Mum Inc.

I now understand why some women in their late 20's start panicking about their biological clock.

Did you know that the moment a woman turns 27, their ability to fall pregnant drops. Give or take a few years because everybody is different...and after 35...ur pretty much screwed.

I only recently found out this info. And its put things into perspective. I mean, if i was keen to have a baby naturally, and not through IVF, I would have to meet someone ASAP, and marry him and start bonking away like there was no tomorrow.

Ha!

Luckily, im not too fussed, but i now understand the pressures a girl might feel if she was really interested in having a family of her own and becoming a mum.

Its hard enough to find a partner who has the same interests as you to spend time with, let alone a partner you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with - to be the father of your child.

So, from now on...i promise not to laugh at any girl who is freaking out about her chances of becoming a mum.

My experience at being a house sitter for the past week and a half has also made me wake up and realise a few things.

I have always appreciated mothers world wide...for their hard work, no pay, lack of recognition and sometimes ungrateful families.

I can honestly say that i have not done things as well as my mother. I have most probably done 50% of the work my mother would normally do...keeping in mind i was trying to balance 8hrs of doing "work" work with all the house chores. But then again, my mother "works" full time as well as being the homemaker - which is a full time job in itself.

I dont know how in the world mothers out there balance being full time mothers as well as keeping a position in the work force.

I cant do it.

With the rain, it put all the washing out of whack over the weekend...and then finally some sun broke through the clouds yesterday, so i was doing loads and loads of washing. (And dont even ask me how my father and brother manage to wear that many items of clothing!) I didnt manage to do any work at all, because by the time the washing was done, i had to start cooking dinner.

I had a conference call at 9:30am and i think i answered a couple of emails, like 2...and then that was it, my day was over.

By 5pm I was buggered, grumpy, and i felt like i hadnt achieved anything significant at all.

Not only that, my father complained about the beef. That it must have been cut incorrectly because it was tough and not tender...ugh, talk about the lack of appreciation. I dont know how my mother deals with it. I dont know how other mothers/wives deal with the criticism...

Like hello?! I'm not just sitting at home twiddling my thumbs.

=P

Being a homemaker is a full time job. A full time job i'd rather not have...

I'm not cut out to be a stay at home anything.

No offence to those who can do it, its just not for me.

I realise it. I accept it. And kudos to those mothers, wives, partners who manage and do it well.

Breakfast at The Tearoom...

I attended a Breakfast function at The Tearoom (QVB) today.

We had an inspiring female guest speaker. Her name is Dr Caroline Kovac, General Manager of IBM Pharmaceutical and Life Sciences.

The topic for the day was 'Women in science & technology : one woman's perspective'.

And as boring as you may want to assume it to be, it wasnt. And of course the food helped to make it that little bit more interesting...but Dr Kovac is a very engaging public speaker who has a lot to offer young females in terms of inspiration and motivation.

I found myself twisted in my chair (my chair was facing the opposite direction to the podium) to see her as she spoke and shared her pearls of wisdom with the audience. And just because the topic was about women in science & technology...dont go thinking it was just a bunch of feminists
b!tching about inequality in the work place. There was a large number of men who attended this function as well.

She shared a story about one of her latest board meetings with her execs, and a female exec had pointed out that within Dr Kovac's team, there were 4 women and only 2 men. And the men had pointed out that they felt "weird" in such a group. This was just to point out that the differences are felt vice versa, men-women or women-men. And we should embrace the differences to make the team and the environment a wonderful place to work in.

The topic of the day made me think about myself and my interest in science. When i was in primary school there was a HUGE interest (that i had) to change the world. And i acknowledged that by being enthusiastic about learning science as much as art. Even when i went to high school, i was highly motivated to study chemistry and physics, cos i didnt want to study biology...but ironic enough, i was studying chemistry and physics so i could get into medicine. (Don't ask...)

A lot of people, teachers and friends alike, thought it was weird when they found out that i was going to study Computer Science at Usyd. It wasnt the choice of university that they were shocked about, it was the degree. Nobody, and i mean nobody thought i would choose Comp Sci. They all just assumed that i would become a lawyer as i was a good public speaker and did well in English.

At some stage, when i was a kid, i did dream about being a "real" scientist and changing the world. And this was part of the presentation today. Addressing the issue of how girls seem to lose interest in science when they get to their tweens or teens. To help combat this issue, Dr Kovac suggests that girls get motivated by "Peer Mentors" - mentors closer to their age who are enthusiastic about science and are passionate about what they do, to show the younger girls that they too can excel in science.

I, for some reason as a kid, had dreamt about being some great doctor, changing the face of medicine through research and being published in journals all over the world. And then that dream stopped. I dont know why the dream stopped. But i had dreamt about doing many great things when i was a child...and obviously, they havent come to fruition.

Do girls just decide when they get to about 13-15 y/o that doing anything "hardcore" like science and becoming a scientist is just not for them? That they should just become a hairdresser or beautician? Is that because they think that those are the sort of things girls should do? And im not saying this as a negative to hairdressers or beauticians...because at some stage, i wanted to be a hairdresser or a beautician, sometimes i still consider it, because it looks like a fun job to do. Its hard and demanding but if u are passionate about it, it would be worth it, right?

How many young girls do you know, get all excited and feel passionately about becoming a scientist? Do girls really know what being a "scientist" entails?

Its a mystery.

Which was another point that Dr Kovac brought to our attention. Being a scientist has this air of mystery...they usually delve into the unknown to bring the truth to light. And the thing is, if you cant really tell someone what it is that you do, how can they really get interested in it? And even if you can describe it to them, but they still dont quite grasp what you are saying...then you are still at loose ends.

She really made me think about what i was doing with my job? I queried and wondered about what i was doing to make a contribution to the world. And honestly, im not contributing much at all. I'm not really making a difference, and i am most definitely not helping the cause to find a cure for cancer.

In a very indirect and ultimately, in an ever so slight way, i may be helping some customers of the bank...but my contribution is very very small and insignificant.

I felt liberated after breakfast, and at the same time i felt ashamed that i wasnt doing anything to better the world.

*sigh*

So, the question that i have to answer is, what am i going to do to make a contribution to better our world today, tomorrow, and there after?

Fun in the kitchen...

I found a way for me to enjoy the novelty of cooking, making it even more of a novelty.

Cranking up the music and dancing around while waiting for the water to boil!!!

I cant believe how much fun i was having boiling the spinach noodles last night...as i did each portion individually...i had to wait for the water to boil 4 times and reboil while cooking the noodles 4 times.

But dancing around to either One Marathon/Passes & Passports/Rip the Universe - all by Reverie Sound Revue, made the waiting so much fun.

I know if someone was looking in, they would think that i was a lunatic, but i dont give a shoot. And the windows were so cloudy, they would have had too much difficulty looking in.
=P

I'm starting to take pride in the presentation of the food i cook too. It use to be so long as it looked clean on the plate, no nasty excess spills on the side, then it would be alright...its going into the stomach anyway!!! But now, i want to balance the veges with the protein (meat typically) with the carbs and make it look all pretty!!!
=D

And yes, the plate must still be clean of excess spillage.

Just wait until the day i tell you im garnishing the meals!
*RoFL*

hmm...& hmm again...

Im not saying that its a trend, but it is something to note.

Looking through the Sun Herald today, i noticed that out of the 4 weddings being featured in the paper, 3 were of mixed unions. An asian woman with a caucasian man.

Only one was of 2 caucasians uniting.


I'm so over this rain...i dont mind it raining...but i would prefer it if it wasnt so heavy over extended periods of time and if it was directed into the catchment areas. Please.


Its been a shocker of a week hasnt it? First Steve Irwin and then Peter Brock...


The medication i have been taking for my acne has started to make my skin flare up. Fun. But at least i know its working...


One more week of working at home...I should try to savour it, but im not one who likes long periods of time being isolated...the first week has indicated that. Or maybe its because i dont have my mother around. I miss my mother, and she is only on a holiday. Imagine how i would feel upon the worse. *knock wood x 1000*

Let's be honest here...

I dont want to admit it. Who wants to admit the truth and be vulnerable about their feelings?

I didnt want any of this to happen. Quite frankly, it was what i was desperately trying to avoid. I want to protect my feelings and my heart. I dont want to be in a position that may lead to disappointment.

Which is often the case when you are "crushing" on a person. And it is as juvenile as it sounds. I feel like im a teenager again, with a major crush on some guy i havent even met yet.

No, its not as seedy as its starting to sound. He is a friend, of a friend of mine. There was a position that was recently available within my own company and so it all started because he was interested in that position.

He sent me emails and we just started to converse from there and it extended to messenger because he needed to ask me some questions about the role and our mutual friend gave him my messenger contact.

So, of late, we have been chatting. But i havent met him as yet. So, we still dont know what each other look like.

Initially, i wanted to keep it that way. There is less pressure when you dont know what each other look like. The crap you talk about is just straight up and thats what crap should be...

And when you are honest, because you have chatted so much and learnt so much about each other, you are brutally honest. I have learnt various intimate details about him, and its the intimate details that draw me to him. The fact that he has shared such information with me. The fact that he has felt at ease to talk about those things, has really made me feel as though we have a connection.

How ridiculous is that???

I feel as though we have a connection. And yet i need to remind myself that we have never met in person!!!

So, i have started to develop feelings for this guy...but i dont think its being reciprocated in the same way.

At some point we were talking about our physical appearance. He asked how much i weighed. Like, hello??? Who would go and ask a girl such a question?!
=P

So, it was an obvious lie when i told him that i was 90kgs...just to shut him up.

But, you know what? He believed it when i told him. And he didnt mind...and the flirting didnt stop either. Which i think makes me endear towards him even more. The fact that everything remained the same even though i thought it would upset the equilibrium of our friendship.

But, thats also the factor that has led me to believe that my "crushing" feelings arent reciprocated, not now and not ever. It will always be that we enjoy talking to each other, and thats as far as it will ever get to. The buck stops there.

I cant really complain, because it simply makes my days more entertaining, having someone to talk to and to flirt with online. I shouldnt be hoping that something will amount from it. Thats just silly and ridiculous. And yet, im having a crush on him.

And i know that if i told my friends the full story, they will try to boost my ego and my spirits and tell me to meet him and "you never know", "he may have feelings for you too". But that is definitely a set up for disaster...because i will have to put my heart on my sleeve, and i dont want to do that, im not ready to do that. So, i wont be doing that. I will prolong any lunch invitation for as long as i possibly can without being a snob.

I think i need to take drastic measures and stop chatting to him. But i dont know if i can stop myself. How silly is that? I cant even control myself from chatting to a guy that i have a crush on. I feel the need to take "drastic" measures??? Because i know it will end in a disaster...*sigh*...

Gosh, im 25 with a crush on a friend of a friend, that i have never met before.

Good one Petals!

Happily accidental...

I love accidentally catching a show that is new to me and coming across parts of its soundtrack and think how awesome...its all accidental and its all soo what i love!

As i channel surfed yesterday arvo around 5:00pm I settled on watching the cartoons on the ABC. I actually love doing this, because the ABC usually shows cartoons or tween shows that are slightly off the kilter that i really enjoy. I think it reminds me of my younger days and watching Degrassi High, et al.

Which is probably another reason that explains why i absolutely love watching Veronica Mars.

So, i proceeded to watch a cartoon called "Fairly Odd Parents"...and it was so cool and cute. I was glad to watch something so entertaining...and it made me glad that at least the ABC is still showing some quality kiddie shows.

After the cartoon, i happened on watching "RFR - Radio Free Roscoe". Think Degrassi, but slightly more slick and it seems, better music. After quick online searches i find that this show i caught is actually from Season 2 and its called "I'm with Cupid" (#208). What made me go and do quick investigations straight after the show was the final song of the episode.

It is so kitsch, making it so cool. I loved the vocals and the electronic indy sort of sound of the music.

The band is Reverie Sound Revue and the song played on the show is called One Marathon...which you can download from this website. Which i obviously made headway with. I was so excited, i felt like i was in a patisserie picking out various yummy pastries and cookies and cakes!!!

There is something about the song that gets me giddy. And that says a lot, considering not much knocks my socks off anymore. And im pretty happy that i happened on this band that seems fairly unknown all by accident.

Desperate House-girl...

I was going to write "Desperate Housewife" but as i am not married nor acting as a wife...i figured it'd be inappropriate to use it as a title.

If i married a guy and was asked to be a stay at home type of wife, i think i would die of boredom.

Its not the type of thing i could do.

Maybe if i had kids to keep me on my feet and really really occupied, it might be okay. But if i was just a wife, at home doing all the house-wifey things...it would drive me nuts that i was not interacting with a variety of people.

A week at home should have been great, if i was not meant to be doing work. But since work was still a burden on my shoulders and then i really just wanted to do the chores that had to be done, to get them out of the way so i can really enjoy my weekend...its just hasnt been as great as i had anticipated.

And i noticed that i was missing the interpersonal interactions with my teams and my managers.

So, i decided that i had to get out of the house. I had to do something, go somewhere and be surrounded by people.

All i could really think of, to do locally, was go out for dinner and catch a movie.

And guess what movie i went to watch tonight?

DOA - Dead Or Alive.

Was it any good? No!
Was it at least a little bit entertaining? Yes.
It was ridiculous to a point where i wanted to just laugh, cos i couldnt believe that i was sitting there watching it...but there were funny bits in it too.

And the thing is, whenever i watch a movie and the girls are kicking butts, i feel like i want to go and kick a sand bag or someone. I feel like punching the lights out for someone. I just feel like starting a fight! *LoL*

For the guys who have read some reviews and were lead to believe that there are some nude scenes, please be advised that there are none. There is like a short (very short) scene where you see part of Holly Valance's left boob, but thats about it for the whole movie. There are, however, plenty of bikini scenes...and the chick that plays Helena - she has a nice arse which gets focused on by the camera guy here and there.

The ending is lame...

The only really exciting thing, was finding out that the girl who served me when i bought the tix, had given me a "love seat" to sit in with my friend...its a pair of seats which has no arm rest separating us...without my asking for it!

I didnt realise that it was actually referred to by the cinema as a "love seat" either, until my friend pointed it out on the poster showing us the seat rows and numbers.

* The cinema allocated seat numbers when we purchased the tix.

One of the freakiest thing that happened tonight was when the chinese guy sitting next to me with his gf, started to make sounds like he was having an orgasm over an Xbox 360 commercials...it was a bit Homer Simpson-esque...And i happened to be half way putting a piece of unwrapped gum into my mouth, but i just held the gum in the air at that point because i was afraid that if i opened my mouth to put the gum in, i would start laughing so hard that i wouldnt stop. I had to literally bite my mouth close so that i wouldnt laugh at the guy!!! I felt really sorry for his gf. How embarrassing!!!

But anyhoo...i think it is time this Desperate House-girl goes to bed. I actually feel really tired.

Domestic Goddess...

I am soooo not domesticated.

It is sooo hard to be working from home and at the same time, trying to do the household chores.

Maybe its because i suck at all the domestic chores and it takes me a long time to do things. But i find that since i have chosen to cook dinner on most nights, i spend most of my days thinking about (a) what i will be cooking (b) what ingredients i will have to get from the shops (c) when i should start cooking so that it will be ready by the time my father and brother come home.

Its hard work, but i am actually enjoying it. My mother hates me in the kitchen, because she thinks i will make a mess and its her cooking utensils i will be messing up...So, the fact that i can cook something edible (while she is away) is a bit like an honour badge for me to wear on my sleeve.

Although, my first attempt to cook (in a very long time) was a salmon dish with some veges. The salmon, ended up a bit under cooked. But to my defence, the only reason why it was under cooked was because i had to rush and pick my brother up from the trainstation. And fortunately for me, u can eat salmon raw...but my dad helped me rectify the salmon, by cooking it a bit more well done. At least the veges turned out fine!
=D

Tonight, i cooked a salami and olive risotto. The funny thing is, each time i tell someone i will be cooking a risotto, they ask me "isnt that something hard to cook?" But the darndest thing, i can actually cook a risotto. I may stuff up plain asian rice in a rice cooker, but i can roast a turkey. Who gets it? I dont!

Did i ever tell you that for the first time in my life, when i started cooking, i decided to have my first go on Christmas Eve and a roast turkey was for the main meal? It actually turned out perfecto-mundo. The turkey was glossy on the outside, tender on the inside and the veges were golden roasted, even the homemade gravy was perfect. (If i do say so myself!)

And part of my Christmas present that year was an apron from my ex, and attached to the apron was a recipe for a risotto. As i love risotto so much, i decided that that would be the next thing id cook for him. And so, thats why i am able to cook a risotto, because it was the second thing i had ever cooked. And i cooked it over and over again...because its excellent comfort food and if you really think about it, its easy...just time consuming, but since i cook very slowly, its actually the perfect thing for me to do.
=P

I mentioned to a friend that i was going to cook a risotto tonight, he asked if he could try some...i told him to marry me if he wanted to try my cooking! *LoL* It was a joke to just shut him up.

Another male friend was drooling over the idea of a risotto...i think its the weather that makes it an enticing dish...with all the wind and rain, who doesnt want to curl up on the sofa with a bowl of risotto? He asked if he could try...I told him to get in line!

What is it with guys??? They all seem too willing to try my cooking, without realising the consequences...since im not very good at cooking...i could give them food poisoning! I should put a sign on the food: "Eat at your own risk!"

Tears for fears...

Statistic - 1 in 4 girls under the age of 18 will be molested in one way or another.

I just heard that from Oprah.

How scary is that?

Part of her show today was about a new movie, about a girl being molested by her step father and the mother not taking her side. Then it shows you how it affects the girl's life, making her spiral out of control, to do drugs, to seek attention from stripping and prostitution, etc.

The worst story presented on the show, was of a lady telling us about how her real father, had molested all of her siblings and herself, while physically abusing her mother. As an adult and mother, she found out that her father tried to molester his grand daughter too. Which was the last straw...she snapped and shot her father twice.

Oh. My. Gosh!

(1) I can't believe it and it frightens me to death, but i have to believe that its true (it is possible), that a man is capable of raping his own daughter(s) or son(s).

(2) Children are afraid of telling their mothers because in their hearts, they believe that their mothers will take the molester's side and not the child's side. Who the hell believes in a man who is not their blood, over their child??? Give your child the benefit of the doubt and put faith in that child, protect them as you should, as it is your duty as a mother. Gosh, that really pisses me off.

The mother of one of the girls is still married to the step father who raped her daughter and her disabled sister. Like WTF?

(3) It is a calculated act when someone molesters a child. Its the opportunity that gets presented, its the psychological and emotional power play, its the trust that they gain from the child and use it against the child.

It is never a childs fault.


All of this worries me, because I have a lot of little nieces. But i'm not worried about their own fathers, i'm worried about the predators who are out there, waiting for their opportunity to trap their prey. Little girls (and boys) are so trusting, because they are so innocent.

What is our world turning in to?

Transitional phase...

Be it the sun or the moon or the fact that the alignment is out of whack...

Something is going on.

Quite a number of people i know have recently suffered a broken heart...me, being one of them...

And they are people who i thought would end up marrying their partners.

How wrong was i?

A friend emailed this morning and wondered if i had 5 minutes to chat...i'm working from home...i have plenty of time to chat! *LoL*

So, i called his mobile and we talked a bit and then we were joking about our marriages to our respective banks. I told him about how i was in the process of signing my pre-nup to the bank...that made him laugh.

I have been describing my home loan as such, a marriage, 30 years is the what the pre-nup has outlined...at least i know it will last longer than most marriages.
=P

This friend, secretly hinted that he was single now, and it was only when we started talking about our "marriages to the bank" did he come out with it. It seems he's been single for a while now...what a shame. He is a really nice and funny guy. It seems his gf was the one who instigated the break up.

I've also noticed that the people who are caught in this "Transitional Phase", if they dont break up with their partners, they marry them. I guess thats the only other path to follow???

Maybe this isnt something that has been fated by the stars in the sky, maybe its just the way of life. In our mid-20's we have to make certain changes. And these things just happen. It forces us to grow up and in turn we learn to make better decisions the next time around.

But im starting to doubt that there are many "next time(s)" for us all. Some will be fortunate, others i believe will miss out.

I think i fall into the category of those missing out.

Loss of appetite...

I'm feeling awfully bizarre...i usually eat 5 meals in a day and it has always been regular. I eat breakfast at 8am, morning tea at about 10:30 or 11am. Lunch around 1:30pm...afternoon tea/snack at 3:30pm and dinner about 6:30pm or if i go to the gym i'd miss dinner and have a protein hit after the gym session.

Today, i had breakfast at 6:30am. I had a some toast at 9am...and then i was bad and had 6 Tim Tams and thats about it for the rest of the day. I haven't had dinner and i dont feel like it either.

I fried a fillet of salmon and some veges for dinner...but i dont feel like eating.

I dont even feel like drinking water, and i usually have 4 litres in a day...if im doing a lot of exercise, its in excess of 4 litres. Today, i barely had 1.5 litres...still another 500 mls to go.

Something is going on...i dont feel like doing much. I'll head off to the gym soon, maybe that will re-energise me and give me back my appetite. But for now...its gone MIA.

I wonder what is causing it...?

Family perk...

The baby shower was quite entertaining...

And i was really surprised when i saw my pregnant cousin. She was full blown, I never thought i would see her like that...it just didnt seem to fit. Among the guests were all the cousin's on both side of her family...and were a bunch of young girls...not really women...so, it was just odd to see her with a huge bump on her belly. Doesnt mean i am any less happy for her...its just odd. I guess it would always be weird to be the first one pregnant out of our generation.

But its great to catch up with everyone...the last time we all came together was at Chinese New Year.

5-6 months on and we catch up with one another. And like i said...most of my cousins have no idea as to what i do for a living...and although i've updated them now, i bet they will ask me again at Christmas or Chinese New Year in 2007.

Now, while we were sharing what each other were up to in terms of career, we find that a cousin on the other side of the family, Bec's Dad's side of the family (i'm related via her Mum's side) is a hairdresser, well her mother is a hairdresser and she pretty much knows how to cut hair, but wanted professional recognition so is attending the Toni & Guy Academy in Paddington. And so, i volunteered to get my hair cut by her - its all for free. If i want colour, i would just pay for the products, which is about $30. IF i wanted to get my hair straightened, it would cost about $60-$80. So, basically whatever i get done, i wont have to pay for the effort just the products used.

HOW COOL IS THAT?

But since i only want a cut, i wont have to pay for anything at all!!!

She is almost done with the courses, and she asked if i would model for her if needed. I told her if it turned out fabulous and she wanted me to, then id be glad to parade on her behalf!
*LoL*

It may be the only time someone asks me to "model" for them!!!

I've always thought my hair was good for something!
;p

Existing for Existance's sake...

I thought about this for a short period last nite while i was writing in my cousin's "Congratulations - It's a Girl!" card...

She is younger than i am, happily married and is about to pop out her first baby.

She will be 22 in 3 weeks.

Dont jump to the wrong conclusion. She is educated and has career aspirations and the baby was planned. And she was so fed up with the bad rep of "young mums" that she actually went to a forum for young mothers who were all having their babies by choice. A lot of them are uni educated or are career oriented. They are not dead beat mothers who got pregnant by accident. She also wrote into a popular baby magazine telling them that they should write more articles that included young mums. So, the magazine called her up and did an article about her. Which will be published in this month's magazine.

It makes me realise how different i am to a lot of people. I use to think that i was a "do-er" but i'm not.

I'm not much really.

I dont do anything proactive.

I dont feel passionate about much.

I think the only time i will go out of my way to do anything is for my family and friends...and thats about it.

I was told that people my age who are single, its often by choice because they are focused on their career. This is the time where their job is numero uno on their list of priorities.

Its not for me.

My career is chugging along only because my manager wants me to go from Point B to Point T by the end of this year. And im only doing the things im doing, because of him. At the end of the day, its not because i really want to.

I wonder if this is just a phase and whether i will wake up from it one day. Like when i turn 28 and realise that im almost 30 and question what i have to show for the 28 years of my life?

At 25, i cant say that there is much to show for the 25 years thus far.

I have a piece of paper from a known university.

I've had a number of jobs and have found one that i am comfortable in staying in for a few more years and dont actually see myself leaving it in any time soon.

I've been to asia...but still havent gone to europe yet...

I have a lot of clothes and shoes and bags and accessories.

Errmmm...i think thats basically the summary.

-_-"

As you can see...im not really achieving much. But it doesnt really bother me.

Do i feel like im missing out on something, anything, or everything? I acknowledge that there are things out there that i could be achieving. But i'm not disappointed that i havent. And im not setting out to do it either.

I'm just going to sit around and exist like i have been for the past few years.

And if it starts to bother me...then i might consider doing something.

Sort of holiday...

Today is my last day "at work"...

Next week, i will be "working from home"...for 2 whole weeks.

And because i have wireless broadband, i could potentially be anywhere and do my work. So, if it is a lovely day, i really could be at the park or the beach - doing my reports, or preparing a schedule, etc.

I have taken aboard to cooking dinner for most nights during the week. Which means, me, taking 2 hours to prepare and half an hour to cook - because i really suck at cooking and havent cooked anything in (probably) over 6 months.

Its a shame that im coming down with something, so instead of working from home and enjoying ET at 3pm, i might actually be at home, doing work and trying to get over this fudgin virus. And not really enjoying ET at all, because i am taking a nap, cos i need it.

But at least im at home.

***
Someone in my office stole my ruler yesterday. Its one of those long rulers, because most of my schedules and reports are on A3 paper, so the ruler goes across the whole page. It really annoys me that people just steal other people's belonging. And if someone had borrowed it, they have yet to return it and that annoys me too. The fact that they didnt ask to borrow it, annoys me further. I truly believe that that is bad etiquette. It was paper weight on top of the reports on my desk, and then after lunch yesterday, it disappeared.

***
My cousin's Baby Shower is on this Sunday...I have never been to one...so, i really dont know what to expect.

I'm worried that i will get upset. That it will invoke feelings that i have tried to suppress for a while. Stuff between my ex and i that just wont happen. I have moved on. I'm stronger than i was before. But that doesnt change the fact that i am a weepy girl and something like a baby shower for my cousin, might just be the point in which the branch will snap.

I may even get upset and it will have nothing to do with the fact that i am single or about my ex. It might just be some unresolved issues within my family that will get me so angry and i wont know what to do but cry!

Sometimes, at moments like that, i wish i was a boy.

***
I had read Bec's post some time ago and left a comment about the contents of my bag in comparison to her contents. I was astonished with myself yesterday when i realised i had been carrying a 1L bottle of Mt Franklin with me this whole week.

The rest of the contents in my large morrisey mock croc tote yesterday is as follows:

* 2 lipbalms
* 1 makeup bag with medicinal and cosmetic things
* 1 umbrella
* 1 box of Roaccutane
* 1 600ml Decor lunch box
* 1 set of keys
* Various passes and keys for work
* 1 pen
* 1 usb drive
* 1 nano
* 2 mobiles
* 2 packs of tissue
* 1 wallet
* 1 coin purse
* 1 train timetable
* 1 large hair clip
* 1 extra hair tie
+ the 1L bottle of Mt Franklin

The fact that that all fits into my bag is amazing. The fact that i could close the bag without any struggle is also amazing. I think my bag was heavy and solid enough to do damage if i had smacked someone across the head with it!

*LoL*

You're so vain...

You probably think this song is about you...

I went to buy some throat lozenges and when I got into the lifts to get back to my floor this guy walked in after me and just as he got in, he checked himself out in the mirror in the lift. Ran his hand through his hair and actually moved really close to the mirror to check his reflection.

Meanwhile, the mirrors in the lift actually have this meshy type thing over the reflective bit, so its not like a proper mirror…so I don’t know why he just didn’t go to the Men’s and check the mirrors there. Its brighter and clearer than in the lifts.

Like…I’m a chick and I don’t even do that…at least not while there is someone else in the lift!
=P

Talk about vain…


I picked my brother up from the station last night and when we got home, he hogged the shower first. While he was in the shower, I happened to walk past to get to my room and I hear him singing…and what is it that he is singing from the top of his lungs in a squeaky girly voice? The Veronicas – Revolution!!!

*ROfL*

I shouted out to him to stop being gay and squealing like a girl.

He shouted back that it was a catchy song and he couldn’t help it!


I’ve decided that I am going to chop off at least half the length of my hair. Why? Well, I know long hair is in season this summer – but I don’t usually follow trends. I know I should feel lucky to already have long, healthy, naturally straight hair, while millions of girls out there will try desperately to grow out their hair to my length, but I really need to cut it.

I’ve just started taking Roaccutane for my acne. I get acne and I scar (bloody Asian skin)…I’m tired of getting a couple every week and although I am eating healthy and drink heaps of water and exercise regularly, nothing helps it go away. For 2 years I have been trying to eliminate it on its own with the help of a good facial cleansing regimen…and allowing it to take its natural course…and (perhaps) letting my hormones settle down, or something.

But for 2 years, it is still around.

I feel like I'm just hitting puberty now, because I didn't have this problem when i was a teen.

Grrr...

So, I’m taking a more aggressive approach! I’m taking this medication that even my dermatologist has taken, and is said to get rid of acne all together. For some with chronic acne, it will make it lighter and occur less. For someone like me, it should eliminate it completely, with the occurrence of maybe one or two in a long while – which I can deal with.

But the drug really dries the skin (that’s a part of how it works). It is recommended that you moisturise regularly – everywhere…which is okay, because since the start of winter, I have been moisturising everywhere. You shouldn’t shower for too long and use only luke-warm water. Which is okay too, but when I have to wash my hair…I take a long time in washing and conditioning it, which is the ultimate reason to why I need to cut my hair.

So, I have been looking for different short styles. I’m thinking I want it as short as possible, but it still needs to be long enough to tie up so that when I’m at the gym, my hair won’t get in my face.

So, I am settling for a shoulder length cut.

Shoulder length and straight, I don’t know if I want it layered at lot, or just some long layers sliced through for movement.

I think I will ask my hairdresser to cut my hair off at a certain point so that I can keep it. I’ve spent a long time nurturing my hair for it to stay this healthy at this length. I hope I don’t get all weepy about it. And at heart, I really love short hair…I just look better with a longer style. (You always want what you can’t have).

But now that I have lost some fat in my face, it looks less round, maybe a shorter ‘do will actually look alright.

Yes, I am vain too.

Varekai!

I love the productions Cirque du Soleil put on.

First one i went to was Quidam, 2 years ago...and that was brilliant...its so awe inspiring...it takes my breath away each time i watch the acrobats do something without a harness up in the air...its absolutely thrilling!

This Saturday, i went to watch Varekai...and once again, they blew me away!!!

The first act, where the fallen angel descends into the jungle, plays out this mystical, ethereal scene...what is really odd and peculiar, is that it took most of the show for my friend and i to agree that the fallen angel was male! *LoL* But it was one of my favourite acts of the evening.

The other act that I absolutely loved were the 3 little chinese boys. They may have dropped their spinning ropes a couple of times, but they were so cute and animated and oh so very young, we forgave them for dropping it those few times. We applauded loudly when they dropped it, and the claps were even louder when the caught those spinning ropes after somersaulting mid air.

The second last act was so beautiful and elegant...i just wont do it justice in describing it. The gymnast that performed it was so graceful while balancing on one hand, and her whole body was bent over and she had her legs in a split...talk about flexible!!!

The final act was just mind blowing. Never in a million years, even if you paid me millions of bucks would i consider flying around like those men! And even they were graceful! I absolutely loved the final act!!! And its never bad sitting 5 rows away from the stage and seeing men in tight leotards with buns of steel on display!
*ROfL*

I bought tix 5 rows away from the stage, because when i went to Quidam the last time, my friend and i sat in the front row, seats 1 and 2. We craned our neck so much for all the air-defying acts that we promised ourselves to get tix to the next show a few rows back. And i must say, in the 5th row, you don't hurt your neck as much and yet you see everything. Which just makes the experience that much better.

We had popcorn and as corny as this sounds, we got collector's cups to take home. My friend who went to the last 2 productions had bought the last 2 programmes. I asked him why he didnt get the programme for Varekai - he said he realised it was a waste of money! *LoL*

The tickets are printed on special "Varekai" printed tickets, which comes in a special "Varekai" envelope...hehehe...i'm so gay.

Since it was a matinee show, it finished around 6pm. So, we had dinner afterwards. And we went to Encasa. Now, it seems all the people who have had dinner here have really enjoyed the food and the service. I enjoyed the food, until dessert came along, but i have to say - the service was questionable.

Now in their defence, it was a Saturday night and they were busy. There were a few birthdays and a Hen's night happening. Our food did come out really fast, but there was a huge mix up and had i not pulled the Head waitress to ask her about my twice baked blue cheese and pumpkin souffle, we would not have been advised that they had ran out and it was in no way coming! I was a bit miffed, considering the fact that i really wanted to try it. But i was more miffed that no one had told us and we were waiting for an extra 30 minutes after all the other food came out.

So, to make up for matters i ordered a chocolate creme brulee, and i was so disappointed when the creme brulee did not come out as chocolate for one and the creme was custard and the brulee was really burnt!

My alterna-date wanted to make me feel better, so we went to Max Brenners!

Now, to make amends with my disappointed taste buds i ordered the choc licks and a mint choc hug-mug drink (only in winter)...i couldnt finish the choc lick...i cant believe not eating chocolate for 3 weeks...has put my tastebuds to rest in peace!!!

I actually felt sick half way through it...but the mint choc hug-mug drink...mmmmyummymmmm!!!

We ended up getting home by 11pm.

Can you believe that? And my friend and i were so tired, we were ready to crash into our beds! *LoL*

We realise that we are old and are unable to keep up with the times!!!

***

On another note...if you come to World Square, head down the escalators that take you to Bread Top. Behind the escalators is a new mini bakery thingo...that sells these things called "Puffy Cookies" and its like the most yummy things ever!!!

Its sorta like a profiterole sorta jam donut looking, but it has a crunchy cookie like outershell and it has a really light custard centre...hehehehe...its $1.60 each, or a box of 6 for $9.60 (i think). I believe the store is owned by Bread Top as well (thats what i think)...because the lady that served me use to serve me in Bread Top.

Its like the new thing...like how Krispy Kreme was when it first came to Sydney...way back when...when we all trekked to Penrith, once upon a time...

;P~~~

Do i know you from somewhere...?

Have you ever met someone and thought to yourself that you could possibly know that person from somewhere???

Its the oddest sense of deja vu when you see someone on a regular basis and yet you dont speak to them, and you give each other looks as though you know each other from somewhere, but the both of you cant place it. So, you dance around and pretend to ignore one another and fail to ever find out how or where you may have met...

There is this guy at the gym.

I have seen him there on a regular basis for at least 3 years, more like 4 years. And through those 4 years, i keep thinking to myself "i know him from somewhere"...and he looks at me, and it seems like he is thinking the same darn thing.

But you know what is even more eerie?

We dont know each other at all. I mean it, seriously. Its not simply that we have met once and have forgotten. This guy is cute. I would recall meeting him, even if i dont remember his name or where we met, but i have this insane feeling as though we should know each other very well.

It got me thinking that we possibly, if reincarnation was real, were intimate friends or lovers in a past life.

Could that be possible?

My mother isnt religious, but she is superstitious. She believes in reincarnation. She has this belief that people with unfinished business come back as a human "again" to finish off their business from a previous life. Maybe that's how love at first sight works. Its the lovers from another life time bumping into each other again??? I mean, you got to admit that that is an interesting theory, and it makes sense romantically.

I really feel strongly about this guy (not in the sense that i am going to run and proclaim undying love to him), its like we have this strong connection of some sort, and i just cant shake it. Each time i see him, it makes me wonder...

Its making me wonder so much that i had to write this down.

One day, i may look back and wonder what kind of pills i was taking...but for now, in a weird, lucid dream type of way, it makes sense to believe that in some parallel world, we know each other and have a connection of some sort.

Its a beautiful morning...

Good Morning to you all!

Its a lovely day isnt it? Quite heavenly in my opinion...even though it is cloudy and raining. I dont think anything can really dampen my mood today!

I love this "working from home" option.

I get up at a reasonable hour, log on, send an email or two to the people who might wonder where i am, and then...

So, long as i get my work done, i could technically be whipping up a feast for lunch and for dinner and no one would be the wiser. I've decided that i will go to the gym for an hour or 2 during lunch today. How convenient is that? And if its pouring outside, i dont have to worry about leaving home. I'm at home and i can stay in bed!!!

And ultimately, i can blog without anyone looking over my shoulder, except my little brother who happened to have woken right about now and is sitting behind me!
=P

Sorry if this is rubbing you the wrong way...but i'm really enjoying this perk, that i didnt think i was entitled to. And yet, now i have it!

Woohoo...!

^_^

Somebody loves me...

Not in "that" way!

A girl will always feel mighty special when a present gets delivered to her desk.

Think a box from Roses Only on Valentine's Day. Its embarrassing that the whole office finds out, but it still makes you feel uber special. You might be blushing because of this display at work, but you are also blushing because you are feeling special...knowing somebody likes you so much that they wanted to send you such a suprise.

I didn't receive flowers today.

I got something more uber cool, that i am sure other chicks (albeit, ones who like tech gadgets) would agree - that somebody loves me!!!

Maybe it was the power of the almighty upstairs or maybe i do have more pull than i think...?

At 11am today, my manager walks up to my desk with a black bag in hand...

It looked awfully dainty...very girly...and it hit me!

He brought me a laptop!!!

*squeals of delight*

He was going to let me take a laptop from our office, so that i could work from home in September while i was house sitting. I didnt care. It just means that i dont have to take any of my leave this year. And i thought he was going to give me a used one.

One of my workmates went o/s and his laptop got stolen. So, the laptop i was going to borrow, was given to him upon his return. My manager told me that the colleague would use it and give it to me when i start working from home. Gives that workmate some time to buy his new laptop.

So, i patiently waited...and today he brought in the laptop. I thought it was the "used" one.

BUT...when i opened the laptop up...it was like Christmas...not only was the bag housing my laptop new. The laptop itself was NEW!!! There was still the obvious "new" things about it...a slip between monitor and keys...that smell of new-ness...no fingerprints - anywhere!!!

*^_^*

And inside the bag was also a new mobile broadband connection pack!!!

I know my manager doesn't "love" me in "that" way...and it could simply be the fact that he still feels bad about me breaking my ankle for the company when i played touch footy last year...but gosh, i do feel special today with my NEW toy!

*giggles like a school girl*

Wrong perceptions...

I was asked by a male colleague if I would like some of his red bean bun from Bread Top (its weird, cos he is like a 40-ish, white male)...but that wasnt the point of this blog. The point is what followed my response to his offer.

I told him "no thanks, i'm dieting". Well, technically we are all on a diet. Since, strictly speaking, we all eat food. But what i mean is, i have restricted my calorie intake and hope to keep it that way as a complete lifestyle change.

I told him that i have dropped a couple of kilos and don't want to ruin it by having something packed with sugar, since my biggest problem is that i am a sugar addict. So, i basically have cut out all sugars unless its from fruit or dried fruits, that is anything but natural sugars.

He was astonished that i wanted to lose weight and he mocked me by saying: "What do you have to lose from all of your 50 kilos?"

O_O

Errmmm...i weigh far more than 50 kilos...which is why i am trying to lose the weight. And i'm not even trying to lose enough to get down to 50kg. I just want to get to about 58-60kg. Then i will be smack bang in the middle of the healthy weight range for my height! I dont have to lose weight until i get to 58kg. I might get to about 62kg and realise that i have lost my curves and decide that i want to stay at 62kg and just tone my muscles. And at the end of the day, i know that muscle weighs more than fat...

Its just weird that as we were discussing everything, he kept thinking that i am fine the way i am - but i kept thinking how "technically" i'm overweight for my height.

I must dress very well to be able to deceive a man to think that i am like 30 kilos lighter than i am...well not that much, but you get the gist of it. His perception of me is a flattering one. I wonder if its not just because i wear black...

I wonder if his perception is based on my personality. A lot of the men i have worked with, over the years, all think i am nuts when i say i am on a diet. To be honest, sometimes, i just dont want to eat the junk they offer, like chips...and the best way to shut them up is to say you are on a diet, because they dont want to argue with a girl who is "on a diet"...*LoL*...but they always tell me that i dont need to lose any weight.

Is it really true? That i dont need to lose any weight? But i'm not happy with my weight. I think there is a lot of flab to reduce. I dont want to be skeletal, i want to be toned with curves in the right places. I want to be fit, not a supermodel.

So, why do the men i work with say that i dont need to lose weight? They could simply be saying it to be nice to me. But their reactions say otherwise. I think its all to do with the perception they have of me. In their mind i'm a bubbly girl they work with who is confident in the things she says and does. When i talk to them, i probably sound like and give the impression of a toned, fit chick! So, when a girl who in their mind is a toned, fit chick says "no thanks, i'm on a diet"...its like a shock to their system.

You've all received those emails where there is a paragraph with words spelt incorrectly but the first letter and the last letter is correct, and your brain understands what the word is suppose to be...or even 3D images embedded in a picture and you need to cross your eyes to see it...

I believe the men i work with, their brains have translated me into the girl i want to be, but not quite there yet. Which is why they tell me i dont need to lose weight. But i really do.

I was at the gym last night and there were two vietnamese sisters. I know they were viet because they were talking in viet and i understood them. The show "The Wedge" was on and there was the big girl with the curly red hair dancing in a pastel pink leotard. One of the sisters was watching this, as was i, and exclaimed to the other with disgust in viet: "OMG - she is so FAT!"

Being a tad offended for the big girl on TV, I turned to look at who made that comment as i was getting off my cross training machine. And i was utterly expecting a skinny chick that is just strolling on the treadmill without breaking a sweat and has make up caked on her face (which makes you wonder why they paid almost $20 for the entry fee to the gym, to gain no result from it except pimples), but i found 2 really chubby girls who are not far from being as big as the girl on TV.

It really took me by surprise. And it made me wonder about the perception they had of themselves.

Typically, if i see a big woman or a chubby girl, i sympathise with them. Because i personally feel like i am one of them and i think to myself that i know what they are going through. I don't sympathise with people who are obese. Because i think there should have been some point where you looked at yourself and said "Sh!t, this has got to stop, or i will be obese!" And that is when you do something drastic about it...because thats what i would do. And i know that not everyone thinks like i do, and not everyone reacts the way i do...but if everyone cared about their appearance, they should react and do something before it spirals out of control.

Its a good thing that these girls are at the gym and doing something, but from noticing what they were doing and how they were using the equipment, i give them a month, and if they dont see themselves transformed into Jessica Alba by then, they will give up and go back to their old habits. Which is of course, not a good direction to turn. So, i do hope that they keep on going regardless and actually seek out the help of one of the personal trainers at the gym.

Back to the point about perception...i wonder if they see themselves like Jessica Simpson (for instance) after the divorce with a few extra kilos...and their efforts at the gym now is her preparation for the video clip to her song "A public affair", where she slimmed down quite a lot to look as hot as she did???

I am starting to realise (or should i say accept) that we all have these perceptions of ourselves, and that others have perceptions different from our own.

Why is it that we can't just see the reflection in the mirror! Why is it that some of us see whales, hippos, elephants? Why is that some see poles, tree trunks, and rakes???

*ugh*

-_-"

Home Sweet Home...

He called me today. My bearer of good news has been doing the hard yards on my behalf. I had been feeling really anxious when he recently told me that there were some complications with my application. I asked him in almost hysterics - "why? how? what?"...

But as he promised, he came through. Like music to my ears, he told me this morning - "I've got your approval! I'll fax it to you right away, what's your fax number?"


It started off as a silly notion. Mum was telling me not to bother if it was going to be difficult...and there was a time i wanted to just give up and accept that i wasnt good enough. It was scary. I never did it before. I had no clue as to what i needed to do. I didnt do enough research because it was all on the spur of the moment. But once the momentum got the ball rolling, i couldnt stop it. I didnt want to stop it.

It really irritated me that it was going to be a challenge to overcome simply because i am single and i still have my HECS debt lingering over my shoulders. But it just made sense and would be so much easier for me if i could consolidate things under my name.

I am really grateful that everything has pulled through.

Its just the approval, i know that there is more to it. But this was one hurdle that i wasnt sure i was going to make.

*sigh*

It is a glorious day today.

What women want...

Well, its really about what this particular woman wants.

Or should i say, what this girl wants.

(I'm referring to myself)

I may not actually find him...and i am not writing this to complain. I'm just writing it, because its clear in my head and i want to finalise the epiphany that came to me over the weekend, by giving it a place on my blog.

At the end of a day, the women of today are very self sufficient. We are brought up today with the ability to do almost everything on our own. It doesnt mean we dont want a man in our lives, but we have learnt to accept that if there is no man in our life, we got to be able to do it for ourselves. The right man may not cross my path. I may not cross his. I won't sit on the side waiting for a man to come into my life to help fix my tyre either, (if it needs mending). I will, on the other hand, change the tyre myself.

That having said, the type of man i would like to end up with will be one who cares about my health and happiness. He will be the one who will ask me when i am sick with the flu, whether i want chicken soup? He may not know exactly what i need from him, but will be loving enough to care to just ask if i do need anything at all to make me feel a bit more comfortable. I may not want or need anything, or know what i want or need, myself...but if he just asks me: "Honey, is there anything i can do to help make you feel better?"

He will make my day.

I can look after myself in every other way...the only time that i cant or am unable to is when i'm physically down. Just like when i broke my ankle. It was frustrating not being able to sleep...even though i had pain killers and sleeping pills in my system. The throbbing was insane and it kept me awake.

To have someone come over and keep you company melts any ice queen's heart...when the guy asks if you need more pillows to keep your leg elevated...*sigh*...it shows that he is looking out for you and really cares. (This didnt happen!)

So, thats what im talking about!!!

I think at the end of the day, if a guy genuinely cares to ask if he can help you to make things a little bit easier, less stressful, less painful, or just to see you smile...then he is a keeper.

^_^

Quotes to mention...

“You’re considered superficial and silly if you are interested in fashion. But I think you can be substantial and still be interested in frivolity.”
-Sophia Coppola

I think that is a comment that rings true with women today. I feel, that i use fashion as an escape from work, from thinking, from anything stressful. Because it is creative and fun. But that doesnt mean i am stupid because i like fashion and dressing up! There a plenty of women out there who are super-dooper smart that love fashion as much as the next girl.

"Now I can wear heels."
-Nicole Kidman

This was the comment she made after divorcing Tom Cruise. I like this comment, because I can relate. My ex was "just" taller than i was, so wearing heels would make me tower over him. He hated it with conviction when i wore heels. But like most women, i adored them, and still do. I think this quote should now be a motto for me to remind myself that i am better off...uno in those moments when im feeling low.

To me, this quotes stands for: freedom, confidence, honesty, acceptance of one's self, strength and beauty.

And the best part, i can wear heels!

^_^

"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead."
—Louisa May Alcott

I have always loved the story of the Little Women. So, no doubt i would be keen about a quote coming from the author of one of my favourite books. I don't need to explain why i love this quote. It speaks for itself.

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
—Janis Joplin

At the end of the day, its true. You are all you've got. You are all you can really truly rely on. Realise that the times are changing and we need to look after ourselves. And so we will.

Pet is peeved!

I always try my best not to be mean or nasty, or tread on peoples toes - basically be a good person.

So, it really gets me soo peeved when people do mean or nasty things to me, when they don't know me and have no real reason to.

My car was scratched earlier on in the year while parked in a carpark. The person who did it obviously didnt care to leave their details. The scratch is on the bumper. Its actually a big waste of my money to get it fixed, so, the scar is still there today.

Yesterday, in the evening after work, i drove to pour petrol at the station and found next to the petrol cap, there was a key scratch mark. Someone fudging keyed my car. It didnt look random, like some kid was bored and keyed along the side of the whole car, it was keyed in one spot, right there, so that when i went to the petrol station i would have to notice it.

The thing is, i cant think of one person that i have done something wrong, enough to warrant my car being keyed...until i got to the gym and recalled Monday night when i had parked the car at the gym.

I took mum to get some groceries on Sunday afternoon, and there was no key mark then. So, the mark was created between Monday and Tuesday evening before i poured petrol. Which lead me to believe that the crazy girl who was driving a mini cooper was the one who did the keying to my car on Monday night.

On Monday night, I got to the gym and parked my car, but I sat behind the wheel with the radio still on, because my nose was running and i was blowing my nose. The crazy girl, (who doesnt know how to drive but thinks that she was the stunt double pretending to be Charlize Theron in Italian Job), came to park to the left of my car. There was some screeching and basically her driver side mirror ended up only 5 cms away from my passenger side mirror. I freaked, thinking "what the hell!" looked at her and thought "OMG! What are you doing? Do you know how to drive?"

She proceeded to give ME a dirty look and tried to fix her car up.

To be honest, she doesnt know how to drive if she is having problems parking a car front end in. She wasnt trying to do a reverse park. I would understand if she had problems with that!

After she finally got the car in properly between the lines, (after fixing it a few times and begs one to wonder why she didnt just drive a bit slower and park the car in one attempt!!!) she quickly got out of her car and probably decided to scratch it then. The side of my car that is scratched, is also on the side she would have walked past.

I was recovering from a near accident, while my car was stationary mind you!!! And i still was in the process of blowing my nose, so i didnt notice if she did anything fishy. But you know what, she had that look of a vengeful person. The look that makes you wonder what other mean things she would do if you actually called her a name...

I was so mad and peeved yesterday while at the gym, that i almost rushed out of the gym to look for her car and key it for revenge.

But i then thought about it - tried very very hard to be rational...I could be wrong. It might not have been her. And if it was her, i believe in karma. She would get hers when the time is right, and not on my hands.

And anyway, my body balance class was going to start in a couple of minutes!

=P

At least my priorities is still in check!

I am still frustrated every time i drive my car knowing that its scarred all over by inconsiderate people who dont give a rats arse about other people's belongings. I hate inconsiderate people who after doing something wrong don't take the responsibility for their actions.

All I have to say to those people is: Karma is out there. Do bad things to others and bad things will happen to you. Pray that its not 10 times worse than what you did.

Controversy is my middle name...

While on the train this morning, i recalled my childhood and thought about the controversy i stirred on a day to day basis when i was high school.

Nothing as great a deal as causing mutiny between the teachers and students - well i hope i didnt, and if i did, i apologise.

It was more along the line of the topics i would talk about in class when i am asked to present a speech. Or the type of evidence i would use to back up my argument in a debate. They were never the obvious arguments, they were always something highly political, or too touchy that the opposing team wouldnt have a clue as to how they should refute my arguments. Sometimes, it would just go over their heads.

I remember this one time in Year 10, we had a substitute teacher for English and she told us to pick a topic, any topic, and write a 3 minute speech. I somehow got volunteered by my peers to go first - possibly because i would always volunteer myself during speech-type assessments. (Its an advantage to go first when you are being assessed, there is no benchmark to be measured against. And since im a confident speaker, i'm usually who the teacher will then use as the benchmark).

So, i walked to the front of the class with the blackboard behind me and proceeded to make my passionate speech on none other than...euthanasia!

3 minutes on my belief that every person has the right to make their own choice about the subject...it basically didnt go down well with the teacher. I didnt use coarse language, although I may have been slightly explicit talking about how euthanasia was done. I believe i wrote that speech down really well, the problem was that the substitute teacher was highly religious. She was anti-euthanasia and perhaps I should have been more sensitive to others feelings towards the subject. I mean fair enough, she was and is entitled to her opinions and beliefs. Although, she didnt have to condemn my public speaking skills because she didnt like the subject matter. She was the first and only teacher who ever negatively commented on my speaking skills.

Shortly there after, the teachers at my school had asked me to participate in a public speaking competition in our local area. There were great prizes to be won. It was extra curricular activity that i could add to my references. So, i entered.

We were advised that there would be 2 impromptu speaking rounds and then a round where we could speak on a topic of our choice, but it had to be based on current World News.

I researched for 2 months, and decided that i would talk about Aung San Suu Kyi, the leader of the National League for Democracy in Burma. A Nobel Peace Prize winner in 1991, who was placed under house arrest in 1989. This woman is amazing, when presented with the option of freedom only if she leaves her country, she chose to stay to fight for her people. I was going to present the current situation in Burma - the suffering of their people at the plight of the military...

But when i learnt that the other students were going to talk about "Bright Yellow Cars", or "The food we eat", or even "What is the meaning of life?"...i thought i should soften my subject matter. Obviously, it was a strong political subject that no one in the audience would anticipated a 15 y/o girl would talk about. So, i focused on how Aung San Suu Kyi was an inspiration to women and world leaders alike, and how we could all learn from her diplomatic methods to solve problems versus going to war.

It was still heavy. The student who won talked about the "Bright Yellow Cars".

Yeah.

What’s up with the babies…?

I am either looking extremely young for my age or these boys (who are barely legal), have this idea that being with an older woman is of some advantage. And there are heaps of advantages like, wisdom, money, experience, and hopefully patience, just to name a few.

I have none of the above. So, once again, I don’t know why they seem to be interested in me.

I was behind the wheel of my car after a stint at Ikea – it was one of the stores on my cousin’s “Wishlist” of things to buy for her baby shower. There was a Camry in front of me at the lights and the driver was saying something to the other 2 guys in the car. The guy in the backseat turned around to look at me, and he actually waved and being oh-so-flirtatious. The driver kept checking me out in the side and rear view mirrors. The front passenger pulled down the sun visor so that he could look at me in the mirror too.

While this was happening, I was thinking “why me”??? At the same time, I was thankful that I had my big black frames on, to cover the ghastly glare I must have been sending these boys.

They were red P-platers. That would make them younger than my little brother. And that would be extremely EWW!!!

I don’t remember flirting or being flirted with in such a way, since high school.

Its flattering. Yes. But at the same time, it feels yuck.

On Friday night, while K and I made way to Opera Bar, I noticed some really cute guys, but I knew they were fresh uni students. They looked to me, like they stemmed from the same tree as my younger brother, and that once again made me feel yuck!

For crying out loud, some one tell me, where are the cute good looking MEN???

Its wrong to be perving on these babies…and thankfully, I haven’t been "perving”. I look at their face and think that they are cute and realise that they are “baby” cute, way too young, and I scare the bejeezus out of myself for just looking.

One of the PM’s I briefly worked with, was also a contractor and we email on a regular basis. He is like the Yoda of Project Management, which is why I think its necessary to keep in touch with him. But he is also a good source of gossip and common sense. He has these analogies that sometimes go over my head, but its good. I keep learning each time we email each other. Whether its about GTS or about expensive panty hose…this guy would be able to tell me about it…and I think its obvious that our age difference shows. He would be about late 40’s.

He recently told me about GTS…he thinks that I have reached the age where “all women” seem to suffer from GTS.

What is GTS?

This is his explanation: (direct from an email)

GTS is known amongst us cynical males as 'Gravy Train Syndrome'. Tends to kick in for the female of the species in the mid to late 20's. This is where you start to look for a male that would be suitable for breeding. This manifests itself in the form of chicks going out with blokes that they wouldn't previously look twice at... but they're rich, have a nice mortgage, love kids etc etc. The chick can drop their career and jump on the gravy train for the rest of your life.

Where at younger ages such behaviour was often limited to narrow bands (eg HH's) you seem to find GTS spreading across broader cultural demographics. Perhaps it's unfair on your sex but there's plenty of evidence. A mate of mine, still single in his 40's prides himself on being able to smell GTS ;)

I think this may be true for his “era” and the women in his age group. But for all the women I know…they all have their own mortgages and are basically taking care of themselves.

Would it be nice to have someone loving, who happens to be rich, taking care of you – I think so!

But are all the women who are currently in their mid-late 20’s sitting around waiting for this Prince? NO! Maybe a couple of women are, but not most.

Personally, I am in the process of acquiring my own 25-30 year long mortgage…and I’m doing it all on my own.

With this obvious shift (obvious to me) between older women and young boys, let’s hope that these boys don’t get it in their heads that they can jump on our gravy train…well, at least not this woman’s gravy train!

***

I bought a ticket to fly to Melbourne during the Labour Day long weekend. In the course of telling my brother and sister in law, I got coerced into taking my niece with me…pending on whether they can get an airfare on the same flights as me, for her.

Now, we all know that I love my nieces. But my parenting skill begs to be questioned immensely!

I can barely look after myself! Will I be able to look after a 5 y/o???

Yes, she is much better behaved than when she was a year ago…but there is a difference between taking her to the cinemas and taking her on a short holiday interstate. I’m not questioning her manners, I’m questioning my capabilities.

I am obviously not a parent. I can’t even say that I would make a good baby sitter. What if I accidentally lose her?! I’d kill myself. My brother would kill me. My sister in law would kill me. I’ve never even had a pet. The plant my ex gave me has recently died…well, I deliberately neglected it so that it would die…I just stopped watering it for a few months…I didn’t see the point any more! See, how awful a person I am?!!??!! I deliberately let things DIE!!!

I told my mother that she shouldn’t have made me say that I would take my niece with me. But my mother has this “neat” idea that taking my niece to Melbourne will teach me to become a mother. I’m like, "WHAT THE F@#$ FOR???"

I’m not in a relationship! I’m going to have a mortgage that will take all of the good years of my life to pay for! And more importantly, I don’t want to have kids anymore!!! And she seems to forget that I’M NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE!!! Who does she think I’m going to have a child with??? And does she really believe that I will have a child in the near future (within the next 2 years) that warrants the need to learn how to be a mother RIGHT NOW?!!?!?

But since I have told my sister in law that I would take my niece…I can’t go back on my word.

Yes, it will be a learning curve – I just hope and pray that every thing goes well!
*touch wood*

Mirror, mirror on the wall...

...who's the fairest of them all?

Not me.

Of late, like a mirror, i have been showing other people's reflections.

Be it their bad or good mood, I will reflect something similar. If they are sour, i will give them lemon juice...If they are happy, i'll be shining like the sun.

I dont mean to be this way. I'm just observing and its all reactionary, this reflecting thing. Its not intentional.

I will consciously try to stop.


It seems that because i have so much time on my hands, i just sit, stand, or whatever, and just observe everything that is around me. I watch how people act around one another...what they are saying...how they are saying it...whether there are any PDA's between couples...I notice how some on their mobiles think they own the public domain, because they are on the phone...I notice how many people there are running in the park during lunch and wonder why there are still so many that are overweight...and then i realise that "technically" i am overweight...but i'm one of them who are jogging on my lunch break! ha!

And its not just people i observe...but people make up most of the time.

I notice the weather...I notice the news...I notice advertisements...I notice cars...I notice stores and how they display things in a way that is suppose to entice me...I notice food and various produce...I notice smells...lots of smells...I notice light...I notice the smokers - that i want to avoid on the street...I notice the aggression in others...see, it always goes back to people...

I just notice many things.

I guess it keeps my head space occupied.

Not like i have better things to do...
=P

The Alterna-Date...

There is something absolutely beautiful about having a non-date with someone and yet feeling quite good about spending time with them.

Its just like having a girly night out with your lovely gal-pals, except, its with your best guy-pal who appreciates the effort you have made to look good and enjoy ur evening out.

I ran out of time during the afternoon to put on makeup, so i reduced it to accentuating my eyes with some liner...doing that smokey look, and slicked on some gloss so that the lips would look juicy. But that was it, i didnt do the foundation thing...i figured if i was going to get freaked out during the movie, i didnt want foundation on my hands (from covering my eyes) and then transferring it on to my clothes. (Neat freak).

We did the round of shopping and thankfully i wasnt tempted to buy anything. He almost made the mistake of buying a pair of trousers that were too tight, fortunately, i convinced him to try them before he would buy them. So, instead, he bought a Ben Sherman jacket...although, he really needed trousers. *LoL*

After shopping, we went to the restaurant and i have to tell you, this place has ambience without the hefty price tag. Admittedly, there is a lot of talking done at each table, and there is some music in the background, so be prepared to have a good rowdy dinner.

At Ubud, we had Martabak Telor, $7, Indonesian style crepe with beef, shallots and egg (crispy fried) for entree to share. The crepe is actually more like the pastry for spring rolls, but gosh, it was yummy! We then had for mains to share: Sate Ayam - (6 pcs), $11.90, Chicken satay with peanut sauce. Eat this while its hot, when it gets cold...its not so great. We also ordered Beef Rendang, $14.90, Indonesian traditional beef curry...the beef was soo melt in your mouth...if you order only one dish, order this! Its not too spicy, some may find it mild, but the meat...thats what counts when we talk beef rendang. We also ordered Gado Gado, $11, Steamed mix vegetables with peanut sauce...sounds boring, but its really really good.

We figured this would all go best with steamed rice, versus a fried rice. And we ordered a side of roti canai. Now, im use to roti canai to be about 3-5mm thick, but this roti canai was as thick as 2 sheets of A4 paper put together. I'm also use to the roti being doughy, but this one was flakey...it was still yummo all the same.

I stopped eating half way because i was getting so stuffed, but i kept picking at the gado gado. So my alterna-date had to finish off the food. I really wanted to have their black sticky rice for dessert...but i really couldnt fit anything after eating all of that for dinner. And uno what? The bill only came to $52. I felt like i had a feast, and it was all delicious...it was all worth it!

After we rolled out of Ubud, with 2 substantially satisfied bellies, we headed back to the CBD. Trying to find parking at 7:30pm was really bad. So, we parked at a parking station.

We then headed out to Scary Canary on Kent St. It was early in the evening, but there was going to be a party on from 10pm onwards (i think). We dropped in for a drink before catching Hard Candy @ 21:15. It was empty, except for a group of girls who i think were kicking off a BIG girls night out. After we finished our drinks and were about to leave, i went to the ladies and i swear i only disappeared for like 3-5 minutes max and yet, during that time, the bar filled up with like another 20 people...which is more than the 3 that were originally there.

So, we headed off to the cinemas...and as i was wearing stilettos, i held on to my alterna-date's arm...it brought a sense of comfort to me. Something i have been missing for a while now. A strong arm to hold on to. But i knew where i stood and he knew that it wasnt a come on...I'm telling you, i am utterly relishing this type of relationship/agreement we have.

When you purchase your movie tickets online, you can "jump the queue" to collect them, but man, it makes you feel like scum when there isnt a person working "that" queue, and you have to be served by someone else tending another queue and they tell their next customer in line that "they have to serve u first". It makes you feel like you are pushing in.

We picked up our tickets...and by that time, my stomach had settled and i was ready for my green tea ice cream. So, i got a tub from the Sushi Train. We headed into the cinema and thought that it was going to be only the 2 of us. I started thinking "how cool, the whole cinema to ourselves"...but that was short lived, cos a couple walked in after the thought was made. Then another couple and then a group of 6 or 7 asian guys. Then a group of 5 or 6 middle eastern looking guys.

It surprised me how many guys turned up for Hard Candy. Considering the knowledge they would have, that something bad is going to happen to the "privates" of the male lead. And i kid you not. Its a funny movie being a girl (& slightly sadistic) and watching what gets done to this guy...the torment, the lead up and then the ultimate - well you can guess what type of revenge is exacted on a paedophile and his privates.

I dont want to reveal too much about this movie, and yet if i dont reveal some things its really hard to describe. I didnt really enjoy it overall. My alterna-date gave it 3.5 stars out of 5, I would give it 3 stars out of 5.

It was slow in some places...which made you just wish that you had another tub of green tea ice cream to keep you entertained. And thats just wrong for a thriller. If my mind gets sidelined because the pace is too slow, by ice cream...it cant be all that a great movie!

The one thing i do like, and i think if it was the objective of the director to do so, then he had done it brilliantly. And this is where the my stars amounted from. In a very twisted way, and i will use the "Red Riding Hood" analogy...(since it sorta uses that particular story line, Hayley wears a red hooded jacket...she is Red, and is prey to the Big Bad Woof - Jeff the paedophile). You feel really bad for the Big Bad Woof, because you are left to believe that the Woof is actually innocent. And i did. I spent most of the time wondering if Red was a loon and picking on an innocent guy who was just lonely - there are many people out there that are severely lonely who use the internet to meet people, uno.

And Red, in this movie is crazy. I mean crazy! Psycho. Looney. Scary. I really didnt feel for her...although i should. I was made to feel for the paedophile, sorry for the woof...uno the whole innocent until proven guilty thing? It really played on the fact that she could be really wrong...like maybe there was an error in her iron clad judgement.

I dont commend or approve or in anyway believe that rape or paedophilia is ok, even if a person is sick. I feel strongly about severe punishment to any man who commits it. I'd elaborate, but that would give you ideas as to how Red hurts the Woof...and i dont want to give it away - although, you could probably guess. What i commend in this movie, is the way the director skillfully swayed my feelings to empathise for the majority of the movie, for the wrong person.

The group of asian guys joked to one another: "Hey you'll be Jeff in 5 more years!" Another at the end of the movie said: "Man, I'm staying away from girls!" Hmm...i dont think that is likely. Actually, one of the asian guys walked out of the movie when Hayley was "slicing" away on human flesh. I think it had to do with where she was slicing, that had made him uncomfortable...*winkwink*...if you know what i mean?

Which to me, was the funniest part. Hearing all the guys in the cinema *gasp* and the silence that fell when the knife made contact with flesh. Have you ever prepared meat and had to cut it into smaller bits and then you sometimes come across bits of tendon...that sound your knife makes...it was all over the speakers...imagine what she was slicing. *LoL*

Sorry to any guy who is reading this, but as i am female, i cant feel for you. To me, its just funny. But i do apologise, i should be more considerate.

Okay, other than the disappointment from the movie, the alterna-date was a smash hit. After the night out, we went home. I got to rest. And then bum all day Sunday. It was a really good weekend. So good, my alterna-date is planning the night out for Varekai. (He bought a ticket off me, and were going together, like the last time for Quidam). He wants to go to a pizza place in Balmain...apparently its a place that has gotten rave reviews.

It will be good timing, at the end of the month. August is looking to be a great month. Lots of stress, but well worth the effort.

Apologies for the late entry if you were waiting for my Hard Candy review, i was at my PM training course on Monday and Tuesday, and then catch up occurred yesterday.

Impromptu Alterna-Date...

He asked me to go watch Earl Gray at a local RSL last night. He wanted to go to a live acoustic show...he heard of this guy and sampled some of his music and thought it was really good...i listened to some of it online and thought i would give it a shot. Hey, it was free! Why would i say no, when i have nothing better to do on a Thursday night at home?

So, he picked me up at 10 to 9. We drove to the RSL...parked...walked into the RSL and signed ourselves in. The support act, Melanie Horsnell, was singing and playing her guitar...we missed a part of her act. But for the 20 minutes or so that she played and we listened...i think i fell in love. Not with her personally, but with her voice, the music, the way it made me drift away to some better place.

She's so cute, in that quirky musician sorta way, playing sad songs with really happy beats and melodies. But i really enjoyed them. My best friend did too...he describes it as Sunday morning music...which he really likes.

As i listened i formed an analogy of her singing, comparing it to wine.

I would say that she is like a fruity semillon or reisling, aged in a stainless steel barrel. Her voice is fresh and smooth with the hint of passionfruit and honey. And yet there is something woody about it, which makes me wonder whether she would be better described as a well oaked red wine? Something spicy like the Petersons (Armidale) Shiraz from 2005.

Irrespective of which wine her voice reminds me of, I enjoyed her performance more than I enjoyed Earl Gray.

But Earl Gray has one up on Melanie Horsnell. This guy is cute! He can just smile all my worries away. Its a shame that when he performs, he does this funny "bend-at-the-middle" thing with his body and he likes to kick his left leg in the air every so often...say like every 4th beat or so. After a while you do get use to the way he performs, but at the beginning, it just really made me wonder...?

O_o

I have to agree with my best friend on his comment about Earl Gray, wishing that he doesnt turn out to be a one hit wonder. His first song, which got him into being a musician is called "Bad Luck". Great song, pity all the other songs weren't as memorable. He plans on releasing his first album under the title of "Not for sale", which happens to be another one of his songs. He likes irony. He also has a song called "Sarah"...which reminded me of Eskimo Joe and their song "Sarah"...(on their "Black fingernail, Red wine" album).

It would be a shame if either of them fail to make it...

I gotta say, i appreciate the local RSL clubs taking on "Acoustic Night" to support up and coming local acts...and providing it all free of charge. *3 cheers*

It was a fun evening, I even made it home before 11pm, just in time for bed.

And now, for the real Alterna-Date...
;)

Alterna-Date...

Veronica Mars had the "Alterna-Prom" - which was an alternative to not having a school prom, since the rich kids boozed up and got caught by the principal, thereby forcing him to cancel the prom that year.

I am having an "Alterna-Date" this Saturday and I am actually getting excited about this. He will take me shopping, because he wants to go too. Then we will go have dinner at Ubud (Indonesian). And after that, we'll go watch Hard Candy.

What is brilliant about this Alterna-Date, is the fact that im going with my best friend. So, i dont have to worry about whether he will kiss me or not. Whether i should kiss him or not at the end. I dont have to worry about any awkward moments. We dont have to try and fill the silence with clever comments or some funny anecdote to impress one another. Its casual, its cool, and it feels like a date without being a date.

I am even going to make an effort to wear something other than jeans, a stretch knit top and my black coat.

I really am loving this idea of "going out" with my best friend, without actually having the pressures of a date. What makes me feel guilty, though, is the fact that he isn't gay and i am potentially ruining his chances of ever finding a girl. And sadly, he will find a real "girlfriend" who will replace me in terms of the time we are spending together. Sooner or later.

So, although this is working out fine for me, since i dont ever plan on dating anyone, full stop. I'm not sure if he will be cool with the idea that he is my Alterna-Date, but I just wont tell him. Well, i probably will tell him...he will laugh...and just flow with it...and then when he finds his "somebody", and he will then inevitably replace me with her. And then, my Alterna-Date days will come to an end.

=(

*sigh*

At least this Saturday will be fun.

Selling ability...

Could you sell a 5kg bag of ice to an Eskimo?
Could you sell 1 gallon of milk to a cow?
Could you sell a dozen eggs to a chicken?

I think i just did.

Sometimes, it amazes me of what i am capable of achieving. I dont think that im a fabulous sales person. I dont ever think of myself as a sales person period. But surprisingly, i sold an idea that should have already been in my managers head, and spinned it off as mine.

Well, it was my idea...and i helped him along. I planted the seed, so to speak.

I have a knack for doing things like that. My track record stands at 99% success rate, but its only that high when I sell on behalf of someone else. I think its a karma thing. I'm not good at selling myself. And when i do try to sell, for moi, it just doesnt work out the way i want it to. A shame, i know, but what am i to do?

I cant fight with what nature has given me. Although, i believe selling is a skill that can be acquired over time. Its a matter of being creative when you are putting a positive spin on things. I think my downfall in selling "me", would probably be in the fact that i look at myself pessimistically. While when i am say, selling a friend...i do a fantastic job, because in my mind that person is just rosey! I can only think of the things that make them peachy...so my sales pitch on them is a sure winner.

Now, if this current seed turns into a gorgeous flower in the next 6 months...I will have to think hard about how i will plant another seed to score a big pay increase.

*thinkingthinkingthinking*

Analyse this...

When i was young, i loved the movie IT (based on Stephen King's novel), i loved watching the Freddy Kruger movies, i pretty much enjoyed watching horror movies.

Today, the calibre of horror movies is just pathetic. Or perhaps i am older now and therefore, i fear more less than i feared even when i was young (and i really didnt fear much back then).

I really enjoy watching crafty, thrilling, intelligent, play-with-your-mind type of movies. Movies that make you think. Which probably explains why i enjoy Veronica Mars and House so much, they make me think. They fulfil my curiosity. They challenge my problem solving abilities. My mind gets a workout.

Which is also probably why i enjoyed watching Irreversible (French, R-rated thriller). Well, i'm not sure if "enjoyed" is the appropriate word to use...because it scared the bejeezus out of me. It really made me wonder what kind of monstrosity lies within a person to commit such a crime.

For some reason, when i watched Donnie Darko (Director's cut), i just didnt find it compelling to me. Or perhaps i didnt give it a fair chance, since i went to watch it with a friend who was so self-assured that i would love it, that i chose to prove him wrong...and basically picked at all the things that i didnt like about the movie...and ended up giving it a thumbs-down.

This weekend, i will be watching Hard Candy. And i am looking forward to it. Apparently there is a scene in which all men will grimace and shudder empathising with the paedophile, simply because he is a man. The movie is about a teen girl meeting a 30 y/o man she met off the internet. She is under age and you are given the impression that he has lured her out to snare her, as paedophiles do...but then the story twists and you are lead to think that she has lured him...and then the story continues.

I think the movie will be interesting and mind boggling. It will definitely give me something to talk about. I wonder if they will have a 60 second disclaimer at the beginning of the movie advising the viewers that there will be horrific scenes, just like Irreversible, and ask that if you cant stomach it, to leave the cinemas immediately...?

I'll be back with a review after watching it on Saturday.

If you walk like one and talk like one...

...then you must be one!

I was given a really nice compliment from a quirky Manager just a moment ago.

He assumed that i was a Project Manager. Since i had the Dip. of PM assessment answers for him to borrow for his 3 year re-assessment. (As a registered anything in Project Management, you get assessed every 3 years to prove that you are up to scratch).

But it wasnt because I had the assessment answers from when i got assessed for my Cert. of PM. He just assumed because:

"You look like a manager. You act like a manager. You have this persona that is to be respected."

So, it really comes down to the fact that if you dress like one, and you sound like one, people perceive you as "being" one?!?!

I have been dressing less bummy, now that i am located at the CBD - but thats out of vanity. I dont want to look crap around all the gorgeous women. I have to at least dress accordingly. Even when i was at Glebe, i deliberately dressed more professionally when i knew i had to go to the CBD for meetings. I know i dont look as gorgeous as the other women do, but i think a woman in a good suit looks just as impressive as a man in a good suit. I might not wear suits all the time, but thats besides the point. The point is, I am dressing more smart than casual.

So, i guess i have succeeded in what i have been trying to achieve, some what.

He thinks, by my current display, that i would make a good PM...I'm not sure if i agree with him. Why? Because i dont think that i am ready for all the responsibility that rests on the PM's shoulders. PM's are like the Jack of all Trades. They don't specialise in one thing in particular, but they know enough about everything.

I don't know enough about everything. I wish i had more technical knowledge, especially around the physical networks. *ugh*

I just hope that once i get my Dip. of PM, that they wont throw me into the deep end. I am suspecting that there is a lot of work coming in, which is why the quirky manager wanted to confirm that i was a PM. Once i become registered as a PM, i think they will give me projects to handle on my own. Especially if they dont have enough PM's to take on the work.

And that is what is freaking me out.