Vienna

Day: Tuesday, 11 September 2007

Wellbeing: Good - better than the day before

Weather: Rain & rain

Highlights: Schonbrun Palace - Maria Theresia's Summer Palace, Concert at the Palais Autsburg (?)

Violinist made eyes with me - weird. Had a glass of Sekt (Austrian sparkling wine) which came with the ticket for the concert. They had a pair of Opera singers and ballet dancers. Mozart, interval and then Strauss.

Visited the Summer Palace. Walked inside and we weren't allowed to take photos because of the frescoes that are in preservation. The gardens are beautiful!!! Then we visited the Winter Palace, but we didnt go in, but walked around the outside. Bought postcards and bookmarks of both palaces.

I LOVE GARDENS!!!

Inside Schonbrun, we saw the late Baroque and early Rococo designs. Visited the Reception Room, Blue Chinese Room, Black Lacquer Room, the Indian Wood Room, Napoleon's Office, the Tapestry Room, the Servants quarter and the Chandeliers!

Beautiful paintings that used light and shadow!!!

I had a slice of Sacher Torte (Chocolate sponge with apricot jam) at the Rosenberger during lunch. Must have when you are in Vienna.

Schonbrun Palace - Summer Palace

Innsbruck & Vienna

Day: Monday, 10 September 2007
Wellbeing: Pretty good
Weather: Clear/fine
Highlights: Buying up big in terms of souvenirs for everyone...Mozart chocolate cream alcohol bombs, Mozart violin bottles of schnapps, yodelling beaver, and pillboxes.

Rushing around Salzburg and once again being awestrucked at the history and the architecture of the buildings and the garden in Salzburg. I just had to go into the McD when i saw the real "golden" arches for its signage. McD had to conform with the laws in Salzburg and make the signage look consistent with all the other signs in the town. In McD i was intrigued by the deep fried camembert with a berry preserve for dip. It was awesome!!!

After our hit of shopping at a rest stop of a store adjoined to a shell petrol pump, we went to Vienna. Got off the bus at Novotel in Wien West (Vienna West). Then we went to our room and then left to to go the Vienna Woods and had a really fun dinner, with really good Austrian food and unlimited white wine. Good fun and lots of laughs. Dancing and singing on the way home.

The Salzburg trip was for the Sound of Music enthusiasts. We saw the Pegasus fountain (Mirabell Garden), another fountain, the Lake Monsee (Austrian for half moon) as we drove by.

Golden Arches

Innsbruck

Day: Sunday, 9 September 2007
Wellbeing: Better than yesterday, but throat is drying up
Weather: Cloudy then fine
Highlights: Beautiful Innsbruck city centre, just walking around and then going into Swarovski.

Went into the Swarovski store and bought a bunch of pencils with crystal ends, and for that i got a free gift which was a solitaire brooch.

Seeing the yellow palace of Marie Antoinette's mother (Maria Theresa), the golden roof of Maximillion. Leo (Austrian born, from the tour) was set up to go into a local pub for a free beer!

[Suz, Leo's wife was keen to leave him at the pub so that she could go shopping at the Swarovski store...Leo was keen on having a beer, so when Marese went into the pub and said that she had a local with her that was returning from Australia, the owner of the pub told her to bring him in to catch up and have a beer. So, Leo stayed and Suz went shopping!]

Prior to Innsbruck, we stopped at Leichtenstein. I bought a silver coin purse at a flea market. The store lady wanted 27 Euros but i bargained it down to 25 Euros...not that i made a huge saving and i may have gotten it cheaper but i didnt want to bargain so early in the morning. It was barely 10am.

Went to a Baroque inspired cathedral with a Rococco interior which also took my breath away - again. Just like the Jesuit church in Lucerne. Beautiful!!!

Everything in Innsbruck takes my breath away!

Went on a horse and carriage ride in the valley and up the mountain for gluwein. It was beautifully peaceful and magical as there was snow on the Alps. Which shouldnt have occurred this time of the year, not yet! I felt like standing in the centre of the valley and just soaking it in. Doing a Maria style spin (Sound of Music).

Eaglehawk is cancelled tomorrow due to snow on the Alps.

Diana took photos with Mr January & Mr February. Marese is keeping her act of being the matchmaker.

Diana (pronounced as Deanna) is from South Africa, and looks a little like Angelina Jolie. Marese (tour guide) started this thing of making a calendar with the waiters/bartenders that we thought were worthy. Diana, being an avid photographer is always behind the camera was being forced to model with the chosen guys. So, began the hunt for 12 good looking men to be part of our calendar.

Krein and Lucerne

Day: 8 September 2007
Wellbeing: Sore throat/blocked & runny nose
Weather: Fine, 23 degrees
Highlights: Jesuit Church - breathtaking

Swiss Alps - Mount Pilatus - another breathtaking moment. We took a train (furnicular) up the mountain and for the decent, we took a big cable car and then a mini cable car. Caught some footage of some Ibex (type of wild mountain goat with large recurved horns that are transversely ridged in front) crossing my path to go higher up the Alps.

Back in the city I bought some chocs and a magnet for Mon. We had a folk show for lunch and the food was really good! Tracked down a pharmacist for some tissues. It was 2.80 Euros for a 12 pack - which i thought it was really cheap...i mean that would be about $5.00 AUD.

Sat down and did some people watching. Saw a really casually cool woman who looked effortlessly gorgeous. Wish I could be like that.

Soooo many beautiful women around here!!!
=(

At dinner Marese tried to matchmake Mary & Laz' friend David (7th Adventist Preacher?). There was a lot of talking and gossiping with Bev at the table...it was so funny!

Forcefully pushed my roomie to go to drinks with Lucy/Peter/Michelle/Michael/Pauline/Bev and Judy. They were trying to convince her to join, and only went when i gave her that extra nudge.

The Jesuit Church in Lucerne was built with beautiful Rococco interiors that was sooo exquisite, i stopped breathing and i tried to express how i was feeling verbally, but it was caught in my breath...no sound came out. Thats how glorious it is.

After seeing so many cathedrals and churches that were gothic inspired, it was unbelievable to find a church that is a sunny yellow on the outside and bright with white/pink/gold on the inside.

When people ask me which place i liked the most...? My response is a list of places, but Lucerne is definitely one of them. And the reason its one of the places I really liked is because of the Jesuit Church. I would revisit Lucerne simply because of that fact.

I don't know why i didnt mention it in my journal on the day, but we also had a cruise around Lake Lucerne and it was really relaxing and enjoyable and the views of everything was breathtaking...it was sunny with a really cool breeze...just perfect really.

Lake Lucerne & Krein

Day: 7 September 2007
Wellbeing: Blocked and running nose
Weather: Cloudy and drizzle
Highlights: Strasbourg - Church, design your own pasta, "Chloe" bracelet

I like Switzerland. Feels like its safe and that I have stepped back ino time. Old wooden bridges, that are the original, beautiful architecture, and then there is the "fast food" version of pasta.

Going between Germany and Switzerland border, i take a photo and only after do i get informed that its illegal to take photos at the border...fear of espionage or something.

While in Strasbourg, which is actually a part of France (and the people speak French) there were many French Patisseries. So, Lauren and I got choc eclairs and it was orgasmic. Soooooo...looking forward to Paris!
=)

Earlier in the day I decided to do all the options on the list Marese gave us...which ends up being 1343 Euros...OMG!!! But i know that i'll regret it if i dont go to everything...and it makes everything so darn easier.

Post 501...

I have stuffed my face with countless amounts of choc bullets and im contemplating about how wrong it would be to die by complete and sheer gluttony.

Why do weddings bring the worst out of me?

In this morbid, self loathing time of my life i see myself wearing a divine wedding dress, covered with all the jewels a girls heart can desire, with a fabulous pair of pumps and matching clutch...but im not at my wedding...no sir! Im just sitting at home, eating all the glorious food my heart desires and slowly die from utter indulgence...sitting in the most luxurious seat you can imagine...

Hey, i can think of many other ways to die that are less pleasant than the one i just described.

Sure I will die a fat pig...but think about it! If i die at an old and lonely age, who gives a fig as to what i look like...i'll just make sure there is enough in the will to supply enough attendants to carry my coffin to the grave. I mean, knowing my luck, all my friends and family would probably die before i do, just to make it more depressing for myself...and as i would be single, there are no kids to mention...my nieces will probably hate me so much that they wouldnt give a sh*t about their only spinster aunt...

If only I wasn't sitting next to my parents this evening, I could have polished the bottle of Verdi on my own...shame the Verdi is only 4.8% alcohol, it has no effect what so ever in numbing one self.

And what is it with the throwing of the bouquet that says that because you are single "you must" go up and stand and try to catch the friggin bouquet!!! I'm single, my prospects dont look good...if i catch a bouquet, it would just give me false hope, only to be dropped to the floor like a tonne of bricks when reality hits me. No thank you. I'll just keep my fat ass glued to my seat.

I went to the ladies and when i got out of my cubicle I got eyed hideously by a bunch of 20's and there was dead silence...it was like i just intruded on the cool kids circle and they were thinking WTF??? Since when was it okay for them to make me feel that sh*t when i obviously should have the upper hand!!! It was so SATC...uno the episode where Carrie and the crew were contemplating the whole 30-something vs 20-something?!?! Well, it was like these f#$%ing 20's thought that they were so "IT" and that i was so "NOT"...If i was a complete b*tch, i would have said "Dolls, i take it as a compliment that you appreciate my assets!"

They sooo don't know what will hit them after 25 and im sure i will be hit with more home truths when im 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, til forever...and you see, this is where i already have an advantage. I accept that i dont know everything...they are at the stage where they actually think that everything begins and ends with them! HA!

I told my Mum about the toilet incident and she said, "Well, they look like a bunch of b*tches!" Go Mum! *claws came out*

I'm getting really sh*tty with being the only competent person in the bridal party for K's wedding. I'm actually putting more time and effort in organising her Hen's party than my actual paid job!!! What's with that? Organising it has been stressing me out. I hate it when K calls and tells me about another incompetent thing the other bridesmaid has said or done. I was soo close to packing up shop the other day and turn around and just tell her that i dont want the honor any more. That it wasnt worth all the time i spent organising her Hen's Party...and basically being her wedding planner for the past 12+ months...

She constantly insists that i do the table decorations during the time in which we are supposed to be taking pictures. The first time she asked, i pointed out that i would be with her assisting in the photo shoot, or actually being in the photo shoot...what did she want me to do? Decorations or be with her during the photos. She says photos. But then a week later the table decorations get brought up yet again. I remind her, she wants the bridal party in some of the photos...i cant be at two places at once. I advise her to get her sisters, who arent doing anything to oversee the table decorations...she goes with the idea, but a week later we revisit the f#$%ing table decorations. This has been going on for a good 5 months now...

The wedding is a month and 6 days away...there is no itinerary...i ask her if i will need to take the Friday before her big day off, she tells me no. A week later she calls and tells me that the wedding coordinator at the gardens has told her that she will need to do a rehersal before the day. So, I might have to take the day off...which actually doesnt work well for my ride...one of the groomsmen as he can't really take the day off due to work commitments.

I ask her, isnt this your wedding? Shouldnt they accommodate you and your guests? So, shouldnt you be able to arrange the rehersal, say at 5pm on Friday instead of allowing the wedding coordinator to say when and your whole bridal party must jump to it???

Its f#$%ing really annoyig me. If it was my wedding, i would try to make it as hassle free for everyone...because i want everyone to be relaxed and enjoy the day/night with me and my imaginery man celebrating our love...tacky, i know...

It seems like she has adopted the "its my wedding, and im going to do whatever i like whenever i like - who gives a f#$% about the people who i invited to be in the bridal party..." type of mentality. Getting close to Bridezilla...

*sigh*

I should really go to bed and sleep all this negative energy off...as i do have a 1 year old's birthday to attend tomorrow...or should i say today. But i've just continued to stuff my face with more choc bullets...the sugar is giving me a buzz...even if its only temporary, its good while it lasts...

Koln (Cologne), Germany

Day: Thursday, 6 September 2007
Wellbeing: Sinus problems
Weather: Drizzle and grey
Highlights: Hot Choc from powder...

St Andrews Cathedral, which managed to survive WWII. Heaps of photos and then the cruise down the Rhine River, taking even more snaps of the castles that were everywhere.

Skipped lunch, but dinner made up for it at the Ramada, which is absolute bliss compared to the Amsterdam hotel. The further this trip progresses, the more i feel like tipping the tour guide less. The driver is another thing, he works really hard and puts up with a lot.

After dinner, which was buffet, I caught up with Lucy, Peter and was supposed to catch up with Asian Peter too for a drink. Lucy and i had a drink and thought we should go and find Asian Pete. Lucy thought he was in Room 34? So, we went around that side of the hotel and trying to suss out which room was his by the sounds coming from the door...very childish...but i had a huge laughing fit from it and these are things that makes memories, right?

It sooooo reminded me of high school camps...knock and run...

* Germany, unfortunately i have to admit are still a bunch of racist people...i was walking around St Andrews and a group of young skin heads called me a "Ching-chong"...I dont remember the last time someone called me by a racist name like that...that is how long ago its been...it really ruined the beauty of Koln.

Amsterdam

Day: Wednesday, 5 September 2007
Wellbeing: Okay
Weather: Rainy
Highlights: Clog maker William cracking some funnies while showing us how to make clogs...

Got a show of how to make cheese and clogs. Met William, the clog maker...one of the few left in Holland to do it the traditional way. Got ripped off buying souvenirs here though, could have bought the same things, but cheaper in Volendam (fishing village we visited after the clog making).

The stitching of my umbrella came undone while in Volendam...had to stitch it back up!

Visited a diamond place - Gassan's and saw a beautiful 2.22 carat diamond, D colour, i think VVS1 or 2, and the guy giving the presentation was extremely cute!!! His English was perfect with his accent...hehhe...

Did a canal cruise of Amsterdam through the city centre. Really odd, because if someone said "canal" i would think Venice...you dont associate it with Amsterdam...but it was amazing.

Walked around Amsterdam with Lauren to look for the Rembrandt museum but didnt find it. Found a shopping strip similar to our Pitt Street - very tempted to stop and buy shoes.

Lauren and i stopped for a hot chocolate at a cafe or is it coffee house? *LoL* It took us all day to figure out which was which. The hot chocolate we had was made from powder and we were getting ready to be disappointed, but it was actually really good.

After roaming around, we hopped onto the coach and was driven to the restaurant for our authentic Dutch dinner. I had a pea and sausage soup for entree, Hopsh Kosch (i think thats how you spell it) for main, and fruit salad with ice cream for dessert. Tried a berry gin...not for me.

After dinner, we did a tour of the Red Light District...a lot of girls were either busy or "busy" because the curtains were closed.

Early start tomorrow.

Tipping is required for local guid and driver, not sure how to give.

Unfortunately my overall impression of Amsterdam, city = sleazy...

Dover/Calais/Belgium/Holland

Day: Tuesday, 4 September 2007
Wellbeing: Tired from jetlag, otherwise fine
Weather: Fine, some rain
Highlight: Cruise from Dover to Calais

I'm over the idea of being excited about the trip and have decided on just taking things as they come. So tired though and sitting in a comfortable coach doesnt help me. I feel like sleeping every 30 minutes.

A lot of travelling, not much sight seeing today except via the coach looking at the country side which is green and lush. First sights of windmills was exciting but i was slow with taking my camera out of my bag, and didn't take a pic.

People on the tour are generally older...older retired or retiring couples...The singles are 30 and over...ranging from 30-39.

Food has been alright - filling at the least.

Doing an optional extra tomorrow night - a proper authentic Dutch dinner!
=)

My Travel Journal

I will be copying what i wrote in my travel journal straight to my blog and it will be in italics, if i do add any after thoughts, it will be in the usual text font.

You will notice that i had a tendency to write all the positive things down and omitted the negative. I basically erased the bad things as they happened, because i was unusually patient, tolerant and accepting on my holiday.

I was just riding with the wind...

Leaving Sydney...

The beginning of the trip that would change me...

Well, frankly, i thought everything else would change around me...it always seemed to, when i went away for 2-3 weeks with Mum, when i was younger. The world changed 3 times over and i felt like i had been left out. Which was what i had predicted this time, especially, since i was would be on my own for 4 weeks...wouldn't you think that the world would change without you???

I got on the plane bound for HK and my 5 hour transit, then a flight to LON and so thats how it started.

The flight was fine...the food was alright...i think i drank enough water...it was an extremely full flight...but i was alright. Overall, i think i had about 3-4 hours sleep, which is more than usual.

The transit in HK was okay, since i headed straight to the lounge for a shower and a meal, internet, and a head/neck/shoulder massage.

After that, i hopped on to the plane bound for Heathrow surrounded by Chinese school kids.
These kids with their phones dont seem to respect the fact that the Captain is advising the flight attendants to arm the doors and take their seats...and therefore they should get off their bloody F#$%ing PHONES!!! I had to tap a stoopid idiot as the plane was reversing and about to take off!

To make matters worse, the flight to Heathrow turned even more sour, because as i was watching "Becoming Jane", the inflight entertainment that is on queue just died on me!!! Well, it crashed for everyone.

Anyhoo...landed in London and got through customs pretty easy...

Walked through the exit gates expecting a man to be holding a card with my name on it to pick me up...but there was no one...too early it seems.

So, i go to the office and thats closed! I stand around for about 45 minutes and get told that i need to wait for my coach. Fine, i can do that...

It seems like a long wait...i make conversation with a man who is also waiting for the coach, but is going in a different direction to me because of the hotel he is staying at...he leaves before me and i end up standing around on my own...funny enough, it doesnt bother me. Maybe its the fact that i had only 3-4 hours of sleep over 24 hours, but i was actually holding up pretty well.

My coach arrives and i get escorted to it...and i notice - its sunny in London...whats going on?!
O_o

I was expecting doom and gloom...but its actually sunny.

Its another hour or so before i actually get to my hotel but i am enjoying the ride...just taking it all in.

I get off the coach and check in to the hotel and its pleasant. I was expecting a really dingy place...seeing that its situated between Kings Cross and Angel stations...but i'm happy.

I go into my room, take a shower and head off for my Big Bus Company Tour. I walk from my hotel to Fleet Street and hop onto the first bus that comes around and so starts my whirlwind sightseeing of London!

To be honest, it isnt hard to see the beauty of London - when its sunny. And i see how easy it is for people to relocate to London, (mind the rain).

Around every corner their is history...

I saw every sight, except Buckingham Palace, because i missed the walking tour at 10am...so i didnt bother and instead hopped off at Harrods to go shopping, and then realised that i couldnt afford anything except the chocolates...so i bought a couple of Belgian choccies and headed to Oxford Street to go shopping.

I had to rush from Oxford Street back to the Hotel to catch up with my ex-workmate who relocated to London, for dinner. When i got to the Hotel, i checked on whether the rep for my Tour had arrived with info, and it seems that they came and went.

I thought it was ridiculous that they give you a vague time like 1-3pm and expect you to wait in the lobby for their arrival...i'm sorry, but i'm not waiting for someone to tell me when to wake up to have brekky and join my tour for 2 hours on my one and only day in a new country!!!

I was told to go to my room and check if an envelope was left under my door.

I checked and there was nothing.

I panic...first moment of true panic...how can i check in...? They organised everything for me, how can they NOT know that i am here??? So, i call reception and throw a hissy fit, they give me a number and im thinking its 6pm...i'm going to miss them, they've gone home!!!

I call them anyway on my mobile (what a waste of my money, all to fix up their incompetence!!!) and the girl sounds Australian and patronises me by asking if i booked things separately or through Trafalgar...do i even have a booking reference?!?!?! I'm like YES!!! And give her a reference number and she's like "oh, okay, i dont know what went wrong?!"

So, she fixes things up and says that she will call me back to confirm that everything is okay.

I rush to meet Roh and im only 5 minutes later than when i should meet her, so i dont feel completely horrible. We rush to grab something to eat, because i hadnt eaten anything all day! How scary is that?! And i thought we could get some noodles...but this place was a buffet place and they had horrible Asian food! I now know what everyone is talking about! Its run by Asians...how could they get it so wrong?!

Its 9:00pm when we part ways...because Roh had to catch the train back to her apartment and there was currently a strike and only 3 lines were running out of the 30 or so lines...while i only had to walk around the corner.

I walk back and crash, my wake up call for brekky is at 4:30am.

Knowing what you are worth...

Before i left Sydney for my holiday, i was being headhunted, but i told them i was going overseas and would the recruiters mind contacting me in October.

Before i returned, i got phonecalls and emails from recruiters about opportunities that i would be suitable for.

My workmate left the company before my return. The Finance team and the Billing team all left and were replaced by newbies. My manager was pressured to do my work and basically got my workmate who was leaving to do the work...and basically things got royally f#$%ed up. Not her fault, it was actually all the newbies!

The first 3 days of my return to work was basically fixing up everything that was wrong. And everyone basically realised that im an intergral part of the company and that they can't afford to lose me.

I realised on my trip that i need to make more money. I cant afford to stay with my employer. It doesnt make sense that i can go to another company and basically make twice as much as i am now, if i was permanent. I can make 3 times as much if i was contracting. So, why am i staying with my employer who doesnt value my skills and knowledge?

I sat down with my line manager at the end of the week of my return to work and we discussed about my prospects.

Everyday since my return to Sydney i received a call from a recruiter. Each day a new and different prospect. I told him that this was happening...that i appreciate that we'd be doing our review at the end of the year, but i needed an indication that i was going to be promoted to a Jnr PM, if not a PM and be paid accordingly to reflect that. Market rate...that's all that i ask...

After that conversation...the next day i get a call from another recruiter and the opportunity is actually good. The company is one that is known for treating their employees well. Its a contract position that will end in August 08, which is perfect because i want to go to Europe and Mauritius in September 08.

I sent him what the recruiting company is offering, he said he would get back to me next week.

I'm having an interview next Wednesday. I hope it goes well.

I told my client about the situation, that i am being headhunted daily for different roles. He isnt surprised, he gave me 2 months from the return of my holiday to find something better. But he was offering to advise his manager that i'm worth too much to lose and they would try to match what the recruiter is offering. He asked me to advise him of what would make me happy to stay? How often does a manager ask an employee that? A contracting employee mind you.

I'm taking things in stride...i know this cant last for long...i just need to hear how far my current employer will stretch, if at all.

If that fails, then i will advise the client how much it will take to retain me.

If that doesn't work, i will take on the role being offered out there.

A year ago...i wouldnt have been comfortable with negotiating...

Now, its a different ball game. I tell the recruiters how much i want. They don't argue, they just try to convince their clients to pay up for me. I have reached that point where my skills and knowledge is valued.

Its no longer, will they like me? Its will i like them? I have something they want, can they afford me?

Damn...it sounds like im selling myself. I guess thats what it is at the end of the day.

I dont want to leave the client, because i think there is still a lot to learn from them. It will be a shame if i leave this year.

I just booked 2 tickets for KL & SG...

I decided that if i could pay off my CC after my Europe trip and still have some cash in the bank that i would definitely go to KL & SG for a shopping expedition with Mum.

So, i went to see my Travel Agent after work today and was hoping for tickets to KL/SG on Christmas Day as i did 2 years ago, but it seems everyone has caught on and i could only get tix for Mum and i on NYE. So, i reversed the trip and will be heading to KL first.

And after KL i will be heading to SG for Mum. She hasnt seen it for over 26 years, before i was born. She visited SG when she was migrating from Vietnam to get to Australia...so, I thought i would bring her back to see it while we had the chance.

I apparently still have 10 days of leave, which fits perfectly for my forced leave over the Christmas period. By Christmas, i will have 12+ days of leave...hehehe...

If you want to see photos from my Europe trip and you are not on facebook, please email me and i will send you a link to view it from.

Updates/recounts of the trip will be posted on Blogger, once i get the photos done...so i can actually recall the proper line of events!

Last moments in Paris...

I'm writing this, literally minutes before leaving the Paris apartment I have been staying at for the last 4 nights.

I truly wished that i could stay here for sooo much longer! It hit me last night as we walked to the Lourve for dinner at Le Cafe Marley. We strolled for over 20 minutes but in Paris, you don't notice the minutes passing because there is so much around you to absorb. I turned to my friend and said i will miss this city...that i wished i could stay...and since I won't be able to stay longer, i will be returning as soon as possible.

I don't know who warned me about the "difficult" French people, because I've only encountered lovely Parisians! And all the strangers on the Metro, well they are civilised and polite.

Heading to the Airport for an amazingly L-O-N-G flight home with unbelievably l......o......n......g transiting hours to pass.

Update, probably when i get to HK International for the leg to Sydney.

Au revoir Paris!

Salut, mon cheries...

So I have been in Paris for 2 nights so far and i have climbed the Eiffel Tower, well took a lift to the 2nd floor and then had a cruise along the River Seine. Then I went to visit the palace at Versailles and had a dinner and Can Can show at the Nouvelle Eve. Which i think is the same as the Moulin Rouge, but it has some variety shows between the t*tty and cheek show. There were some crazy acrobatics, and i mean crazy from both extremes (good and incredible wacky).

Bought an unbelievably expensive bar of chocolate, which one can only purchase from this woman in a small obscure store in Paris, which is a story in itself.

Today i left the tour and met my friend...being tired of touring and always on the move, we decided to take today slowly and go exploring Sacre Coeur later today in the early evening but rest throughout the day.

I have done some obscure things on this tour like visit small places: Burano, Lucca, Vance, Burgois, Toledo, or doing the Light procession in Lourdes. We did wine tasting in Tuscany and got to visit Cannes when it wasnt even a possibility.

I did the typical things like buy chocolate from Switzerland...leather, jewellery, lace from Florence...perfume from France...damas jewellery from Toledo...horse and carriage ride in Innsbruck.

I have so many memories but i know i will be going back sooner or later, and i have already decided that i will be returning to Barcelona to see Sagrada Familia completed in 2020.

I will be going back to Sydney next week...so i'll update the blog with stories about each country there after.

Concert in Vienna...

This has to be quick.

I'm currently in vienna and its really hard to type this because the letters on the keyboard are weird z where the y should be...

Anyhoo...going to a palace tomorrow and then seeing a concert at the palace in Vienna.

Had a glorious dinner in the Woods of Vienna and had some Hungarian men play music all night long!!!

The trip has been fun and is utterly enjoyable...i wish that i had more time in each country...

So far my favourite is Lucerne and the Jesuit Cathedral with the Roccoco interior...completely breath taking.

I wish that all my loved ones were with me when i saw the snow on the Austrian Alps yesterday on my horse and carriage ride...beyoootiful!!!

Plenty of pics...post everything up when i get back...

Love u, and miss u!!!

~petals

Airport Lounge...

So, i'm currently sitting at the HK airport lounge. I'm surrounded by a lot of asians...oddly enough. I figured the people transiting would be foreigners, not asians - Chinese.

My flight from SYD-HK was delayed by 1 hour this morning, but the flight made it hear, like 10 minutes late...how does that work???

On flight, i'm really impressed Qantas food is edible. They even gave me an ice cream...and i love the fact that i was given bottles of water, not just itsy bitsy cups of water. Albeit, the bottles were small too.

So, right now, i need to ride out this long haul of layover time. Try to get myself tired so that i fall asleep on the flight to the UK.

I cant wait to meet my workmate over there.

Funny thing is, im still not excited - what the hell is wrong with me? I dont know...i thought i would feel the buzz when i got to the airport. I thought that while i waited for my flight that i would get that excited feeling, but it hasnt happened yet. I'm not sure if it will happen at all.

Back to the airport lounge, my massage is scheduled for 8:20pm local time. I want to fit in a shower before that...grabbed some food already, but i will grab a sandwich and bottle of water later too.

I do believe that this is the last time i will log onto the net...so dont miss me too much! (And thats aimed at Mon, E, & K).

*hugs*

Au revoir mon cheri...

So, i'll say farewell now...although, i have this feeling that i will be online at the airport tomorrow morning. But in case i dont get the chance...

I dont plan on being "in touch".

I do plan to switch off and not think of anything but where i am, what sights i will be seeing that day, and what food i will be trying.

I'll write up my posts and upload photos when i get back.

Come back in a months time for a read.

See you then...

Dernier jour travailler...

Its my last day at work.

I have a sh#% load to do, but i cant be fudged.

My colleague and partner in crime here has just told me that she will be taking up an offer she cant refuse. And i can see why. If i was in her position, i'd take it too.

Its just a shame that i wont be around for her farewell as i am going o/s.

A lot of crap has been dished out lately...so a lot of my workmates will be leaving soon.

The team is disbanding.

I guess my trip away will give me the opportunity to think things over and see where i want to go next. I'm thinking contracting isnt such a bad idea.


(lit: last day to work...)

I am sick!

I had the cold/flu about 2 weeks ago...it took about a week to get over it. I was okay last week, a bit tired, but over the cold/flu.

Just my luck, im struck again.

My nose is blocked and running at the same time!!! How is that f#$%ing possible???

Pourriez-vous m'aider, sil vous plait?

Its drawing near.
I'm anxious.
I'm packed...just need to put documents, cables and stuff into my bag...
Get some food to snack on...
Need to remember to bring an empty bottle so i can get a 1L bottle of water during my flight, and refills...yes i drink like a fish...i typically go through 3-4L a day.
I'm going to miss my family, but i hope the whirlwind of a tour will make it pass with lesser pain.

(lit: Could you help me, please?)

Trop à faire...

So little time.
It has hit me this morning.
Time is flying by.
Money needs to be transferred.
I need to schedule payments.
I need to finish things up neatly at work, so that the next person to pick it up can find everything.
I need to exchange some money.
I wanted to buy tickets to JT, but missed out on it and cant find 3 tix to buy because there is probably only single tix left...what kind of f#$%ing system does ticketek have where they leave single tix for sale? Who is going to be a nigel and buy 1 seated tix for a concert??? If you are going by yourself, get a standing tix, cos then at least you wont feel like a loner throughout the night!

I can't believe i'm flying out next week.

(lit: Too much to do...)

Je suis malade...

I went to see my doctor to get prescriptions before the trip. I told him about a skin thing i noticed and he told me to take a blood test because he thought i might have low platelet count.

So, i gave some blood and started panicking that i might not be able to go overseas!

How bad would that be? After all this organising and then the waiting and it all amounted to the fact that i would not be allowed to travel due to some blood condition i didnt even know that i had!
=(

Got the results yesterday, and i am fine. Don't know what is causing the problem, but i can still go overseas, so thats a good thing.

But its sooo anti climatic if you have a problem and yet there is no explanation. But its there. You cant treat it, though. It doesnt seem to exist. But it is right in front of you. grrr...

And im currently nursing a flu...Codral cold and flu should kick it...need to get another pack for the actual trip!
>_<

I did a trial pack of the clothing i plan to bring. Even though i am being advised to bring about 5 tops only and 2 bottoms...for me, that is unrealistic. I packed 12 tops - a mix of singlets, tees, long sleeve tees, 2 jeans, 1 pair of shorts, 2 dresses, and 2 skirts, 1 jumper, 2 cardigans, 1 jacket, 2 sets of pjs. And you know what? It all fits into my handcarry bag...and im not talking a HUGE bag i plan on smuggling on board the plane with me without anyone from the airline noticing...i'm talking a standard sized handcarry bag.

The problem for me is all the other things to pack. Like toiletries, medicine, towel, shoes, miscellaneous stuff...but irrespective of all those things, I should be well under my allowable 20kg.

So, i'm pretty proud of myself...no need to take things out of the bag as yet.

(lit: I am sick...)

Texas to California...

Mum got a weird phone call on Monday from Texas. It was a lady from my Dad's primary school back in Vietnam. How weird is that?

She asked if Dad was at home, but Dad was at work. So, this lady starts talking to Mum. She told Mum about how after sooo many years leaving Vietnam she was on holidays in Sydney and was in Chinatown at a store when she bumped into Dad again. This happened about 15 years+ ago, as i was still a kid.

It seems that while this lady was at the store in Chinatown, she had written something down and Dad saw her writing and asked her if her name was "so&so"? She didnt recognise him at first until he said his name and that was when he gave our home number to her. They were suppose to bring each other's family and meet up for dinner, but it never happened.

15 years+ down the track and she calls out of the blue. The purpose was to advise Dad that there was going to be a School Reunion in California. Not sure what made her think that Dad would be interested in going...but i guess it was a nice thought?!

After mentioning the reunion to Mum she proceeded to ask about the family and found out from my darling Mum, that Mum has a single 26 y/o daughter. This sparked a frenzy with the lady. She proceeds to insist that Mum and Dad bring me over to Texas to introduce me to her 29 y/o nephew! Like, what the...?

Mum, obviously thought it was funny. Which is why she told me about it the moment i got home on Monday night.

I'm heading overseas in about 10 working days. Weekends dont really count, because they usually fly right by! Last thing to do is purchase some medicine and exchange some money.

I found out that a credit card i have allows me to put my cash on the card (over the limit) and withdraw without being charged any transaction fee or exchange fee from an ATM. Transaction fee will be charged from transactions via EFTPOS, but still no currency exchange fee.

I was over the moon when i found this out! I dont know of any other card, debit or credit, that allows you to do this!!! And get this, zero annual fee for the credit card! The usual 55 days interest free on purchases applies too. Like, woohoo!!!

*^_^*

Rêves...

I had a vivid dream early in the morning (3/4am). I woke up from it. But the only other person that i recall in my dream is my mother, but there were at least 3 other people in the dream.

I was pregnant. There was a man apparently infectious with some sort of disease. He was slumped in his car which rolled into the circle in which we were all sitting - as though there was a camp fire, but there was none. He got out of the car and stumbled towards me. Grabbed both my wrists and started to tell me about how i was now infected and how quickly the infection will reach my heart and there was no cure.

While he reached for my wrists everyone around me was shouting, telling me to run away because he was obviously sick with some sort of disease and that i would catch it too if he touched me. I couldnt hear anyone, not until the old man grabbed my wrists and it was too late.

I woke up at this point.

I had two re-runs after that. One very similar to the description above, but the ending was different. I fainted while the old man grabbed my wrists and ended up dying. The final version was that when the car rolled into our circle, everybody present dodged the car and ran off before the man could get out of this car and infect me or anyone else.

What a whacko dream!?

I dont usually remember my dreams either, so this is an odd occasion. I wonder what it is that is causing my lack of sleep and these weird dreams. I mean, if it was excitement over my trip...shouldnt i have more pleasant dreams?

(lit: Dreams...)

Mes filles...

I like watching the Simpsons episodes on tv. I like watching the dvds. I don't actually tire from watching the cartoons...and Chloe is very similar to me in this way. Before you start pointing the finger and tell me what a bad influence i am on her, that the Simpsons is too "adult" for a 5 year old...i can assure you that the jokes that are for adults fly right over her head. I laugh at some things, she will laugh at others on the opposite side of the spectrum.

I took her out on Saturday to watch the Movie as an early birthday present because I wont be here for her 6th birthday. In fact, on her 6th birthday i will be in Paris...in particular, i will be lunching at La Tour d'Argent and then shopping to buy her something special.

She loved sitting in the recliner at Gold Class, but at the same time she must have felt like she was being swallowed up...because half way through the movie, the novelty wore off and she asked me to put the recliner back upright.

She was armed with her cheesy popcorn from Kernels and i ordered strawberry smoothies for the both us, which arrived when the movie started and were about 750mL each.

I like spending time with her at this age. She teaches me patience, i teach her manners, we can reason with one another. It works when it is one on one. Just me and her. It gets complicated when her mother is around because then she will sulk and throw tantrums and silent treatments and will be awfully difficult.

I know that this is the time to be cherished...because in a few more years, things will change dramatically. She will inevitably start thinking about boys in ways other than just friends. How scary?!

I better start thinking of some tactful answers to the impending questions that lie ahead. I have a knack of being around when she is curious and the questions gets deflected towards me for an answer...*sigh*.

Aimee is such a cutie. She is 3 and a half. I called her a baby the other day and she corrects me by telling me "No, i'm a toddler!" and yes, she is right and i am wrong.

(lit: My girls...)

Mes vacances de tourbillon...

My long awaited whirlwind holiday is less than a month away.

I just received advice that my travel documents are at the travel agent and i can go pick it up any time.

My manager's wife works on the airline i will be flying on and she will be helping me reserve good seats so i can have comfortable flights there and back.

LESS THAN A MONTH!

I have been waiting sooo long since i paid for the whole trip for this time to come. And now that it has...i'm feeling a bit ambivalent...I was born a chicken and therefore sometimes feel like a chicken!

I'm excited, no doubt, but being cautious is forcing me to think about the "what ifs" and in some ways, its good to think about those things so you can prepare contingencies to deal with such situations.

But i'm not sure if im well prepared.

Well, thats a lie, i havent prepared anything yet...so im not prepared.

I need to go and see my doctor too, so i can get a med kit prepared, just in case...

(lit: My whirlwind holiday...)

Danser...

So, last night I had my second dance lesson.

We went over the cha-cha, salsa, and jive. We started to learn the waltz and the "box step".

I can do the cha-cha, just not the spot turn. But that could be partly due to the fact that i was wearing my running shoes and not a pair of heels. So, the grip on my joggers didnt allow me the fluid movement that i required.

Salsa became a little more interesting with the "cucaracha" - the "cockroach" stomping move. It seems with this addition, i have managed to move my hips much better.

The jive is sooo much fun. Especially when the music is playing really really fast! We have done the basic step and the instructor incorporated the turn into the sequence, but didnt show the girls how to turn back and return the start, but us girls are so "smart" that we taught ourselves...ahhahaha...to be honest, its actually quite easy to figure how to turn back with the jive. Its actually quite natural for the body to want to turn to the original position and start all over again.

The waltz...what can i say? I can't do anything outside of the "box step". This is due to the fact that you must alternate from right to left (girls), each time you finish the 3-steps (the step-slide-together). I actually thought the waltz was really easy...but i am wrong. Its actually tricky if you are unco like i am.

(lit: Dancing...)

Mon père...

I often talk about my mother...like it was her birthday on Saturday...i took her out to lunch and my brother paid for dinner later that evening.

I talk about how my mother is so talented and is a brilliant dressmaker.

I tend to not talk about my father's accomplishment.

Its not that i have a problem talking about such things and there are many achievements that i can talk about...i just dont.

I dont hesitate when the opportunity arise, either.

For instance, the bus driver of the company bus noted that he had never been into the Chinese Gardens at Darling Harbour and that he should really make a visit. This triggered me to mention that my father was one of the men in my Great Uncle's team who helped build the structures in the garden.

My father was also one of the men who built the home for the panda's when they visited from China (way back when) at Taronga Zoo. I remember this fondly, because we ended up going to see the panda's after the construction was completed and the panda's were comfortably housed.

On a smaller scale he had worked on some restructural constructions inside the restaurant - East Ocean.

Dad built the shelf in my room where i put my shoes. He built the desk my older brother used during high school. He built one of the wall units that now houses the portraits of my grandparents and the incense holders. The lattice work outside the front of the house was also made by him.

So, Dad is very talented & brilliant too...

I'm guessing that my creativity stems from both my parents. The fact that i'm hands on with everything i do also comes from Dad as much as Mum.

(lit: My father...)

Toujours une demoiselle d'honneur, jamais une jeune mariée...

I bought a pair of silver satin shoes for some weddings i will be attending that i could also use for my friend's wedding where i will be one of the bridesmaids. And since its more pertinent that the shoes will match my dress when i am a bridesmaid, i asked her to bring my dress over to my place when she visited her mother last Sunday. (She lives a distance away, while her mother is actually in my local area).

I tried on the shoes and then slipped the dress over my head and tugged on the zipper. To my horror, I couldnt zip myself up.

=(

I'm too FAT!!!!

I first did the rounds of trying on gowns for her wedding in December-January 06/07. It had to be made, so she paid for the dresses and i had forgotten about it ever since. I can't believe that in 7 months...i had managed to put on weight...so much that i cant zip the damn thing!!!

~~~>_<~~~

I can only zip it up to under my bustline. And then i'm stuck!!!

I knew i had put on a little bit of weight compared to what i averaged the last couple of years, but not more than what i weighed in January this year...I thought i was still roughly the same...i didnt think i had put on so much that the dress wouldnt fit!!!

Mum has offered to fix the dress for me...but i dont want her to.

Now, I am on a mission.

TO GET INTO THAT FREAKIN' DRESS (AND LOOK DAMN GOOD TOO)!!!

The bride-to-be had a moment yesterday where she realised how unreliable the other bridesmaid would be...she saw a hint of it previously...but something else happened yesterday that really ticked the bride-to-be off. This wedding is gonna be a loooooooonnnnnngggggggg day for me.

We started a beginners ballroom dancing course last night. The whole bridal party is attending and it was fun, but i cant salsa. I can cha-cha, jive, and rock'n'roll...but am unable to salsa the most basic steps.

Lets see if i improve next week.

(lit: Always a bridesmaid, never a bride...)

Enchante...

(Pronounced: on.shon.tay)

Life is funny in almost every circumstance.

Like shopping with my mother every weekend...ritualistically...meeting all these people - her friends...their children sometimes...

Being single and more the fear of dying lonely with no one to bury me when my turn arrives makes me sit and wonder sometimes.

There are the people who are fortunately charmed and everything seems to go there way. And there are the others who dont lead such a charming life. I come across a lot of people, but i have been trained to keep to myself and and pretty much avoid eye contact.

I dont try to make conversations with strangers. But i have an ability to have friendly conversations with say the stranger that is serving me at the cafe or the local fruit grocer...etc...

I am sometimes lucky, but i dont have it all.

With my weekly ritual my mum goes to this one asian grocer and always chit chats with the owner and their sons. The older of the two sons had a crush on me about 8 years ago...I was young and he was a smoker...sooo not my type. And in the end his parents forced him to marry a girl from Vietnam whom they had arranged for the two of them with her parents when they were toddlers. Weird, i know...who'd actually go through with the arrange marriages their parents set up yonks ago, in this day and age - all willingly?!

His younger brother i knew only by face, because he went to the same highschool as i did and is a year or two younger than my older brother. He would on occasion help his parents out at the grocery store on the weekend and my mother would chat to him whenever we'd drop by. He would always ask my mother what she would be cooking that night and ask if he could come over? My mother would say "sure thing...and dont just say you are and not show up! I'll get angry with you..." She said that jokingly and he never did show up.

The thing is, i never thought he was attractive. And when i saw him, i'd keep to myself and patiently wait for my mother to buy whatever she needed and when she would appear out of the store, the two of them would joke while i grabbed the bags from her to carry the bags to the car. I didnt even say hello to him, nor did he say hello to me...not until maybe 2 years ago did we speak a little to eachother.

After speaking to one another, i guess i saw him in a different light and i noticed that he had a nice smile...that he was cute in a very quirky way...and that this guy genuinely liked chatting to my mother...he didnt do it just out of politeness.

I think its very hard to find a guy who will get along THAT well with my mum. Not that she is a difficult person to get along with...but the two of them talk like friends...and well, its nice to see that.

There are some things word just cant express. Sometimes we'd look at eachother. He would notice something. I would notice something. We're probably not thinking the exact same thing, but were on the same wavelength...and its some form of enlightenment that transcends verbal communication.

I do believe that he finds me mysterious and interesting, because i dont often say anything more than a "Hi!" to him. And i have the tendency to look at something or someone and smile or laugh to myself...and he has the tendency to catch me in the action of doing so.

He was there at the store today. We said hello and i stood to the side waiting for my mother like the diligent daughter i am, he was talking to his parents and as my mother and i left we noticed a girl with him.

When my mother and i got into the car i told her that he caught me laughing to myself when i saw this old lady try on this hat. Mum later mentioned that he was getting married in September this year.

I then realised that i could have, would have, should have...but its too late.

I put it down on the fact that it was one of those moments where i was the unfortunate one.

It just wasnt meant to be.

There is a saying in Vietnamese that my mother often quotes...and it seems befitting this moment.

We both didnt have the "charm"...

(lit: Pleased to meet you...)

M'épouserez-vous?

I had lunch with a friend today and was told about a friend we both know. That the mutual friend was going o/s to marry someone he has only had phone conversations with for the past 6 months and plans on going over to marry the girl in a Las Vegas style wedding.

There are twists here...its not a straight and simple connection of 2 single people meeting online and finding love across all the expanse of water and land via the cyber-highway.

She is currently seeing someone long distance. Has not broken up with the current bf, but feels that she can marry this mutual friend.

For me, I just couldnt do it. I would not be flying over to meet the person...I wouldnt even be thinking about marrying them - knowing that they had someone and still hadnt broken up with them...even after supposedly committing themself to you.

Its too wacky for words.

I am a known sceptic...but I do wish the mutual friend all the best - no one wants a friend to be hurt especially from a broken heart...but am i the only one who thinks this situation is too much left of the centre?

(lit: Will you marry me?)

Dermatologue...

A girls best friends, i think are: water, SPF30+, laughter and a good dermatologist.

Some may want to add to this list and rightly so, depending on their needs, but i would highly recommend a good female dermatologist for all of our girly needs pertaining to skin and hair.

It brings a world of difference when you find a truly talented dermatologist. One who is open and honest and understands what you are talking about...

I have found one and she has helped me return my skin back to the days where i didnt have pimples. I see her now whenever i have a skin problem. She likes to chat too. So, it is quite easy to visit her without having to feel like you are about to be interrogated. The only hang up of visiting such a good dermatologist is waiting to actually go in and see them.

(lit: Dermatologist...)

I gotta tell you about Milan...

For the past few voicemails left on my mobile by L&E...they have repeated the same line over and over and over and over and over and over and over...You get the drift...

And the line is "I gotta tell you about Milan"...

But in the message itself...they say that line, but they dont say what about Milan. I guess they are trying to keep me interested by messing with my mind.

And they keep mentioning "Susan".

But "Susan", brings back bad memories of a girl at Uni that had a thing for our G! And L&E know it too.

The last message listed a number of people on their tour, a couple of 80-something year old people, someone knocking their head and the Canadian couple laughing at the poor person who knocked their head, i think there was 2 guys (can't remember where L/E said that they were from) but one talks and the other doesnt...

And the surprise of the day...?

I came home and spied some writing on a postcard that looked familiar...it looked like L's handwriting. So, i picked it up and read it. Sure enough it was addressed to me and the message on the left read:

PETALS,

WERE THINKING OF YOU IN ITALY....

LOTS & LOTS & LOTS
OF LOVE
L&E
xxx

I flipped over to see what was on the postcard and it was Michelangelo's David - but the focus is on his specific part!!!

I told and showed my Mum, and she told me that she was outside by the letterbox with her friend when she took the letters out of the letterbox and her friend asked what it was? Mum saw it upside down without her glasses and said it was a flower in bloom! *RofL*

They both looked closer and had a heartattack when they realised that it was David's man bits.

At least Mum recognised it was Michelangelo's David! *LoL*

Un jour chez Luna Park...

My Saturday was crazy.

I had booked my specialist appointment before knowing my cousin and 2 kids were coming to visit us from Melbourne. So, the week had been pretty hectic. A lot of dinners and throughout the week, it was tag team - where my younger brother on his days off would take our cousin + kids around town...and then on my older brother's days off he would take her and the kids + his own kids around town...and since i only have weekends free...I was to take them around town on Saturday and Sunday.

Saturday - took them along while Mum and i were getting grocery...so we had breakfast and did some shopping...then it was a quick dash to the specialist...but when we get there, i find that the family would have to wait for an hour with me, so i decided to take them to the local Westfields so at least they could shop or sit around and get some food, etc while waiting for me. So, i drive in and park the car walk them in and leave them to walk back to the doctor's office, no point in driving back and forth if i can walk there. After the doctor's appointment i go back to Westfields and then rush to Medicare, because i dont know when the next time i would be near one, so i powerwalk to the Medicare office only to find that they have relocated back inside Westfields!!!

WTF???

Its a race against time. I was worried that i wouldnt make it to the Medicare on time as it was almost noon. In the process of powerwalking to and from i called my cousin and told her what was happening...so i powerwalked...they followed...when i had to rush back to the shopping centre...the stayed at the park whilst i did my thing and then would meet me back in the shopping centre.

It was a crazy hectic day.

Sunday - Luna Park, Harbour Bridge/Opera House, Darling Harbour.

We only made to 3 out of the 4 and the Harbour Bridge was done via the fact that the train went over it and from looking at it at the Opera House.

Luna Park was great but really cold during the day. There was a lot of fun and laughter but some of the kids got really grumpy and it was really eating on my nerves. Since my nieces and nephew were born, i have become more tolerant, but not as much as their respective mothers. The kids are great until they get grumpy and even the older ones can be extremely difficult to handle...because its clear that they are grumpy but they wont tell you what is wrong no matter which technique you use to extract it, its worse than going to the dentist!

So, we caught a train around 9am all the way to Milson's Point...walked to Luna Park...unleashed 4 happy screaming kids inside...Mums waited while Aunty chapperoned them on the rides. After a number of negotiations with the kids, we hopped onto a ferry from Milson's Point to Circular Quay and then walked over to the Opera House. A number of happy snaps with some grumpy faces, 1 child desperately needs to go do a pee-pee...so Aunty rushes down with kid in arms hands child over to Mum...Aunty sits and waits by the pram.

Aunty notices that its 1pm and we havent had lunch, so we trek back to Circular Quay and hop onto a bus to go to Chinatown. We would have gone to Darling Harbour after lunch but unfortunately, 2 out of the 4 kids had a dentist appointment at 3:30pm. So, by the time lunch ended, we had to go back to Central station and catch a train home for the dentist appointment.

During this whole escapade between the Opera House and home, one child in particular was getting on my nerves. No matter how i would reason with her, she was so stubburn and sooky and so badly behaved, i cant believe that she is "this" close to my bloodline!!!

I asked Mum if i was that horrible as a child and she told me not to that extent. At home, yes i was naughty fighting with my older brother...but when we were out and about i would always hold her hand and cling to her side.

Today, i woke up feeling extremely buggered. I'm sooo tired and its not from all the walking yesterday. Its the mental strain of yesterday and the past week.

I dont think i would ever want a big family. Having four kids in my house is a headache and its too much to handle when you are so use to keeping an eye out on two.

I must commend those single mums or dads who actually bring up their multiple kids right. And those parents who have 4 or more, who bring up their kids right should get a pat on their backs too! Its a really really really tough job.

I couldnt do it.

(lit: A day at Luna Park)

partie deux...

I went to the same ticket booth at the trainstation this morning to get the same ticket for the same fare as yesterday.

I came across the same ticket booth attendant.

I said "Good Morning!"

And he grinned from ear to ear and told me "Good Morning!"

I asked for the same ticket and he enquired if i had a weekly ticket? I actually bought a ticket from the beginning of the year until my last working day before i fly to Europe. Thats about 8 months worth of fare...

For the sake of conversation, i told him, yes i had a City weekly and i was going to a training course in Nth Sydney today (as i did yesterday).

He said to me - "Oh, then you should keep today's ticket and yesterday's as a receipt. So, you can claim back on tax!"

God bless him.

(lit: part two...)

Et j'ai dit bonjour...

It was probably a quarter past 7 in the mornin'...I went up to the ticket counter and asked for a ticket connecting Wynyard and North Sydney, but before making my request i opened with a "Hello!" which seemed to make his day.

Its funny how a simple 'Hello' with a smile can make the world a difference.

He was so cheerful towards me after that, that i started to think if he had a spare million $$$ to hand over, he would have gladly done so.

How sweet it is to be able to turn someone's day around like that!

I should endeavour to remember in future how little the effort it is to say hello and smile to reap the benefits of making someone else happy.

I had to go to Nth Syd today for MS Project training course! Yes, i asked my company to send me to do this course because i'm stuck doing schedules for my projects and i realise that i am doing certain things that are deemed "bad practice"...so this course is righting the wrongs i have picked up fumbling my way through, trying to use the application.

Its for 2 days and already i feel really good about attending. The trainer is a perky Swedish lady, who is soo clever - i am glad to be a student in her class. She knows so much and quite frankly, she bends over backwards to ensure that the whole class is up to speed.

Highlight of the day for me was learning all these nifty short cuts and learning from the trainer the proper methods of organising relationships and constraints for my tasks...and i got a chance to explain to someone in the group about the purpose of baselining schedules (in which the trainer didnt quite understand where this person's question was coming from). I felt quite knowledgeable...how cool is that?

I go back to work on Friday for more training on a new application that is being brought into the company due to our close working relationship with our major client. Then the following week i have another training session for some new PM tool being intro'd for our project services group...reportedly, eliminating our project checklists, issues & risk registers, incorporating SAP financials, and supposedly shorten our project reporting because all the details will be encapsulated in this one tool.

I highly doubt it will make any of my work easier...i forsee my workload doubling...geez, i hate being psychic!
;p

(lit: And i said hello...)

Rapports...

Its really uplifting to see & hear about your workmates and their partners getting along really well. Yes, they probably have issues to deal with, but its obvious that they know how to deal with the issues and to hear that they are both working at it together shows me that it is possible to be in a relationship that has longevity.

I have friends who are in long term relationships, but its not the same as my workmates who have been married for 15 years+. And its not that i dont believe that they can last that long, its more that that would mean i was looking into the future, while my workmates relationships is currently the present...and that view holds more weight currently.

I wish i could say that my parents married and had a blissful marriage right in front of me, to look up to, and hope that one day I would be part of such a relationship...but i cant.

Theirs is not horrendous, but it wasnt coming up roses either.

So, i guess thats why i look to others for that sense of hope...and my workmates who have gotten the relationships right, would be good examples for observation and inspiration.

(lit: Relationships...)

Bonjour, nous sommes en Italie!

I know it should really be: "Ciao, siamo in Italia!", but i thought i should keep with my French theme.

Last night was one of those oddly well-coordinated nights. I seemed to have gotten everything done in a timely fashion, and there was one last thing to do...return my alterna-date's missed call.

So, i returned his call about the DSLR he bought from the JB-HiFi my brother works at.

Normally, i put my mobile back in my bag so that i dont forget to bring it to work the next day. I mean, i wake up so early, the last thing i want to do at 6am is scramble to find my missing mobile, because i accidentally misplaced it somewhere the night before.

But i did leave my phone in my room last night, on top of the cardi i planned on wearing today.

And of all nights (it was in fact morning - but it was pitch black, so i'll stick with night), L&E decide to start those prank calls from Europe. I get a call at 5:15am from an unknown number...and stoopid me, i answered the call!

The instant i picked up they started the ranting and raving...and i recognised their voices...and i also recognised the "we just landed and we already got screwed...why did you pick up?!??!?"

I knew that they should have landed in Italy sometime yesterday...i just didnt know what time. I know the drill. Turn my voicemail on...well, don't turn voicemail off, as it is usually on for work purposes...so that they can leave drunken messages at 3am or "crank" calls of the cranky "we just got screwed and its all your fault" variety.

Every holiday they have together, i get a number of voicemails left on my mobile messaging service, and quite frankly its the highlight of my morning to hear them on the line. *LoL*

(1) I know that although they suffered mishaps from being screwed by the locals...that they are in fact safe & fine, and laughing their heads off after it.
(2) I get my daily dose of laughter and get an ab workout.
(3) It gives me material to tell my workmates about my crazy friends currently in Europe!

Now, i need to practice leaving my phone on silent or turning it off at night...because there's like 4-5 weeks of these calls. It doesnt happen every night, so its always a surprise and well worth it!

***

I've realised that i take my friends for granted...and im sure most people are the same...they dont intentionally do so and perhaps dont realise. But with the way things are: whether you are busy because of your new relationship with your partner, you're busy with family, you're busy studying, etc...especially if they are your good friends...you expect them to be around and the same goes for you...they might expect you to always be around.

And then at some point you realise that you should really make an effort to keep the friendship going.

I'm trying to make the effort and become a better daughter, sister, and friend.

I realised that I should really be grateful for my life and current situation.

It might not be as charming as others. And i might not have scored a hat trick, being: love/health/career...but 1.5 out of the 3 is 50% and thats an underestimation. But life isnt all that bad. I'm going to Europe in less than 2 months time. I should be able to go to SG/KL in December...and when my review occurs at the end of this year, I will know if should be able to get to Japan in April...which is pending on my payrise and hopefully promotion.

So, i really cant complain.

And if i do ever complain, dear friends...please pinch me.

(lit: Hello, we are in Italy!)

Mise à jour...

I submitted my letter of confirmation from my Program Manager basically saying that I have been "managing" some projects for the last 6 months. I also submitted my CV.

I asked if that was it. He confirmed - "that's it!"

So, basically in July when my company renews my membership to AIPM, they will also be upgrading my registration from a QPP to a RPM.

At the end of the day, a good project manager is developed through practice of managing projects. To me, its like common sense. So, this piece of paper I will be receiving through the mail doesn't really indicate to anyone how good or how bad a project manager I am. It just shows that I am aware of the "best practiced methodologies"...

Fortunately, I have been working in an environment that is highly process driven, which is part of good practice. The company is ISO9001 compliant.

The piece of paper basically makes me one of the "skilled" employees, that Australia seems to be lacking.

Like my degree, on its own...the paper isn't of much value, its the implication of the words written on it that carries the value. For me, personally, the degree, the diploma, and the registration as a RPM means that I can command more $$$. And so, those 3 pieces of paper actually means a lot to me & my future.

I will be given more responsibilities. Better (harder) projects to manage. It will provide me with more opportunities. I will grow.

(lit: Update)

Dépression, au delà de bleu...

I believe that i am very susceptible to falling into depression...or maybe i'm exaggerating and depression is the more stronger sense of what i have felt before.

I'm the middle child of my family and sometimes i do get forgotten, or perhaps i just view myself as being forgotten...

I have felt lonely. I have felt helpless. I have felt like being swallowed up by a gapping hole in the floor. I have wanted to just fade into the walls and disappear. I have felt the despair. I have felt worthless. I have wanted my life to end.

That was when i was younger.

Is that what depression is? Because the thing is, i have always managed to pull myself out of it without help from anyone...well, not direct help of knowing that i actually felt the way i did back then.

I envision depression to be something so great that it is sooo hard to knock back. An addiction that is too hard to kick without proper intervention.

A friend once told me that i was resilient. I didnt believe him at the time. My heart was in the process of being bruised. But he was right. I am a tough girl.

Maybe it comes from being a cynic. I'm very skeptical of most things in life. I still hope that there is some good out there, but i'm more inclined to assume the worst of anything until i am proven wrong. It is my armour in facing the world. I see it as a glass half empty and I prevent myself from getting hurt or disappointed. So, i am extremely organised and prevent the worse from happening to me.

I believe that this is why i am good at what i do for a living. If i stay organised, i stay in control. I account for issues and risks, but its assessed and i know that i can handle them if they pop up. On the rare occasion something i cant handle will appear, but i know that i can still handle it.

If what i went through, in those years before was depression...when the first time it happened, something must have pulled me through without my knowing. I'm not sure if it was the perfectionist in me that said "wake up and smell the stench of impending failure looming"..."perfectionists dont end the game, they win the game"...? Who knows...but all the other times when i was feeling hopeless, i know i got myself out. And i think it all comes back to taking control.

I manage to bounce back, because i know that i am the one in control of my actions.

That knowledge is empowering. To know that you make the decision to get out of it. Slap yourself if you have to, but you are the one in control. Take stock, life is will always have waves of challenges rolling in to shore to knock you off your balance.

Balance.

From practicing yoga and pilates and seeing my physio, i have learnt that balance is the key to keeping my joints and muscles feeling fine after any strenuous workout.

I strongly believe that balance is the key for life.

I may have felt dire at times and then flipped to being ecstatic at other times, but i always come back aligned to my equilibrium. I actually do balance on one leg for 70 seconds or more, then alternate. I do this each and every day. Thats for the physical side of things. In terms of mentally and emotionally, i laugh.

I like working with a bunch of guys. They either make me laugh with a joke or two, or alternatively they bring me down to earth by making me find something to laugh about within myself.

For those who do and are suffering from depression, i hope that you do see the light - you can get beyond it. Find your inner strength. It is hard. But there is hope. Just think about how blue the sky can be after a storm. The wonder of your eyes getting tricked to see rainbows - colours, even. The joys of hearing the sound of laughter...

It helps me, to think about awe inspiring, naturally beautiful things. Maybe it can help you too.

(lit: Depression, beyond blue)

télévision...

Last night, i watched Michael Buble on Rove.

"T!t-humper"...if you watched it, you will know what im talking about...

I enjoyed the interview and decided that I will skip half the day of work today to be in the audience for Enough Rope with Andrew Denton.

My alterna-date was invited to be in the audience and asked if i wanted to go last Friday? I told him that that was a dumb question. That it was a no brainer...and then i realised that it started at 1:15pm and ending at 6pm.

I told my manager that i scored tix to be in the audience and that i had to go. He said he'd think about it.

This morning after i decided last night, i told him when he walked through the door that i was most definitely going.

12:40pm I left my office to go to ABC building on Harris Street.

The process of getting into the studio was a pain in the behind. We didnt get seated until over an hour later.

The first guest was a man named Lincoln Hall (?) who basically died while climbing Everest, but came back from the dead to tell his tale. It was an interesting story to tell and the interview was engaging at times, but i was getting sleepy and i wondered how it would look in the play back if they glazed over the audience and caught me snoring???
=T

Anyhoo...I was getting impatient as the interview with Lincoln was dragging, not because of the lack of trying...i think it was just his voice that droned on. I was waiting for Michael and i really just wanted the first interview to end.

And end, it finally did.

Next in line, i thought it was going to be someone other than Michael...from Andrew Denton's hints before the filming began, it sounded like Michael would be last in the 3 guest line up. But to my surprise, Michael was next.

He is really charming and enthusiastic and funny. And i adore him.

This episode being filmed today was for Enough Rope's new season. I would like to reveal some funny things that happened on stage, but i dont know what will make the cut or which part will end up on the cutting room floor. But if you do watch Enough Rope and catch this episode and hear a girl laughing pretty heartily during the Michael Buble interview, you can be sure it was in fact moi! But i sat in the back row and i dont believe they filmed any shots of me...thankfully!

*LoL*

After the episode is aired and i remember to, i will write another post and reveal some parts they had cut out.

Did you know that they film the audience applauding and smiling and laughing, and then edit it into the actual interview with the guests?

I didnt until today.

(lit: television)

Comédie allemand...

I watched a German movie last night. The first German movie I had ever seen.

I always considered going to the German Film Fest, but never quite made it.

I was actually watching Iron Chef and in between I saw the commercial for "Kebab Connection". I giggled because it was pretty funny (the ad) and it got me curious.

So, when Iron Chef finished I stayed with SBS and watched this movie. It was about a Turkish boy knocking up a German girl and his family disowning him for getting a German girl preggers. She is an aspiring actress, he an aspiring director with an obsession to make the first German Kung Fu movie (totally Bruce Lee inspired action).

I laughed quite loudly, and my laughter must have shook the house.

It reminded me of E (the boy and his obsession with film directing) and his family (all the crazy things that happened in between). It got me wondering whether this "craziness" was a cultural thing. I mean, all the stories E had told me about his family...they were portrayed in the movie in one way or another. I always thought it was just E and his family, but if the theme is carried out in a German movie about a Turkish boy...hehehe...

(lit: German Comedy)

Anniversaire de 2 ans...

Its 2 years with my company and its exactly the same amount of time working with the same client.

Its also just a little over 2 months before i fly to Europe.

And ironically, it will be 2 years tomorrow, since i broke my left ankle.

Life is hectic, but interesting right now. In terms of work. In terms of social stuff. In terms of thoughts running through my head.

In terms of work...I'm working on some summaries in support of gaining my RegPM (Level 5 registration). If successful, i shall be a registered PM by the end of Financial year.

In terms of social stuff...I'm meeting a number of people since moving to the Glebe office and i quite like these new people. Its really funny, there is this one guy who purrs when he walks past my desk - he does so as a joke to me...i havent quite pinned what the purring is actually for or what it actually means...but it makes me laugh...so i guess its worth it!

There is a local cafe we go to and i keep seeing Yumi from Channel V...she brought in her daughter today while the guys and i were having our morning coffee. Her daughter is a little cutie. The guy at the cafe who makes our drinks, he is really funny. He knows just how much to stretch when he teases various people and when to stop. And he just makes me laugh and really yummy soy hot chocs.

I bought Miss Saigon tix for October at the Lyric Theatre today. L, V, M&D, Mon and i are going. I ended up with 3rd row tix...close to the centre...im so chuffed! I can't wait!!!

I went to Eiger Swiss restaurant last Saturday and had cheese fondue, air dried beef, seasoned mushrooms, veal schnitzel, roesti, choc fondue, and chestnut vermicelle...basically i stuffed myself with a whole variety of comfort food. The owner, Alain, is rather eccentric, but since he said i that i am a beautiful girl...i forgive him from being a tad pushy at times. I went to Eiger with my workmates and their spouses and it was fun.

I'm going to drinks and dinner with other workmates this Friday and i'm sure that i will enjoy Friday night too, as much as i did last Saturday. I dont usually "hang out" with my workmates...only a select one or two. But the people i have met are really nice, so i figure why not? It cant hurt me and i sooo need to branch out more.

(lit: 2 year anniversary)

controversé...

I have a lot of opinions on controversial topics, but i usually dont voice them because i know that my opinions are based on very limited information...and therefore i shut up and prevent myself from being a fool in public.

Because i graduated from USYD i get their quarterly "Sydney Alumni" magazine and when i have the time i try to read it. This Winter edition has an article about Stem cell research which i found quite interesting.

Not like we all havent heard a lot about it in the news. So, its not like its all new. There has been so much debate about it all over the world. But there was something written in the article that presented an idea that i had never considered until now. Which i basically found thought provoking...

"Enchantment with our own uniqueness remains central to the Western imagination of the self. Therapeutic cloning not only shakes that idea; it also confronts our notion of ourselves as circumscribed individuals both spatially and temporally.
...
'Stem cell technologies involve a reorganisation of boundaries and elements of the human body. Bodies become materially implicated in each other,' says Prof Waldby. Through an indefinite fusing of bodies, what disappears are the safe, certain lines where our body stops and another begins." --Immortal lines, written by Dr Kate Rossmanith

I didn't think about it that way...the fusing of another's cells in one's body. I saw it more from the idea of using "babies" and "cloning"...in some ways my concerns were fears of Frankenstein-esque monsters being created and man becoming power hungry and wanting to play God...like i said, i dont know much about stem cell research, so i usually keep my mouth shut on the topic.

I have been against the idea, because i didnt and still dont know enough about it. And thats the thing I have learnt by reading the article. That most of the scientists dont know enough about it either, that all research done so far is only scratching the surface and that more needs to be done. They can not definitively advise that it can be used therapeutically in a clinical environment. It looks promising, but the truth is that there are years of research left to be done to know for sure.

I guess i should wait and read more before i can really say that im for or against it...i wonder if a decade is enough?

(lit: controversial)

Je ne suis pas asthmatique.

I hopped on the train and chose my seat.

Next stop.

A girl hopped on and sat down next to me. She was coughing a lot and i thought to myself "uh-oh...i'm going to come down with yet another thing"...

As the train ride progressed, she pulled out her inhaler. I had forgotten that she was asthmatic. You see, i had often seen her on this train and she has on a number of occasions taken a puff from her inhaler, especially in the colder months.

How could i be so unsympathetic? I know how bad it is to be sick and not wanting to go to work, but having to go because you are sick, but not that sick. Sounds like torture when you put it down in writing, but some people are unable to work from home or they just can't afford not to work even if they are sick.

I use to have really bad asthma. I've taken it for granted that I have overcome it and that I am no longer a slave to my Ventolin.

But it wasnt like it was easy to overcome. Often it felt like I was running an uphill battle and the funny thing is - that is exactly how i overcame it.

I ran.

I exercised. I exerted my lungs and my heart to a point where my organs got use to the exertion. They started to switch on and function as per normal without the drugs. And then, I stopped coughing and wheezing and feeling as though my lungs were going to explode.

It was a slow process in reducing the amount of Ventolin I was taking, as I was increasing my cardio exercise. I started out taking a puff before, during and after exercising. Then I slowly dropped it down to a puff before and during (if needed). As my cardio increased, then just a puff before my exercising. And one day...I just decided to forgo the single puff before starting.

It was tricky to deal with at this stage. And I think if I was ever wheezing, it was happening out of anxiety and the fear of having an attack, when in fact I was really fine.

I stopped using my Ventolin when I was about 19-20, there abouts. I carried it around in my handbag where ever I went, but I didn't have to use it for about a year or so. And then I stopped carrying it and it has been a good number of years now.

I have also stopped ticking the box which says "Asthma"? on the various forms I fill out.

Sometimes, when I do my interval training on the treadmill, or when I run outside and the air is really crisp, I still wheeze a little. But its nothing unbearable and I can jog it off. I think its more from being unfit than an onset of adult asthma.

Well, I hope.

(lit: I do not have asthma)

Se faire aimer Napoleon Dynamite...

When Napoleon Dynamite was released in the cinemas in 2004, i had really wanted to watch it. I don't know what got in the way, but i didn't end up catching it in the cinemas...and i didn't even get to watch it on dvd...that was until this weekend.

It is soooo geeky, the movie, as much as Napoleon is, which makes this movie so endearing!

I had chuckled throughout the movie, and my friends were right. I was totally missing out!

Recently, i had borrowed a selection of dvds from G and this was one of them. I'm so glad that he had let me borrow this gem of a movie. My alterna-date was telling me that this was one of his favourite movies and he was surprised that i hadnt watched it until now.

I have to agree...this is now one of my favourite movies.

Highlights of the movie:

* Vote for Pedro - I now get it!
* Kip changing into a homie with the help of his "soulmate" LaFawnduh...hehehe...
* Jamiroquai's - Canned Heat (Synkronized 1999)

(trans: The endearing Napoleon Dynamite)

Mon meilleur ami...

My alterna date and i were talking about how many people we would consider to be our best friends...the type of friend that you could call at 3am or in an emergency, knowing that they would come to your rescue - guaranteed...and also, that they lived in a 5Km radius.

We had eachother. I could add D...but i actually feel funny if i imposed on him with an emergency call at 3am.

If M still lived in the area, i would put her down. If E was closer by 5Km...then i would put him down...and that is the same for K, L, G and V.

We spoke about this on Saturday, prior to watching "Mon meilleur ami - My best friend" on Sunday at the Palace Twin Cinemas.

And it was funny that our topic of conversation was the exact premise of the movie.

I was hoping that the movie would be more funny...but I found it dramatic and serious...perhaps, it is because it touches on the topic of alone & loneliness, and I obviously have an affinity with being alone.

Irrespective of the serious underlying tone of the movie, i still enjoyed it. After all it is a story about being a true best friend.

But if you had to watch one French flick this year, I would suggest vehemently, that you go watch "Prête-moi ta main - I do". It was part of the French Film Fest 2007, but I missed it by watching Priceless and OSS-117.

I think it speaks for itself that it was part of the Fest and now its actually showing in cinemas as general release.

G got a free double pass to the advanced screening of "I do" and asked me to go with him - as I obviously have this thing with foreign movies, lest to say French flicks.

And it was the BEST French film I had seen for the year. It was FUNNY!!! If anyone said that the French don't know how to do comedy, they should really see "I do". I couldnt stop laughing and i thoroughly enjoyed it.

***

Over the long weekend, i slept in and i went shopping - lots of shopping!!!

I didnt buy anything really expensive, but i bought a lot of inexpensive things...which in the end broke my budget for this month anyway.

Shame on me.
>_<"

Je suis ici de passage.

(Pronounciation: zher swee zee.see der pa.sazh)

The audit is almost over...and i wasnt one of the lucky people to be selected...
^_^

But all the hard work in catching up took its toll. And then all of a sudden it turned into an anti-climax...because today...in anticipation of the auditor arriving there was a buzz in the office and then he left. He didn't question my team. Didn't enquire what we did all day...just pretty much walked past us.

It was good and bad.

I closed a project today! *woohoo* I also saved the company a couple of grand...except, i think it was by accident...not because i managed the budget well. Ha!

I think im over the panic attack...and just going with the flow. Finally.

Plans for the weekend...I'm going to work from home on Friday...catching another french flick "My best friend" and was going to walk the markets and go for a bike ride...but i believe the weather will be working against me.

(lit: I'm in transit)

travailler à vivre...

Work has been crazy lately. Stress levels have been really high. Energy levels have been waning. A workmate and i had to stay back on Thursday night and it wasn't fun...even though i have started to laugh hysterically - it isnt actually funny.

I have noticed that since moving to the Glebe office, i barely have time to think about anything except work. I don't respond to emails, unless its from the customers or something urgent from a manager. Everything else is low priority.

My workmates have noticed that it is Glebe. We have other things that could potentially make us feel "fast & furious", but essentially we would not have been so hard hit if we were still in the CBD.

I have started to pick up bad habits like taking 10 minute lunches at my desk...mind you the unhealthy part is that i sit on a level (in the building) that is enclosed by 4 walls and only 2 smaill windows that are tinted so that you cant look to the outside. So, its really just blank walls. (Highly secured area).

I've also started to continue working, even though i have left for the day, even while on my train ride home. I'm following up with workmates on requests, phone calls to customers, managers, et al. I'm like "this" close to carrying my laptop and wireless around to work on the train...how sad is that?

I've always said that "I work to live, NOT live to work", but it seems to me that work is starting to take over my life...and its what i wanted to prevent. 95% of the managers i know have a balance of about 75-85% work, 25-15% life ratio. They aren't 'failing' from the lack of trying to create a 50-50 ratio...its just the nature of working in the project environment.

But to their credit, they are either in a long term relationship, married, &/or with kids...and their better halves are understanding. So, they are obviously getting some things right.

My workmate and i, who are both single females, and are developing our careers in this industry have realised that we are basically screwed (apologies for the lack of finding any other word that would define it more eloquently). We both have been trying to avoid this impending moment...and now we have to look straight into the eye of the monster.

I had a panic attack last night. I called 3 friends in Sydney, who didn't pick up their phones, so that i could panic with a rational voice on the other line to talk some sense into me...but as that was lacking, i sent an sms to E, who is currently in Istanbul.

He responded in a couple of minutes, and that calmed me down a little. Funny how the person who is miles away across some oceans can respond in a couple of beats.

It was my father's birthday yesterday, so i was actually panicking while sitting in my car waiting for my family to arrive at the restaurant. And since it was Dad's birthday, i didnt want to alarm the family, so i abstained from talking to Mum about the fear that was in me.

So instead, after dinner i drove to A's place to catch up with some friends and watch Shrek 3 on A's new big ass plasma, in his new pretty, pretty apartment.

I barely took my boots off when i broke down in front of the girls in the hallway.

Its shameful, but they understood my concerns...at least that means im not over reacting too much.

I think i alluded in my last post about wanting to pay off my mortgage, building my nest egg, and potentially that now is the time to start planning if not acting.

So, im sort of stuck with a connundrum...my catch 22...

At 26, work my way to become a fully fledged project manager, my registration is 6 months (tops) from being awarded. Get flogged with work and have no social life for the next 4 years...reach 30 and have another panic attack realising that the last 4 years i should have been socialising instead of working my butt off...at this point in time have no friends, because i haven't had the time to make the effort to keep in touch, and therefore everything spirals out of control and i die lonely!!!

Have i ever told you that one of my biggest fears is dying lonely?

Its not like i can avoid work. And its seems natural to get promoted to project manager and the promotion means i get paid more...which helps me pay off my mortgage faster, and on a projet manager's rate i will have money to start building my nest egg.

So, do i choose the pending career which would free me financially or the life i currently dont even have but would like?

(lit: to work to live)