyfriend.

Being much more older than i was, out of concern she asked me "You aren't going to jump into another relationship so soon, are you?"

I was like "NO! I want to enjoy the fact that im single...im going to travel and do all the stuff i want to do."

She then said to me "You do know that when you get out of long relationships, it may take about a year to fully get over it."

I told her "Yeah, i figured that much..."

Slight pause, examines my facial expressions, and with a sincere smile:

"Well then," she said to me, "you can go and do all the things that you once thought you couldnt because of your commitment to your boyfriend!"

Exactly.

The point of this post...a while i ago...actually a very long while ago, (i cant even exactly remember whether a wrote about it in a single post, or if i alluded towards the idea in another post, or even when i wrote about it, but its somewhere in my archive...) i wrote about the "Grievance Period".

I call it the Grievance Period, only because that was the best way i could describe it at the time...and funny enough, i sort of neglected to acknowledge what i believed in and was only hit by it when M mentioned to me about my own philosophies...and now that the doctor friend had concurred what i have always believed, that it takes a long time to heal and get over the relationship, i feel better.

Its nice to have someone who is a doctor and tell you that what you believed, that your philosophy is accurate, its pretty neat! Especially, when they corroborate without your intervention. I didnt tell her that i thought it would take about a year for me to fully get over this breakup...she was the one who told me that it was most likely to be that way...confirming what i thought.

Since, it took me a good 7 months to get over a 11 month relationship. I spent the time looking inward, at myself. I wanted to fix myself. Make me whole, ensure my independance was still there. Feel complete & at one with myself. To be sure that i loved & respected me.

In this recent break up, it was a long relationship...not as long as you may assume, but it was passionate and very serious, to say the least. It will definitely take a year of looking in this time around, mending whats broken, building up on one's self.

I know as a person that i am complete. But i do feel a hollowness in the chest right now. And im not saying that im perfect, there is still a lot to do towards being a more full and robust me. There is still a lot of things to learn, that will take me until the day i die.

I just want to let you know or let myself know, really...that i have a direction to head and i am moving forward. I'm not taking steps back. The past is in the past, and i am leaving it there. I am going to challenge myself mentally, physically and emotionally. At the end of it, i am hoping that the hollowness will be gone. The time frame is 1 year.

Easter Weekend Recap

Thursday: Work was okay, the March bill was finalised and out of my hair! *hiphiphooray!* Went to Myers to meet up with Kat, I bought some chocolate easter eggs while i waited...Cherry Brandy Truffles...Met with Kat, walked around, met AY and she gave me my bday present...hug kiss good bye...sat down cos my feet were killing me (damn stilettos)...opened my present to check it out, and it was a beautiful jewellery box! Thanx AY!!! ^_^ Met with M and exchanged her bday present then parted ways to go to Equilibrium. Walked to Equilibrium and bumped into some friends outside...one just came back from SA (studying there for 2nd degree) for catch up with everyone, quick chat...then i went to the bar.

Got into bar and went looking for everyone. Joel was upstairs and it was empty. *LoL* So, i contacted my other friends and met with them downstairs. I got myself a glass of white and started drinking...forgot that i hadnt eaten anything since lunch at noon...decide to grab a mushroom risotto, which also came with a glass of wine...so i had about 1.5 glasses before eating...then i finished my 2nd glass...went upstairs and had my 3rd glass and by this point, i could feel that i was tipsy.

By the time L and E joined V and i, i think i was very red and light headed! ahahahaha...i drank 2 glasses of water...chatted to my friend's workmate...saw the birthday boy looking like he was a goner...went to the ladies...went back to my seat only to get dragged to the dance floor by E to dance with him, only he was screaming in my ear saying that he doesnt remember how to dance?! *RoFL* We were the only other couple beside another couple who were dirty dancing with eachother. It was time to move on.

We had to leave shortly, and i think i was ready to go home...but before we did, we headed to the vodka bar to have a vodka shot in the ice glass. I had difficulty walking over to the bar and when we "cheered" with the ice glasses...those slippery little suckers slipped from my fingers and i split some, luckily on the ice slab and not on my LBD. Down the hatch it went and OMFG...it was horrible...and that just tipped the iceburg. I had to hold E's arm to walk from the bar to the carpark...

But here's the funny thing, when i called my lil brother to say that he didnt need to pick me up from the trainstation, that E was going to drop me off, my brother asked if E was okay? Like was E okay to drive, etc, thinking that E was more out of it than i was! *LoL* Let me state a fact, E is a responsible driver, he doesnt ever drink if he is driving...not one drop of alcohol...he doesnt do the "1 cup should be okay"...

I got home and my brother knocked on my bedroom door to ask if i was alright...and i was, but i felt dizzy...then he asked if E was alright...still thinking that E was pissed drunk...hehehe...I showered and brushed my teeth and hopped into bed, only to get woken up by my mother at 8am on Good Friday.

Good Friday: She came knocking on my door and my head was swaying when i propped myself up to see who had rudely woken me at what felt like an extrememly early hour...although i knew it was my mother...only my mother would knock on my door...she asked if i wanted to go and have breakfast with my older brother and nieces? I thought "i aint gonna be sleeping after waking up...might as well put some food in me, make me feel better?!" I got up, asked if my lil brother was going, if so, he could drive cos i wasnt going to make it! Washed my face, brushed my teeth, got my hair pulled back in a messy do, got dressed and popped on the big sunnies.

I couldnt believe that i was hungover...the swaying wouldnt stop...i blame the vodka...my niece even noted that i was looking/walking funny...she said "Aunty, you were drinking a lot last night!?" She said it as a question but i think she meant it as a statement..."Yes sweetie, i was drinking last night." Oh gosh, someone shoot me! I am a bad example for those girls!

We finished breakfast and i felt extremely better after getting food into my system. We then headed to the city and my mother wanted me to drive, since she doesnt quite trust my P-plater brother...so i drove, and i was fine...and gosh, how i love double demerits on a long weekend and how i love it when everyone else is at home or at the church and the road is pretty much to myself...i was driving just below 60km/h speed limit...and yet i was driving to the city fine and dandy...and i got there in 30 minutes! Parking was hassle free!!!

We went to have lunch and did some shopping around Market City...since Chinatown was the only place opened...after lunch we went to Galaxy World...my nieces love playing the games and then it became a mission to win as many tickets so that Chloe could have this bubble blowing pen thingo and we got Aimee a paint set. You gotta love the hippos which you bash on their heads when the poke out from their hiding place. Between my niece, her father and i, we finally got the top score! *LoL* It took the three of us...ahhahahaa...after fun and games and prizes won we headed home.

I had a quiet night, that Friday...i needed to sleep anyways.

Saturday: Slept in until 9am (i usually get up around 5:50am on a work day and 7am on a weekend)...i got ready and was seriously trying to hold back from eating a pancake my mum had made...W and i were going to Bondi to have brunch. We use to do this like once every few months and he recently told me that our fav spot closed down and was now called something else but still had a similar menu...so i thought i should go try it.

I ordered poached eggs with hash, sausages, and mushrooms. It wasnt until the guy left with my order that i realised that i had ordered heaps...but never fear, thats why you bring a guy friend. He had half of my mushrooms and hash. Afterwards we drove to Paddington and scored a brilliant parking space right next to the cinema. We thought we would get the tix to "How much do you love me?" before we walked to the markets...W thought it would be packed out (I didnt think so)...we had the tix and then we sauntered to his fav bike shop...stopped at this store that sold pre-loved Princeton jumpers, polo tees, name badges (i bought one for my brother, i found a "Larry" - his nick, that looked cool), belts, etc...walked along oxford street and realised that we wouldnt make it to the markets from where we were and get to the movie on time...so we visited the Puma store and after that went back to the cinema.

My verdict? It was good. It was entertaining. I absolutely enjoyed the way it was cleverly done...BUT...the ending went over my head. I actually didnt focus on the subtitles much, and tried to listen to the French being spoken and I got the punchlines...and at some points i could have been on the floor, rolling around with tears in my eyes...

And then there was that weird ending...i dont quite understand why she went from vixen to drab, or those intrusive snapshots between the party to someone being held at gunpoint, then back to the party and then the insinuation of an affair, snap back to the party...it was all too much! That party was giving me a headache. The ending was a shocker.

The cure? We walked to the markets, it was a lovely autumn day...i gotta tell you, rose tinted glasses makes the world look beautiful, it felt like Monsieur Monet was one step in front of me, adding the honey haze over everything and everywhere i looked! I bought a strawberry shortcake ice cream sandwich and W & i browsed for tee's that he could buy.

I like plaiting the full length of my hair to the side now. I think it gives me a boheme-kitsch type of look, especially with my large rose tinted frames. I was considering chopping it all off, but my hair has NEVER been this length before...its barely skimming my waist. So, i figure i'll let it reach the waist and then i'll go for a good trim, even out the layers or just go for a blunt cut, but keep the length...cos although i like short hair, long hair looks better on me.

After W dropped me off, i was home alone. I started to feel lonely and insecure...a shame cos my day was really enjoyable. Everyone was out of the house and i was just in the lounge room on my own...i tried listening to music, but it depressed me. I tried to read, but couldnt concentrate and it depressed me. There was nothing to watch - bloody depressing!!! I gave up and went to bed.

Sunday: Bummed in my brother's room and watched Veronica Mars, the latest episodes from the US, and Prison Break all day. I've never watched Prison Break, but people keep telling me that it is very good show...so i thought i would give it a go...and have to say, im engaged because it is very intelligent, but its stressing me! Soooo much is going on and i just want him to get his brother and get out!!! Thankfully, Wentworth Miller has a very smooth voice and I just love the way he articulates...i can close my eyes and listen to him until i fall asleep...hehehe...

Monday: My funday...we filmed what was suppose to be a season finale to HI...i dont get it...there isnt any script...i just knew that if i went along, i would be laughing non stop and i need that right now...and i also wanted Harry's.

E picked me up...we got to USYD...we got dressed...i had a cocopops bomb strapped to me...i had to put a nun's habit on again...it was really crazy...all in the name of fun! So we shoot a couple of times...a dog and a couple come and watch us...the dog tries to get intimate with L and her sausage tray strapped to her thigh (meant to be another bomb)...CnC comes running from behind a tree ready to stab me with a BBQ fork...all in a day's work for the HI crew. *LoL*

We then decided it was a wrap...packed up...went back to the car...made way to Harry's, obviously there had to be a car incident or two...got out and rushed for lunch. After lunch we drove L and CnC back to their cars and E & i then headed to Parramtta Westfields and i went to buy more choc easter eggs...this time i remembered to bring my voucher...but it caused an incident! Like if you are a manager at Myers, shouldnt you know how to use the register? And wouldnt you know how to scan a voucher and then make whatever deductions you would have to do? How hard is it? Gosh, how did you get promoted to being a manager?!?!?! She took 15 minutes of E and my life...15 minutes that we would never get back!!!
=P

Going home from Parramatta, i made a conscious decision...i was going to find a way for me to get to Europe...for at least a holiday! I have always wanted to go and the plan was that when i graduated, i would work for a year and then pack my bags and travel for a bit...then come back and work again...but work got in the way...then other things happened...but since i dont plan from leaving the job that i am in now, i can plan my holiday without having to worry about it affecting my other responsibilities...i worked it out that i can save enough to go Europe by next year spring.

Today: So, i now have a goal...i have even decided on which tour i will join so that i would have company on my trip (90% sure)...i plan on extending the trip so that i can spend my own time exploring France, because a few hours in the Louvre just wont be enough for me. I spent all day yesterday looking at various tour companies and decided that i would go with someone tried and trusted...i wont be doing Contiki...i dont want to go out and drink...i dont want to actually socialise like that...i want to explore the country and absorb all the knowledge i can while im there...i plan on doing all things cultural and i'm going to abstain from shopping.

If you dont hear from me for the next 12 months or so, its because im hibernating at home and saving money!

Settling down...

I was talking to a friend...(i'm always talking to a friend...)

And i realised that i'm nearly at that stage of settling down.

That stage where i want to do inane things like sitting at home watching DVDs.

That stage where i do scheduled things like going to the AGNSW "After Dark" on Wednesday or Drinks with friends on Friday after work or watch a foreign film at 1pm on Saturday after having brunch or sketching some pictures in my sketch journal on a Sunday afternoon.

And the most enjoyable part...i'm at that stage of just being at home. I want to cook dinners, invite friends over to play board games and talk over tea or wine and then go to bed at a decent hour after enjoying my day. (Maybe even hold a tea party on a Sunday!)

I want to sit at home and enjoy the company of my partner and just talk about things...anything...and everything.

And i think i am almost ready to get married and have kids.

*Shoot me now, i can't believe i admitted that!*

Why I say "nearly or almost", its because there are some things i would like to do before having children...the things where you need the freedom to do so...while i can still be selfish! Because once i have children, i would need to be selfless, and my idea of being a good mother is one that gives all of herself to her family...(and then trying to fit some time for herself - some where, some how, some way!)

I never thought that i could become a mother...i couldn't see myself having children and i think it was because in my previous life, not so long ago, i was selfish - purely career oriented and i was vain. I wanted success and i wanted to live out a life of luxury and freedom. I didn't want to suffer stretch marks, i didn't want to lose my figure, i didn't want to have to go through 9 hours or more of pain, or have many sleepless nights on end. But more importantly, i truly believed that i was incapable of being a good role model for my children or be able to provide enough for them and be responsible for them in the way that a good mother should.

You see bad examples of parenting out there and it does scare the bejeezus out of me. You see those kids who parents don't care about them all that much and don't bother teaching them anything. And so what type of hoons will they grow up to be???

I didn't see myself go through this change, until i openly admitted these things to my friend. How different i am now, compared to how i was only a year ago? I now want to take my nieces out to the zoo and spend quality time with them, I'm getting so bloody clucky! I can't believe that i am actually ready - now that i'm single?!?!

What kind of warped joke is this?

I walk past this store that sells fabric for curtains and upholstery during my lunch breaks...its very cute and quaint and it looks like they only stock quality fabrics...the store is called Harris & Nugent...and each time i walk towards it, my attention is sucked towards its window display, and i have this HUGE urge to buy a pre-loved armchair so that i could go and re-upholster it like the one they have in the window...like how stupid is that?

Its beyond being homely...i think im going crazy!

Who would have thought that when i turned 25 I would wake up and realise that I want what most women want...a life filled with wonderous memories, shared with a loving husband and a couple of beautiful happy children...with a loving extended family and circle of friends.

Happy Easter!

The Operations Manager for one of the divisions is in a bunny suit with a red vest and red bow tie with sequins on it, and a basket filled with easter eggs!

*LoL*

There was a lady walking around with him who had a camera...im assuming there will be a pic of me smiling like an idiot on the intranet shortly.

Why oh why do my photos end up on the intranet...just like our Christmas party last year...there would be so many photos of other people and yet out of the hundreds that were taken, mine had to be one of the 20 that got loaded on the intranet!

>_<"

I feel like i keep getting caught with my skirt down around my ankles. (Not a good sight!)


***

On another note...my older brother came home for dinner with the girls and as he sat down he asked me:

"Since you're not seeing that guy...can i set you up?"

Me blinking...thinking wtf?

"No! And anyways, i'm picky these days, no smoking, no drinking, no gambling, he has to be tall..." (Threat to stop him from continuing this converstation)

He responds with:

"Its not like you're getting any younger...you should be married now, having kids!"

And then my mother butts in with:

"You shouldn't be picky, not now!" (And gives me an "I'm ashamed of you for being picky look!"

***

i'm getting worried that I am now the only person working in the company that fully understands how to do the project billing, and knows it in full circle.

Let me note, i shouldn't be the one chasing everyone, per se, to get every little bit of detail to do the project billing. I should be given everything i need and just enter final amounts and codes into a template. I shouldn't be asked to do any accounting, and i don't think i should be authorising anything.

The billing manager seems lost at most times and our training session was really about 10 minutes of her showing me a template. Great! Meanwhile, i had to fumble my way, scraped and scrunged around to collect every little detail and when i was done, she sent it back to me and i had to balance the bill. Although, as the finance person you would think that the billing manager would notice where the discrepancies were...but no, I pointed them out and showed the manager how to balance the bill! (At one section, she didn't do a sum and had typed in an arbitrary amount...throwing the bill way out! And she asked me how that happened? I suggested maybe she did a typo! I don't know...how am i to know how that happened?)

I had to speak to another guy and he is the person who should generates codes for rates, etc. and should know what the cost rates are versus the charge rates. And yet i was the one to tell him what the cost rates were...like that isn't the way its suppose to work!

The weirdest thing of all, this whole new billing process on our end has been created to comply with the SLA's that the client has asked us to follow to coincide with their billing process. But the client has no clue how it works...but its their billing process!?!?

The scariest thing of all...is since this is all new and i've learnt it...i'm the only one who knows about it from all angles - i have had to attack various people from different teams to get what i needed to process the bills.

But i'm a contractor and can move on to another project at any stage, and may not necessarily work with this client again.

I guess these things happen readily...my workmate suggested that I don't tell anyone that i know how the process goes...cos then i would be the "Go to" person, even when i'm off on another project.

I laughed and said, "i'll just charge extra!" (Well, i won't personally, but my company would sure try to!)

*evil laugh*

Try: "I'm hurting, but i'm okay."

I'm going to try and stay busy. It helps that everyone is celebrating their birthday too!

My birthday dinner went well...and i know now that i dont like tequila! Thanks to the select few that were invited and joined me, and thank you for the presents...(well, all the sensible ones!)...and you really didn't have to, i mean it, seriously...you didn't have to!!! I haven't even made a dent in the chocolate crackle CocoPops bomb!

=P

I think i've decided to party hard this Thursday night...well not party party, but have drinks and just let go. Enjoy the company and soak in the atmosphere.

I just need to remind myself that i need food and lots of water to balance things out...I dont want a hangover on Friday. I plan on reading Books 1-4 just for the heck of it, and it won't happen if i'm hung over!

I'm going to catch a french film on Saturday. It was a film wanted to watch during the festival, but didn't, cos he didn't want to go and watch it. So, my friend and i are going for brunch and then catch the flick in Paddington and then maybe we'll just loiter around a gallery or museum. Gosh, i miss being an arty fart!!!

Sunday will be family day...i promised my niece that i would paint her nails. hehehe...i did it once and she is waiting for me to do it again. We'll probably go and visit my Great Aunt too...which means we will be going to the markets...which also means i will be spending money on things that i don't really need!

Monday...L & E and I have decided...well, really it was L & I who decided that we would do some filming...but we might have to drag CnC as she isn't all too keen...the plan is to film and then we we'll go and have some Harry's...its been so long since the last time we had Harry's!

I need to do this. I need to try and keep myself from thinking about what has happened and all the "what if's". It's not healthy. Better to surround myself with the people who care about me and love me the way i am...who would never give up on me and will always stand by me.

I need to look at it as: "Change is good, but growing is better!"

I asked my ex (from before, now we're friends) how long it took him to stop loving me? He thinks it was a good couple of months. He realised that it wasn't doing him any good pining for me. I wonder if it will take me longer to get over "him"?

I told a girlfriend today, who recently found out that i was single now, that just because I'm good at being a b!tch and at pretending that i'm confident and happy, doesn't mean that i'm not broken down inside!

*finally the truth has been uttered*

*queue the next truth of the year*

I'm hurting, but i'm okay.

Seems to fit me well, those words.

wanted!

Its always nice to know that people are looking for work for you...

Its also always nice to know that your PM has introduced you to other PM's by name only - no one really knows my face...and other PM's offer you work, purely by reputation.

I think its great.

I hope my company appreciates that I am appreciated by our client and im basically generating money for them.

And with all these prospects ahead of me...it looks like the road to project management is ever closer.

I think this is a moment for me to ponder and appreciate that at least my career is fast tracking in the right direction.

***

For my birthday i was suprised by a box on my desk. It was a box of tulips...my favourite flower. It was from him...i was dumbfounded and my colleague asked me if anything was wrong? I wasnt expecting anything. It was a BIG surprise. It was bitter sweet.

***

I met up with a friend for lunch. He gave me a present too for my birthday. It was very thoughtful. It comprised of a sketch journal and a tin of soft lead pencils and also a miniature sketch model. He was trying to inspire me to go back to my creativity. I was absolutely in awe and oh so happy.

***

I am blessed. I guess this is a retrospective. I may not be loved by that one, but I am loved by some and they love me unconditionally. What more can a girl ask?

***

Dinner tomorrow night to celebrate. I have ordered an ice cream cake for myself for dessert. One of the PM's i worked with previously told me that the restaurant that we will be going to is really good. I hope so. I hope they are nice...I wonder if I get to speak some of my French with the waiters? hehehe...

***

Currently surrounded by drinking workmates in the office...they are getting quite rowdy. I'm going to go and mingle now...while i wait for the company mini bus that will take me back to the train station.

Have a good weekend if you are reading this!

Hip. Hip. Hooray.

At least one person seemed to care to say "Happy Birthday!"

Which was followed by 13 or so punches...and then he realised he was going to be late for the gym and so he told me he would owe me the rest later.

Thanks.

I'm 25 and im still alive.

Guess that is something to be grateful for.

When i was in my teens, I was thinking, if I had a choice, I would choose to die at 30. At the pinnacle of my life. And at least there would be people to cry at my funeral...and in terms of vanity, I would look good dead. So, that would be on the plus side, right?

I think I was envisioning that I would die alone...and if that was the case, then why suffer 50 odd years or more being just that - alone? Might as well be alone for a short time, it wouldn't get old and I would still have friends and family around to grieve over me.

But 30 is only 5 years away now. Very short. I still want to travel the world, but I can't right now. I guess I should put together a plan and action it before I turn 30...that would give me 5 years to achieve it...and thats doable, right?

Happy Birthday to me.

Hip.

Hip.

Hooray.

Unfold or Explode?

I apologise for being placid...looking and acting pretty much like a zombie...

I also apologise now to the poor person (or persons) that will suffer my wrath when all my emotions start pouring out due to something that you have said to me, that may have been significant, maybe not...might have been intentional...might be meaningless...but it triggered something in me and allowed me to let all my angst and heartache come out.

Truth of the matter is, after i lash out, i will appreciate what you have done for me, even if it was in an indirect way. Because right now, i feel like a bomb, encapsulated, slowly ticking away and i wont even know when i will go off, until i hear it - *KaBoom!*

But i thank you for helping me lift the weight and be completely emancipated.

I'm not sure what it is that is making me hold in all that i feel. Or maybe im just hollow on the inside and numb on the outside and therefore, im not quite a human being who is capable of expressing what she feels, when she isnt quite feeling?

I turn 25 tomorrow, it should be the beginning of something new...a new chapter in my life...I wanted it to be the beginning of a new chapter of my life together with him...but i guess that isn't happening now. The plan has changed on me so suddenly and caught me off-guard, unfortunately. And so, i don't have a contigency plan for this life project.

I hope its true, when people say that "time heals all wounds"...

I'll give myself time and see how things pan out.


Unfold
words & music by jason mraz

Hands in line
Arms close to my side
I'm fighting tides of an ocean's undertow
And I figure I might not make it
And I'm taking empty
But seldom keeping
And the words retreat breathing histories into stories untold
And I unfold.

My hands are high
And I'm holding out, holding up
Because I figure that I just might make it
And I'm waking empty but seldom sleeping
And the words repeat breathing histories into stories untold
And I unfold.

Quality is what you see now in the corner of your eye.
Don't be surprised if you hear the bells ring
They form from the sky and they sound bong, bong, bong
And I'm holding up because I figure that I just make it.

And I'm waking empty but seldom sleeping
And the words repeat breathing histories into stories untold
And I unfold.

April Fool...

Ironically enough, she heard Nelson Munst laughing out loud: "Har, har!"

She had never thought of getting married any time before.

Then she met him.

He had always wanted to get married.

He promised to love her forever.

She fell hard, had a change of heart and decided that he was the one.

He then had "issues" in his life, and started pushing her away.

She tried to stand by him, but got impatient. How long is one to wait? Not forever...

Although, she was ever hopeful that things would get better...(perhaps by her birthday?)

She had promised a bride-to-be that she would go to the Bridal Expo with her...(to get ideas of her own, i think.)

But the night before the Expo, he broke her heart. It was over.

She powered on the next morning and went to the Expo in support of the bride-to-be.

Only, she gets slapped in the face with the realisation that she may never be so lucky...

Pretty bridal gowns...pretty flowers...pretty diamonds...pretty photographic memories...pretty cakes...pretty ultra romantic honeymoons...pretty cars...pretty stationary...

Why is it so hard for her to find one guy? And she was so sure that he was the one.

He was the one that said he wanted her to be with him forever!

He was the one who said that they would never be apart!

He had promised to love her for all eternity!

And in the background, she still heard Nelson Munst laughing, going "Har, har!"


but how was i to know which way the story goes
how was i to know you'd say
you'd say you'd say you'd say goodbye...
i've always been in love with you
i guess you've always known its true
you took my love for granted
why oh why
the show is over say good bye

Torn

How are you today?

I feel uncomfortable.
I feel stripped.
I feel sad.
I feel broken.
I feel sick.
I feel pain.
I feel squished.
I feel alone.
I feel suffocated.
I feel lost.
I feel tragic.
I feel despair.
I feel sullen.
I feel tired.
I feel blue.
I feel abnormal.
I feel offensive.
I feel unwilling.
I feel insecure.
I feel helpless.
I feel distressed.
I feel ...

When i was single, i never actually felt lonely. I sought comfort and solitude from being on my own. It was invigorating being complete as one.

Being in a relationship that is in a transitional phase has emphasised to me, that i am more alone now than i have ever been. We are two trying to act as one, but there is an umbilical cord between us that is very lenghty. That length has ultimately made me feel the way i feel today.

We are detatched but semi attached and its depressing.

I can't even voice my opinion or feelings as it will affect the outcome of this transitional phase if i speak my mind. How shitty is that?

I use to feel tired and go to bed. The moment my head hit the pillow i was in sleepy land. Now, if i try to go to bed, even though i am tired, i snap back to being completely alert the moment my head hits the pillow. Because in the darkness and silence of my room i no longer switch off like i use to, i switch on now. All has been reversed.

*grrr*

Can you make things better?

No, not really...I can only keep myself busy and try to stay away from thinking too much, because thinking is torment on this occasion. It actually rests in his hands and i dont want to influence his decision.

I think im starting to affect my family...its depressing them to watch me get depressed. My brother took me out for ice cream last night...he never takes me out for ice cream! (Maybe because im not a kid anymore...but all the same!)

I need some resolution. And if possible, the sooner the better. I need closure.

The morning After an Afternoon...

Unfortunately, Mraz didnt sing that song...although Riss had ask him to when she bumped into him outside the girls toilet and gave him a hug...she incidentally forgot to grab his butt and cop a feel...but oh well, he is suppose to return in July...so he said on stage towards the end of the show...she could try then?

If i sound mechanical, forgive me, but i was in the city until after midnight and then i had to drive home from Ashfield - where i had left my car and when i got home i had to take a shower and when i popped into bed, i just couldnt sleep...not after the concert...

It was AWESOME! I'm not sure if i would say that it was better than the first concert i went to at The Metro...the first has always left a lasting impression, which is why i was so crazy enough to stay out so late on a Sunday night...knowing that i have to wake 10 minutes to 6am, to get in to work!

Getting into bed at 1:45am and waking at 5:50am really sucks...it sucks more atrociously cos its a Monday morning and i usually suffer from Mondayitis.

I'm so glad he sang a lot of older tunes and only a couple of songs from Mr A-Z. Its not that i dont like Mr A-Z...i was listening to it as i was driving to Ashfield...and maybe it was because i was painting all day that, i dont know, i appreciated the creativity that was put into those songs...a mutual appreciation from another creative mind???

BUT i do love all his other songs...and i absolutely melted when he sang You & I Both...somewhere in the middle of the concert he asked for some phrases so we could make our own song up...some phrases thrown at him were: "Its just not cricket"..."Hoochy Momma"..."Were happy little Vegemites"..."Your the voice try and understand it"...etc. Basically what he ended up doing was using these phrases to the tune of Bella Luna from Mr A-Z. It was cute and funny.

I didnt leave disappointed...but now im suffering for it...makes me wonder how i use to study until 2am and then go into uni for a 9am exam??? It must be something to do with age...i was younger then...

I obviously cant go to a Mraz gig and not have an embarassing moment! And last night...Cookiez and i went to the Ladies...as we climbed the stairs there were a couple of people outside...one gentleman pointed out to us that the ladies was to his right, we thanked him and as we walked through the door, we were like..."Hey, thats the drummer"...I was like "Yeah, thats Toca!"...Cookiez and i giggle like little school girls in the toilet and then we hear a knock while we are both in the cubicle!

I'm thinking "what the???" and then we hear someone say "Ladies, you can calm down now!"

*RoFL*

It was Toca...we were busted for being complete teenie bopper groupies!

The next time we went to the Ladies, Cookiez and i were contemplating on bringing her camera or not...and we thought "nah...cant be bothered!" What a mistake that was...

I went inside and left to wait outside for Cookiez, because it was getting crowded...as i walk outside, i see Toca again, and a photographer and someone else that im assuming is management. There is another guy...a guy with a grandpa hat...and YES, it was Mraz.

I'm completely dumbstruck and then it hits me! F@#$, Cookiez left her camera downstairs...and how to do i tell her without getting overly excited, as she walks out of the girls toilet???

As we walk past to leave, i give him a wave, but i sheepishly turned before catching him wave back, but Cookiez said he waved...and thats good enough for me! hehehe...

I'm so gay!

Maybe i will have better luck in July...and maybe he will actually sing 1000 things when i request it next time!

M is for March...is for Meeting people - again.

I have been bumping into people i havent seen in a long time, if ever.

Quite odd indeed.

I was catching the train yesterday afternoon and nearly walked into a friend who was in the city because he was on his way home after finishing his exam 3.5 hrs earlier on. His office is based in North Sydney, so i never catch him while at the train station or on the train. So, it was funny how we almost walked into one another.

While talking to this friend on our train ride home, i saw a guy sit down in a row in front of us who looked really familiar, but at the same time he looked different. As i suspected, it was my old workmate...when he got up to get off the train i said hello and asked if his number was still the same and told him i would call the next day to catch up.

So, i called during lunch today and he told me where he was working now. I told him that i bumped into another workmate from our old work place...she is now actually working with my client. I bumped into her when i was at the main office for a meeting! How weird is that?

The fact that i met up with my uni friend who i hadnt seen since our graduation day until now has been quite amazing...catching up is great...time apart hasnt changed us so much that we are unable to reconnect. We have matured i think, but personally, were still ourselves.

I was talking on the phone with a girl from this company and as we were talking i could distinctly tell that i had the control of the conversation...although, technically she should have had the upper hand. As i was asking her for help...but yet i was in the lead to manipulate the direction of our conversation.

It made me feel old and it pointed out how new she was in negotiating over the phone...

The fact that im "revisiting" people is pointing out the obvious.

Its funny how i am fast approaching my 25th birthday and im meeting all these people from my past...i wonder if its like some cosmic way for me to close things off in full circle? Laying to rest all the questions i have in my head so that i can move forward...to start the next phase of my life with a new slate...

hmm...

How do you measure success?

I bumped into a girlfriend from highschool that i hadnt seen pretty much since then.

We caught up talking about our respective lives and then *WHAM* i get hit in the stomach with the gut-wrenching thought that "I'm not successful!"

This all happened in a 50 minute train ride on my way to work.

Great way to start the day?!

She told me about her current role and what she was doing previously...that her thesis is now a chapter in a book...she has travelled all over the world...and i was so envious.

What have i done?

I dont know of anyone who is envious of me...

I work a 9-5 job that i dont know if i should consider as prestigious in any way...i dont really have a hobby...i stopped painting and drawing ages ago...my family life is pleasant and simple but not particularly notable...i do have great friends though...but i have yet to explore the other side of the world, and that grieves me to bits!

After sitting and listening and ultimately comparing (i know i shouldnt have)...i just felt crappola!

The only difference that was sorta in my favour, was that she was currently out of a relationship and i am currently in one.

It made me think...would i be happy in her position? If i had her life, would i kick back and think that i was "successful"...would it make me happier than where i am at now?

Before bumping into her i had been feeling pretty good.

Sunday - Just got back from my trip to the Hunter and visited my bf. My belated Xmas present had arrived just in time for our 18 month anniversary...it was an ipod nano, 4G...which was out of stock and only recently came back in stock. I felt so spoilt! And it felt great!

Monday - Work had been keeping me busy, but not too busy that i had to stay back...just busy enough to get through the day without twiddling my thumbs at any point. Got home and then went out to dinner with the family.

Tuesday - Meetings and more meetings, but it was alright, it meant i got to travel to and from offices...different places, different sceneries...makes the day interesting. Went and visited my bf after work.

Wednesday - Met the friend in the morning...made me start the "I am a loser" argument in my head. Workload was just as busy as Monday, which is always good. Another meeting...and then the day was done. After work i had my yoga class...my standing balance is getting better, pity i cant say the same about my moving balance motion. Yoga took my mind off "I am a loser" for the while...but it drifted back into my mind when i got home.

Thursday - After some real rationalisation and a lot of dissemination before i went to bed last night...i finally felt okay about myself. Work is really getting busy and I need to start on the monthly financial report. I have never done one before and there is a $50K penalty if there is an error...great!
-_-"

Friday - Bumped into the friend again and whilst i started battling with myself cos "I am a loser" started marching in front of my eyes...i slowly came to realise that she was only talking about work...when i asked her about her brothers...she replied with what occupation they were doing...not that they are good or a short: "oh yeah, my two brothers they are doing well...etc..." Instead i got told that one was at Optus. The other was at UTS. And that was about it.

She just continued talking about her work history...

I sorta mentioned that I didnt think i could go to work and stay back all the time...she leaves for work when i do, sometimes earlier...and finishes about 6pm, at earliest...dont even mention how late she could end up leaving.

What i was trying to say to her was that that wasnt the lifestyle i wanted. But before i had the chance to actually talk about lifestyle...she said that she is fine with it, she does it not because she has to, but because she wants to. I'd like to think she stayed back at work because she had nothing else to do in her life...cos in my ultra selfish self conscious state, that would make me feel a whole lot better! But i think she is just passionate about her work...to a point that she doesnt know when to or perhaps she doesnt want to, push back and say "i'll do it tomorrow, but i'm going home now."

I get her mentality of when you start doing something tricky and you are on a roll with it, you dont want to stop and have to pick up again tomorrow...thats fine...i do that sometimes, cos if i lose the momentum and have to start again on another day, it will take a while to get the ball running again...so i'd rather finish what i have started. But you cant always be doing something that challenging, where you cant stop at some point and say, "i get the process now, so i can stop and i'll complete this in the morning."

Listening to her, made me realise that im not typically "successful"...but im successful in my own right...cos im happy with where i am at. And my life doesnt revolve around work, but thats because i dont want it to. I knew i wasnt going to be doing something that i'd be utterly passionate about, because i dont even know what it is at this point in my life.

I also know that working is a means to do the things i like (outside of work), not to mention survival. I am still envious that she has travelled around the world...and i am still waiting for my opportunity to travel...but my time will come, because its on my "To Do" list and i will make it happen...i just cant make it happen now...i would make me feel a whole lot better, though, if i could do it now!

I guess in the mean time i'll stick to reading about Stephanie Plum's mishaps...she always makes me feel less of a loser.

*LoL*

Hunting the hunted with a hunter in the Valley...

*Warning - Very long post*

My 2nd trip to the Hunter Valley was a hoot.

A tiring hoot...but a hoot none the less.

Friday - Was a scramble to coordinate and leave the city. We were suppose to leave just before 4pm...to avoid traffic...but "someone" held us up and we didnt leave until 4:30pm. Got stuck in traffic and we were all hot and bothered. In some ways, we did alright, even though we got stuck on the Freeway for some time. We got to our accomodation by about 7pm...the sun was still up, thankfully, otherwise we would have missed the driveway up to the homestead and barn.

The homestead was lovely and the barn was functional. We were under the impression that we would have the whole house, not just half of it - as it turned out, which was a disappointment to me, as I was led to believe it was so when I made the booking!

It was starting to get dark so we scrambled to get settled into our rooms, Cookiez & I were sharing the loft in the barn with Ranger...Ranger got the double bed and we threatened a few times to jump in there with him, but it didnt eventuate. I think we may have scarred Ranger for the rest of his life...we made him feel like a piece of meat...but who can blame us, when he waltz past our beds with only a towel draped on one shoulder and some low slung shorts on in the middle of the night?

...*mmm*...

*RofL* I couldnt help but call SMJ at about 11:30pm to tell her about this juicy detail...as she is the one with the *HUGE* Ranger crush...if you dont get this, then you arent actually privilaged to understand...and its okay! Well, its better if less people know...

=P

Anyways, after we unpacked we decided to have dinner outside the barn in the BBQ area with the massive table outside, but by this stage the sun had set and the mozzies and bugs were out creating a lot of havoc. The lady who owns the homestead provided us with some chardonnay which was chilled already. We had some chicken and salad and wine...and then we heard a "moooooooooo" while everyone is getting bitten by mozzies, we all seem to stop and go "wtf?"...its not every day you get out into the country and hear a cow moo.

Aeroguard was found in the barn and everyone sprayed themselves, funnily enough, i wasnt bitten like everyone else...which is weird, cos i get bitten in Sydney during summer, like all the time! I guess these huge mozzies in the country dont like my sugar infested blood.

We tried to play games and stuff after dinner, but some of us just werent up for it...we had a long day at work, and a long drive to the Hunter, and we were just buggered by 10:30pm and we managed to stretch it a bit further to past 11pm...but Cookiez and i just wanted to sleep at that point.

We had been in the main homestead and walked back to the barn and it was stinking hot, which is why i started asking Ranger 20 questions, since we couldnt sleep. But Ranger is the strong silent type and doesnt answer unless he wants to. But for a while there, he was pretty cooperative and answered my very intrusive questions.

But it came to a point when i had asked him if he was still awake, and there was no response. Cookiez and i thought we should quit it and try to sleep...since he must be asleep and we didnt want to disturb him. But sleep took a long time to enter my pillow...there was a lot of tossing and turning from Cookiez king single bed too. The breeze from the river outside the barn was drifting from a southerly direction which our easterly facing window did not catch.

It appears that some bugs had decided to crawl in to Ranger's bed during the night...my thought is that since his window faced the cool breeze, the bugs got cold, so they crawled under the bed to join him. While it was stinking hot for Cookiez and I, the bugs didnt want to be boiled alive under our sheets...which is all for the better for us - cos we dont like bugs!

Saturday - Cookiez and i woke up pretty grumpy...lack of sleep does it to me, and Cookiez had less sleep than i did. Ranger probably caught more sleep than i did and was already down stairs cooking when i went to the bathroom to wash my face. OR maybe Ranger didnt like the company he had in bed, so he decided to hop out of bed when he had a chance and make do with a nice brekky instead.

Because the others who were sleeping in the main house, and they only had half of the main house, which meant that they didnt have a kitchen...so when they were ready they headed to the barn for brekky, cos we had a kitchen and the food supplies.

We had bacon and eggs and toast and cereal...we thought we should load up on greasy and carbo type of foods so that when we got to our first winery on the tour, the alcohol would be soaked up quick and easy and we could be on our way to the next winery.

We waited around for the Bus driver/Tour guide for the winery tours. We had requested a couple of wineries to attend - Iron Gate, Audrey Wilkinson, & Mc Guigans. Iron Gate was really booked out so we were supposed to go in the afternoon, unlike what was indicated on the sample itinerary that was sent to me.

Before we left, i asked the lady who owned the homestead if she had a portable fan, Cookiez and i wouldnt be able to handle another night of little sleep like the night before, if it was going to be hot and humid again! She said she didnt have any, but she was going to get one...i was grateful that she kept to her word!

So, the Bus driver arrives at the homestead to pick us up, just slightly after 9:30am and he was a bit late, cos he had missed the driveway up to the house a few times. But we all piled into the car and started to head off. First stop was Ernest Hill. A pretty new boutique winery which has been opened for a couple of years now, it started making wines under the Ernest Hill label in 2002.

Our Tasting Presenter was a man named Hamish and he was pretty entertaining and I really enjoyed the pointers he told us. It felt like a lesson and because of him, throughout the day, i felt like i knew my stuff...well at least what i liked and why i liked it and be able to tell someone so. And i was also able to tell another person why i didnt like a particular wine - usually due to the content of the tanin.

Ooh, and he let us taste some premium really well oaked wines...it WAS like silk.

For this session we were actually sitting around a lovely table with really nice carved chairs, all in a room of our own. When the taste testing ended, well all rushed into the room next door and each of us all bought a few bottles. I bought a Cyril Semillon, a Stakeholders Shiraz, and a Silver Moon dessert wine. I got to tell you, i dont drink alcohol, and yet here i was buying wine. I think I have now developed a taste and appreciation for it.

Some of us - SMJ, NV, M&D bought a couple bottles of the dessert wines...thats how good it was!

While feeling quite happy with our huge stash, at the first winery we stopped at, we were also feeling a bit sullen...cos some of us had spent quite a lot at Ernest Hill and realised that if Iron Gate wasnt next - they might not have enough money for the Iron Gate Sweet Shiraz.

And Iron Gate wasnt next...the Bus Driver explained that they were really booked out and that we would stop in the afternoon. He realised that we liked our dessert wine and advised us about the "BEST" dessert wine in the Hunter, which was owned by Peterson's - it has won 5 glasses (the highest award in terms of the best wine). I asked if we could stop there, because there was no point in teasing us with such detail and not stop there for us to try it. And so the Bus Driver made a phone call while we were at our next stop at Tallevera Grove. The view here was pretty spectacular...but our taste testing was inside and turned out to be less than spectacular...

We all went in and sat by the bar, the presenter showed us some of their wines...the only notable ones was the rose. They had a pretty good cab/sav which i bought for my manager (due to a blackmail). We left with only two bottles here out of our group of 8 people. But we did take a group picture...which we didnt get to do at Ernest Hill, because we were too happy with the wines we bought, we had totally forgot to take a happy snap there.

When we all hopped back on our bus, the Bus Driver told us that we can make a quick stop to try the dessert wine at Peterson's, and we were all ecstatic - well the girls were anyways! We back tracked and when the bus stopped we all jumped out and made way to the Peterson's cellar door. The 4 girls rushed to the bar and asked to try their Botrytis Semillon - 2005 Riverina...and g'dammit, it was so yummy, i made a comment to the girls that i will not repeat now, but it expressed how good that wine was!

And then we tried their Reserve Muscat and by george, that was yummy too! And the moment it got to my tummy...my cheeks, ears, neck were all rosey like the colour of the wine! So, we all decided to buy a bottle of each one. *LoL*

Next stop was Audrey Wilkinson...Once again a spectacular view but ordinary wine...the peppery or acid like after taste just doesnt go well with my palette. We took a group photo with our Bus Driver here, as he had a friend that we were able to ask to take a foto for us. Took a few shots before we were happy with the quality of it.

By this stage we had developed an appetite and i was particularly famished. But before we stopped at the Blue Tongue Brewery for lunch, we stopped at the Binnori Cheese Company to do some taste testing. Their award winning fromage were delicious, especially the herb and garlic variety, and their chilli and rosemary feta was to die for. I walked away with a marscapone - dessert cheese. Everyone else grabbed that the herb and garlic fromage and the chilli/rosemary feta.

We got back into the bus and were driven across the road to the Blue Tongue Brewery, so that we could grab some lunch. The Bus Driver advised us that we had about 45 minutes if we wanted to fit in our sit down session at Tintilla. So, we shouldnt order anything from the kitchen, because they were ultra slow. We listened and ordered stuff from the counter, but for some reason i was given a number and was advised that my food would come out later...

They made me wait far too long...I was about to stab NV at some point because i was that hungry! hehehe...And then my food came. Cookiez and SMJ were right, the pie needed sauce...or something to give it flavour...it was really bland. But at least the mini pizza i shared with SMJ had flavour, i mean, you cant go wrong with salami.

We finished our food and headed to Tintilla for some more wine. The last time i was in the Hunter, my bf had hired a horse and carriage wine tour and Tintilla was one of our stops for some tasting. I wasnt impressed then, and i attributed it to the service of the lady who was there that day. She treated us pretty dismally and it has stuck ever since. But this visit was more pleasant. This time, the lady was accomodating and that made the experience better, but it did nothing for the wine. Not to say that the quality is bad. I just personally didnt like the taste of them. Perhaps they were too strong on the tanin for me? Perhaps the wines i tried hadnt aged enough?

We left Tintilla without purchasing any bottles, felt a bit bad since we had a sit down session, but what can we say...we just didnt like their wines all that much.

So, we all got up and hopped back on to our bus. I think at this point, we were all wined out. The Bus Driver had been teasing our sweet teeth by talking about fudge tasting...and so that was our next stop.

We didnt bother to taste any of the Lindeman's wine, and we headed directly for the fudge at the cafe section of the Lindeman's cellar. I think we had tasted almost all of the variety was there...obviously we walked away with some...the passionfruit fudge was scrumptious! After buying the fudge...we walked back to the bus and were informed that Iron Gate was closing at 4pm! We looked at our watches and panicked...it was 3:30pm.

The lady "Patricia" had told our Bus Driver that they were busy and we wouldnt be able to do any tasting. He told her that we knew what we wanted and just wanted to purchase some bottles. She then said, okay, purchases only - no tasting.

Fine by us, we just wanted to buy their Sweet Shiraz.

So, we hauled our butts over to Iron Gate and had about 20 minutes to closing time, but there were HUGE groups around and they were busy buying their supplies of wine. At some point a large group left and we were approached by a man and he asked us if we wanted to taste some wines? Given this opportunity, we took it and asked if we could just taste two - the Sweet Shiraz and the Sweet Semillon.

So, he whipped out 8 glasses and some other people wanted to taste so they joined in and then the dreaded Patricia woman came by asking the man if we were from our Bus Driver's group...i started feeling bad, i didnt want to get our Bus Driver in trouble. He was on the bus with the aircon on, to keep our cheeses cold...so i didnt want him to get a phone call and cop an earful because of us from the lady.

But anyhoo...we were able to taste the two wines and started to decide on how many bottles everyone wanted. M&D wanted 7 bottles - 6 red and 1 white, SMJ wanted 2 red and 1 white, Cookiez wanted 1 of each, 1 red for me, 1 of each from Alan, and Ranger wanted 1 red. Basically, we left Iron Gate spending $434. It was messy to start with and it was messy to end with, but we had left the place unscathed and were ready for some chocolates.

For the chocolate tasting we went to Peterson's Champagne House and Chocolate Factory. We tried some rock chocolates, chilli chocolate, dark chocolate and milk chocolate. They had one of those "magical" fountains...spilling yummy milk chocolate (fondue style)...and what you do is pay $2 for some strawberries or grapes or mashmallows skewered on a stick covered by the liquid chocolate.

=P~

Some of us walked away with other sweet goodies, but the fondue was enough for me...and it was a fabulous way to end our tour of the Valley...or so we thought!

While finishing up on the fondue strawberries, the Bus Driver asked us if we wanted to stop at a place to taste test some more wines, and it was only suggested because they had beer to try too! We all thought what the heck, we might as well go...it was on the way back home, so it wasnt an inconvenience to the Bus Driver.

So, this is when we headed to Tatler's (which is also a restaurant serving tapas style food). When we walked in we were greeted with friendly jovial men and it was fun. It was a shame that i didnt like the wine, although, i desperately wanted to buy a bottle from the guy, cos he was funny...we tried their wines which were supposed to be sweeter on the palette, but i found that they were too strong on the acid/alcohol taste and it was dry for me...but then again, it was the last winery we had visited and to be honest, i dont think i could really taste much. Which is a shame, because we were really entertained there.

We returned back at the homestead at about 6-6:30pm and it had been a long but enjoyable day.

We wanted to start the BBQ and have dinner before the sun went down - to avoid the mozzies, but that didnt happen. We were full on the wines and cheese and fudge and chocolates. And maybe some of us were suffering from heat stroke...i felt that way. So, half of us went to nap. Cookiez and i were watching White Chicks on DVD and just bumming around. We had discovered that there was a standing fan near our beds and were so relieved that we would be able to sleep that night!

We didnt start the BBQ until it was 8pm, it was well and truly dark by this stage. Cookiez and i prepared the salad, Ranger was manning the BBQ. Since it was dark, we decided to eat indoors. Dinner was very filling and we had left overs in which we decided that we would have it for brekky or lunch the next day.

After dinner some of the party retired to shower...some were just bumming around.

When everyone returned the group divided into two. Either watching a DVD called "Let the Blood Run Free" or playing "Texas Hold Up". I was watching the DVD because of NV and SMJ...and it disturbed me for a while there, not because it was scary, but because of the parallels it had with our HI movie...so i retired and had a shower.

After my shower, i was beat...so i went to bed...and uno, i slept pretty well that night, although, i could feel my heart racing as i was resting...it was pretty freaky...but i knew it was all the alcohol i had had in during the day!
>_<

The crew were still playing Texas Hold Up after i went upstairs to sleep...NV and SMJ had gone to bed too...apparently after they went to bed and the others finished their game...the ones playing the cards went to NV and SMJ's room and jumped into bed with them!

*RofL*

NV told them to get out, but they didnt until he jumped onto them while they were in the bed...ahhahaha...of course i heard this second hand from NV...so i cant vouch that it is totally true.

Sunday - Slow start for the day. Half of us woke up and were having breakfast around 9:30am. Others didn't come over for breakfast until after 10:30am...and the other two were only finishing breakfast at 2:30pm.

We bummed around the house for a bit, playing Big2 and then Texas Hold Up...first time i played and i just went all out. Later we decided to go to Mc Guigans to round off our trip.

NV was suppose to go to the main house and tell the two sleepy ones that we were going to visit Mc Guigan's on our own and will be back at 3pm to load our wine and bags and then leave. But he listened at their door and didnt hear a sound so decided not to tell them, he didnt cough at the door, or knock on the door, he silently listened and then came back and said we could go now...and so we all headed out and left the Homestead.

In the car, i thought we should tell them where we had all gone...i sms'd M&D and told them that we thought we would leave them be on this lazy Sunday...that we had gone to Mc Guigans and that we would be back at 3pm to leave the Homestead and head back to Sydney.

Driving to Mc Guigans, was a long one...because we didnt have a map between where we were and where the winery was...it was tricky to place. My last visit was 2 years ago...the fact that i sorta remembered anything was amazing! But we got there unscathed and went in to try the cheese.

I never thought i would ever pay so much for cheese...but i walked away paying $40 for 2 cheeses: 1 small washed rind and 1 tiny brie and a tiny tub of quince jam. I was flabbergasted. But they are yummy with a fridge life of about 6 weeks.

We walked next door to the cellar and went in to try some wines for the heck of it, just cos we were there. At some point SMJ, Cookiez and i were talking about taking their cute little glasses. Initially, us three girls were standing on the wrong side of the bar...and SMJ turned around and saw Ranger being served by a lady so, we quickly marched over and cramped his style! We all think the lady wanted a piece of him but with us three girls there...it just wasnt happening...although, she was very attentive towards him...because she found out that he liked reds, she kept fishing by serving suggestions, but she wasnt going to catch our fish! *LoL*

After we had tasted the dessert wines at Mc Guigans, i looked at SMJ and said "i want one of the glasses"...and so did she...she was half way taking the glasses and Ranger gave her an "oi..." and that was enough to make us guilty for a life time...Ranger has a way in instilling higher morals. The fact that he went to church that morning made us feel even worse!

So, we walked out of the wine hall and Ranger went to pay for one of the reds he did like...i turned to SMJ and said "should we go back?"...and she replied "you do realise if we go back now, its classified stealing not temporary insanity?" *LoL*

Since, we were already in the heart of the Valley, we decided to drive across the road to Tempest Two. This is when SMJ noticed the restaurant "Oishi"...which happens to be the nick name NV calls her by. We walked past Oishi and head to the cellar and try some of their wines. Last time i was here, my bf bought their dessert wine, because i liked it the best. But when i tried it again, i didnt like it. After 2 years, i find that i now prefer a lighter honey flavour in the dessert wine. They had another version of their dessert wine and instead of being in an oak barrel, it has been in a stainless steel barrel and that particular dessert wine was fresher in taste and texture...very easy to drink and us three girls were in love with it and its bottle!
;)

But we restrained ourselves, because we were running low on cash...but the next time, i think i'll buy it. At least i know where to go and pick it up!

We realised that it was 1:50pm and decided that we should start heading back finish off the remaining food and get ready to go home. So, we drove back and along the way i think i dozed off, and then i woke up while we were lost - due to a detour forcing us to take a different street home.

Thankfully Ranger was navigating and we found our way back. It was about 2:30pm and we all hustled into the barn and found the two sleepy ones washing up from their breakfast/lunch.

We all tried to finish the food that was left and then we all washed up and packed and were ready to rock and roll.

I went over to say thank you and good bye to the lady and in a short amount of time we all got into the car, ready to get back to the pollution and civilisation. But not after getting stuck in another traffic jam on the Freeway!

Since all the cheese we bought were in SMJ's esky, we decided that we would meet at her place and separate our things. After unloading and reloading in the appropriate cars, we said our good byes to eachother...and the good byes were more like -"Thanks, but no thanks! See you in 3 months...Dont call me, i'll call you!"

*hehehehe*

Its not like we hate eachother now...its just 72 hours of being in the same room or same house or the same vehicle really makes you think and appreciate the time you have apart from your friends!

=P

I dont think im going to suggest another trip until the end of this year...maybe!

baby girl...

Mum sometimes calls me that...still today...its funny, cos im turning 25 soon...but there will be moments she will say something and end it with "baby girl"...

I think she is becoming reminiscent of when i was younger...my nieces, surely, must remind her of me when i was their age. The only difference between them and me at that age is the fact that i was more stable? Umm...i wasn't a hyperactive child, is what im trying to say. I sat still...i'd cling on to my mother's back and stay there pretty much without moving, while she was working at the sewing machine.

I blame it on the fact that i was a sickly child when i was growing up. Which probably would explain why i didnt talk all that much either when i was younger.

This morning, after breakfast, i ran to put my heels on and all you could hear from my room to the bathroom & then to the living room was: "gop, gop, gop".

She was lying on the lounge in the living room watching some morning show. She looked at me in the dress she made and then at the shoes and said: "my baby girl wearing heels going 'gop, gop, gop'..."

She was actually making a comparison between my niece and me wearing heels, clopping away on the tiled floor. More over, in her mind she was probably comparing my niece and me - at my niece's age...

When i was younger, i use to steal my mother's heels from the cupboard and prance around the house. We have ceiling to floor mirrors in the house and back then, the floor was carpeted...so walking around in stilettos as a four year old, was a pretty safe deal.

I loved pretending to be as beautiful as my mother, wearing her shoes.

Although, i didnt make any sounds walking in her shoes, since we had carpet back then...but with the amount of clicking i do now in my heels...its more than made up for the past!

I wondered as i was riding the train to work this morning...if she feels reminiscent of me just wearing heels, how would she feel if i told her i was going to get married? Would she start crying? Thinking that she would lose her only daughter? Good grief...what if i ran away and eloped...then came home and said: "Hi Mum, guess what?...I got married on the weekend!!!"

You know what, i know what she'd say...

She would say:

"WTF?!" (Although, WTF isnt the exact words she would use, she isnt that rude...but the sentiments and thoughts would be to that effect!)

Then she would continue with:

"You are not my daughter...You are not my child...How could you do this to me??? How could you do this to your family??? Why didnt you tell me??? I dont have a daughter!!! You are not a part of this family!!!...etc"

Not like i wouldnt tell her if i was getting married. She'd be the first person i'd tell, well, with the exception of saying yes to the guy who proposes. *LoL*

I think its tough for mothers who only have sons. They really should have a daughter to connect with on the female plane of thoughts.

I know my mother is happy to have had me so she has someone to talk to. My brothers suck at conversations!

=P

And you know what...i dont really mind her calling me "baby girl"...

Did you miss the boat?

I watched a clip called Yellow Fever cos Riss had a post on it on her blog and i usually frequent her blog when i want something to read.

I hear a lot about asian girls with "ghosts" and how my friends are openly annoyed by it. Some guys i know b!tch and moan about it.

Can i just say, as an asian girl, don't sit there pondering why or how or what makes a white guy get an asian girl, just be confident and go get the asian girl!

A little history...

Most asian girls today, have been brought up in a multicultural society.

Take my example below:

In primary school, i knew guys and girls of many nationalities.

Haresh - a great friend who i use to walk home with each day was from Sri Lanka. His house was between the school and mine, so technically i walked him home every day!
Thulasi - a very artistic and smart Indian girl i was friends with.
Alex M - he was from South America, he would make me laugh every day.
Alex D - he was my friend and the person who i wanted to beat in maths. He was from Malta.
Daniel - Italian boy, was a bit nasty to girls at first but became a good friend as he grew up.
Maureen - Pakistani girl, she was so shy but absolutely lovely. Our Year 6 teacher was so mean to her - claiming that her naturally thick lashes was lashed up with mascara. The teacher actually pulled her aside and told her to take off the make up...the poor girl didnt know what was going on and cried while trying helplessly to defend herself. As she cried the mascara obviously didnt run...and i think the teacher gave up.
The Twins - my best friends from primary school, they were Vietnamese.
Eugene - I think he was Croatian. He drew really cool pictures and he was such a genuinely nice guy.
Natalie - Cambodian girl who was uber smart and sporty. She left our school midway Year 3, if my memory serves me correctly.
German (pronounced Herman) - I think he was Croatian too, cos he was really close friends with Eugene.
Paul - blonde hair, blue eyes, dimples...true blue aussie boy and my first crush. I sat next to him in Year 1 and he would always make me laugh, without fail, but i would get into trouble with Miss Church.

These are just a few of the people i remember from the top of my head in primary school.

The point im trying to make is, when you are an asian girl being brought up meeting and befriending beautiful people of many races its not hard to say yes to them when they ask you out.

I lean towards going out with asian guys. As my luck will have it, i've only gone out with asian guys. BUT if any of those guys i knew from primary school were still as nice and as friendly and as funny as they were back then...if they had crossed my path while i was single 1.5 years ago, and they had asked me out...i would have said yes to them and give it a go.

It doesnt matter a guys nationality...if he is funny and has a good personality and you click, then you give it a shot.

A girl can't wait forever for an asian guy to approach her.

So, next time you see an asian girl with a white guy and think "damn!" - go do something. The next asian girl you see that you are interested in, go talk to her, or just do something about it...dont just sit and keep thinking about the white guy with the asian chick that "you would have liked to go out with"!!!

You would just waste time and miss your chance!

Did you fart, cause you blew me away...

Gee whiz...my friend sent me an email with all these pick up lines, like the title of this post.

Some guys sure know how to make a girl feel extra special, don't they?

Although, it does put a smug smirk on my face.

Another thing that makes me put a smug smirk on the dial...is the fact that i secured really good seats for Varekai - Cirque Du Soleil. Which will be in Sydney between August 10 - 27, 2006. Presales have started and it seems all the good seats are fast selling out for the weekend shows. I managed to score really good seats cos it was for a show that was towards the end of the season.

It felt like Christmas came around again, with the things i found out today...i still need to secure something else before i can reveal what my other surprise is.

But the knowledge alone made me so happy! So giddy...i couldnt stop giggling like a school girl catching a smile from the guy she has a crush on!

-_-"


Have i mentioned how "awake" i feel with the knowledge that Oprah Winfrey is a comfort eater? She can maintain her strict diet when she is happy with life, but the moment she gets upset, she eats stuff that she shouldn't = junk or complex carbs or sugar, what have you.

I feel uplifted with this fact, that Ms Oprah ("I am the most powerful, influential, & wealthiest woman on Earth") Winfrey is human like the rest of us - she struggles!!!

I think that just made me like her - a little bit more!

*^_^*


I met a friend for lunch last week. She brought up something "funny". I say funny, as it isnt really, its actually quite sad...but thats why i put it in "".

She said that she has noticed an alarming amount of female colleagues and friends who tolerate their bf's cheating on them or treating them horribly. Question is, are they tolerating it because they feel that they are older and they are scared of taking part in the war of the singles, known as the dating game? Or that they are older and just put up with it, in pursuit of getting married and having kids while there is still a chance, even if it is with an abusive &/or cheating scumbag???

The one thing my friend and i agreed on, is that no matter what, cheating is not tolerable - but that's us...

What compels these women to stay with their boyfriends...the boyfriends that treat them so badly?

I wonder if men feel the same way...men who are getting older, do they put up with girlfriends who are just really pretty but have no heart? Girlfriends who are gold diggers...girlfriends who cheat on them??? Do they feel the same way as these women, do they put up with it or do they end the relationship? How do they feel about being single again??? Are they worried that their opportunity of being a "cool dad" being stripped down to a dad who only remembers the word cool - cos it happened so late? (And therefore are readily trying to impregnate their young pretty-thing of a girlfriend, whenever they get the chance?) *LoL* <- That shouldn't be funny, but it is to me.

But back to the women who tolerate really bad behaving boyfriends...I just wished I could empower those women, to just stand up and leave.

When will you say 'enough'?

Enough with the cheating...
Enough with the abuse...
Enough with the torment...

I have had enough!

If it was as simple as getting all these women together and repeating those words after me, I would organise it. I'll even bring my mum as a guest speaker...she'll tell you to respect yourself and dont you dare take crap from any man!!!

If only it was that simple!

i still feel crap...but for a different reason!

I'm really an ungrateful b!tch sometimes...

I feel so guilty!!!

I just received a box from Roses Only...a dozen of beautiful red roses...with all the extras with it.

I am currently loathing myself.

I could barely smile when i saw the delivery guy...

I actually wanted to cry.

Even while i called to say "Thank You"...I dont think i did it any justice...

I am ashamed of myself.

What has become of me???

I am a fool.

i feel sh!t, so sue me!

I'm having a crap day.

crap

crap

crap


I'm one of those people who are suckers for all things lovey-dovey...i'm not asking for a dozen long stem roses (and not that there is anything wrong for a girl to long for them...its a matter of receiving them - thats another issue).

Point being...i would have liked a call by now...or an email...something...anything! An sms maybe? I sent one of those interactive sms to him this morning. Foto...text message...& a recorded message from moi. I didn't even get a "same to you too" reply.

I cooked dinner on Sunday night. I hand crafted a V'day card. I bought him Godiva chocs, as promised but have yet to present them to him. He surprised me on Friday for lunch at Est. and a long stem rose...so he has done his part in terms of spoiling me...but is it too much to want him to say "hi" to me - today of all days?

I gotta admit that another reason why im so sh!tted right now, is the fact that i was under the impression that he was sending me something to my office today. Last week, he asked me if i was moving offices "this" week? Hey, what is a girl to think when her bf asks about specifics in terms of her work address, on the same week V'day falls on??? Why doesnt he just ask me "on" the week to avoid misleading me?!?!?!?

So, i am feeling crushed that nothing has arrived on my desk or for me to sign and receive from the courier.

I know that im stupid to allow myself to imagine such things, set expectations, crash & burn when it doesn't eventuate...but a girl, like myself, would always be hopeful with regards to love...even when we had agreed not to get eachother things for V'day...

things that make you go hmm...

What possess a woman NOT to buy a bra that fits well and helps support their two mounds by buying a bra that is ill fitting, poorly supportive and just blatantly unflattering to their figure???

If you have breasts that can be described as "full" - please, PLEASE, buy a bra that is firmer in fabric and shape to help hold you in. DON'T buy a soft cup bra that allows those two peaks to float everywhere around your top!!! (Think the trailer showing Alyssan Hannigan in her fat suit jumping around with her boobs ending up on her back!)

It is quite alarming the amount of women out there whose breasts point out to their arms instead of just straight to the front. Whereby making them look wider than they really are. It seems very uncomfortable too...as they are walking, it knocks against their arms...doesnt that worry them??? By the time these women hit 40...their boobs will be dangling close to their knees - you should know the adverse effects of gravity on our breasts by now, dont you???

*

This old woman at the trainstation was talking in Chinese, but surprisingly i understood what she was talking about...i didnt mean to eavesdrop...but if you ever heard Chinese/Vietnamese/asian women in their 40's+, talk to eachother, you would realise that even though you are standing 5m away, you can hear them perfectly clear...if you are 50m away, yep...you can still hear them!

Its funny how she was instructing her friend on how to do nail art:

* Turn the TV on or put some music on...you need to free your mind...if you concentrate you wont draw a perfect line and you will have to fix it 4 times before you get it right...

OMG...i wonder if doctors get this type of pep talk prior to doing their first open heart surgery?

*

I'm definitely relocating to Glebe for work...on Feb 24...for 5 whole months...good bye city life...

I guess its good in the sense that i wont be shopping too much?!

heh.

*

Could you deal with the idea that your bf (who supposedly loves you) is choosing his career over you, without you being in the bigger picture?

You didn't ask him to choose one or the other, you just asked if you were thought of.

I think i win this round, hands down!

*

While ordering a birthday cake for my neice, i encounter a weird thing at this cake store. To put a "Hello Kitty" picture on the cake, it will cost an extra $15.00 on top of the already exuberant of $68.00 for a 12" cake. Mind you, its not some fancy 3D picture of Hello Kitty...its just one of those dodgey pictures drawn with some chocolate and filled in with jelly like goo.

If you go to an ordinary asian cake store...for a 12" cake, with the same type of Hello Kitty picture will cost you about $60 in total...(maybe even cheaper...)

When i told my mother the price, she almost choked on the words being uttered...and told me to go to another cake store.