My workmate...he is under 25 y/o...
Average looking...not very tall...korean...born in Australia...
I appreciate the fact that i have met someone that has emulated what i want in my ideal partner and know that it does exist! (Except the person that the qualities exist in is already taken! *bummer*)
Look at what he has achieved thus far:
He plays the violin...he did so professionally since he was a child.
Due to his talent...he has travelled the world playing with an orchestra...he travelled all of Europe - all of Asia - and places in between...this was all done by the time he finished high school.
From high school he decided to join the army reserve part time and full time uni.
He is an officer now, and he gets to drive tanks! *LoL*
He teaches children to play the violin now...on the weekends he goes to the barracks and does training.
He is also finishing his Masters in Finance at my Uni.
In between all this he runs a business and works with us at IncNet.
This guy emulates what i want in a guy.
Confidence, a good sense of humour, talent, motivation to succeed, humility...
This guy is fun to be around. He is giving, always sharing...
He talks and i absorb...we have good conversations...
I like he fact that he is so good natured. It makes me want to be an exceptionally good person to!
And that my friends, is the most important quality that i would like to find in a future partner. I'd like the guy to be more knowledgable and interesting, so that i can learn from them or i can become motivated to learn more by myself. Which is why i like being around people who are constantly moving...changing...learning...trying new things!
I get bored easily - im not going to deny that!
So, i would like to be with someone who is going to challenge me to do brilliant things!
And since the possible someone is taken...i guess im going to end up dying old and lonely!
ahahahahhaa
i doubt that would happen...i mean, i would just get too bored and have to do something (about it) wayyy before i would get old and lonely!
oh wells...
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
Melbourne Cup
I won! Good work to Makybe Diva & Glen Boss!!!
Funny...i dont advocate gambling...im not even tempted to purchase lotto tickets, even when there are HUGE sweeps...so yeah...dont know what made me bet on Melb Cup, but i did...
I placed bets up to $9, and i won $14...so i made a profit of $5.
I'm happy...not as happy as my father's friends nephew.
He didnt know what he was doing...he told my dad to write it down for him and place a bet of $10 trifectta on horses #12, #17, #1.
He is ultra happy cos he made $129,000.00 - thats lucky happy!
I went to the new office that we will move into in December at the end of the year. I dont really like the area of North Ryde...The people at Praxa are...i derno...asian?!
One guy had his pants pulled so high up...i wonder if that is a permanent wedgie?
Highlight of the day was the fact that i bludged from 1pm onwards...hehehehe...and i won the Melb Cup...Dad won too...so i got $100 from him...*woohoo*
Funny...i dont advocate gambling...im not even tempted to purchase lotto tickets, even when there are HUGE sweeps...so yeah...dont know what made me bet on Melb Cup, but i did...
I placed bets up to $9, and i won $14...so i made a profit of $5.
I'm happy...not as happy as my father's friends nephew.
He didnt know what he was doing...he told my dad to write it down for him and place a bet of $10 trifectta on horses #12, #17, #1.
He is ultra happy cos he made $129,000.00 - thats lucky happy!
I went to the new office that we will move into in December at the end of the year. I dont really like the area of North Ryde...The people at Praxa are...i derno...asian?!
One guy had his pants pulled so high up...i wonder if that is a permanent wedgie?
Highlight of the day was the fact that i bludged from 1pm onwards...hehehehe...and i won the Melb Cup...Dad won too...so i got $100 from him...*woohoo*
Monday, October 27, 2003
Somethings may never change...
My cousin, her husband, my funky valentine (nephew phillip), my lil sweetheart (my neice megan) all came up from Melbourne to celebrate my lil brother's Sweet 16th Bday for the weekend!
The ride from the airport to our home was a nightmare! We picked them up from the domestic terminal and my funky valentine was crook and so he was crying and throwing tantrums...*grrr*...
my lil sweetheart on the other hand didnt get agitated until we were 3/4 of the way home. then she started sulking sliding off the baby seat, etc.
when i was about 13 y/o...i told mum that i wasnt having kids.
i was sure of it!
back then, i was very career oriented. i wanted to become a doctor and to be exact a psychiatrist no less. if not a psychiatrist i would have to be a neurologist. previously i wanted to be a fashion designer...interior decorator...architect...then it led to being a doctor...
and since i was going to lead a very hectic life...i told mum that i was sure that kids wouldnt go well with my future lifestyle.
when i was 14-15 y/o i told her that i dont think i would want to have kids not only because of my future career, but also because i wouldnt be a good mother. i know that im an irresponsible person. i cant even take care of myself. why bring another child into the world if you cant take care of it? and there are so many children in the world that are orphans.
when i turned 18 y/o i was thinking about the world then, and it wasnt a nice place to bring a child into a world that may be ending (the whole y2k...the world is going to end thing).
for once mum didnt complain about it...whenever i mentioned it to her...she would usually ask me "well who is going to call me grandmother in that way - ur my only daughter?" (in chinese and vietnamese there are 2 different ways on calling family members, depending on whether they are related through ur mother or father.)
she agreed with me. she didnt think it would be a good place, if we survived y2k - not knowing what would happen next...to bring a child into this world. she was against my brother and sister in-law in having Chloe...but she couldnt stop it. she didnt think it was right, as they were both soooo not prepared for it.
now at 22 y/o...i still affirm that i dont want kids but its not due to my career aspirations. i still conclude that im not going to be a good mother as im utterly selfish and still cant look after myself, let alone another being.
if the ride from the airport alone did not embed in my brain that i shouldnt have kids, the dinner last nite for my lil brother's birthday surely must have engraved the confirmation!?!
i always have to act as though i dont care...cos the moment i care and notice those lil beings movement...i feel as though im getting utterly violent and prepare to spank the lil bottoms. since i firmly believe that violence is not the answer esp with kids...i have to pretend that they are not there acting like lil brats, to avoid hitting them!
and since this demonstrates my hot temper...i think it shows that i should not be a mother!
and looking after 2 lil girls for a lunch time...let me just say that it was not fun...esp at yum cha!
-_-!
The ride from the airport to our home was a nightmare! We picked them up from the domestic terminal and my funky valentine was crook and so he was crying and throwing tantrums...*grrr*...
my lil sweetheart on the other hand didnt get agitated until we were 3/4 of the way home. then she started sulking sliding off the baby seat, etc.
when i was about 13 y/o...i told mum that i wasnt having kids.
i was sure of it!
back then, i was very career oriented. i wanted to become a doctor and to be exact a psychiatrist no less. if not a psychiatrist i would have to be a neurologist. previously i wanted to be a fashion designer...interior decorator...architect...then it led to being a doctor...
and since i was going to lead a very hectic life...i told mum that i was sure that kids wouldnt go well with my future lifestyle.
when i was 14-15 y/o i told her that i dont think i would want to have kids not only because of my future career, but also because i wouldnt be a good mother. i know that im an irresponsible person. i cant even take care of myself. why bring another child into the world if you cant take care of it? and there are so many children in the world that are orphans.
when i turned 18 y/o i was thinking about the world then, and it wasnt a nice place to bring a child into a world that may be ending (the whole y2k...the world is going to end thing).
for once mum didnt complain about it...whenever i mentioned it to her...she would usually ask me "well who is going to call me grandmother in that way - ur my only daughter?" (in chinese and vietnamese there are 2 different ways on calling family members, depending on whether they are related through ur mother or father.)
she agreed with me. she didnt think it would be a good place, if we survived y2k - not knowing what would happen next...to bring a child into this world. she was against my brother and sister in-law in having Chloe...but she couldnt stop it. she didnt think it was right, as they were both soooo not prepared for it.
now at 22 y/o...i still affirm that i dont want kids but its not due to my career aspirations. i still conclude that im not going to be a good mother as im utterly selfish and still cant look after myself, let alone another being.
if the ride from the airport alone did not embed in my brain that i shouldnt have kids, the dinner last nite for my lil brother's birthday surely must have engraved the confirmation!?!
i always have to act as though i dont care...cos the moment i care and notice those lil beings movement...i feel as though im getting utterly violent and prepare to spank the lil bottoms. since i firmly believe that violence is not the answer esp with kids...i have to pretend that they are not there acting like lil brats, to avoid hitting them!
and since this demonstrates my hot temper...i think it shows that i should not be a mother!
and looking after 2 lil girls for a lunch time...let me just say that it was not fun...esp at yum cha!
-_-!
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
Straight girl for the Queer 5!
I am absolutely loving the show Queer Eye for the straight guy - showcasing the Fabulous 5!
Last nites episode was the Fab 5 helping a guy prepare for the nite he proposes to his gf, in which he was living with for the past 2 years.
I was flabbergasted when they cleaned him up (and more so - the way they transformed the house in such short time.) Not that he was bad looking in the first place...he really looked like a model on the weekend with the 5 o'clock shadow on his face...so they cleaned him up...
I was in awe with those chocolate boxes filled with choc mousse and rasperries, and more importantly the ring in one of the 3 choccie boxes...i really want to try the Albanian choc that has a real minty flavour to it! (I like minty-freshness, even in chocolates!)
I was also in awe of the simple fact that this guy was Oh! soooo ROMANTIC...and he was inspired by the late greats of romance...he wanted to present his gf with the whole casablanca type of good lovin'...and he was chivalrous by heart.
I started to cry when he proposed and she took way too long to say yes! (He put in so much effort...) The Fab 5 thought she was preparing a "NO!" just as much as i was anticipating it!...the way her face looked indicated a negative reply...but she said that she would love nothing more than to be his wife! *awwwww*
^_^
Now...when i think about it...
If you were given the proposition of the Fab 5 from Queer Eye or all of the crushes you have had in the last year? I'd choose the Fab 5.
If you were given the proposition of the Fab 5 from Queer Eye or 5 guys from the last 200 guys on earth? I'd definately choose the Fab 5.
If you were given the proposition of the Fab 5 from Queer Eye or the last supermodel looking man on earth? I'd still choose the Fab 5.
FAB 5 win hands down!
*LoL*
Who wouldnt want a guy that was well groomed, dressed fashionably, cultured, handy and decorative, and cooks?! (That could teach u too..)
Well, if u cant find one guy, why not have five that know what they are doing and always do it well???
Last nites episode was the Fab 5 helping a guy prepare for the nite he proposes to his gf, in which he was living with for the past 2 years.
I was flabbergasted when they cleaned him up (and more so - the way they transformed the house in such short time.) Not that he was bad looking in the first place...he really looked like a model on the weekend with the 5 o'clock shadow on his face...so they cleaned him up...
I was in awe with those chocolate boxes filled with choc mousse and rasperries, and more importantly the ring in one of the 3 choccie boxes...i really want to try the Albanian choc that has a real minty flavour to it! (I like minty-freshness, even in chocolates!)
I was also in awe of the simple fact that this guy was Oh! soooo ROMANTIC...and he was inspired by the late greats of romance...he wanted to present his gf with the whole casablanca type of good lovin'...and he was chivalrous by heart.
I started to cry when he proposed and she took way too long to say yes! (He put in so much effort...) The Fab 5 thought she was preparing a "NO!" just as much as i was anticipating it!...the way her face looked indicated a negative reply...but she said that she would love nothing more than to be his wife! *awwwww*
^_^
Now...when i think about it...
If you were given the proposition of the Fab 5 from Queer Eye or all of the crushes you have had in the last year? I'd choose the Fab 5.
If you were given the proposition of the Fab 5 from Queer Eye or 5 guys from the last 200 guys on earth? I'd definately choose the Fab 5.
If you were given the proposition of the Fab 5 from Queer Eye or the last supermodel looking man on earth? I'd still choose the Fab 5.
FAB 5 win hands down!
*LoL*
Who wouldnt want a guy that was well groomed, dressed fashionably, cultured, handy and decorative, and cooks?! (That could teach u too..)
Well, if u cant find one guy, why not have five that know what they are doing and always do it well???
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
I want to be a Supermodel!
I want to be pretty like a Supermodel...actually, just pretty like any model!
heh.
*sigh*
/me weeps...
I think i should face up to the fact that:
I will never be toned and slender!
I will never be tall!
I wont have a sparkling smile - ever!
Clothes will always fit funny on me...
I wont ever be able to find a good pair of jeans that fit.
I will always be ashamed of wearing a swimsuit on the beach...least to say a bikini!
I will have leg problems in about 5 years because im vertically challenged and wear heels too often to compensate for it!
You see...at this point i should be crying...like all the other times i get really really upset about the way i look!
But miraculously im not...
I think im more numb from the self realisation.
I should be grateful that im not one half of a siemese twin joined in a weird position that would make it dangerous for doctors to separate me from my twin, or that im mutilated in any way. I should be grateful like my mother when she gave birth to me and the midwife said that I was a healthy baby girl with a head full of jet-black hair, 2 beautiful large eyes, 1 cute nose, 2 ears, 2 arms, 2 legs, 10 fingers, 10 toes, etc...
I should be grateful...but why dont i feel so?
heh.
*sigh*
/me weeps...
I think i should face up to the fact that:
I will never be toned and slender!
I will never be tall!
I wont have a sparkling smile - ever!
Clothes will always fit funny on me...
I wont ever be able to find a good pair of jeans that fit.
I will always be ashamed of wearing a swimsuit on the beach...least to say a bikini!
I will have leg problems in about 5 years because im vertically challenged and wear heels too often to compensate for it!
You see...at this point i should be crying...like all the other times i get really really upset about the way i look!
But miraculously im not...
I think im more numb from the self realisation.
I should be grateful that im not one half of a siemese twin joined in a weird position that would make it dangerous for doctors to separate me from my twin, or that im mutilated in any way. I should be grateful like my mother when she gave birth to me and the midwife said that I was a healthy baby girl with a head full of jet-black hair, 2 beautiful large eyes, 1 cute nose, 2 ears, 2 arms, 2 legs, 10 fingers, 10 toes, etc...
I should be grateful...but why dont i feel so?
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
I crave...
So now everyone knows that i have been detoxing and training almost mad. I havent eaten junk food for over 21 days (the amount of time to develop a habit).
On the weekend...the long weekend I had some fish and chips in a store in Manly and had a little bit of chocolate.
I use to eat so much chocolate...like in highschool...i lived by the slogan "a mars a day helps you work rest and play"...yeah i had a mars bar a day...sometimes even 2 bars a day! This was when i was frantically doing my art projects and pretty much did 3 months worth of work in 2 weeks with a minimal of 1-2hours per nite of sleep...and some nites without any at all. So...i REALLY needed the sugar!
=P
I use to crave sugar so much that it became a normal everyday thing. But since my detox i no longer crave it, if anything - by example of that nite i had a little bit of it...my body was rejecting it! After eating it i was unsettled and my tongue began to swell. I felt so uncomfortable and sick. So "byebye" to my chocolate cravings!
The oil from the fish and chips...well it was actually cooked quite well..and there was very little traces of oil on the food or the plate, but in my stomach...after i ate it...i bloated up...i never liked oily foods...now it is obvious that my body wont take it!
What i crave for now is meat...beef, chicken, fish, pork, etc...i cut out a lot of meat from my diet...almost vegan...but ive eaten a little here and there...its funny how things change - what u crave for. I like eating all kinds of greens...and herbs...like mint and corriander...i use to push it away from my food...now i eat the lot!
I also noticed some other things that i have started to crave for...in terms of my needs. I need someone to talk to sometimes...someone i can just tell everything to. Let down my guards and just let it all flow out!
I need some intimacy with someone...someone i can sit close to, lean my head against their shoulder or chest...someone to gaze into their eyes as they gaze into mine as we speak to eachother...
I need someone to hold hands with...to feel someone's stronger grip around mine, makng me feel secure.
I also need hugs, not the simple *pat pat* hugs from friends...close and warm hugs...the type that u receive from your partner...
I also need a "potential"...i need a potential someone to give my "pursue me" time to.
I dont want marriage material boys...im not ready for marriage...i just want someone to make myself pretty for, now and again - in my attempt to impress them.
I want to have some fun flirting with someone who will flirt back - who i want to flirt back to me...
Thats what i crave...
On the weekend...the long weekend I had some fish and chips in a store in Manly and had a little bit of chocolate.
I use to eat so much chocolate...like in highschool...i lived by the slogan "a mars a day helps you work rest and play"...yeah i had a mars bar a day...sometimes even 2 bars a day! This was when i was frantically doing my art projects and pretty much did 3 months worth of work in 2 weeks with a minimal of 1-2hours per nite of sleep...and some nites without any at all. So...i REALLY needed the sugar!
=P
I use to crave sugar so much that it became a normal everyday thing. But since my detox i no longer crave it, if anything - by example of that nite i had a little bit of it...my body was rejecting it! After eating it i was unsettled and my tongue began to swell. I felt so uncomfortable and sick. So "byebye" to my chocolate cravings!
The oil from the fish and chips...well it was actually cooked quite well..and there was very little traces of oil on the food or the plate, but in my stomach...after i ate it...i bloated up...i never liked oily foods...now it is obvious that my body wont take it!
What i crave for now is meat...beef, chicken, fish, pork, etc...i cut out a lot of meat from my diet...almost vegan...but ive eaten a little here and there...its funny how things change - what u crave for. I like eating all kinds of greens...and herbs...like mint and corriander...i use to push it away from my food...now i eat the lot!
I also noticed some other things that i have started to crave for...in terms of my needs. I need someone to talk to sometimes...someone i can just tell everything to. Let down my guards and just let it all flow out!
I need some intimacy with someone...someone i can sit close to, lean my head against their shoulder or chest...someone to gaze into their eyes as they gaze into mine as we speak to eachother...
I need someone to hold hands with...to feel someone's stronger grip around mine, makng me feel secure.
I also need hugs, not the simple *pat pat* hugs from friends...close and warm hugs...the type that u receive from your partner...
I also need a "potential"...i need a potential someone to give my "pursue me" time to.
I dont want marriage material boys...im not ready for marriage...i just want someone to make myself pretty for, now and again - in my attempt to impress them.
I want to have some fun flirting with someone who will flirt back - who i want to flirt back to me...
Thats what i crave...
Thursday, October 02, 2003
Me against the world...
I think it started when i was born.
I was blessed as a beautiful baby. Ask anyone, and they will tell you i looked like a doll...perfect symmetry in the face, large black eyes like two polished onyx stones, black silky hair that was oh so thick. My face was white as snow and my cheeks were like two rosebuds imprinted on the apple.
I was the cutest thing ever.
My uncle would refuse to eat if i wasnt in his presence.
I was the first born girl for the next generation of my family - so of course everyone loved me for that simple fact. Other than that, i WAS beautiful...undeniably...simply gorgeous...breath taking even...cute as a button...*sigh* But i grew up...turned ugly and it does feel like the world is against me.
I use to study until i basically had no sleep at nite just so that i could achieve my best...It all started in Year 9 in highschool...beginning of the end...it turned out not to be for my best after all...*double sigh*
Its like every time i try...i succeed in failing.
Relationships...dont even talk to me about that subject.
Failed #1/2...which wasnt really a relationship at all...
Failed #1...bad choice?
Failed #2...another bad decision taken...
Failed #3...i actually thought i was ready for a relationship again...
Note to self: You will never be ready you commitment phobe!
Im in my 5th year at Uni doing a degree that im uncertain as to what i will do with it once i actually get it. And even that is in itself a big "IF i get it". One subject lingering...and im so scared that i will fail it AGAIN...i may be reduced to tears soon...exams are only 4 weeks away!!! *panic attack*...i still dont feel like ive learnt anything this semester...*even bigger sigh*
...and...?
I was overweight as a kid...well i wasnt really...but being asian...if ur slighty bigger than the average bones and skin...ur basically FAT. I was only 10 years old when i was told by someone to "diet". That someone was a person that i never thought would judge me as so, especially when they were that close to me. Imagine my self esteem...wait...unless u have been told that u are "overweight" or "fat" by ur family or family friends...then u wont know how it feels, so dont even try to imagine what my self esteem was like!
All this time...i guess i have been obsessed with losing weight...trying to achieve what i think is perfect. There was a period of time where i wasnt even thinking about it...i was just happy to be me and i was happy with the size i was. That soon fizzled, cos my confidence was shot and soon i began obsessing again...i jogged/ran around the local oval...over and over again every morning with dedication of an elite athlete...
I dont think im obsessive about it now, im just challenging myself to reach my goal.
I was fired on Tuesday 23rd Sept 2003 at approximately 1:10pm. I was going to quit...and the bloody bastard beat me to it! *Grr*...i worked really hard for that company, i even stressed for them...and this is how they pay me! I stayed out of office politics...i didnt care for the gossip...and then my ex-friggin "sexually challenged" manager decides to pick on me. I take action and he fires me cos i "dobbed" him in for picking on the staff in the department!
Trust no one...
I got home straight after he fired me and i called all my agencies that afternoon. They called back for interviews to "touch-base" and so on Wednesday i went to interviews, by Thursdays i was offered 4 different roles! On Friday i went to another interview for a position that was most flexible and i got it right away - so i accepted it then and there!
So up yours u prick!!!
I fell sick with what seemed like a never ending virus about 1-2 months ago...i couldnt take antibiotics cos it wouldnt have helped either way and the only thing i could take was panadol and my allergy medication, that wasnt really working anyways...i would cough and what i thought and felt was a chesty cough, turned out to be a dry irritating one!
This is what i get for not going to my doc for a flu vaccination this winter!
When i get sick, its like a bloody curse...i put on weight...yes yes...ino people tend to lose weight...cos they lose their appetite and pretty much just welt like a dying flower...but i, even though all i do is drink water, and i eat very little...i stack on the weight. cos i wasnt allowed to exercise...as an alternate to the intense cardio workouts i usually do, i walked 15 mins to and from work and did body balance classes to stretch and yet i still put on the weight! So much that i had rolls over the top of the waistband on my pants or skirts.
Rolls...there were rolls...
I went on my own version of a detox after researching so much on it. I avoided foods with fats/sugars/junk/fatty meats/preservatives/dairy/salt and some other stuff. I eat fresh fruits and veges, or steamed veges, beans and legumes, soya products, aloe vera juice, freshly squeezed juices...especially ones designed to detoxify or cleanse your system...like Boost's liver cleanser *yuk cos it had beetroot in it* but i drank it regardless...and it was good at flushing the body!
I started my interval training with my trainer and its been good...
I have been bigger than my brothers for so long...albeit my younger brother is 6 years younger...but now he is a teenager...i sort of prefer to be lighter in weight than he is since im shorter. My older brother was heavier the moment he got engaged and cushy with his "married man" lifestyle and he let go...literally, he let himself go!!!
And since my detoxing...i have reached a milestone! *woo hoo* I'm lighter than my younger brother. Like finally some form of redemption for my sad life...Finally the world has given back for all the times it has taken from me! This is really tiring me out...i cant keep on going on like this and just keep on taking the knock backs. I mean there is only SO much a person can take.
Once again *WOO HOO!!!*
I was blessed as a beautiful baby. Ask anyone, and they will tell you i looked like a doll...perfect symmetry in the face, large black eyes like two polished onyx stones, black silky hair that was oh so thick. My face was white as snow and my cheeks were like two rosebuds imprinted on the apple.
I was the cutest thing ever.
My uncle would refuse to eat if i wasnt in his presence.
I was the first born girl for the next generation of my family - so of course everyone loved me for that simple fact. Other than that, i WAS beautiful...undeniably...simply gorgeous...breath taking even...cute as a button...*sigh* But i grew up...turned ugly and it does feel like the world is against me.
I use to study until i basically had no sleep at nite just so that i could achieve my best...It all started in Year 9 in highschool...beginning of the end...it turned out not to be for my best after all...*double sigh*
Its like every time i try...i succeed in failing.
Relationships...dont even talk to me about that subject.
Failed #1/2...which wasnt really a relationship at all...
Failed #1...bad choice?
Failed #2...another bad decision taken...
Failed #3...i actually thought i was ready for a relationship again...
Note to self: You will never be ready you commitment phobe!
Im in my 5th year at Uni doing a degree that im uncertain as to what i will do with it once i actually get it. And even that is in itself a big "IF i get it". One subject lingering...and im so scared that i will fail it AGAIN...i may be reduced to tears soon...exams are only 4 weeks away!!! *panic attack*...i still dont feel like ive learnt anything this semester...*even bigger sigh*
...and...?
I was overweight as a kid...well i wasnt really...but being asian...if ur slighty bigger than the average bones and skin...ur basically FAT. I was only 10 years old when i was told by someone to "diet". That someone was a person that i never thought would judge me as so, especially when they were that close to me. Imagine my self esteem...wait...unless u have been told that u are "overweight" or "fat" by ur family or family friends...then u wont know how it feels, so dont even try to imagine what my self esteem was like!
All this time...i guess i have been obsessed with losing weight...trying to achieve what i think is perfect. There was a period of time where i wasnt even thinking about it...i was just happy to be me and i was happy with the size i was. That soon fizzled, cos my confidence was shot and soon i began obsessing again...i jogged/ran around the local oval...over and over again every morning with dedication of an elite athlete...
I dont think im obsessive about it now, im just challenging myself to reach my goal.
I was fired on Tuesday 23rd Sept 2003 at approximately 1:10pm. I was going to quit...and the bloody bastard beat me to it! *Grr*...i worked really hard for that company, i even stressed for them...and this is how they pay me! I stayed out of office politics...i didnt care for the gossip...and then my ex-friggin "sexually challenged" manager decides to pick on me. I take action and he fires me cos i "dobbed" him in for picking on the staff in the department!
Trust no one...
I got home straight after he fired me and i called all my agencies that afternoon. They called back for interviews to "touch-base" and so on Wednesday i went to interviews, by Thursdays i was offered 4 different roles! On Friday i went to another interview for a position that was most flexible and i got it right away - so i accepted it then and there!
So up yours u prick!!!
I fell sick with what seemed like a never ending virus about 1-2 months ago...i couldnt take antibiotics cos it wouldnt have helped either way and the only thing i could take was panadol and my allergy medication, that wasnt really working anyways...i would cough and what i thought and felt was a chesty cough, turned out to be a dry irritating one!
This is what i get for not going to my doc for a flu vaccination this winter!
When i get sick, its like a bloody curse...i put on weight...yes yes...ino people tend to lose weight...cos they lose their appetite and pretty much just welt like a dying flower...but i, even though all i do is drink water, and i eat very little...i stack on the weight. cos i wasnt allowed to exercise...as an alternate to the intense cardio workouts i usually do, i walked 15 mins to and from work and did body balance classes to stretch and yet i still put on the weight! So much that i had rolls over the top of the waistband on my pants or skirts.
Rolls...there were rolls...
I went on my own version of a detox after researching so much on it. I avoided foods with fats/sugars/junk/fatty meats/preservatives/dairy/salt and some other stuff. I eat fresh fruits and veges, or steamed veges, beans and legumes, soya products, aloe vera juice, freshly squeezed juices...especially ones designed to detoxify or cleanse your system...like Boost's liver cleanser *yuk cos it had beetroot in it* but i drank it regardless...and it was good at flushing the body!
I started my interval training with my trainer and its been good...
I have been bigger than my brothers for so long...albeit my younger brother is 6 years younger...but now he is a teenager...i sort of prefer to be lighter in weight than he is since im shorter. My older brother was heavier the moment he got engaged and cushy with his "married man" lifestyle and he let go...literally, he let himself go!!!
And since my detoxing...i have reached a milestone! *woo hoo* I'm lighter than my younger brother. Like finally some form of redemption for my sad life...Finally the world has given back for all the times it has taken from me! This is really tiring me out...i cant keep on going on like this and just keep on taking the knock backs. I mean there is only SO much a person can take.
Once again *WOO HOO!!!*
Monday, September 15, 2003
What happens...?
What happens when two blind people with canes are walking on their own on the same side of the walkway but are coming towards eachother from the opposite directions? Do they know when to stop before they collide? Or do they battle it out with their canes as to who was on the right of passage?!
I admire blind people who venture in the great vast world on their own like that.
I admire anyone with a disability who manages to lead a more "normal" life - in comparison to someone who has no disability.
I admire blind people who venture in the great vast world on their own like that.
I admire anyone with a disability who manages to lead a more "normal" life - in comparison to someone who has no disability.
Friday, September 12, 2003
Slowly noticing...
(1) Midlife crisis gone too far when ur a 70y/o man driving a red celica with ur chair pushed too far forward and u cant see properly over the steering wheel and ur driving along at 20k/hr
(2) Terrible Two's is really terrible. And apparently i was the worst. Mum claims that she told me to NOT open a draw filled with my uncle's music cassettes or she would spank the hell out of me. So what do i do? When my uncle was babysitting me, i went to the draw and opened it and poured water all over the tapes. He just stared at me and didnt say a word!
My neice the other day (who will be two on the 28 Sept) was naughty, pouring water all over our floor in the living room...luckily its tiled. But when my mother stopped her, and called her "naughty" in vietnamese, she started crying - it was offensive apparently to her! (amazing how they understand so much!) She cried and didnt stop until she puked all over the lounge chair! *sigh* She was being naughty, and she already learnt to be defensive and was denying it.
(3) Mobile phones on the train. Be courteous please! When ur on a train and there are people around:
(i) pick up ur fudging phone instead of waiting for the polyphonic ringtone to play twice! Its bloody irritating!!!
(ii) when u are frantically smsing friends/boyfriends/whoever, please put ur phone on vibrate alert or just lower the bloody volume, the phone is in ur hands, ready to respond...so its not like ur going to miss it!
(iii) when u answer ur bloody call, try not to speak too loud so that the people in the next carriage can hear u!
(4) Being happy for other people is a good thing, even when they are happy for the wrong reason...if they share their happiness with u, its just too infectious to ignore! =D
(5) I like spending money on other people as much as for myself. I like the process of selecting the present, then paying for the present, wrapping the present and then handing the present, and more importantly - i love the appreciative expressions on the recipients face!
^_^
(6) I switch off when im around people who are too out there. I am literally speechless!
(2) Terrible Two's is really terrible. And apparently i was the worst. Mum claims that she told me to NOT open a draw filled with my uncle's music cassettes or she would spank the hell out of me. So what do i do? When my uncle was babysitting me, i went to the draw and opened it and poured water all over the tapes. He just stared at me and didnt say a word!
My neice the other day (who will be two on the 28 Sept) was naughty, pouring water all over our floor in the living room...luckily its tiled. But when my mother stopped her, and called her "naughty" in vietnamese, she started crying - it was offensive apparently to her! (amazing how they understand so much!) She cried and didnt stop until she puked all over the lounge chair! *sigh* She was being naughty, and she already learnt to be defensive and was denying it.
(3) Mobile phones on the train. Be courteous please! When ur on a train and there are people around:
(i) pick up ur fudging phone instead of waiting for the polyphonic ringtone to play twice! Its bloody irritating!!!
(ii) when u are frantically smsing friends/boyfriends/whoever, please put ur phone on vibrate alert or just lower the bloody volume, the phone is in ur hands, ready to respond...so its not like ur going to miss it!
(iii) when u answer ur bloody call, try not to speak too loud so that the people in the next carriage can hear u!
(4) Being happy for other people is a good thing, even when they are happy for the wrong reason...if they share their happiness with u, its just too infectious to ignore! =D
(5) I like spending money on other people as much as for myself. I like the process of selecting the present, then paying for the present, wrapping the present and then handing the present, and more importantly - i love the appreciative expressions on the recipients face!
^_^
(6) I switch off when im around people who are too out there. I am literally speechless!
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
My mother's story...
When i was trying to decide on what kind of career i could follow "if all else failed", i considered writing my mother's life story.
I guess in some ways it would be a tribute, but also just a simple biography of her life. To me, her life was interesting...she was brought up with 10 other brother's a sisters...some of them died very young, her father was jailed because he was fighting in the war on anti-communism side which provoked my mother to marry my father. She was a boat person on her own with my grandfather who happened to have some illness which prevented them to go straight to Australia and whilst looking after my grandfather she had my brother to look after, who was only 1 y/o. She did this in a foreign country with no money of her own. She only had the clothes on her back and another to change in. All her belongings were left in Vietnam with her sisters, in which they later sold for money that they much needed.
But life for my mother wasnt always grey in those days. Her family was once wealthy farmers of rice. But the city was booming and they moved there with so much hope, away from the country in which they should have stayed in.
You see, my mother's life was so colourful with many things occurring in her life when she was younger. She endured heartaches, her parents divorce, war, immigration, etc. There are so many stories that she shares with me...i wish i had recorded them in one way or another. I guess i have to get her to repeat the stories again, but this time have my MD ready to record them.
But she isnt the only one with stories, all her sisters have their own to share too.
I absolutely hate going to Vietnam, but the one thing that i appreciate is seeing my aunts and cousins who share their own stories from their past as girls in a time of revolution in post-war Vietnam.
IF and when i get the time to write my mother's story, i only hope that i do it justice.
I guess in some ways it would be a tribute, but also just a simple biography of her life. To me, her life was interesting...she was brought up with 10 other brother's a sisters...some of them died very young, her father was jailed because he was fighting in the war on anti-communism side which provoked my mother to marry my father. She was a boat person on her own with my grandfather who happened to have some illness which prevented them to go straight to Australia and whilst looking after my grandfather she had my brother to look after, who was only 1 y/o. She did this in a foreign country with no money of her own. She only had the clothes on her back and another to change in. All her belongings were left in Vietnam with her sisters, in which they later sold for money that they much needed.
But life for my mother wasnt always grey in those days. Her family was once wealthy farmers of rice. But the city was booming and they moved there with so much hope, away from the country in which they should have stayed in.
You see, my mother's life was so colourful with many things occurring in her life when she was younger. She endured heartaches, her parents divorce, war, immigration, etc. There are so many stories that she shares with me...i wish i had recorded them in one way or another. I guess i have to get her to repeat the stories again, but this time have my MD ready to record them.
But she isnt the only one with stories, all her sisters have their own to share too.
I absolutely hate going to Vietnam, but the one thing that i appreciate is seeing my aunts and cousins who share their own stories from their past as girls in a time of revolution in post-war Vietnam.
IF and when i get the time to write my mother's story, i only hope that i do it justice.
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
What's wrong with me???
I have noticed somethings that have been happening to me and i dont quite understand why...
Really odd things that have left me feeling insecure about myself.
I use to be this really brave girl, who would face up to any challenge!
Bite back when bitten.
Had the inner strength to soldier on.
Jumped off a cliff just to prove my purpose.
Argued until the sun has set, and risen the day after.
Scaled heights to show that i could touch the stars when i wanted to.
I was all of these things and then some.
Why have i changes so, in a way that i now cower away when speaking to someone. I consciously stroke my hair like i have something to hide. Even when im addressing a customer on the phone, i still reach for my hair and give it a stroke or put some strands behind my ear. They cant see me, so what am i so afraid of? Its not like a subconcious nervous reaction...like people biting their nails without knowing and then look at their fingers some time later, and find that most of their nail has been chewed off!
Why have i become so insecure??? When did i begin to second guess myself in such a way??? How did it come to be that i am no longer confident in myself or my actions???
I sometimes find myself walking around, going from one destination to another looking nonchalant but seriously worrying about something!
I also walk around looking at the floor. What happened to holding my head up high?
I avoid making eye contact with people. I use to look people in the eye and kept their attention until i chose to let go of it.
I find myself very unhappy.
I have started to lie.
Or maybe i have been lying all this time? And i have been in denial...
I might be going through a "Transition Cycle" in which im at a point of "inner contradictions" or "inner crisis" - based on the diagram on the website i have linked this blog to. I have been dealing with the so-called "Quaterlife Crisis"...I wonder if that is all part of my Transition Cycle? Or is the Transition Cycle part of the Quarterlife Crisis?
I use to be good with change. Saw it as an opportunity. I now look at it with distress.
Why oh why am i reduced to tears by it now?
I should be dealing with it all much better than i did before, should i not? Isnt that what growing up is all about? Am i doing a back flip and instead of growing, im actually mentally regressing*? What happened to my maturity? Out the window i suppose...
*regression (noun) 1: an abnormal state in which development has stopped prematurely [syn: arrested development, fixation, infantile fixation] 2: a defense mechanism in which you flee from reality by assuming a more infantile state.
Really odd things that have left me feeling insecure about myself.
I use to be this really brave girl, who would face up to any challenge!
Bite back when bitten.
Had the inner strength to soldier on.
Jumped off a cliff just to prove my purpose.
Argued until the sun has set, and risen the day after.
Scaled heights to show that i could touch the stars when i wanted to.
I was all of these things and then some.
Why have i changes so, in a way that i now cower away when speaking to someone. I consciously stroke my hair like i have something to hide. Even when im addressing a customer on the phone, i still reach for my hair and give it a stroke or put some strands behind my ear. They cant see me, so what am i so afraid of? Its not like a subconcious nervous reaction...like people biting their nails without knowing and then look at their fingers some time later, and find that most of their nail has been chewed off!
Why have i become so insecure??? When did i begin to second guess myself in such a way??? How did it come to be that i am no longer confident in myself or my actions???
I sometimes find myself walking around, going from one destination to another looking nonchalant but seriously worrying about something!
I also walk around looking at the floor. What happened to holding my head up high?
I avoid making eye contact with people. I use to look people in the eye and kept their attention until i chose to let go of it.
I find myself very unhappy.
I have started to lie.
Or maybe i have been lying all this time? And i have been in denial...
I might be going through a "Transition Cycle" in which im at a point of "inner contradictions" or "inner crisis" - based on the diagram on the website i have linked this blog to. I have been dealing with the so-called "Quaterlife Crisis"...I wonder if that is all part of my Transition Cycle? Or is the Transition Cycle part of the Quarterlife Crisis?
I use to be good with change. Saw it as an opportunity. I now look at it with distress.
Why oh why am i reduced to tears by it now?
I should be dealing with it all much better than i did before, should i not? Isnt that what growing up is all about? Am i doing a back flip and instead of growing, im actually mentally regressing*? What happened to my maturity? Out the window i suppose...
*regression (noun) 1: an abnormal state in which development has stopped prematurely [syn: arrested development, fixation, infantile fixation] 2: a defense mechanism in which you flee from reality by assuming a more infantile state.
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
My apologies...
The blog below...it was in regards to my imaginary Mr Perfect!
It is still straight from my heart because it was all the wishes i had in my heart poured out on to the blog, but there isnt a real person like that...i mean if there was and he was there and i didnt take up the chance even though he was right in front of me when i needed him most...ermm...id be quite pathetic...
But then, i am quite pathetic! How many grown people still have an imaginary friend who makes them feel "that" much better about themselves? You see, whenever i get into a relationship, i feel better about the fact that im not single...so i dont need an imaginary friend to make me feel better about not having a bf...cos i have one! (at that time anyways...)
And when the relationship ends, my imaginary Mr Oh-So-Right comes waltzing in to help me heal.
So, to all my friends who thought this Mr Right existed...and that i didnt have the guts to make it happen, sorry to have fooled u, but there isnt one. If you find one like the one i describe, be sure to inform me! ;)
It is still straight from my heart because it was all the wishes i had in my heart poured out on to the blog, but there isnt a real person like that...i mean if there was and he was there and i didnt take up the chance even though he was right in front of me when i needed him most...ermm...id be quite pathetic...
But then, i am quite pathetic! How many grown people still have an imaginary friend who makes them feel "that" much better about themselves? You see, whenever i get into a relationship, i feel better about the fact that im not single...so i dont need an imaginary friend to make me feel better about not having a bf...cos i have one! (at that time anyways...)
And when the relationship ends, my imaginary Mr Oh-So-Right comes waltzing in to help me heal.
So, to all my friends who thought this Mr Right existed...and that i didnt have the guts to make it happen, sorry to have fooled u, but there isnt one. If you find one like the one i describe, be sure to inform me! ;)
Thursday, August 28, 2003
The day you went away...
You were the sunshine in my life when i was most lonely...You came to me out of nowhere and offered me comfort when my heart was aching. It was at times like these, that you took my hand and showed me what beauty the world had to offer. We experienced so many things that I would only wish i could share it with someone...and that rightful someone was of course you. I had wonderful moments with you, like at the Opera sitting in the balcony - you looked so handsome...i would have sworn that it was not your type of thing, but you surprised me and proved me wrong. You showed me that i should never judge a book by its cover and how it was worth every bit to delve inside the book.
Our relationship was endearing and you fulfilled my every wish...that void i had gapping in my heart was no longer there.
But then one day, so suddenly things had changed. I befriended someone new and that day, that was the day you went away. You just knew that it was time to leave...how wise you are...you let me have my space. I was a terrible person because I neglected you. We lost touch and i never saw or heard from you again. I was utterly fascinated by the new him because he offered me something you couldnt. Not that i was ever disatisfied with your company, you know how much i enjoyed our moments, our conversations and your funny jokes! Its just...he could hold me in a way that you would never be able to.
Its funny how you knew when to re-enter into my life...when he left, i grieved and that was like a queue for you to come back to me. You forgave me for abandoning you...because you understood me...you knew me so well. So much that you realised you had to give me my space at that time to explore. But now, now was the right moment for you to shine your light in my world again. I sensed that day you reappeared...because i could feel you. I turned and i saw you, i smelt the fragrance of your cologne, i heard that meaningful tone in your voice - that tone that made me feel loved...loved by you...
This cycle happens all the time...we go in and out of being together! why cant we just be? Why must we be torn apart? Why cant we be sitting in the balcony listening to the Opera, side by side? Why must your scent fade away? Why is it that you only come to me when my heart is broken? Why cant you stay after you have made my heart stronger and prevent it from breaking? Why is it always that im left to worry about the next day you will go away?
Is it because you cant hold me in the same way that they have? I dont care for that - dont say that i do! I know that we will never be, but i just wished that we could...You come and go so often now...its beginning to feel less intimate between us, so much so that all i want to do is cry...because i know that it will never work out between us and that it will have to stay this way. You will only come to me when my heart is torn to pieces. You will glue my heart back together and then when your done, you will leave me - again.
Our relationship was endearing and you fulfilled my every wish...that void i had gapping in my heart was no longer there.
But then one day, so suddenly things had changed. I befriended someone new and that day, that was the day you went away. You just knew that it was time to leave...how wise you are...you let me have my space. I was a terrible person because I neglected you. We lost touch and i never saw or heard from you again. I was utterly fascinated by the new him because he offered me something you couldnt. Not that i was ever disatisfied with your company, you know how much i enjoyed our moments, our conversations and your funny jokes! Its just...he could hold me in a way that you would never be able to.
Its funny how you knew when to re-enter into my life...when he left, i grieved and that was like a queue for you to come back to me. You forgave me for abandoning you...because you understood me...you knew me so well. So much that you realised you had to give me my space at that time to explore. But now, now was the right moment for you to shine your light in my world again. I sensed that day you reappeared...because i could feel you. I turned and i saw you, i smelt the fragrance of your cologne, i heard that meaningful tone in your voice - that tone that made me feel loved...loved by you...
This cycle happens all the time...we go in and out of being together! why cant we just be? Why must we be torn apart? Why cant we be sitting in the balcony listening to the Opera, side by side? Why must your scent fade away? Why is it that you only come to me when my heart is broken? Why cant you stay after you have made my heart stronger and prevent it from breaking? Why is it always that im left to worry about the next day you will go away?
Is it because you cant hold me in the same way that they have? I dont care for that - dont say that i do! I know that we will never be, but i just wished that we could...You come and go so often now...its beginning to feel less intimate between us, so much so that all i want to do is cry...because i know that it will never work out between us and that it will have to stay this way. You will only come to me when my heart is torn to pieces. You will glue my heart back together and then when your done, you will leave me - again.
Monday, August 25, 2003
Filming and Screwing and the Rain...
You were late even when you told me 9am.
That was switched to 9:20am...to give you more time...
You turned up at 9:40am...which is a new one...cos its shorter that usual!
We got to L's late, but whats new?
So, the screwing begins...
We go to Broadway and get Gloria's...and its weird, i drink a lil hot choc and have my apple and cinnamon bread and i go nuts...its that giddyness that i have always felt when ino the day will be filled with incidences. And there were many incidences from the road trip alone! =P
That was switched to 9:20am...to give you more time...
You turned up at 9:40am...which is a new one...cos its shorter that usual!
We got to L's late, but whats new?
So, the screwing begins...
We go to Broadway and get Gloria's...and its weird, i drink a lil hot choc and have my apple and cinnamon bread and i go nuts...its that giddyness that i have always felt when ino the day will be filled with incidences. And there were many incidences from the road trip alone! =P
Friday, August 22, 2003
A broken promise...
I cant think of a part 2 to write in my Ode to L & E...
I sort of have a blank...
I cant force it, that would be wrong and not from the heart...
Maybe if i leave it until after a session of filming on Saturday that it will motivate me to write something meaningful with A LOT of adjectives that describes the two "utterly insane" friends of mine.
I dont know, quite lost, quite confused...
I need time to think...
I need to get away from the computer....
I need to sleep...
But its mango beer for tonite...
I dont think i can rest...
I dont think i can get away from the computer...
I dont know what to do...
My nose is blocked!
=(
I sort of have a blank...
I cant force it, that would be wrong and not from the heart...
Maybe if i leave it until after a session of filming on Saturday that it will motivate me to write something meaningful with A LOT of adjectives that describes the two "utterly insane" friends of mine.
I dont know, quite lost, quite confused...
I need time to think...
I need to get away from the computer....
I need to sleep...
But its mango beer for tonite...
I dont think i can rest...
I dont think i can get away from the computer...
I dont know what to do...
My nose is blocked!
=(
Friday, August 15, 2003
My ode to L & E
It all started with Y
on a chilly afternoon...
In a rush as we ran
from lab to lab
it was there i met L.
Sydney saw the Olympics
L & E saw the stars...
Finally, when we recovered
from the amazing hype
that i too encountered E.
BB's, Gloria's and Starbuck's
Two shots or more...
L & E went crazy
and thats when HI the movie
saw its creation being formed.
Uni was fantastic!
Coffee, parties and filming...
Everything was brewing
Ideas were renewing and
we all had a blast.
Incidents were increasing.
Lets not forget the cow
who is eternally moo-ing...
The wedding scene,
the tackles, and the coco pops bomb!
This is my ode to you two,
L & E...
my wonderful friends
you've stood by me
so, i would like to say thank you!
Thank you for the laughter,
Thank you for the imagination,
Thank you for Kylie,
Thank you for calls on the mobile late at nite...
just to update me!
You never cease to amaze me
the crazier you two get...
But that is whats so beautiful
about the two of you
and i'll never regret!
I cherish our moments
cruising while laughing
until we pee'd in our pants.
Filming embarassing scenes
and going to Harry's after to make up for it!
L & E
you are both my inspiration
especially for this ode...
I don't believe i have ever told you
but now...you know.
***Disclaimer: L & E are not drugs...i was not on anything while i typed the Ode...it was a boring Friday afternoon in the Geo Library while i waited for time to pass by when i could head towards the CBD and meet everyone for the Michelle Branch concert at the Metro!***
on a chilly afternoon...
In a rush as we ran
from lab to lab
it was there i met L.
Sydney saw the Olympics
L & E saw the stars...
Finally, when we recovered
from the amazing hype
that i too encountered E.
BB's, Gloria's and Starbuck's
Two shots or more...
L & E went crazy
and thats when HI the movie
saw its creation being formed.
Uni was fantastic!
Coffee, parties and filming...
Everything was brewing
Ideas were renewing and
we all had a blast.
Incidents were increasing.
Lets not forget the cow
who is eternally moo-ing...
The wedding scene,
the tackles, and the coco pops bomb!
This is my ode to you two,
L & E...
my wonderful friends
you've stood by me
so, i would like to say thank you!
Thank you for the laughter,
Thank you for the imagination,
Thank you for Kylie,
Thank you for calls on the mobile late at nite...
just to update me!
You never cease to amaze me
the crazier you two get...
But that is whats so beautiful
about the two of you
and i'll never regret!
I cherish our moments
cruising while laughing
until we pee'd in our pants.
Filming embarassing scenes
and going to Harry's after to make up for it!
L & E
you are both my inspiration
especially for this ode...
I don't believe i have ever told you
but now...you know.
***Disclaimer: L & E are not drugs...i was not on anything while i typed the Ode...it was a boring Friday afternoon in the Geo Library while i waited for time to pass by when i could head towards the CBD and meet everyone for the Michelle Branch concert at the Metro!***
Friday, August 08, 2003
Unfamiliar Uni...
My second week back at uni...which happened to incorporate going back to the labs...
I noticed so many things were different, different to the last time i was here.
Sure the department changed names earlier, but the fact that everyone around me calls it by its new name, that freaks me out...ive been here for far too long and its changing right under my nose!
Am i making a big deal out of this? I bet i sure am! But since i have nothing to do as of this moment, i might as well pour my heart out on this insignificant thing that is buggin' me. Maybe im just stuck in a rut, and being back at uni for one lousy subject just amplifies this stagnant moment of my life. I mean, i noticed things like the toilet paper in the departments toilets. They are 1 ply and as coarse as sandpaper...what makes it worse is that its BLUE! Like why did they get blue toilet paper for? Couldnt they have just bought a generic white, or recycled looking paper??? It should have been cheaper...instead of a fancy-smanshy blue! *ugh*
I use to walk around my building knowing where everything was, like the help desk. I would see someone i knew at every corner of the building. Now i know very few and most of the few i know are working part time, so i dont see them when i am at uni, either.
=(
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I went to the Careers Expo at Darling Harbour today...I spoke to a guy at Cobra - Sales and Marketing Company that have clients like Amex, Foxtel, St George, Westpac and they help with OxFam and some other charities. I'm quite interested in going back into a Sales Career. Maybe it was the fact that the manager who was speaking to me was good at selling and was enthusiastic. Or maybe i got sold from the free bag he gave me for giving him my contact details/application for a sales role. I dont know, but i was really interested after speaking to him.
I like going to places where there are freebies. I know, that is sooo typical asian! *LoL* And i can say "asian" cos i am one! =P Its even better when you go and entry is FREE! I scored so many stress balls - i think i got 7 stress balls and 2 highlighters, a bag, a ruler, 3 mouse pads, 1 vortex, some pens, lollies, 2 notepads, and a free 15 minute massage to boot! I think i scored pretty well. Although, i missed out on the Krispy Kreme donuts! *doh!*
Im thinking of taking a short course on how to give massages...its actually quite technical. As the major part of the course is really an Anatomy class. Then its the techniques that you learn...like the different types of massages. I spoke to some people recruiting for Michael Hill Jewellers...they were really looking for Retail Sales people...i was hoping that they were giving away free jewellery or something! I mean, that would have been a really good score too! ;)
Weekend please hurry up??? And when you come, dont leave! Is that possible???
I noticed so many things were different, different to the last time i was here.
Sure the department changed names earlier, but the fact that everyone around me calls it by its new name, that freaks me out...ive been here for far too long and its changing right under my nose!
Am i making a big deal out of this? I bet i sure am! But since i have nothing to do as of this moment, i might as well pour my heart out on this insignificant thing that is buggin' me. Maybe im just stuck in a rut, and being back at uni for one lousy subject just amplifies this stagnant moment of my life. I mean, i noticed things like the toilet paper in the departments toilets. They are 1 ply and as coarse as sandpaper...what makes it worse is that its BLUE! Like why did they get blue toilet paper for? Couldnt they have just bought a generic white, or recycled looking paper??? It should have been cheaper...instead of a fancy-smanshy blue! *ugh*
I use to walk around my building knowing where everything was, like the help desk. I would see someone i knew at every corner of the building. Now i know very few and most of the few i know are working part time, so i dont see them when i am at uni, either.
=(
I went to the Careers Expo at Darling Harbour today...I spoke to a guy at Cobra - Sales and Marketing Company that have clients like Amex, Foxtel, St George, Westpac and they help with OxFam and some other charities. I'm quite interested in going back into a Sales Career. Maybe it was the fact that the manager who was speaking to me was good at selling and was enthusiastic. Or maybe i got sold from the free bag he gave me for giving him my contact details/application for a sales role. I dont know, but i was really interested after speaking to him.
I like going to places where there are freebies. I know, that is sooo typical asian! *LoL* And i can say "asian" cos i am one! =P Its even better when you go and entry is FREE! I scored so many stress balls - i think i got 7 stress balls and 2 highlighters, a bag, a ruler, 3 mouse pads, 1 vortex, some pens, lollies, 2 notepads, and a free 15 minute massage to boot! I think i scored pretty well. Although, i missed out on the Krispy Kreme donuts! *doh!*
Im thinking of taking a short course on how to give massages...its actually quite technical. As the major part of the course is really an Anatomy class. Then its the techniques that you learn...like the different types of massages. I spoke to some people recruiting for Michael Hill Jewellers...they were really looking for Retail Sales people...i was hoping that they were giving away free jewellery or something! I mean, that would have been a really good score too! ;)
Weekend please hurry up??? And when you come, dont leave! Is that possible???
Wednesday, August 06, 2003
Momentarily weekend...
It starts off like this...
Concert on Friday nite - the Whitlams. I was flabbergasted by the support act "Field Day". They rocked. Especially their song "Insanity"...it blew me away.
Whitlams themselves...they werent so good in the first half of the concert...except Charlie 2. Then when they started the second half, it was like the alcohol kicked in or something...energy flowed and there was just more *oomph*. Maybe i enjoyed the second half purely because i knew more of the songs...perhaps.
On Saturday my mother was telling me about her youngest sister. How she was pretty much unwanted after being the 12th child. But in those days in Vietnam there was no way in getting an abortion. My mother begged for my grandmother to keep the baby. She even offered to look after it even though she was only just a kid. She was telling me how she stayed by my grandmother's side while she was in hospital giving birth for fear that her baby brother or sister was going to be given away to Nuns who walked up and down the corridor. I was like "what???" What are the Nuns doing, going around collecting peoples babies? My mother explained like she usually does, that its either they collect the babies now, or the collect the babies later on the footsteps of the Church. I asked what happened with these babies? She said that they become orphans with no names, and she isnt even sure if their date of births were recorded. How sad is that? I mean it is bad enough to be an orphan, let alone one with no name.
I had another moment when i watched Il Mare for the umpteenth time. There was a distinct point in which i was flabbergasted and it was like...*ding* and a light went off. Her best friend says to her: "True love comes from true independence!" I think that sums up why im currently single...
For once i actually had a quiet weekend...other than going to the concert, and shopping with my mother which is really the norm for me. Bar those two things, i was at home and i was vegetating over the weekend...i sat there and watched videos or dvds...i ended up eating too much and i think i have put on a few kilos! *ugh* But other than that! *LoL* My weekend was relaxing! Which is probably the only moment that it will be that way...
Concert on Friday nite - the Whitlams. I was flabbergasted by the support act "Field Day". They rocked. Especially their song "Insanity"...it blew me away.
Whitlams themselves...they werent so good in the first half of the concert...except Charlie 2. Then when they started the second half, it was like the alcohol kicked in or something...energy flowed and there was just more *oomph*. Maybe i enjoyed the second half purely because i knew more of the songs...perhaps.
On Saturday my mother was telling me about her youngest sister. How she was pretty much unwanted after being the 12th child. But in those days in Vietnam there was no way in getting an abortion. My mother begged for my grandmother to keep the baby. She even offered to look after it even though she was only just a kid. She was telling me how she stayed by my grandmother's side while she was in hospital giving birth for fear that her baby brother or sister was going to be given away to Nuns who walked up and down the corridor. I was like "what???" What are the Nuns doing, going around collecting peoples babies? My mother explained like she usually does, that its either they collect the babies now, or the collect the babies later on the footsteps of the Church. I asked what happened with these babies? She said that they become orphans with no names, and she isnt even sure if their date of births were recorded. How sad is that? I mean it is bad enough to be an orphan, let alone one with no name.
I had another moment when i watched Il Mare for the umpteenth time. There was a distinct point in which i was flabbergasted and it was like...*ding* and a light went off. Her best friend says to her: "True love comes from true independence!" I think that sums up why im currently single...
For once i actually had a quiet weekend...other than going to the concert, and shopping with my mother which is really the norm for me. Bar those two things, i was at home and i was vegetating over the weekend...i sat there and watched videos or dvds...i ended up eating too much and i think i have put on a few kilos! *ugh* But other than that! *LoL* My weekend was relaxing! Which is probably the only moment that it will be that way...
Tuesday, July 29, 2003
Religion
Rules and Etiquette of conversation says to avoid 3 topics when u are at a social gathering.
(1) Politics
(2) Sex
(3) Religion
I dont follow politics.
My friends are as prudish as i am, hence sex is never part of our conversations...its pretty much taboo!
As for religion...i guess from the topic on this entry, u can tell that that is what im interested in speaking about.
My aunt who is fairly young, about 28 y/o, is my father's cousin from my grandmother's side. She was the one who shared some of her artistic culture with me. I should have done Visual Arts as she did for her HSC. It is because of her, im interested in experiencing the Operas, musicals, plays at theatres, museums and exhibitions...etc... She was the one who introduced me to King St - Newtown, Glebe Markets - Glebe Point Rd, Norton St - Leichardt & the Italian forum all in a Sunday afternoon.
And it was because of her, that i am interested in travelling Europe. I dare to venture and explore local places of interest. My finances are in steady growth order, ready and waiting for my holiday to arrive.
My aunt is a petite sometimes vegetarian, who eats fish on occasion, and rarely touches meat. She embraces various cultures from various countries. She is interested in marrying a tall scottish man(think Ewan Mc Gregor), who is a primary school teacher. No Chinese IT guys, she has had enough of them! Prior to this weekend, she wanted to have a church wedding and i thought that was odd, as she wasnt of any religion...well a non practicing buddhist by default as most asians i know are.
On Saturday 26th July, 2003 at her nephew's 1st birthday party she told me she just got baptised. She was baptised Josephine Maria after the Saint Josemaria Escriva, whom she says opened her eyes and helped her find her way back to God.
Its weird. My friend and i on friday nite, were driving home and we touched on the topic of Religion. I feel odd at this moment. Not because i was talking about religion, but because i didnt want to talk about it. I am an aetheist born into Buddhism by default. I dont know.
I agree when people say that there is a need for hope and that is what religion provides. I disagree and what turns me off religion is when people preach different things saying one is more correct than the other. Is the bible open for interpretation or is it meant to be taken literally? What makes one religion "better" than another??? I dont know, i am quite skeptical when my friends and i talk about this.
My best friend from high school was a non-practicing buddhist who was later baptised a Jehovahs Witness. I didnt mind the fact that she didnt celebrate birthday's or occasions like Easter, Christmas, Anniversaries, etc. But all the bible studies just over took her life. She was either studying or at bible studies. We are still close friends, cos that kind of friendship never fades. But i hardly see her anymore. I dont blame her religion, because in all honesty it has given her hope and she is now very happy.
My aunt said to me that in the beginning of faith, the first saint that God named was Saint Peter. Peter meaning rock, strong, foundation. That is what religion is. It gives u something solid to hold onto. When times are tough, it is always there, it never changes - its constant.
Another analogy my aunt said to me was in regards to God. She said he is always there and is exactly like ur father. Humans were created with will. God let us roam freely and it is our choice to come back to him, and that is when he is there waiting with open arms for u. Like a child who runs away from their family, when the child comes back home his father is there ready waiting with open arms to welcome him back. Its that undivided love and devotion that God has waiting for each and everyone of us.
She handed me a book, titled "The way" by St Josemaria.
I read one passage and was reduced to tears.
She told me to take the book if i wanted to read on, but she wasnt going to force it upon me...so i took the book.
On my drive home, i told my mother about my aunts Baptism. My mother was crying out "oh my god" - which i think is soo contradictory to her beliefs! "What do her parents think?" she asked me...i told my mother that my aunt was an adult and that it was making my aunt happier, so who cares what her parents think. My mother's views on religion is like viewing cults. She thinks that my aunt will sell all her belongings and give up her life to follow the church and then die a death from mass suicide!
Which we all know sounds more like joining a cult not a religion.
My mother thinks God is a figmant of ones mind, not true or real because God is not tangible. My aunt believes in God because of exactly that reason. In her opinion and even the Pope's...God is too great to be physical. He is our creator and therefore he cant be like one of us humans. He is, to me a greater entity that i cant even describe.
Religion to me, is giving people hope, something that has a foundation for you to hold onto when u are in need of hope. When all is lost and failed, its something you can turn to. I dont find anything wrong with it if it makes you happy. I am my mother's daughter when i say this, i do find something wrong if your religion is "telling" you what to do. Like selling your home and belongings to fund the church, or something, i know im sounding so backwards. But im referring to those religions that are fake, that arent really based on anything, that is - CULTS.
I told my friend that i really had too much to consider right now...that i know that i will have to consider religion one day but most definately not now. I know that it is something for me to consider because there is something that feels incomplete inside of me, and maybe religion is the thing that will fill my void(i use this term loosely). Although, for now it would be too much time dedicated to finding the right one. I do feel that it is something i need, i mean, otherwise, would i have cried after reading that one passage from St Josemaria's book???
The simplicity of his writings. It was simple but it had depth that touched my soul. My aunt said it seemed to all fit for her when she found her faith after reading those books by St Josemaria. It was like every piece of the puzzle found its place. She felt complete...which is why, for now, she sees no need to be looking for a partner.
I dont really know what im doing religion wise...the principles of Buddha are quite good to learn and i think it is necessary for me to know so that i can be a good person...so i really should learn about being patient...humble...strong...compassionate... As for filling up a void...i dont think Buddhism is the key to it all.
But like i told my friend...i really need to focus on my degree...not on religion, cos if i fail...i wouldnt care what religion i was...no amount of praying would work...or would it???
I'm one subject away from graduating...and it scares me. Considering that i will be going to Uni this week on Thursday and Friday, i am in constant denial. The start of a supposed end. Do i believe i can graduate? I dont know...and that is exactly the thing that is really scaring me. The uncertainty in the extent of my knowledge. The stupidity that I feel. The fact that i cant guarantee that i will graduate! It has taken me 5 years to do a 3 year degree. That fact alone makes me sound dumb! Knowing so, makes me feel dumber.
-_-!
(1) Politics
(2) Sex
(3) Religion
I dont follow politics.
My friends are as prudish as i am, hence sex is never part of our conversations...its pretty much taboo!
As for religion...i guess from the topic on this entry, u can tell that that is what im interested in speaking about.
My aunt who is fairly young, about 28 y/o, is my father's cousin from my grandmother's side. She was the one who shared some of her artistic culture with me. I should have done Visual Arts as she did for her HSC. It is because of her, im interested in experiencing the Operas, musicals, plays at theatres, museums and exhibitions...etc... She was the one who introduced me to King St - Newtown, Glebe Markets - Glebe Point Rd, Norton St - Leichardt & the Italian forum all in a Sunday afternoon.
And it was because of her, that i am interested in travelling Europe. I dare to venture and explore local places of interest. My finances are in steady growth order, ready and waiting for my holiday to arrive.
My aunt is a petite sometimes vegetarian, who eats fish on occasion, and rarely touches meat. She embraces various cultures from various countries. She is interested in marrying a tall scottish man(think Ewan Mc Gregor), who is a primary school teacher. No Chinese IT guys, she has had enough of them! Prior to this weekend, she wanted to have a church wedding and i thought that was odd, as she wasnt of any religion...well a non practicing buddhist by default as most asians i know are.
On Saturday 26th July, 2003 at her nephew's 1st birthday party she told me she just got baptised. She was baptised Josephine Maria after the Saint Josemaria Escriva, whom she says opened her eyes and helped her find her way back to God.
Its weird. My friend and i on friday nite, were driving home and we touched on the topic of Religion. I feel odd at this moment. Not because i was talking about religion, but because i didnt want to talk about it. I am an aetheist born into Buddhism by default. I dont know.
I agree when people say that there is a need for hope and that is what religion provides. I disagree and what turns me off religion is when people preach different things saying one is more correct than the other. Is the bible open for interpretation or is it meant to be taken literally? What makes one religion "better" than another??? I dont know, i am quite skeptical when my friends and i talk about this.
My best friend from high school was a non-practicing buddhist who was later baptised a Jehovahs Witness. I didnt mind the fact that she didnt celebrate birthday's or occasions like Easter, Christmas, Anniversaries, etc. But all the bible studies just over took her life. She was either studying or at bible studies. We are still close friends, cos that kind of friendship never fades. But i hardly see her anymore. I dont blame her religion, because in all honesty it has given her hope and she is now very happy.
My aunt said to me that in the beginning of faith, the first saint that God named was Saint Peter. Peter meaning rock, strong, foundation. That is what religion is. It gives u something solid to hold onto. When times are tough, it is always there, it never changes - its constant.
Another analogy my aunt said to me was in regards to God. She said he is always there and is exactly like ur father. Humans were created with will. God let us roam freely and it is our choice to come back to him, and that is when he is there waiting with open arms for u. Like a child who runs away from their family, when the child comes back home his father is there ready waiting with open arms to welcome him back. Its that undivided love and devotion that God has waiting for each and everyone of us.
She handed me a book, titled "The way" by St Josemaria.
I read one passage and was reduced to tears.
She told me to take the book if i wanted to read on, but she wasnt going to force it upon me...so i took the book.
On my drive home, i told my mother about my aunts Baptism. My mother was crying out "oh my god" - which i think is soo contradictory to her beliefs! "What do her parents think?" she asked me...i told my mother that my aunt was an adult and that it was making my aunt happier, so who cares what her parents think. My mother's views on religion is like viewing cults. She thinks that my aunt will sell all her belongings and give up her life to follow the church and then die a death from mass suicide!
Which we all know sounds more like joining a cult not a religion.
My mother thinks God is a figmant of ones mind, not true or real because God is not tangible. My aunt believes in God because of exactly that reason. In her opinion and even the Pope's...God is too great to be physical. He is our creator and therefore he cant be like one of us humans. He is, to me a greater entity that i cant even describe.
Religion to me, is giving people hope, something that has a foundation for you to hold onto when u are in need of hope. When all is lost and failed, its something you can turn to. I dont find anything wrong with it if it makes you happy. I am my mother's daughter when i say this, i do find something wrong if your religion is "telling" you what to do. Like selling your home and belongings to fund the church, or something, i know im sounding so backwards. But im referring to those religions that are fake, that arent really based on anything, that is - CULTS.
I told my friend that i really had too much to consider right now...that i know that i will have to consider religion one day but most definately not now. I know that it is something for me to consider because there is something that feels incomplete inside of me, and maybe religion is the thing that will fill my void(i use this term loosely). Although, for now it would be too much time dedicated to finding the right one. I do feel that it is something i need, i mean, otherwise, would i have cried after reading that one passage from St Josemaria's book???
The simplicity of his writings. It was simple but it had depth that touched my soul. My aunt said it seemed to all fit for her when she found her faith after reading those books by St Josemaria. It was like every piece of the puzzle found its place. She felt complete...which is why, for now, she sees no need to be looking for a partner.
I dont really know what im doing religion wise...the principles of Buddha are quite good to learn and i think it is necessary for me to know so that i can be a good person...so i really should learn about being patient...humble...strong...compassionate... As for filling up a void...i dont think Buddhism is the key to it all.
But like i told my friend...i really need to focus on my degree...not on religion, cos if i fail...i wouldnt care what religion i was...no amount of praying would work...or would it???
I'm one subject away from graduating...and it scares me. Considering that i will be going to Uni this week on Thursday and Friday, i am in constant denial. The start of a supposed end. Do i believe i can graduate? I dont know...and that is exactly the thing that is really scaring me. The uncertainty in the extent of my knowledge. The stupidity that I feel. The fact that i cant guarantee that i will graduate! It has taken me 5 years to do a 3 year degree. That fact alone makes me sound dumb! Knowing so, makes me feel dumber.
-_-!
Thursday, July 24, 2003
My not so secret blogger...
I have yet to tell my friends about this blogspot.
I thought i would really want to keep it all to me, especially when i type freely about what i think, and how i feel.
And i really do treat this like a journal.
I was worried about people reading my entries and recognising who i was writing about in them. Or what they would think about what i was writing. Whether it would shock them and make them think differently about me.
But i dont quite care anymore. Its just a written form of my opinion on things from my perspective, a process for me to deal with this so-called "Quaterlife crisis". And if people dont like it, well then...?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I noticed my friends and i havent had the chance to converse as much as we use to...back in the days of mIRC and ICQ til dawn...i have pretty much stopped as it was taking up soo much of my time and hence lost a really great form of communication, but it was just soo addictive that i lost so much sleep over it.
And since i havent touched-base with many of my compadres i think it would be a good idea to open up my blogspot like everyone else and allow them to touch-base with me as much as i have touched-base with them through their blogspot.
So, im going to make a brave step and tell them that i exist and link my blogspot to my friends' blogspots!
*phew*
That's my giant leap for the week.
I thought i would really want to keep it all to me, especially when i type freely about what i think, and how i feel.
And i really do treat this like a journal.
I was worried about people reading my entries and recognising who i was writing about in them. Or what they would think about what i was writing. Whether it would shock them and make them think differently about me.
But i dont quite care anymore. Its just a written form of my opinion on things from my perspective, a process for me to deal with this so-called "Quaterlife crisis". And if people dont like it, well then...?
I noticed my friends and i havent had the chance to converse as much as we use to...back in the days of mIRC and ICQ til dawn...i have pretty much stopped as it was taking up soo much of my time and hence lost a really great form of communication, but it was just soo addictive that i lost so much sleep over it.
And since i havent touched-base with many of my compadres i think it would be a good idea to open up my blogspot like everyone else and allow them to touch-base with me as much as i have touched-base with them through their blogspot.
So, im going to make a brave step and tell them that i exist and link my blogspot to my friends' blogspots!
*phew*
That's my giant leap for the week.
