My cousin, her husband, my funky valentine (nephew phillip), my lil sweetheart (my neice megan) all came up from Melbourne to celebrate my lil brother's Sweet 16th Bday for the weekend!
The ride from the airport to our home was a nightmare! We picked them up from the domestic terminal and my funky valentine was crook and so he was crying and throwing tantrums...*grrr*...
my lil sweetheart on the other hand didnt get agitated until we were 3/4 of the way home. then she started sulking sliding off the baby seat, etc.
when i was about 13 y/o...i told mum that i wasnt having kids.
i was sure of it!
back then, i was very career oriented. i wanted to become a doctor and to be exact a psychiatrist no less. if not a psychiatrist i would have to be a neurologist. previously i wanted to be a fashion designer...interior decorator...architect...then it led to being a doctor...
and since i was going to lead a very hectic life...i told mum that i was sure that kids wouldnt go well with my future lifestyle.
when i was 14-15 y/o i told her that i dont think i would want to have kids not only because of my future career, but also because i wouldnt be a good mother. i know that im an irresponsible person. i cant even take care of myself. why bring another child into the world if you cant take care of it? and there are so many children in the world that are orphans.
when i turned 18 y/o i was thinking about the world then, and it wasnt a nice place to bring a child into a world that may be ending (the whole y2k...the world is going to end thing).
for once mum didnt complain about it...whenever i mentioned it to her...she would usually ask me "well who is going to call me grandmother in that way - ur my only daughter?" (in chinese and vietnamese there are 2 different ways on calling family members, depending on whether they are related through ur mother or father.)
she agreed with me. she didnt think it would be a good place, if we survived y2k - not knowing what would happen next...to bring a child into this world. she was against my brother and sister in-law in having Chloe...but she couldnt stop it. she didnt think it was right, as they were both soooo not prepared for it.
now at 22 y/o...i still affirm that i dont want kids but its not due to my career aspirations. i still conclude that im not going to be a good mother as im utterly selfish and still cant look after myself, let alone another being.
if the ride from the airport alone did not embed in my brain that i shouldnt have kids, the dinner last nite for my lil brother's birthday surely must have engraved the confirmation!?!
i always have to act as though i dont care...cos the moment i care and notice those lil beings movement...i feel as though im getting utterly violent and prepare to spank the lil bottoms. since i firmly believe that violence is not the answer esp with kids...i have to pretend that they are not there acting like lil brats, to avoid hitting them!
and since this demonstrates my hot temper...i think it shows that i should not be a mother!
and looking after 2 lil girls for a lunch time...let me just say that it was not fun...esp at yum cha!
-_-!
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