How do you measure success?

I bumped into a girlfriend from highschool that i hadnt seen pretty much since then.

We caught up talking about our respective lives and then *WHAM* i get hit in the stomach with the gut-wrenching thought that "I'm not successful!"

This all happened in a 50 minute train ride on my way to work.

Great way to start the day?!

She told me about her current role and what she was doing previously...that her thesis is now a chapter in a book...she has travelled all over the world...and i was so envious.

What have i done?

I dont know of anyone who is envious of me...

I work a 9-5 job that i dont know if i should consider as prestigious in any way...i dont really have a hobby...i stopped painting and drawing ages ago...my family life is pleasant and simple but not particularly notable...i do have great friends though...but i have yet to explore the other side of the world, and that grieves me to bits!

After sitting and listening and ultimately comparing (i know i shouldnt have)...i just felt crappola!

The only difference that was sorta in my favour, was that she was currently out of a relationship and i am currently in one.

It made me think...would i be happy in her position? If i had her life, would i kick back and think that i was "successful"...would it make me happier than where i am at now?

Before bumping into her i had been feeling pretty good.

Sunday - Just got back from my trip to the Hunter and visited my bf. My belated Xmas present had arrived just in time for our 18 month anniversary...it was an ipod nano, 4G...which was out of stock and only recently came back in stock. I felt so spoilt! And it felt great!

Monday - Work had been keeping me busy, but not too busy that i had to stay back...just busy enough to get through the day without twiddling my thumbs at any point. Got home and then went out to dinner with the family.

Tuesday - Meetings and more meetings, but it was alright, it meant i got to travel to and from offices...different places, different sceneries...makes the day interesting. Went and visited my bf after work.

Wednesday - Met the friend in the morning...made me start the "I am a loser" argument in my head. Workload was just as busy as Monday, which is always good. Another meeting...and then the day was done. After work i had my yoga class...my standing balance is getting better, pity i cant say the same about my moving balance motion. Yoga took my mind off "I am a loser" for the while...but it drifted back into my mind when i got home.

Thursday - After some real rationalisation and a lot of dissemination before i went to bed last night...i finally felt okay about myself. Work is really getting busy and I need to start on the monthly financial report. I have never done one before and there is a $50K penalty if there is an error...great!
-_-"

Friday - Bumped into the friend again and whilst i started battling with myself cos "I am a loser" started marching in front of my eyes...i slowly came to realise that she was only talking about work...when i asked her about her brothers...she replied with what occupation they were doing...not that they are good or a short: "oh yeah, my two brothers they are doing well...etc..." Instead i got told that one was at Optus. The other was at UTS. And that was about it.

She just continued talking about her work history...

I sorta mentioned that I didnt think i could go to work and stay back all the time...she leaves for work when i do, sometimes earlier...and finishes about 6pm, at earliest...dont even mention how late she could end up leaving.

What i was trying to say to her was that that wasnt the lifestyle i wanted. But before i had the chance to actually talk about lifestyle...she said that she is fine with it, she does it not because she has to, but because she wants to. I'd like to think she stayed back at work because she had nothing else to do in her life...cos in my ultra selfish self conscious state, that would make me feel a whole lot better! But i think she is just passionate about her work...to a point that she doesnt know when to or perhaps she doesnt want to, push back and say "i'll do it tomorrow, but i'm going home now."

I get her mentality of when you start doing something tricky and you are on a roll with it, you dont want to stop and have to pick up again tomorrow...thats fine...i do that sometimes, cos if i lose the momentum and have to start again on another day, it will take a while to get the ball running again...so i'd rather finish what i have started. But you cant always be doing something that challenging, where you cant stop at some point and say, "i get the process now, so i can stop and i'll complete this in the morning."

Listening to her, made me realise that im not typically "successful"...but im successful in my own right...cos im happy with where i am at. And my life doesnt revolve around work, but thats because i dont want it to. I knew i wasnt going to be doing something that i'd be utterly passionate about, because i dont even know what it is at this point in my life.

I also know that working is a means to do the things i like (outside of work), not to mention survival. I am still envious that she has travelled around the world...and i am still waiting for my opportunity to travel...but my time will come, because its on my "To Do" list and i will make it happen...i just cant make it happen now...i would make me feel a whole lot better, though, if i could do it now!

I guess in the mean time i'll stick to reading about Stephanie Plum's mishaps...she always makes me feel less of a loser.

*LoL*