Enchante...

(Pronounced: on.shon.tay)

Life is funny in almost every circumstance.

Like shopping with my mother every weekend...ritualistically...meeting all these people - her friends...their children sometimes...

Being single and more the fear of dying lonely with no one to bury me when my turn arrives makes me sit and wonder sometimes.

There are the people who are fortunately charmed and everything seems to go there way. And there are the others who dont lead such a charming life. I come across a lot of people, but i have been trained to keep to myself and and pretty much avoid eye contact.

I dont try to make conversations with strangers. But i have an ability to have friendly conversations with say the stranger that is serving me at the cafe or the local fruit grocer...etc...

I am sometimes lucky, but i dont have it all.

With my weekly ritual my mum goes to this one asian grocer and always chit chats with the owner and their sons. The older of the two sons had a crush on me about 8 years ago...I was young and he was a smoker...sooo not my type. And in the end his parents forced him to marry a girl from Vietnam whom they had arranged for the two of them with her parents when they were toddlers. Weird, i know...who'd actually go through with the arrange marriages their parents set up yonks ago, in this day and age - all willingly?!

His younger brother i knew only by face, because he went to the same highschool as i did and is a year or two younger than my older brother. He would on occasion help his parents out at the grocery store on the weekend and my mother would chat to him whenever we'd drop by. He would always ask my mother what she would be cooking that night and ask if he could come over? My mother would say "sure thing...and dont just say you are and not show up! I'll get angry with you..." She said that jokingly and he never did show up.

The thing is, i never thought he was attractive. And when i saw him, i'd keep to myself and patiently wait for my mother to buy whatever she needed and when she would appear out of the store, the two of them would joke while i grabbed the bags from her to carry the bags to the car. I didnt even say hello to him, nor did he say hello to me...not until maybe 2 years ago did we speak a little to eachother.

After speaking to one another, i guess i saw him in a different light and i noticed that he had a nice smile...that he was cute in a very quirky way...and that this guy genuinely liked chatting to my mother...he didnt do it just out of politeness.

I think its very hard to find a guy who will get along THAT well with my mum. Not that she is a difficult person to get along with...but the two of them talk like friends...and well, its nice to see that.

There are some things word just cant express. Sometimes we'd look at eachother. He would notice something. I would notice something. We're probably not thinking the exact same thing, but were on the same wavelength...and its some form of enlightenment that transcends verbal communication.

I do believe that he finds me mysterious and interesting, because i dont often say anything more than a "Hi!" to him. And i have the tendency to look at something or someone and smile or laugh to myself...and he has the tendency to catch me in the action of doing so.

He was there at the store today. We said hello and i stood to the side waiting for my mother like the diligent daughter i am, he was talking to his parents and as my mother and i left we noticed a girl with him.

When my mother and i got into the car i told her that he caught me laughing to myself when i saw this old lady try on this hat. Mum later mentioned that he was getting married in September this year.

I then realised that i could have, would have, should have...but its too late.

I put it down on the fact that it was one of those moments where i was the unfortunate one.

It just wasnt meant to be.

There is a saying in Vietnamese that my mother often quotes...and it seems befitting this moment.

We both didnt have the "charm"...

(lit: Pleased to meet you...)

M'épouserez-vous?

I had lunch with a friend today and was told about a friend we both know. That the mutual friend was going o/s to marry someone he has only had phone conversations with for the past 6 months and plans on going over to marry the girl in a Las Vegas style wedding.

There are twists here...its not a straight and simple connection of 2 single people meeting online and finding love across all the expanse of water and land via the cyber-highway.

She is currently seeing someone long distance. Has not broken up with the current bf, but feels that she can marry this mutual friend.

For me, I just couldnt do it. I would not be flying over to meet the person...I wouldnt even be thinking about marrying them - knowing that they had someone and still hadnt broken up with them...even after supposedly committing themself to you.

Its too wacky for words.

I am a known sceptic...but I do wish the mutual friend all the best - no one wants a friend to be hurt especially from a broken heart...but am i the only one who thinks this situation is too much left of the centre?

(lit: Will you marry me?)

Dermatologue...

A girls best friends, i think are: water, SPF30+, laughter and a good dermatologist.

Some may want to add to this list and rightly so, depending on their needs, but i would highly recommend a good female dermatologist for all of our girly needs pertaining to skin and hair.

It brings a world of difference when you find a truly talented dermatologist. One who is open and honest and understands what you are talking about...

I have found one and she has helped me return my skin back to the days where i didnt have pimples. I see her now whenever i have a skin problem. She likes to chat too. So, it is quite easy to visit her without having to feel like you are about to be interrogated. The only hang up of visiting such a good dermatologist is waiting to actually go in and see them.

(lit: Dermatologist...)

I gotta tell you about Milan...

For the past few voicemails left on my mobile by L&E...they have repeated the same line over and over and over and over and over and over and over...You get the drift...

And the line is "I gotta tell you about Milan"...

But in the message itself...they say that line, but they dont say what about Milan. I guess they are trying to keep me interested by messing with my mind.

And they keep mentioning "Susan".

But "Susan", brings back bad memories of a girl at Uni that had a thing for our G! And L&E know it too.

The last message listed a number of people on their tour, a couple of 80-something year old people, someone knocking their head and the Canadian couple laughing at the poor person who knocked their head, i think there was 2 guys (can't remember where L/E said that they were from) but one talks and the other doesnt...

And the surprise of the day...?

I came home and spied some writing on a postcard that looked familiar...it looked like L's handwriting. So, i picked it up and read it. Sure enough it was addressed to me and the message on the left read:

PETALS,

WERE THINKING OF YOU IN ITALY....

LOTS & LOTS & LOTS
OF LOVE
L&E
xxx

I flipped over to see what was on the postcard and it was Michelangelo's David - but the focus is on his specific part!!!

I told and showed my Mum, and she told me that she was outside by the letterbox with her friend when she took the letters out of the letterbox and her friend asked what it was? Mum saw it upside down without her glasses and said it was a flower in bloom! *RofL*

They both looked closer and had a heartattack when they realised that it was David's man bits.

At least Mum recognised it was Michelangelo's David! *LoL*

Un jour chez Luna Park...

My Saturday was crazy.

I had booked my specialist appointment before knowing my cousin and 2 kids were coming to visit us from Melbourne. So, the week had been pretty hectic. A lot of dinners and throughout the week, it was tag team - where my younger brother on his days off would take our cousin + kids around town...and then on my older brother's days off he would take her and the kids + his own kids around town...and since i only have weekends free...I was to take them around town on Saturday and Sunday.

Saturday - took them along while Mum and i were getting grocery...so we had breakfast and did some shopping...then it was a quick dash to the specialist...but when we get there, i find that the family would have to wait for an hour with me, so i decided to take them to the local Westfields so at least they could shop or sit around and get some food, etc while waiting for me. So, i drive in and park the car walk them in and leave them to walk back to the doctor's office, no point in driving back and forth if i can walk there. After the doctor's appointment i go back to Westfields and then rush to Medicare, because i dont know when the next time i would be near one, so i powerwalk to the Medicare office only to find that they have relocated back inside Westfields!!!

WTF???

Its a race against time. I was worried that i wouldnt make it to the Medicare on time as it was almost noon. In the process of powerwalking to and from i called my cousin and told her what was happening...so i powerwalked...they followed...when i had to rush back to the shopping centre...the stayed at the park whilst i did my thing and then would meet me back in the shopping centre.

It was a crazy hectic day.

Sunday - Luna Park, Harbour Bridge/Opera House, Darling Harbour.

We only made to 3 out of the 4 and the Harbour Bridge was done via the fact that the train went over it and from looking at it at the Opera House.

Luna Park was great but really cold during the day. There was a lot of fun and laughter but some of the kids got really grumpy and it was really eating on my nerves. Since my nieces and nephew were born, i have become more tolerant, but not as much as their respective mothers. The kids are great until they get grumpy and even the older ones can be extremely difficult to handle...because its clear that they are grumpy but they wont tell you what is wrong no matter which technique you use to extract it, its worse than going to the dentist!

So, we caught a train around 9am all the way to Milson's Point...walked to Luna Park...unleashed 4 happy screaming kids inside...Mums waited while Aunty chapperoned them on the rides. After a number of negotiations with the kids, we hopped onto a ferry from Milson's Point to Circular Quay and then walked over to the Opera House. A number of happy snaps with some grumpy faces, 1 child desperately needs to go do a pee-pee...so Aunty rushes down with kid in arms hands child over to Mum...Aunty sits and waits by the pram.

Aunty notices that its 1pm and we havent had lunch, so we trek back to Circular Quay and hop onto a bus to go to Chinatown. We would have gone to Darling Harbour after lunch but unfortunately, 2 out of the 4 kids had a dentist appointment at 3:30pm. So, by the time lunch ended, we had to go back to Central station and catch a train home for the dentist appointment.

During this whole escapade between the Opera House and home, one child in particular was getting on my nerves. No matter how i would reason with her, she was so stubburn and sooky and so badly behaved, i cant believe that she is "this" close to my bloodline!!!

I asked Mum if i was that horrible as a child and she told me not to that extent. At home, yes i was naughty fighting with my older brother...but when we were out and about i would always hold her hand and cling to her side.

Today, i woke up feeling extremely buggered. I'm sooo tired and its not from all the walking yesterday. Its the mental strain of yesterday and the past week.

I dont think i would ever want a big family. Having four kids in my house is a headache and its too much to handle when you are so use to keeping an eye out on two.

I must commend those single mums or dads who actually bring up their multiple kids right. And those parents who have 4 or more, who bring up their kids right should get a pat on their backs too! Its a really really really tough job.

I couldnt do it.

(lit: A day at Luna Park)

partie deux...

I went to the same ticket booth at the trainstation this morning to get the same ticket for the same fare as yesterday.

I came across the same ticket booth attendant.

I said "Good Morning!"

And he grinned from ear to ear and told me "Good Morning!"

I asked for the same ticket and he enquired if i had a weekly ticket? I actually bought a ticket from the beginning of the year until my last working day before i fly to Europe. Thats about 8 months worth of fare...

For the sake of conversation, i told him, yes i had a City weekly and i was going to a training course in Nth Sydney today (as i did yesterday).

He said to me - "Oh, then you should keep today's ticket and yesterday's as a receipt. So, you can claim back on tax!"

God bless him.

(lit: part two...)

Et j'ai dit bonjour...

It was probably a quarter past 7 in the mornin'...I went up to the ticket counter and asked for a ticket connecting Wynyard and North Sydney, but before making my request i opened with a "Hello!" which seemed to make his day.

Its funny how a simple 'Hello' with a smile can make the world a difference.

He was so cheerful towards me after that, that i started to think if he had a spare million $$$ to hand over, he would have gladly done so.

How sweet it is to be able to turn someone's day around like that!

I should endeavour to remember in future how little the effort it is to say hello and smile to reap the benefits of making someone else happy.

I had to go to Nth Syd today for MS Project training course! Yes, i asked my company to send me to do this course because i'm stuck doing schedules for my projects and i realise that i am doing certain things that are deemed "bad practice"...so this course is righting the wrongs i have picked up fumbling my way through, trying to use the application.

Its for 2 days and already i feel really good about attending. The trainer is a perky Swedish lady, who is soo clever - i am glad to be a student in her class. She knows so much and quite frankly, she bends over backwards to ensure that the whole class is up to speed.

Highlight of the day for me was learning all these nifty short cuts and learning from the trainer the proper methods of organising relationships and constraints for my tasks...and i got a chance to explain to someone in the group about the purpose of baselining schedules (in which the trainer didnt quite understand where this person's question was coming from). I felt quite knowledgeable...how cool is that?

I go back to work on Friday for more training on a new application that is being brought into the company due to our close working relationship with our major client. Then the following week i have another training session for some new PM tool being intro'd for our project services group...reportedly, eliminating our project checklists, issues & risk registers, incorporating SAP financials, and supposedly shorten our project reporting because all the details will be encapsulated in this one tool.

I highly doubt it will make any of my work easier...i forsee my workload doubling...geez, i hate being psychic!
;p

(lit: And i said hello...)

Rapports...

Its really uplifting to see & hear about your workmates and their partners getting along really well. Yes, they probably have issues to deal with, but its obvious that they know how to deal with the issues and to hear that they are both working at it together shows me that it is possible to be in a relationship that has longevity.

I have friends who are in long term relationships, but its not the same as my workmates who have been married for 15 years+. And its not that i dont believe that they can last that long, its more that that would mean i was looking into the future, while my workmates relationships is currently the present...and that view holds more weight currently.

I wish i could say that my parents married and had a blissful marriage right in front of me, to look up to, and hope that one day I would be part of such a relationship...but i cant.

Theirs is not horrendous, but it wasnt coming up roses either.

So, i guess thats why i look to others for that sense of hope...and my workmates who have gotten the relationships right, would be good examples for observation and inspiration.

(lit: Relationships...)

Bonjour, nous sommes en Italie!

I know it should really be: "Ciao, siamo in Italia!", but i thought i should keep with my French theme.

Last night was one of those oddly well-coordinated nights. I seemed to have gotten everything done in a timely fashion, and there was one last thing to do...return my alterna-date's missed call.

So, i returned his call about the DSLR he bought from the JB-HiFi my brother works at.

Normally, i put my mobile back in my bag so that i dont forget to bring it to work the next day. I mean, i wake up so early, the last thing i want to do at 6am is scramble to find my missing mobile, because i accidentally misplaced it somewhere the night before.

But i did leave my phone in my room last night, on top of the cardi i planned on wearing today.

And of all nights (it was in fact morning - but it was pitch black, so i'll stick with night), L&E decide to start those prank calls from Europe. I get a call at 5:15am from an unknown number...and stoopid me, i answered the call!

The instant i picked up they started the ranting and raving...and i recognised their voices...and i also recognised the "we just landed and we already got screwed...why did you pick up?!??!?"

I knew that they should have landed in Italy sometime yesterday...i just didnt know what time. I know the drill. Turn my voicemail on...well, don't turn voicemail off, as it is usually on for work purposes...so that they can leave drunken messages at 3am or "crank" calls of the cranky "we just got screwed and its all your fault" variety.

Every holiday they have together, i get a number of voicemails left on my mobile messaging service, and quite frankly its the highlight of my morning to hear them on the line. *LoL*

(1) I know that although they suffered mishaps from being screwed by the locals...that they are in fact safe & fine, and laughing their heads off after it.
(2) I get my daily dose of laughter and get an ab workout.
(3) It gives me material to tell my workmates about my crazy friends currently in Europe!

Now, i need to practice leaving my phone on silent or turning it off at night...because there's like 4-5 weeks of these calls. It doesnt happen every night, so its always a surprise and well worth it!

***

I've realised that i take my friends for granted...and im sure most people are the same...they dont intentionally do so and perhaps dont realise. But with the way things are: whether you are busy because of your new relationship with your partner, you're busy with family, you're busy studying, etc...especially if they are your good friends...you expect them to be around and the same goes for you...they might expect you to always be around.

And then at some point you realise that you should really make an effort to keep the friendship going.

I'm trying to make the effort and become a better daughter, sister, and friend.

I realised that I should really be grateful for my life and current situation.

It might not be as charming as others. And i might not have scored a hat trick, being: love/health/career...but 1.5 out of the 3 is 50% and thats an underestimation. But life isnt all that bad. I'm going to Europe in less than 2 months time. I should be able to go to SG/KL in December...and when my review occurs at the end of this year, I will know if should be able to get to Japan in April...which is pending on my payrise and hopefully promotion.

So, i really cant complain.

And if i do ever complain, dear friends...please pinch me.

(lit: Hello, we are in Italy!)

Mise à jour...

I submitted my letter of confirmation from my Program Manager basically saying that I have been "managing" some projects for the last 6 months. I also submitted my CV.

I asked if that was it. He confirmed - "that's it!"

So, basically in July when my company renews my membership to AIPM, they will also be upgrading my registration from a QPP to a RPM.

At the end of the day, a good project manager is developed through practice of managing projects. To me, its like common sense. So, this piece of paper I will be receiving through the mail doesn't really indicate to anyone how good or how bad a project manager I am. It just shows that I am aware of the "best practiced methodologies"...

Fortunately, I have been working in an environment that is highly process driven, which is part of good practice. The company is ISO9001 compliant.

The piece of paper basically makes me one of the "skilled" employees, that Australia seems to be lacking.

Like my degree, on its own...the paper isn't of much value, its the implication of the words written on it that carries the value. For me, personally, the degree, the diploma, and the registration as a RPM means that I can command more $$$. And so, those 3 pieces of paper actually means a lot to me & my future.

I will be given more responsibilities. Better (harder) projects to manage. It will provide me with more opportunities. I will grow.

(lit: Update)

Dépression, au delà de bleu...

I believe that i am very susceptible to falling into depression...or maybe i'm exaggerating and depression is the more stronger sense of what i have felt before.

I'm the middle child of my family and sometimes i do get forgotten, or perhaps i just view myself as being forgotten...

I have felt lonely. I have felt helpless. I have felt like being swallowed up by a gapping hole in the floor. I have wanted to just fade into the walls and disappear. I have felt the despair. I have felt worthless. I have wanted my life to end.

That was when i was younger.

Is that what depression is? Because the thing is, i have always managed to pull myself out of it without help from anyone...well, not direct help of knowing that i actually felt the way i did back then.

I envision depression to be something so great that it is sooo hard to knock back. An addiction that is too hard to kick without proper intervention.

A friend once told me that i was resilient. I didnt believe him at the time. My heart was in the process of being bruised. But he was right. I am a tough girl.

Maybe it comes from being a cynic. I'm very skeptical of most things in life. I still hope that there is some good out there, but i'm more inclined to assume the worst of anything until i am proven wrong. It is my armour in facing the world. I see it as a glass half empty and I prevent myself from getting hurt or disappointed. So, i am extremely organised and prevent the worse from happening to me.

I believe that this is why i am good at what i do for a living. If i stay organised, i stay in control. I account for issues and risks, but its assessed and i know that i can handle them if they pop up. On the rare occasion something i cant handle will appear, but i know that i can still handle it.

If what i went through, in those years before was depression...when the first time it happened, something must have pulled me through without my knowing. I'm not sure if it was the perfectionist in me that said "wake up and smell the stench of impending failure looming"..."perfectionists dont end the game, they win the game"...? Who knows...but all the other times when i was feeling hopeless, i know i got myself out. And i think it all comes back to taking control.

I manage to bounce back, because i know that i am the one in control of my actions.

That knowledge is empowering. To know that you make the decision to get out of it. Slap yourself if you have to, but you are the one in control. Take stock, life is will always have waves of challenges rolling in to shore to knock you off your balance.

Balance.

From practicing yoga and pilates and seeing my physio, i have learnt that balance is the key to keeping my joints and muscles feeling fine after any strenuous workout.

I strongly believe that balance is the key for life.

I may have felt dire at times and then flipped to being ecstatic at other times, but i always come back aligned to my equilibrium. I actually do balance on one leg for 70 seconds or more, then alternate. I do this each and every day. Thats for the physical side of things. In terms of mentally and emotionally, i laugh.

I like working with a bunch of guys. They either make me laugh with a joke or two, or alternatively they bring me down to earth by making me find something to laugh about within myself.

For those who do and are suffering from depression, i hope that you do see the light - you can get beyond it. Find your inner strength. It is hard. But there is hope. Just think about how blue the sky can be after a storm. The wonder of your eyes getting tricked to see rainbows - colours, even. The joys of hearing the sound of laughter...

It helps me, to think about awe inspiring, naturally beautiful things. Maybe it can help you too.

(lit: Depression, beyond blue)

télévision...

Last night, i watched Michael Buble on Rove.

"T!t-humper"...if you watched it, you will know what im talking about...

I enjoyed the interview and decided that I will skip half the day of work today to be in the audience for Enough Rope with Andrew Denton.

My alterna-date was invited to be in the audience and asked if i wanted to go last Friday? I told him that that was a dumb question. That it was a no brainer...and then i realised that it started at 1:15pm and ending at 6pm.

I told my manager that i scored tix to be in the audience and that i had to go. He said he'd think about it.

This morning after i decided last night, i told him when he walked through the door that i was most definitely going.

12:40pm I left my office to go to ABC building on Harris Street.

The process of getting into the studio was a pain in the behind. We didnt get seated until over an hour later.

The first guest was a man named Lincoln Hall (?) who basically died while climbing Everest, but came back from the dead to tell his tale. It was an interesting story to tell and the interview was engaging at times, but i was getting sleepy and i wondered how it would look in the play back if they glazed over the audience and caught me snoring???
=T

Anyhoo...I was getting impatient as the interview with Lincoln was dragging, not because of the lack of trying...i think it was just his voice that droned on. I was waiting for Michael and i really just wanted the first interview to end.

And end, it finally did.

Next in line, i thought it was going to be someone other than Michael...from Andrew Denton's hints before the filming began, it sounded like Michael would be last in the 3 guest line up. But to my surprise, Michael was next.

He is really charming and enthusiastic and funny. And i adore him.

This episode being filmed today was for Enough Rope's new season. I would like to reveal some funny things that happened on stage, but i dont know what will make the cut or which part will end up on the cutting room floor. But if you do watch Enough Rope and catch this episode and hear a girl laughing pretty heartily during the Michael Buble interview, you can be sure it was in fact moi! But i sat in the back row and i dont believe they filmed any shots of me...thankfully!

*LoL*

After the episode is aired and i remember to, i will write another post and reveal some parts they had cut out.

Did you know that they film the audience applauding and smiling and laughing, and then edit it into the actual interview with the guests?

I didnt until today.

(lit: television)

Comédie allemand...

I watched a German movie last night. The first German movie I had ever seen.

I always considered going to the German Film Fest, but never quite made it.

I was actually watching Iron Chef and in between I saw the commercial for "Kebab Connection". I giggled because it was pretty funny (the ad) and it got me curious.

So, when Iron Chef finished I stayed with SBS and watched this movie. It was about a Turkish boy knocking up a German girl and his family disowning him for getting a German girl preggers. She is an aspiring actress, he an aspiring director with an obsession to make the first German Kung Fu movie (totally Bruce Lee inspired action).

I laughed quite loudly, and my laughter must have shook the house.

It reminded me of E (the boy and his obsession with film directing) and his family (all the crazy things that happened in between). It got me wondering whether this "craziness" was a cultural thing. I mean, all the stories E had told me about his family...they were portrayed in the movie in one way or another. I always thought it was just E and his family, but if the theme is carried out in a German movie about a Turkish boy...hehehe...

(lit: German Comedy)

Anniversaire de 2 ans...

Its 2 years with my company and its exactly the same amount of time working with the same client.

Its also just a little over 2 months before i fly to Europe.

And ironically, it will be 2 years tomorrow, since i broke my left ankle.

Life is hectic, but interesting right now. In terms of work. In terms of social stuff. In terms of thoughts running through my head.

In terms of work...I'm working on some summaries in support of gaining my RegPM (Level 5 registration). If successful, i shall be a registered PM by the end of Financial year.

In terms of social stuff...I'm meeting a number of people since moving to the Glebe office and i quite like these new people. Its really funny, there is this one guy who purrs when he walks past my desk - he does so as a joke to me...i havent quite pinned what the purring is actually for or what it actually means...but it makes me laugh...so i guess its worth it!

There is a local cafe we go to and i keep seeing Yumi from Channel V...she brought in her daughter today while the guys and i were having our morning coffee. Her daughter is a little cutie. The guy at the cafe who makes our drinks, he is really funny. He knows just how much to stretch when he teases various people and when to stop. And he just makes me laugh and really yummy soy hot chocs.

I bought Miss Saigon tix for October at the Lyric Theatre today. L, V, M&D, Mon and i are going. I ended up with 3rd row tix...close to the centre...im so chuffed! I can't wait!!!

I went to Eiger Swiss restaurant last Saturday and had cheese fondue, air dried beef, seasoned mushrooms, veal schnitzel, roesti, choc fondue, and chestnut vermicelle...basically i stuffed myself with a whole variety of comfort food. The owner, Alain, is rather eccentric, but since he said i that i am a beautiful girl...i forgive him from being a tad pushy at times. I went to Eiger with my workmates and their spouses and it was fun.

I'm going to drinks and dinner with other workmates this Friday and i'm sure that i will enjoy Friday night too, as much as i did last Saturday. I dont usually "hang out" with my workmates...only a select one or two. But the people i have met are really nice, so i figure why not? It cant hurt me and i sooo need to branch out more.

(lit: 2 year anniversary)

controversé...

I have a lot of opinions on controversial topics, but i usually dont voice them because i know that my opinions are based on very limited information...and therefore i shut up and prevent myself from being a fool in public.

Because i graduated from USYD i get their quarterly "Sydney Alumni" magazine and when i have the time i try to read it. This Winter edition has an article about Stem cell research which i found quite interesting.

Not like we all havent heard a lot about it in the news. So, its not like its all new. There has been so much debate about it all over the world. But there was something written in the article that presented an idea that i had never considered until now. Which i basically found thought provoking...

"Enchantment with our own uniqueness remains central to the Western imagination of the self. Therapeutic cloning not only shakes that idea; it also confronts our notion of ourselves as circumscribed individuals both spatially and temporally.
...
'Stem cell technologies involve a reorganisation of boundaries and elements of the human body. Bodies become materially implicated in each other,' says Prof Waldby. Through an indefinite fusing of bodies, what disappears are the safe, certain lines where our body stops and another begins." --Immortal lines, written by Dr Kate Rossmanith

I didn't think about it that way...the fusing of another's cells in one's body. I saw it more from the idea of using "babies" and "cloning"...in some ways my concerns were fears of Frankenstein-esque monsters being created and man becoming power hungry and wanting to play God...like i said, i dont know much about stem cell research, so i usually keep my mouth shut on the topic.

I have been against the idea, because i didnt and still dont know enough about it. And thats the thing I have learnt by reading the article. That most of the scientists dont know enough about it either, that all research done so far is only scratching the surface and that more needs to be done. They can not definitively advise that it can be used therapeutically in a clinical environment. It looks promising, but the truth is that there are years of research left to be done to know for sure.

I guess i should wait and read more before i can really say that im for or against it...i wonder if a decade is enough?

(lit: controversial)

Je ne suis pas asthmatique.

I hopped on the train and chose my seat.

Next stop.

A girl hopped on and sat down next to me. She was coughing a lot and i thought to myself "uh-oh...i'm going to come down with yet another thing"...

As the train ride progressed, she pulled out her inhaler. I had forgotten that she was asthmatic. You see, i had often seen her on this train and she has on a number of occasions taken a puff from her inhaler, especially in the colder months.

How could i be so unsympathetic? I know how bad it is to be sick and not wanting to go to work, but having to go because you are sick, but not that sick. Sounds like torture when you put it down in writing, but some people are unable to work from home or they just can't afford not to work even if they are sick.

I use to have really bad asthma. I've taken it for granted that I have overcome it and that I am no longer a slave to my Ventolin.

But it wasnt like it was easy to overcome. Often it felt like I was running an uphill battle and the funny thing is - that is exactly how i overcame it.

I ran.

I exercised. I exerted my lungs and my heart to a point where my organs got use to the exertion. They started to switch on and function as per normal without the drugs. And then, I stopped coughing and wheezing and feeling as though my lungs were going to explode.

It was a slow process in reducing the amount of Ventolin I was taking, as I was increasing my cardio exercise. I started out taking a puff before, during and after exercising. Then I slowly dropped it down to a puff before and during (if needed). As my cardio increased, then just a puff before my exercising. And one day...I just decided to forgo the single puff before starting.

It was tricky to deal with at this stage. And I think if I was ever wheezing, it was happening out of anxiety and the fear of having an attack, when in fact I was really fine.

I stopped using my Ventolin when I was about 19-20, there abouts. I carried it around in my handbag where ever I went, but I didn't have to use it for about a year or so. And then I stopped carrying it and it has been a good number of years now.

I have also stopped ticking the box which says "Asthma"? on the various forms I fill out.

Sometimes, when I do my interval training on the treadmill, or when I run outside and the air is really crisp, I still wheeze a little. But its nothing unbearable and I can jog it off. I think its more from being unfit than an onset of adult asthma.

Well, I hope.

(lit: I do not have asthma)

Se faire aimer Napoleon Dynamite...

When Napoleon Dynamite was released in the cinemas in 2004, i had really wanted to watch it. I don't know what got in the way, but i didn't end up catching it in the cinemas...and i didn't even get to watch it on dvd...that was until this weekend.

It is soooo geeky, the movie, as much as Napoleon is, which makes this movie so endearing!

I had chuckled throughout the movie, and my friends were right. I was totally missing out!

Recently, i had borrowed a selection of dvds from G and this was one of them. I'm so glad that he had let me borrow this gem of a movie. My alterna-date was telling me that this was one of his favourite movies and he was surprised that i hadnt watched it until now.

I have to agree...this is now one of my favourite movies.

Highlights of the movie:

* Vote for Pedro - I now get it!
* Kip changing into a homie with the help of his "soulmate" LaFawnduh...hehehe...
* Jamiroquai's - Canned Heat (Synkronized 1999)

(trans: The endearing Napoleon Dynamite)

Mon meilleur ami...

My alterna date and i were talking about how many people we would consider to be our best friends...the type of friend that you could call at 3am or in an emergency, knowing that they would come to your rescue - guaranteed...and also, that they lived in a 5Km radius.

We had eachother. I could add D...but i actually feel funny if i imposed on him with an emergency call at 3am.

If M still lived in the area, i would put her down. If E was closer by 5Km...then i would put him down...and that is the same for K, L, G and V.

We spoke about this on Saturday, prior to watching "Mon meilleur ami - My best friend" on Sunday at the Palace Twin Cinemas.

And it was funny that our topic of conversation was the exact premise of the movie.

I was hoping that the movie would be more funny...but I found it dramatic and serious...perhaps, it is because it touches on the topic of alone & loneliness, and I obviously have an affinity with being alone.

Irrespective of the serious underlying tone of the movie, i still enjoyed it. After all it is a story about being a true best friend.

But if you had to watch one French flick this year, I would suggest vehemently, that you go watch "Prête-moi ta main - I do". It was part of the French Film Fest 2007, but I missed it by watching Priceless and OSS-117.

I think it speaks for itself that it was part of the Fest and now its actually showing in cinemas as general release.

G got a free double pass to the advanced screening of "I do" and asked me to go with him - as I obviously have this thing with foreign movies, lest to say French flicks.

And it was the BEST French film I had seen for the year. It was FUNNY!!! If anyone said that the French don't know how to do comedy, they should really see "I do". I couldnt stop laughing and i thoroughly enjoyed it.

***

Over the long weekend, i slept in and i went shopping - lots of shopping!!!

I didnt buy anything really expensive, but i bought a lot of inexpensive things...which in the end broke my budget for this month anyway.

Shame on me.
>_<"

Je suis ici de passage.

(Pronounciation: zher swee zee.see der pa.sazh)

The audit is almost over...and i wasnt one of the lucky people to be selected...
^_^

But all the hard work in catching up took its toll. And then all of a sudden it turned into an anti-climax...because today...in anticipation of the auditor arriving there was a buzz in the office and then he left. He didn't question my team. Didn't enquire what we did all day...just pretty much walked past us.

It was good and bad.

I closed a project today! *woohoo* I also saved the company a couple of grand...except, i think it was by accident...not because i managed the budget well. Ha!

I think im over the panic attack...and just going with the flow. Finally.

Plans for the weekend...I'm going to work from home on Friday...catching another french flick "My best friend" and was going to walk the markets and go for a bike ride...but i believe the weather will be working against me.

(lit: I'm in transit)

travailler à vivre...

Work has been crazy lately. Stress levels have been really high. Energy levels have been waning. A workmate and i had to stay back on Thursday night and it wasn't fun...even though i have started to laugh hysterically - it isnt actually funny.

I have noticed that since moving to the Glebe office, i barely have time to think about anything except work. I don't respond to emails, unless its from the customers or something urgent from a manager. Everything else is low priority.

My workmates have noticed that it is Glebe. We have other things that could potentially make us feel "fast & furious", but essentially we would not have been so hard hit if we were still in the CBD.

I have started to pick up bad habits like taking 10 minute lunches at my desk...mind you the unhealthy part is that i sit on a level (in the building) that is enclosed by 4 walls and only 2 smaill windows that are tinted so that you cant look to the outside. So, its really just blank walls. (Highly secured area).

I've also started to continue working, even though i have left for the day, even while on my train ride home. I'm following up with workmates on requests, phone calls to customers, managers, et al. I'm like "this" close to carrying my laptop and wireless around to work on the train...how sad is that?

I've always said that "I work to live, NOT live to work", but it seems to me that work is starting to take over my life...and its what i wanted to prevent. 95% of the managers i know have a balance of about 75-85% work, 25-15% life ratio. They aren't 'failing' from the lack of trying to create a 50-50 ratio...its just the nature of working in the project environment.

But to their credit, they are either in a long term relationship, married, &/or with kids...and their better halves are understanding. So, they are obviously getting some things right.

My workmate and i, who are both single females, and are developing our careers in this industry have realised that we are basically screwed (apologies for the lack of finding any other word that would define it more eloquently). We both have been trying to avoid this impending moment...and now we have to look straight into the eye of the monster.

I had a panic attack last night. I called 3 friends in Sydney, who didn't pick up their phones, so that i could panic with a rational voice on the other line to talk some sense into me...but as that was lacking, i sent an sms to E, who is currently in Istanbul.

He responded in a couple of minutes, and that calmed me down a little. Funny how the person who is miles away across some oceans can respond in a couple of beats.

It was my father's birthday yesterday, so i was actually panicking while sitting in my car waiting for my family to arrive at the restaurant. And since it was Dad's birthday, i didnt want to alarm the family, so i abstained from talking to Mum about the fear that was in me.

So instead, after dinner i drove to A's place to catch up with some friends and watch Shrek 3 on A's new big ass plasma, in his new pretty, pretty apartment.

I barely took my boots off when i broke down in front of the girls in the hallway.

Its shameful, but they understood my concerns...at least that means im not over reacting too much.

I think i alluded in my last post about wanting to pay off my mortgage, building my nest egg, and potentially that now is the time to start planning if not acting.

So, im sort of stuck with a connundrum...my catch 22...

At 26, work my way to become a fully fledged project manager, my registration is 6 months (tops) from being awarded. Get flogged with work and have no social life for the next 4 years...reach 30 and have another panic attack realising that the last 4 years i should have been socialising instead of working my butt off...at this point in time have no friends, because i haven't had the time to make the effort to keep in touch, and therefore everything spirals out of control and i die lonely!!!

Have i ever told you that one of my biggest fears is dying lonely?

Its not like i can avoid work. And its seems natural to get promoted to project manager and the promotion means i get paid more...which helps me pay off my mortgage faster, and on a projet manager's rate i will have money to start building my nest egg.

So, do i choose the pending career which would free me financially or the life i currently dont even have but would like?

(lit: to work to live)