The Perfect Present

That was the title of Sex and the City last nite. I think it is meant to be read as "The Perfect Present". As in the present day, or present tense...not gift.

Carrie's current boyfriend - Jack Burger/Berger, previously went out with a lady who cheated on him. His reaction to a voice message from that lady on his answering machine was to give the double finger and a "Fudge You".

Okay, the Ex-file...the baggage...the decorator in their past...those emotions from the previous relationships that get dragged into the present relationship...the habits that u developed during ur past relationship that is brought into the present relationship...all those crappy things...How do u deal with it? Why isnt it dealt with before entering into another relationship? Why must the next person in ur life deal with it for ur ex?

I've been fortunate to have gone out with guys who i was their "first" real relationship...so there werent that many scars that needed healing, and the only baggage tended to be from their past crushes "that could have been"...dealing with those were headaches...i dont know what i would have done if i had to have dealt with an Ex.

I read a friends friend blog. The girl was basically wishing that she could punch her bf's ex for all the emotional crap that she as the current gf has to deal with now and more importantly, for the fact that her bf had loved the ex first.

Since, my track record is that of being first gf status, my assumption is that im the girl that all the future gf's of my ex will want to punch/kick/trip or just kill for the emotional baggage that they have to deal with. BUT i would like to think that i didnt leave my ex's in an emotional rollercoaster ride that they couldnt get off from. On the contrary...i still hold that all of my break ups have been neutral, yes it was hard at the time...but it wasnt nasty...and i still talk to all of my ex's. So, hopefully - no future gf will want to kick my arse.

IF anything, i hope they will turn around and thank me for grooming my ex's a touch, for moulding them a lil, making them adjusted to girly things and girly needs and girly wants.

That was Sex and the City...but in Queer Eye...They helped this guy, Ralph Sutton get ready for his blind date. Now Ralph is a DJ for a radio station by passion, but to make money to fuel the passion, he DJ's at a strip bar by nite. He says he doesnt want to work at the strip bar...so lets give him the benefit of the doubt here...

Basically, for his debut of some sorts...he does a live session for the radio station where he gets to interview a star from some rock band...he has brought his blind date along to this with his twin brother, that doesnt look like him one bit (obviously not identical), and twin bro's gf.

Blind date looks like she is having fun...while the guest and band rock on...afterwards we are shown a shot where Ralph is walking his date to the limo so she can be driven home...the crew from Queer Eye are divided on whats gonna happen after date #1...some think that the blind date may become more, ie a gf later on...while some think that it wont work out.

To me, obviously the girl would be appreciative of any guy who makes the effort to look good for the nite, who prepared something to eat - which turned out very edible, organises a limo as ur ride, speaks to u with respect and manners...u gotta be polite and friendly back towards them, right? I mean i would. I would also consider going out on a second date to really get a chance to know the guy better.

But if he wasnt my type, cos it was a blind date...i would still make it look like it was a great nite and that i really enjoyed his company. So that he wouldnt look bad, especially since i knew it was being taped...So i would make it look like there was a chance between the two of us. Deceptive...

So, whoever watched Queer Eye last nite, what do u think? Do u think rocker Ralph has a chance with the blind date? Do u think the blind date liked him? I think it was obvious that he liked the blind date...hehehe...All that smoothness talk about how his necklace came off...and the Queer Eye crew learnt a smooth move from Ralph...for those who missed it, Ralph said to the blind date that his necklace came off, and so she helped him put it back on - cos obviously he cant reach the clasp...ahahaha...and while he bent his head down so she could see the clasp he put his hand on her leg...

;)

*****

In between watching the shows i tried on this dress my mother was sewing for her boss...its a black strapless...very Audrey...its for Winter...its woollen and comes to mid-calf...with stilettos on...its like OMG...i didnt want to take it off! it fit like a glove and i was so ready to just go to the Opera House! hehehe...i think i found my dress to wear to Michael Buble! *^_^*

Be-Jewel-led, Bedazzled!

I forgot to mention the Jewel Concert in the Concert Hall at the Opera House on Friday nite...other than my sliding and falling on my fudging arse inside the Opera House (second time i have slid and landed on my butt - at least i didnt land on my face!), it was a beautiful experience.

I have never met a person so talented, humble, comedic, sweet, cherishable, utterly breathe taking like Jewel...she sang her songs with conviction...she was friendly and captured our attention with her antics about her past...she did a polka and yodelled a few times...she held high notes for longer than i could imagine and quite frankly i believe she could out do Mariah any day...she has this down to earth nature about her, that makes her mesmerising...

Acoustic never sounded so fabulous...i must admit the Concert Hall is an excellent venue and it most probably enhanced the whole experience...but thats not to say that Jewel isnt talented. This woman recorded her first song at the age of 19 y/o...only knowing how to play 4 chords at the time...she played that song while busking her way to Mexico and it was when she got to Mexico did she record that song..."Who will save your soul?"...

A decade has passed and look at her now...her voice still dazzling...her talent in entertaining still iridescent...i wasnt a huge fan of Jewel...but i now sure am...she did a slightly different version of "Stand"...and it was amazing...her talent is in versatility as much as it is in her vocals and lyrics.

Although her music was more subdued...the concert reminded me of Jason Mraz's last year at the Metro. Albeit, Mraz was more upbeat...but that flexibility, that change-ablility of style and movement in the songs...it just blew me away. I was on the edge of my seat while Jewel strummed her guitar...and sang her tunes.

I was a bit disappointed that she didn't pick up a bunch of flowers that a fan had set on the stage at the end of the performance...but then again she was in high platform shoes and a short denim mini!

=P

Rodica's and Mars Hill Cafe...

I went to dinner with my girlfriends last nite at Rodica's on Church St, Parramatta. I had this mushroom risotto...it was so yum...the cheese...i salivate!
hehehheehe

We sat there while my best friend gave commentary to all her Contiki Europe fotos...she had so much fun. Somewhere along the line i noticed that she blossomed on the trip - Hooray! to her...i've been waiting for that day...hehehe...and she couldnt stop talking about the hot tour guide they had in Belgium - he was half English and German...he is a spunk and a half...but just not my type...kekeke...she has this awesome shot of him though...visuals always help!
=)

Apparently some guy friends from high school were gonna turn up too, although after the basketball game they went to watch at Homebush...so we sat at the restaurant until they came up to meet us.

A little side tracking here: My best friend...she went to my high school until year 10, and then she left and went to a selective school...so she has a second circle of friends...its sorta funny...she use to be worried that the two circles wouldnt mesh...but from example of last nite...i think its silly that she ever felt that way.

Two friends from her selective high school joined us at Mars Hill Cafe (also on Church St, just after Cold Rock Ice Creamery), a girl and a guy. The girl I have met a couple of times and to be honest, since we bump into each other at concerts all the time, we get along like a house on fire! She has promised to try and get me free tix for the Pete Murray concert (she has connections)...so i can sell my tix off to someone who wants to join us on that Saturday nite!
;)

Okay, back to the rest of the blog: So we go to Mars Hill...to me, its like an equilavent to Brown Sugar, the employees are all friendly and nice...relaxed and the atmosphere is so down to earth...*ahhh* The menu comes in the form of a little booklet in a CD case...hehehe...and they have the most funkiest coffee/non coffee drinks around. If u ever get the chance to pop in...I have been informed that u must try the "Celtic Grog" which comes in a funky chalice...be sure to stir it.

I had a drink called the "De-mint"...it usually comes in a coffee version...but since i dont drink coffee...they made me a non-coffee version...and it was yum-diddly-scrumptious. I like that sort of refreshing minty taste...and the drink i had was like an Iced Mint Slice (yes the Arnott's biscuit) and they actually pop a mint slice into the bottom of the drink, as well as some blended into the drink.

This cafe has an upstairs section, and my friend said that they usually hold poetry readings and live music. They have a camera in the upstairs facing the stage, which is shown live to the people down stairs. There is a game shelf, where u will find Taboo, Scrabble, Trivia Pursuit, cards, and some other games in which i cant remember...hehheehe

There is this separate small room with bean bags and a booth seat...thats where we went into first, cos there was a live band playing in the main upstairs area...it was cosy...we fit 15 ppl in it...but since yesterday was a stinking hot day, we all hussled out to the main upstairs area when the live performance ended! *LoL*

But while in that cosy room with lava lamps and all...we had a crack up for all times...I cant remember the last time i laughed-out-loud-so-hard-almost-peed-in-my-pants like that...the other times: would be at a cook out or in E's car while going somewhere like filming, dinner, Harry's, movies...etc.

Side tracking again: There was this time E was driving L and i to Harry's after a film shoot at Usyd...it was the famous "Kidney scene". As we drove to Harry's we must have been high on the craziness of that shoot...we just couldnt stop laughing...when we got to Harry's i think E nearly choked on his food...we get back into the car after eating and L closed the door on her jeans...(not noticing that she did)...so were driving along and we end up going for a joyride to the Cross, cos E wants to film some hookers on the streets. This is another insane part...E is like daring L to scream out "how much?" and obscene things like "i want pussy!"

She does this as any diligent partner in crime would, as it was nothing new to the both of them...but here i am witnessing it all over again, after a while of not hearing it...it would have probably been a good 6 months since we did a film session and grabbed a bite to eat like that...im in the back seat of the car pissing myself laughing and slouching in my seat as L is screaming the obscenities...

Then L tried to move her left leg but she realises that her jeans are caught in the car door...and she has been secretly trying to get her jeans free but has not managed to do so. Then E and i find out and were like "what are u doing?" E is like "u look like ur having a fit" and she tells him to stop the car without an explanation...and she opens the door to set her leg and jeans free...at this point E couldnt even drive properly and i was having an asthma attack (close to, not literally) cos i was laughing so hard.

Okay, it may not sound hilariously funny as i relay this to u now, u just had to be there, or know either E or L...actually just know E...and u would fully understand! ;)

Back to my review of Saturday nite...I had an awesome evening, last nite...great company and a lot of laughs...it has really surprised me that the guy friends from high school are now making the effort of keeping in touch. im taken aback and i really appreciate that effort! so cheers to them! =)

A friend who said he had a blast on Valentine's dinner/KoK...had asked me if i enjoyed myself at the group outing. and the truth is, I had more fun last nite than i did at Valentine's dinner. KoK was fun after dinner that nite, i enjoyed myself far more then dinner...but dinner itself wasnt so enjoyable as it could have been.

No pain, no gain...

I did my first BodyPump class since a very long while now...under the suggestion that i should try it to change my routine by my personal trainer. Its a class that uses weights for resistance training...my trainer told me not to use anything heavier than 2.5 kilos...preferrably just 1 kilo weights...and so i did as i was told.

The raw deal is that ur body resistance should be enough to challenge your body if u do the lifts and lunges and reps correctly. To be honest, when i'm training in the weights area...i can lift a fair bit...but in the class while doing only 1 kilo or nothing at all, I am suffering for it now.

Walking down a flight of stairs today was basically cramping up my thighs...my shoulders and triceps and biceps are also tight. I guess i shouldnt complain...its a good pain

My day...

I'm playing receptionist again...today...I actually dont like it, because I'm not just playing receptionist for my own company, which would have been fun...But our building is shared by another company that our receptionist receptions for. So, in a nutshell...I need to look after another company that I have never dealt with.

Its a bit surreal...cos in essence, I feel like i have been demoted. Although, I shouldnt feel too bad about it. Our Contracts Manager had to play receptionist a few times before. I think my company is just too tight to afford a temp for a few days.

What happened to the receptionist? Well, she is getting ready for her wedding that will occur this Saturday. She wont be taking a long leave after the wedding though. She should be back next week...the honeymoon is arranged 2 or so weeks after the wedding. I hope at that situation, my department gets really busy and they cant do without me!!! (One of the engineers was complaining that he was too busy yesterday...hehehe...all working in my favour!)

The dog, the horse...

The dog asked the horse: "Big sister why did u leave me?"
The horse replied: "I never left you little sister, I just moved to live in another place."
The dog said: "But you did, you left me all alone and then there was no one to look out for me. My world got turned upside down..."
The horse replied: "I never left your side little sister."
The dog said: "Because you left me lonely my heart became weaker than ever before...my child was born just the same...and died just the same..."
The horse replied: "I know your heart broke, but I was always with you little sister."
The dog said: "It didn't feel like it and thats why I did what I did..."
The horse replied: "I know what you did, and why you did it little sister."
The dog said: "I thought it would make me feel better, and that it would bring me to you..."
The horse replied: "But I never left your side little sister..."
The dog said: "At least I am with my daughter now."
The horse replied: "Yes, at least your reunited with your daughter now."

My 8th Aunt on my mother's side died by an overdose of sleeping pills. For a very long time, I think my mother blamed herself for not "being there" for her little sister. But my mother was here in Australia, while my 8th Aunt was still in Vietnam. Sending money wasnt as easy as it is today, you had to do it through the banks and to actually claim the money in the other country, you had to show identification. Which is a pretty hard deal, since during the Vietnam war and even prior to that as well as after it, not many people had "birth certificates" or "passports" or "papers of citizenship" to prove who they were.

My 8th Aunt had a heart condition...she had a weak heart. My mother tells me of stories about how beautiful and delicate she was...she would walk by like a feather floating past you. You would not hear a step taken, nor would you even hear her breathe...probably because her breaths were shallow...due to the heart condition.

Her temperament was mild and cool...she had a patience that I only wished I had. I never got to meet my 8th Aunt. She died before I went back to visit my relatives.

She married a man without money...today he is quite well off as a hair dresser. Its weird, when I ment him, I didnt know that he was my uncle. And I thought my mother and he got along, but to my surprise my mother blamed him for my 8th Aunt's death. She shifted the blame from herself to him...it was more tangible that it would be his fault than hers...well in her eyes maybe...

She said that my 8th Aunt had just given birth to a beautiful baby girl, but that baby girl was also plagued by the same illness as her mother. Her breath was shallow, her eyes were as big as pools that later got covered by cataract which lead to blindness. When she cried all you heard was "em, em, em". And because the baby was weak in the heart, she was stayed in the hospital and so did her mother to recover from giving birth to the baby.

The father of the baby was apparently a complete prick! During a visit to the hospital...he didn't go and visit his wife...no...he went to visit the baby. Now, if you got this far into my blog, you're probably wondering what is so wrong with visiting the baby? Well, I dont know many who go and visit their baby while their wife is across the corridor and has complete view of the nursery, and yet you bring along a girlfriend and your wife catches you! Grrrr...

After the baby went blind...she grew weaker and weaker...i dont think my aunt would have provided the baby with enough milk, since she was so weak herself. Soon, the baby died.

I think my aunt's heart just contorted and distorted and did multiple spasms and she just got so angry with her husband that while she stayed in the hospital and the doctors provided sleeping pills for her, she saved every one of the pills until she had more than enough to OD on. But she didn't take them until her baby died...i think it was the last straw.

My mother says that my personality is like my 8th Aunt's. A perfectionist...quite a pompous arse actually...hehehe...quite methodological...but thankfully I wasnt born with heart complications. Even though she seemed cool, calm and collected, she wasnt a push over either...she was just fair.

I think thats the way my mother wants her to be remembered as.

When bored...do more tests!

Who You Are? ...You're a hidden artist...

You're a woman with a very balanced personality and lifestyle. You believe in making room in life to relax, think, and have fun. You refuse to settle long-term for a boring job or doing something just because it's expected of you. Love is the same way. You know what real love feels like and you'll accept no imitations! You pride yourself on not being the "typical woman." You're more honest and straightforward than most women. But just because you don't "wear your heart on your sleeve" doesn't mean you lack deep feelings. In fact, you're deeply committed to your loved ones and the causes you believe in. Women as truly balanced as you are very rare.

Yes im a rarity with her head screwed in trying to make some sense of her life... Yes that is i...very balanced i see...

Who You're Looking For? ...He'll be an enigma...

You're looking for a very balanced man. He'll have clear goals in life and dreams he hopes to pursue while still being practical about the realities of life. He also manages to balance a clear rational side with a more compassionate and caring side. Given his charm and down-to-earth nature, it won't be surprising that he has a wide network of friends. He'll constantly be juggling things in his life, but will still find a place for you. Sound too good to be true? Men who are truly balanced like this are rare, but they do exist and would be an excellent fit for you.

...hmm...they may have hit the nail right on the head...the guy im after is a rare commodity...

I think i shall stop doing these tests...makes me more confused with my life and what direction i want to take it...*ugh*.

Slangish 101

Some terms have been popping up in my life...either in reference to me or in reference to someone else...their origins are from either my philosophy or situations that we have been in...hope this makes sense to everyone else...

Pursue Me Time - This is the time in which u get to know someone and u can "actively pursue" the person. But u must remember, there is only a certain amount of time in which u can pursue the person before the time turns into "u are just a friend to me now and i wouldnt want to jeopardise our friendship". The "pursue me time" varies depending on the individual...but as a rule of thumb...well personally to me...it is usually about 3 months maybe longer depending on the guy. The reason why the time changes from "u can show interest in me, we can be more than friends" to "we are just friends" occurs (for me personally again), due to the lack of interest shown by the other party. So, as a result...i become resolved to being just a friend to them.

Often used in reference as so: "So, has 'so&so' past his pursue me time yet?"

Pursuable - This is a person who is worth pursuing and is worth giving some "pursue me time" to. A person that strikes an interest. A person that appeals to your eye. A person that u think is interested in u! hehehe... Pursuable may be used in reference to someone that u want to pursue u. Or the reverse, someone u are chasing after.

This is often used in a statement like: "Yeah he is really fun to talk to, very pursuable!"

Crush Slut - This is a person that is crushing on multiple people or chopping and changing between crushes. To avoid being a "crush slut" u must have a grievance period between each crush to severe all ties. Out of respect for your own dignity and esteem...u must refrain from crushing on one person straight after u decide another crush is not worth ur time. Also, if ur doing multiple crushes...ur in over ur head! Just give up now...how do u ever conclude that u will gain any success by crushing on more than one person?! Your energies are dispersing between multiple people, when u really need to focus on one person at any given time!

Most often heard like: "Oh my gosh she is such a crush slut...going from Mike to Peter to Andrew...now she is crush-slutting with Andrew and Jeremy!"

Are You Picky?

Go here: Physical Attraction Test and find out whether u are picky or not...just for fun! ;)

In my report, they ask:

What Is Your Approach to Judging Which Men Are Handsome or Very Attractive?

Picky: Okay, you qualify as "picky," or maybe you just have a clearer idea than most women about what you like in men. It's almost instinctual for you. In a crowded room, you can quickly spot the most handsome guy. Even if you only catch him out of the corner of your eye, you know which men have "the right stuff." You probably struggle with balancing your natural instincts, which draw you to good looking guys, with your desire to find smart, mature, and well-rounded men. But you're also a realist. You know how important a physical "spark" is in a relationship and can't settle for less. Still, in the test, you seemed to recognize the difference between "eye candy," men who are just nice to look at, and more approachable cute guys.


I think that explains it...ino what i want and im not accepting second best, so this is why im still single! =P

AHAHaahaHAHAHaha...eye candy...

My Little Star...

No one taught her...and when she gets into the mood she just starts belting out the tune...

"If you...could see...what i seeeeeee..."

She repeats those words over and over and over...until in her mind the song has concluded.

It is soo adorable...mind you it doesnt quite sound correct, but she mummbles the correct tune and u can tell what song she is singing. hehehe

My niece is like 2.5 y/o...and Guy Sebastian's #1 song isnt her favourite song...but since it has been played all over the country, and she hears it on the radio...and on the tv...she's picked it up!

I never knew the thrills of hearing a lil voice singing a "big" persons song...or any song with their squeaky lil voice...hehehee...after "Angel's brought me here" she starts singing the ABC's...i record her with my mobile...but there is no way for me to transfer it on to the comp...well i dont think i can...I use to think that my friend was a weirdo when she got excited about hearing her niece or nephew sing something down the phone to her cos they live across the ocean...

But now i get it...its the utmost cutest sound you could ever hear! And i dont think its a maternal instinct sorta thing in which that cute sound strikes a chord with...its just honey syrupy cute...(and i dont have a maternal bone in me, so it cant be a maternal thing)!

Travel Bug!

My best friend got back to Sydney on Saturday (07-02-2004) from her Europe trip that lasted for 5 weeks. She had an awesome time even though she was freezing her butt off. She also put on weight, which is the opposite to what she thought would happen. But i did tell her that her sister was not the type to be stringent on money for food. All the 3 course dinners (part of her package), all the cheese, all the alcohol, all the chocolates...hehehe...luckily for her, she is tall and has a slender frame and the weight will just give her curves!

Another friend just completed a 3 week road trip of the East Australian Coast. The highlight of her trip was the white water rafting expedition she went on. She drove and alternated with her bf. I just spoke to her today - she isnt too happy about being back to work. I had mentioned to her that my best friend and I will do a Europe trip in about 1.5-2 years from now, but it will be Europe in Summer, not Winter. Cos we want to incorporate the Greek Islands. She is utterly itching to go, but her excuse "not to" was soo cute!

Her and her bf are saving for a house...mind you they are not engaged or anything. They are the same age as i am. We all went to high school together.

Their story began when he wrote a love letter to her in Year 7. He gave her the letter and she read it, and she did the most sensible thing. She spoke to him and told him that she was too young to be "together" with anyone, but that she valued him as a friend. Throughout high school, he was always there as her "friend". Once in a while, he gave her something to show her that he cared about her...but to ease any tensions the poor guy had to get something for us, her friends...hehehe...but her's was always the best or most special! It wasn't until after high school did they get together. When the HSC was completed my friend no longer had any excuse to say "no". And they have been together since their first date, which was a week after the HSC. I think this is a demonstration that persistance pays off! hehehe

My travel agent called me last nite to inform me of cheap tix to the Gold Coast...i got two other people to join me and when i got to work today, i made a tentative booking for a studio apartment directly across from Sea World. Called my travel agent to give her the names of the people who confirmed 100% sure that they were going to go. I sit and wait. She calls back to say that the tix sold out! -_-"

I was devastated...it was so hyped...and my manager gave me approval to take a days leave. Ive never been to the good ol sunshine coast! I was going to go with people who wanted to go on the theme rides...and do all those silly things with me! And now? bummer! =( But i shall be going to do some scuba diving locally on the weekend i should have gone to the Gold Coast! hehehe hopefully that isnt booked out!

Its bad when u have a travel agent that calls you at home to tell you of special deals! The feet starts itching...

In the spirit of St V'Day...

That bear up there, is a bear i bought for myself on the first day of Feb...i went shopping with my mother and saw the bear in GB's...its fur is sooo soft and on its bottom...there is a little pocket where his heart is kept! hehehe...its soo cute...SO i bought him for moi! ;)

But as the title for this blog says...here is a WANTED ad:

WANTED - male aged 23-30 y/o, able to be on-call on weekends. Lurves jazz and all kinds of music. Enjoys trying new things and does not believe that doing "cultural" things = gay! Must be exceptional in giving and receiving hugs, and dropping compliments once in a blue moon. Ablilty to communicate and skills in relaying humourous witty jokes will be highly regarded! Required to meet the following criteria: height = >1.75m, has broad shoulders, is spontaneous and versatile, has nice smile, willingness to have fun. Does not pout lips.

Attractive package for successful applicant.

Interested applicants may apply by dropping a msg in the commenting section of this blog.

Hahaha!

^_^

Have a good laugh!

Grossly Overrated...

I dont know what inspired that title...but i like it, so im using it for this entry! ahahaha
^_^

Now that i got that off my chest, im sorta sitting on a blank.

Damn!

I got disrupted while writing this entry...for about an hour...one of the websites wasnt working...IT Manager was in trying to fix it. She is a new manager, its only her 2nd day here...she seems nice...but Harry was more talkative! I'll give her 1 month to settle a little and see how her personality goes from there.

After waiting for files to timeout and resetting passwords and deleting stuff in the cache...the site is up again.

Gee this blog is heading for boredsville...im bored just reading what has been written!

Hmm...let me try to spruce this up a little...

My workmate is really inconsiderate, or extremely pathetic!!!

I have a stack of postit notes on my desk next to my keyboard. On the top page was an important customer's details and the correct contact that i need to speak to. Luckily, im methodological and i wrote all that was on the postit in a comment for this customer's job. The workmate (the bastard) for some reason during my lunch break, took my postit notes and tore that front page off, threw it in the bin, continued to use my postits and kept it on his desk!

Now common sense, if your going to borrow something of someone's...u dont throw things away without consulting them. Albeit, i wasnt in the office, but its a postit note...with writing on it. Normally you would take the top note off, the one with writing and stick it to my monitor? or to my keyboard? or to my desk? to my speakers? to my phone? to anything that u can stick it on!!! AND when i come back in after my lunch - ask me if it was something i needed, and either give the note back to me, or show me where u stuck it.

YOU DO NOT GO AND THROW SOMETHING THAT DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU INTO THE BIN!!!

Apparently, leaving someone's belonging alone does not apply here with that particular workmate.

I was flabbergasted. I wanted to scream at him and rip his head off! When i asked who had taken my postit notes? He held it up and asked "is this yours?" I'm thinking: "Well, shouldnt U know if U took it off my bloody fudgin desk???" I asked where the top page was, as it had an important number written on it? He looked at me and said that it was in the bin!!! He sort of pretended to look through the bin, but he didnt reproduce the postit...FUDGE!

I quickly took the rest back and sat down turned my back to him - cos my desk is slanted away from him anyways...had i said something then and there, i would have really tore his head off!

He goes to the stationary cupboard and grabs another stack! I'm thinking: "Why didnt he do that in the FUDGING first place???" What an idiot! He sits there complaining about a job i resolved for him, cos the Optus girl called to give us an update! She wasnt even asking him any questions and he turned to our manager asking about the job i just resolved and clearly said it was closed now!!! I turned to him and said "So, what exactly does she want to know? I just spoke to the site contact (in which he threw out the number of) and he confirmed that the service was now fine?" I told him, look transfer the phone call to me and i'll speak to her...he is still trying to speak to my manager about it, and my manager who i informed that the problem was fixed was telling him that i closed the job...i ask him again to transfer the call to me and ill talk to the Optus person...i say this about another 2 times and then he transfers the call to me!

All she wanted to say to us, was that the fault is fixed. Service is back up. I told her - "I spoke to site contact, he confirmed that with me already!" So, she was like "Great, lets close the job then!" And we both close it on both ends. I dont know where all the complication came from. The Optus girl speaks fluent english...i've never had trouble understanding what she has tried to convey...i think the workmate has terrible communication skills and he misinterprets a lot of things.

There were other "incidents" that happened. *snicker snarl snort* *grrrr*

Thankfully, i wont see him until a month has passed! WooHoo to the rotating roster!!!

How do you deal with it?

We all deal with stress differently. Some people smoke excessively, some obsessively eat everything they see, some choose to starve themselves, while others drink themselves to a stupor. But what quirky things do others partake in to keep themselves distracted from stress or anything else that is bothering them?

I have some weird eccentricities.

During my HSC, to deal with the competition amongst peers and the stress of getting a really high UAI, I would manicure my nails and then paint them. But it has to be immaculate or else i would take it all off and start all over again. I think it was a matter of having something perfect in front of me so that i could focus on it and then emulate that perfection.

Prior to that i was a compulsive & impulsive shopaholic. I would shop every weekend to "deal with it". It was just crazy and utterly expensive when i would buy things i didnt need, but i just had to buy something to "relieve" my stress. It was probably like a drug-like fix. But since i have never taken drugs...i wouldnt really be able to compare...so i'll shut up now on that!

During my uni days, right b4 my exams i had to make a trip to Officeworks and walk down the aisle and buy a heap of stationary to calm my nerves and make myself feel "stationarily" prepared to deal with my exams. I think i would have passed out in the process if i didn't have the correct pens to use during the exam! But since i went to shop for it during Week 14 of uni (no labs, no lecture week) - i would be perfectly prepared with the right pens.

It may sound utterly crazy, but those were the things i use to do to make myself feel better, or be better equipped to deal with the stress of life. I'm pretty sure that other people have their own "things" that they do. Not sure if anyone is prepared to admit them though...or mayb i am the only weirdo out there - but that would explain a lot of things! *LoL*

I bring this topic up, cos i went to a nail salon to get a "reshape" and "french manicure" done on Australia day, but to be honest, she ended up doing what i use to do for myself and i was disappointed cos she didnt really reshape my nails. I ended up getting something i could have done on my own. It started chipping over the weekend, so i took the polish off and did my own nails again. There is something gratifyingly soothing in buffing my own nails...and naturally girly about it. It reminded me of my odd ways, and the fact that i use to annoy my brother so much because he hated the smell of enamel and more so of the nail polish remover! hahaha

He use to try to ignore the smell, because he knew that it was my way of "dealing" with my studies and stress. I think he was relieved when i started going to Officeworks to pick up stationary. I mean he dealt with the liquid paper/white out pretty well, better than the polish and remover! And paper just smells fresh if there is a fragrance at all. (Unless you deliberately buy perfumed paper!)

So, how do you deal with it???

Eyes Big!

In chinese, the term that your "eyes are big" doesnt necessarily mean that u have large beautiful eyes.
I mean it could mean that, but its also a saying, maybe a proverb...im not sure.

In chiew chow, ino it to mean that u are some what greedy. Always wanting more and that u are never satisfied with what u have.
Sometimes it can be a positive thing tho, like u see what other ppl have experienced - like when they have travelled and u want to experience it too. But u work hard so that u can go and travel like other's have. Having "eyes big" can also mean that u are determined to get what u want, u're motivated to succeed! That u are highly observant and nothing can pass u without u noticing.

Its a negative attribute when u become fickle and u chop and change between decisions without a second thought on what the consequences might be. Its a wretched situation to be in if ur the type of person who regrets their actions. Especially when ur chasing after money...what i mean by that, is that ur decisions are made soley based on money, or 'how much you will get out of it?' - that type of thing.

I've done somethings due to the "eyes being too big". But i dont regret them. I usually get overwhelmed by what lies ahead of me and thats when i want to experience more (part greediness, part learning curve). I'm getting that itchy feeling of travelling. My best friend sent a postcard from London right before she left to go to Vienna. Although the weather has been morbid in London and she is freezing her butt off going from one place to the next...she is having a blast!

I'm happy for her, but i want my blast too.

So, i shall be stringent with my money and save save save! So that i can go on my European Holiday! Then i can go on my Asian Holiday - after this whole bird flu finishes. Then...i can go everywhere else i have missed out on! hahahaha...my eyes are getting sore from my lids being stretched out way too far!
=P

Naked! Exposed! Whatever!

Have u ever watched "Never Been Kissed", the Drew Barrymore movie?

I feel like her character, Josie Geller in the scene at the end of the movie where she stands on the pitch in a baseball field waiting for the guy of her dreams to come and give her her first real kiss. In this scene...there are all these camera ppl, and journalists, reporters, and supporters on the sides and in the stalls...they are all there waiting in anticipation for her "dream guy" to come...there is a timer just clocking down.
...down.
...down.
Closer and closer to 0.

And there was one point in which everyone let out a sigh of disappointment because they were certain that he wasnt going to show...but in true hollywood style, of course "dream guy" turns up and everyone is celebrating as the two kiss!

Well, my story isnt a good fairytale ending...even though i was hoping.

Just like Josie, i wrote my article about the guy i met...and not that i expected him to read it (unlike the movie)...but i let everyone know how i felt and what had happened...and apparently everyone has been talking about it all week!

So, here i was...on the pitch waiting for his call...everyone a buzz waiting for him to call me, ppl there waiting for the goss, ppl there supporting me...after Day 3 of the Waiting game...he was a no show...and the clock is ticking...

Day 4, supporters are asking me..."Did he call you?"...my reply..."nope"... And so they turned around and ask if i would call him...? I didnt want to cos the ball was in his court! So, i did the supposed next best thing to check if he was interested...i sms'd him.

Since it was Chinese New Year's Eve...i thought i would sms a message wishing him a happy new year...*gasp* With a help of a friend (Thank U, uno who u are!), i sent a message that got a reply...it was quite bland...but at least he replied??? I sent another message back and then he replied to that one too. His msg indicated that he was at a concert and that it was "bloody awesome"! I sent another reply back, and that was the end of that.

I thought that by sending the sms, i would indicate to him that i was interested and i hoped that he would call after it...not right away, cos i knew he was busy...but the day after or the day after that...but that was Wednesday...and now its Saturday, so i dont know what the hell is going on?!

I feel like a complete failure...and ino im currently the "hot goss" amongst friends and acquaintances...which makes it worse...i didnt realise how many ppl either read my blog...or how many ppl loved to gossip! >_<

I feel crap...and although another friend told me that it was him that loses out in this situation...i still feel bad! (But Thank U to u too, all ur compliments made me smile...uno who u are!) I think i feel especially like a failure, cos to me...it only made it half way...many have said to me that I succeeded...cos he asked for my number and he was the one who gave me a kiss good bye...but i derno.

I've suprised some, cos they all think that im "confident" and "collected"...i guess they dont realise that a "confident" & "collected" person on the outside can still be highly insecure on the inside. I dont think im pretty...and although friends tell me that im attractive...it feels like they are just saying that to make me feel better or just cos they are my friends...

So, in some sense, i wanted some validation from a stranger! Which sounds a bit warped, but it makes sense to me. Cos strangers are not obliged to talking to u...and a guy doesnt usually talk to a girl that he doesnt find attractive! And he doesnt usually ask a girl for her number if he isnt impressed with her personality and would like to continue the conversation at a later stage! And he wouldnt kiss her goodbye if he didnt want to show her that he is interested...

Well, that was what i thought...but im resolved...i should have been harsh and kept to the "3 Day Grace period!" So, if he didnt call by then, i would give him the boot. But all my friends and collegues said to give him a week...but cos i gave him 5 days...it screwed me over! Not that he "didnt call" affected me so much...but i screwed myself emotionally with self doubt...and now i feel more crap than i have ever felt for a long time now!

I feel like i have exposed myself...and i have shown everyone my weaknesses...

I feel like everyone is snickering behind me, pointing and laughing cos i put myself out there and got rejected!

I feel like what i use to believe in is all so wrong...all those indicators that i use to be able to read in a guy which shows that he likes a girl, they are all false!

So, whats even scarier is the fact that my judgement is twisted or something...*ugh*

Grr...Optus!

I had a go at Optus...

Its fun being the Network Administrator...i got to crack my whip!

ahahahahaha

anyways...long weekend...fun fun fun!

The Last Samurai

One of the most erotic scenes i have ever scene:

When Taka asks Algren if he will honour her late husband by wearing his armour into battle and he accepts.

What makes this scene erotic is when Taka actually dresses Algren - not undressing him!

It is when she puts all the layers on him...and you can just feel the intimacy between the two.

...its breath taking...

Year of the Monkey

I was born in 1981 so basically that makes me a Rooster. Altho, i do prefer to call myself a Chicken...cos im female!
=P

*LoL*

This is a forecast of what a Chick's 2004 should be.

Career:
For 2004, the Chick is blessed with auspicious Career luck! Fortune, wealth and happiness is for the taking, so make full use of this situation to gain the best profit. And watch out for career advancement as well! This is the Career year for you.

Wealth:
Improve your credibility, reputation and public relations skills and you will be able to reach tremendous gains in Wealth! Try to retain to this accumulated wealth by not generating unnecessary expenses for entertainment.

Love:
Married Chicks will have a good relationship with his or her partner. Ensure it stays that way by not getting too close to members of the opposite sex: your partner will definitely not like that. The attached Chick might just tie the know come 2004 due to such auspicious stars for you!

Health:
Health might be on the decline for the Chick. With the career boost, the Chick might just push Health matters to the side. Don't! Avoid oily fast food, too much alcohol and do look out for road hazards while driving. You need the best health for the best prosperity!

If you want to find out what 2004 has installed for you, go to Chinese Astrology.

The waiting game...

Today is the third day of waiting and due to the fact that i am at work (thankfully) i am acting less gay then i would if i was at home.

For those who dont know, although i think everyone does by now...i met a guy on Saturday nite.

I'd declare his name...but i think that would be all too much...it all started with Jazz in the Domain - which was excellent and i was in the company of Mey and James S. I had invited myself and Mey to James' friends going away party (James was gonna go to it after Domain) which was suppose to be at Cargo Bar, but ended up at Pontoon.

We got there and had difficulty getting in as it was a "Full House" so the bouncer said unless we were on the "List" we could not get it...i told James to check if she did have our names on the list...and while James was calling her, the bouncer decided to just let us in. O_o Mey asked if i had flashed him? NO! So we got in and couldn't find James' friend and so he called her, she was still at Cargo and she said that she and her friends will be leaving now to go to Pontoon. We decided to dance anyways cos Mey's fav song - Milkshake by Kelis, was on. We ended up on the platform, and danced for a bit and the i started scoping the scene. It was a cool crowd to be honest, cos im tired of seeing just a bar full of asians. Its a breath of fresh air when u see a group of multicultural people hanging out together.

I spotted a guy who was one of the bartenders. But James didn't approve and thought he was a bit skinny...i was just saying that he looked alright! =P Then i happened to notice a guy in a bluish top and i thought he looked alright too...and its weird, cos Mey was trying to point him out, but she said it was a guy in a mustard coloured shirt! *LoL*

So, there I was trying to spot a guy with a mustard coloured shirt on! And i thought i was just extremely short sighted, but she was talking about the same guy...and i think she got fed up with me cos she then suggested, after pointing him out like 10 times, to go to the bar and get a drink and then along the way she could point him out. (He caught Mey and James pointing in his direction a few times too, btw...ahaha)

Mey thinks that he has a gorgeous smile and i do too, but what really took me back was the fact that he had nice arms! hehehe...

She points him out, and we go to the bar...i wait to be served and yet there is a rowdy bunch of drunks ordering more drinks and screaming at the male bartender who kept eyeing me but couldnt serve me cos they kept screaming out at him! So there we were waiting to be served and then he came along and stood to the right of the guy that was to the right of me (so he was a guy away from me). I was telling Mey that i was going to tell him that "my friend thinks ur cute!" and Mey was saying "Noooooo!" so i said..."Okay, i'll tell his friend (the guy next to me that wasn't his friend - so i actually rocked myself) to tell him that i think he is cute..." and Mey gave me the same reply "Noooo...im running away if u do!" I just laughed, i mean i wasnt going to say it was her, I was personally saying it - from me!

And thats what i did.

I leaned over and asked the blonde next to me to pass it on to "his friend" that i thought he was cute. The guy was a good sport, altho he said "that guy isnt my friend", i was like "oh, would you mind passing it on anyways?" and he did. He turned and said "Mate, the girl next to me thinks your cute!" He then leaned over the bar and said "Hi, and thanks!" with a beaming smile...*sigh*...ahhaahaha

The stoopid blonde barmaid ignored us altho we were there first and served the blonde guy next to me, and he was sweet and said that we were waiting first, otherwise she wouldnt have served us full stop. Once we got our drinks, and i dont know where this came from...but as we were walking off...i tapped him on his back and asked "So, what's your name?" And without looking like a fool i managed to pull it off! ahahahaa

I never thought i would be able to speak to someone at a bar, let alone a cute guy that i had never met before. Mey asked me how i managed to do that, and to be honest...i dont know? I've never spoken to a guy that i didnt happen to previously know, until that nite. I guess it helps when the other party is "cooperative", as she suggested.

It was a great conversation that lasted over an hour. I think i learnt a lot about him and it started off with just me asking his name and introducing myself to him. He asked me if i worked in the city, and i told him where i worked and he said he use to live close by, and then he told me where he lived now and asked where i lived...which led to where he initially came from. Where we studied, how long it took us to complete our degrees and the affects of working while studing. The fact that he is still studying - but doing something else. What i was planning to do now? I guessed his age from how long it took him to study, and i was right...he asked for my age...we talked about the fact that he lived in the city and then it led to grocery shopping, which led to his diet, which led to him becoming a personal trainer...i talked about pilates and the fact that i went to the gym as often as he did...

So, basically i had covered alot!

I also found out his nationality, how many siblings he has, how sweet his mum is...how his bro is in Melb...i told him that i just came back from Melb! Our conversation just flowed from one thing to the next with no hiccups. I was impressed. In the process he intro'd me to his friends, one by one. And there was a point where one of his friends was just hovering around and he asked his friend if he wanted a drink? I think it was a ploy to get him away from us so we could talk more...hehehe...

He needed to go for a toilet break and basically he got his most sober friend to "mind" me while he was gone for that time, so i spoke to that friend - which was also easy and cool. I thought it was funny that he was worried that i would go away. All his friends at this point (while he was gone) took the opportunity to "sell" him to me and that was sweet of them. His flatmate was going on about how he had a good head on his shoulders and that he was a "top bloke"...it was cute.

We spoke for so long that i didnt even notice Mey and James going outside and i worried thinking that they had left me. I told him that i was going to take a quick walk around and go to the ladies. I called James when i had a chance and James and Mey were outside for some fresh air. I got the hint, and i asked why they didnt call me so we could leave...but they were so sweet...they didnt want to interrupt! I told James not to be silly...and that i was gonna go out to meet them.

I walked back to him and told him that Mey and James were outside. I also told him that i was sorry to cut things short...but i had to really go. He then asked me for my number and i gave it to him. I was just about to ask him for his, but he beat me to it and asked if i wanted his number...and he gave it to me. After exchanging numbers, all of a sudden he grabbed my hand...and i thought he wanted to give me a hand shake...but instead he pulled me towards him and planted a peck on my right cheek...*sigh*... (he had ultra soft lips too...hehehe...)

At this point my friend who i was telling my story to had asked what did u then do?

I was stunned...i smiled and said good bye...no, i didnt kiss him back...i just floated outside to meet up with Mey and James.

Apparently, Mey saw him and his friend walk to the balcony to watch me as i walked towards Mey and James. Mey warned me not to act too gay...i didnt quite understand what she was talking about at the time, but she later explained the whole balcony thing...I told them about the number exchange...well they asked right away! *LoL* and James was saying how he would definitely call...Mey was asking a million questions about what i had learnt about him, etc...and i told them and i think they were in awe with the amount of detail i obtained from the chat i had with him. I mean im still amazed at myself! hehehe

James warned me about the etiquette of the waiting game and since i made the first move in speaking to him...the ball is now in his court and i have to sit and wait...which is tiring cos im impatient and it has been a couple of days!

Speaking to some girlfriends...waiting is the most irritating part - but we must, so we dont look eager! Speaking to some male friends...they all say it has to be at least 3 days. It could take up to 5 days...if its longer than 5 days...he isnt calling! What i want to know, is who made up these rules...i understand the whole idea of looking desperate...and therefore u wait a couple of days before you call, but where is the damn manual? I mean for a person like myself...who has never done this before...i knew u had to wait a bit, but i didnt realise it was so technical. I didnt realise that it had to be a minimum of 2 days...usually 3 days...if longer than 5 days = not interested. That i shouldnt have taken his number and insisted that he should call me...that i might have turned him off by not kissing him back...i derno...so many rules...and it happened all so fast!

Now that i have time to sit and wait...i think i wouldnt really mind if he doesnt call at all. I appreciate the moment in which i acted spontaneously and got positive feedback. That night i felt desired by a cute guy, (and all of his friends too!) so even if he doesnt call me, i will always remember him...as he was the guy that helped me regain my confidence in myself!

If he was reading this right now, i would say:
"Thanks for your time that Saturday nite, i really enjoyed talking to you. You were great company...now, why dont you hurry up and call me?"
;p

hehehehe

Have I mentioned...?

I met this girl at the gym and it was a whole 6 degree of separation thing happening...
She asked if she could leave her yoga mat with me while she went into the gym and do some cardio, i thought it was a bit weird, but i guess i look trustworthy? Since i was going to sit outside the aerobics room...i thought, yeah sure...leave it beside me and i'll mind it.

That was last Thursday nite, and then last nite same deal...but since she is an attractive girl...i thought i would befriend her for the benefit of my single male friends. And low and behold...she went to my uni. We chatted for a bit, before our body balance class...and her name is Tanya. She did pharmacy at Usyd and she was in the year above me. She is friends with a really old friend of mine from wayyyyy back, when we were tiny tots. I havent established if she is single or not...but since we know the same people and i looked after her yoga mat for a while...i think i can approach that question soon enough! ahahahaha...i mean she asked me about a friend in my year in high school...who broke her friend's heart and all!

Now the question is who do i intro her to if she is single?

Disclaimer: I cant guarantee that you would agree with me 100% that she is cute and pretty. For confirmation on whether she is a hottie or not, ask Mey since she was with me at the time! *LoL*

I'm googlised!

On top of my page i noticed the advertisement for Google.

I use Google for my searches, I have been since first year of uni.

What i didnt expect was that my blog would be found in a quick search.

Since i saw the advert, i thought..."hang on, i wonder if i can be found on Google."

Low and behold...im there, but its not a quick search on "petals" you have to search "my petals" and then u find me!

I'm there on the first page, third listing.

I thought this blog was purely my secret, and that people have only found out cos i have slowly let the cat out of the bag and that it was really only friends who came to the site. But now im a bit worried. Its a bit silly, i mean i have always known that the blog was an internet medium ie was public!

But to see my blog as a Google search return, its like O_o.

Okay moving right along...

Honour thy husband...

Okay, so i admit that im a bit of an Elvis fan...no so much that i own any cd's...or collect any memorabilia. I just think that he was cute and handsome and talented..especially when he was in his early 20's...and if im stuck at home on a Sunday afternoon and there happens to be an Elvis movie...i will get a little bit excited! =P

Now, that wasn't the point i was trying to make.

I was watching a documentary presented by Priscilla Presley on her late hubby on the ABC channel today in the afternoon. My mother, (as she usually does when she catches Priscilla on tv) commented on how Priscilla keeps her private life under wraps, even until this day...unlike her daughter who has failed marriages after another and is widely publicised across all media!

I was thinking about the fact that Elvis passed away at the age of 42 and it has been nearly 30 years since his death. I told my mother that i thought Priscilla wasnt just good at hiding her lovers, etc. She is just a fabulous woman full stop! It has been almost 30 years of keeping all the sordid secrets of her husbands past, all under wraps. She has managed to keep her life and his past out of the public domain, and she does it gracefully too. Anything of Elvis' past that happens to be in the lime-light are notably positive snippets of his career, things to commend and celebrate.

I mean, this is purely speculation, but how many affairs could Elvis have had before he past away? Or what about possible drug problems, or his alcoholism, and all his weird quirks??? She could have defamed him so, not indifferent to the American politicians a la Hillary's revelations on her life will Bill. Or the Royals, et al. with their tell-all stories being sold for money to magazines or to publishers, etc.

Maybe there wasn't any secrets to bare all, but then again what if there was? Its nice to know that whatever may be, Priscilla decided to honour her husbands memory and not only that, remains promoting the life he lived, the songs he sang & the movies he starred in. She never says or shows anything vilifying or slanderous about Elvis. Nor does Lisa Marie for that matter.

Honour and respect...you see very little of it these days.

so lunch was like this...

Were at Ogalo's, a portuguese chicken place...better than Oporto's.

Were waiting for our food to be brought out and im talking to the guys.
One of them was talking about how 6 people from Commander were coming to work on our premises next week. Since it was a call centre group (later found out that it was a bunch of telemarketers) then it must be a bunch of girls. While i said i had hoped it was a bunch of guys.

The other workmate said that they'd better be a bunch of girls cos there werent any "trim" ones currently!

I looked at him cos the only two single under 25 year old females at work was a girl in the sales dept and moi.

I dont know what he means by "trim", and he tried to explain it as "talent"...but before he explained it as so, he said it was a sexist remark and that he wasnt going to tell...so i think he said talent just to shut me up from bugging him to death!

So, just as spite i do hope that the people from Commander are a bunch of asian guys...or at least a bunch of guys...then i can have the last laugh! ;)

Otherwise, they will seriously kick me out of the "Lunch Group"...they were complaining that i eat my food like a girl...so "dainty" and "feminine"...last i looked, im pretty sure that im still a girl! They said i needed to put 3 or more chips in my mouth and if it falls catch with my hands and shove it back into the mouth! O_o

hmm...yeah right! like im going to act like a baboon shoving food into my mouth without stopping to chew!
=P

Today

What do i feel like today?

The plan for today is that i will have lunch at 1pm with the "Lunch Group" ie. moi + 3 other guys. we'll come back to work at about 2pm or later (usually later) and get back to work. i'll sit there "monitoring" the system and see if there are any problems...but since our equipment and the way our customer's networks are done - there shouldnt be any problems and therefore i'll sit there blogging even more, or surfing the net, or on msn, or watch music clips etc.

Then it will be 4:55pm i'll pack up and leave work.

Rest a bit at home. Maybe grab a bite to eat, something lite, not so heavy cos i'll be going to the gym to do my balance class so i dont want to feel weighed down!

Then i'll head off to the gym, push and shove to get my usual spot in the aerobics room, set up my yoga mat, and then stretch myself a lil before class. Then the serious stretching begins and thats when i push my body to the limits and will suffer tomoro for it!

Finish class with a nap - part of our "meditation" and then go home.

*bloody, my hands are still shaking from boxing yesterday...grrr...both hands shake violently...im surprised that i can type still!*

Have a shower and then go to bed, cos i'll need to wake early friday morning to get to work.

Thats exactly how my day will turn out! How i wish it would turn out would be like this:

The plan for today is that i will have lunch at 1pm with the "Lunch Group" ie. moi + 3 other guys. we'll come back to work at about 2pm or later (usually later) and get back to work. i'll sit there "monitoring" the system and see if there are any problems...but since our equipment and the way our customer's networks are done - there shouldnt be any problems and therefore i'll sit there blogging even more, or surfing the net, or on msn, or watch music clips etc.

Then it will be 4:55pm i'll pack up and leave work.

Head off to a good art supply store and pick up an easel and some paints, & maybe some new brushes. Go home and get out of my work gear and put some clothes i can get dirty in and paint whatever my heart desires and keep at it until i feel sleepy.

Fall asleep feeling good that i did something productive and satisfied my creative desires.

But, since i over-spent my budget while in melbourne (+ paying for trip to Thailand for 3 people, Jewel tix, Michael Buble tix, Lion Witch Wardrobe tix - TBP*, Lion King - TBP*), i have to put that off until i have the dosh to do so!

* TBP = To Be Paid to the person who will be paying for me first! hehehe ^_^

Things on my mind

I think im on an onset of depression.
I'm trying to figure out new things to do, so that i can meet new people and discover new passions in my life. But it aint working and quite frankly its depressing me. Really, i should be grateful. I mean who gets to go overseas and come back to a new job and then even though having only been at the job for a month, be allowed some leave to go to Melb for a Xmas/NY break?

Me.

Okay, so i have pin-pointed a main contributor to this dismal feeling. I lack passion in my life. I have no feelings in regards to anything i do. I have tried to practice what i preach. I'm trying to escape the cycle by doing different things, absorb more. Even read more often...which hasn't really helped cos its just filling that void in me with stuf i conjure in my imagination...and so its just putting false precepts in my mind that seemingly makes things okay again.

Life at the moment seems like a travesty of what it could be.

I wonder what (in)significant change could i have made when i was younger to have modified the path that i am following now? Would it have made the difference had i learnt to drink alcohol? If i was a social smoker? If i was more promiscuous as a teen. Had i not gone to uni? If i had chosen art over physics? If i had gotten back with my first bf? If i had made a daring pass at every cute guy i had a crush on? If i could tell jokes better? If i could sing? *sigh*

So many what ifs...many in which i cant turn back the time and try out (some i wouldnt want to even bother trying out).

I mentioned the way i am feeling to a friend...he thinks its the quater-life crisis...i thought i had passed it, i guess its an on-going issue until i reach my thirty's or life seems to get better, which ever comes first!

For a moment today, i actually felt that i was 16 again. All that teen angst, that depressing self-loathing in the way i look. The loneliness which leaves me wondering whether this is it, is this as good as it can get? Its pretty shiet if you ask me! I want to scream and shout and bash the shiet out of something! In an instant my emotions run rampant, i dont know if i want to laugh or if i just want to sit, rocking and cry?

I acknowledge that life is a learning curve, from start to end...but i just wish i had a couple of plateaus in my graph of life, instead of a multitude of peaks and troughs. I also wish i got my clear skin back...i keep breaking out and i just want some clearness dammit...to the way it was when i was bloody 16, 17, 18, 19, even 20, and 21! Thats one aspect of my teen life that i did not want to ever end!

=(

Pretty is not an excuse!

My lil brother had a gf.
He broke up with her.

I admit, as a big sister, i wasn't impressed that he had a gf so young. I really thought that the least he could do was respect my mum's wishes and abstain from getting involved with anyone until he finished his HSC. But he didnt listen to mum and now he has broken up with that gf and is moving on to another girl.

The thing is, he is such a player.

So, as he was dating one girl...but he managed to vie for another's attention. And he didn't practice the "waiting out of respect" period! That period where you don't date anyone until all ties are severed and so that you dont hurt the other's feelings!

No, he jumps from being with someone, and a day being single and then he is already on the bandwagon with the next one! >_<

I'm so ashamed!

I thought at the least, that my brother would be humble with his looks and brains...well if he used his brains...*sigh*!

It was wrong to tell him that he was the good looking one, the one blessed with the looks and brains in the family - although true...its given him a big head! He knows he's good looking and smart...he was in the gifted and talented class and was voted the most eligible bachelor at school!

Is being a "pretty person" an excuse to be the way he is?

If i was blessed with the looks in the family, would have been that way too? I dont recall ever thinking that i could dump current_bf for potential_bf. I didn't think i would have a chance! Quite frankly the thought never crossed my mind! I had never dumped anyone for another person...which probably explains why the break ups weren't as bad as they could be...but still!

Okies...this is starting to sound like a whinge-fest...i should stop now...

If my brother ever reads this, know that i love you but u can be a conceded bastard sometimes and its moments like these that i worry about what you will turn out to be. I thought you were better than those player guys that hurt girls feelings! But from the example you have just shown me, i dont know...ur acting like a playboy, just because you can!

=(

The end is flying by...

My friend and i are going to Melb.

We'll be staying at my Cuz's place and we'll be celebrating the New Year there too!

I have really boring NYE, year after year...sometimes its with friends bumming at someone's house or im just at home sleeping and then waking 10 to midnite and watching the fireworks on the tv. Since this year it is in Melb, should i hope that it will be better? More interesting? Frankly...im not expecting much. My expectations always seem to get shot down, pretty fast too. So its better not to expect anything at all.

This year has been really eventful for me and honestly...i dont think i would want anything changed.

I'm a firm believer in never regretting anything in my life, and i dont regret! Everything i have done this year was fun and it didnt result in anything negative...its been a hoot! =D

Lets hope that 2004 will be as glorious as 2003...good health...great wealth...and eternal happiness to all!

Mum's set up...

I go to dinner with my family and what do u think happens?

She drags me around the local club that we are having dinner at and introduces me to all these single guys!

Not that i have a problem with being introduced to some single guys (who happen to be quite attractive)...but being introduced by my mother...it just seems odd! I love my mum...but i derno...i dont think she should be the one introducing me to these guys...like i cant get a guy myself. (Which may be true at the moment considering that i cant seem to even find a guy to perve on).

But that aside, she introduced me to this one guy who i thought was quite cute...ino she has a thing for him...like an inkling for him to be her future son-in-law, cos she talks about him whenever she sees him and she is always selling him to me the day after. "He is so well mannered...he is a really good person...he is a funny boy...his parents are really good, teach their children really well...he does the same course as u...he is very tall, with beautiful blue eyes...yadda yadda yadda..."

Mum also has a hankering for me to marry someone with blue eyes...so we can have kids that are mixed! (She thinks half-casts are beautiful, and i agree). Although she knows that i dont want kids and that i dont plan to get married...i think thats still one of her fantasies...so the fact that she has managed to find a good looking guy with light brown hair and blue eyes that she happens think has a very good personality...she may think that her fantasy can become a reality!

So, last nite she introduced us to eachother...it was a brief chat and then i left to go home. This morning she said that he asked for my number so that we could be "friends"...her eyes sparkled as she said that. I know that she feels relieved that i'm graduating and now her next mission is to get me hitched...i mean since i have a stable job and all...in her mind the only thing im lacking at the moment is a partner!

Trust her to be so involved in my love life...even though its lacking at the moment!

Previously...

It was about a year ago when we caught up at Wentworth at Uni.

He was talking about his new gf, and i was talking about my new bf.

He said to me:

"I was going to ask u out. I thought u looked pretty and i always felt good after talking to u."

I thought u were cute, i would have gone out with u if u had asked me to!
=P

hehehe

But oh well, were both taken now.

You with ur gf...and me with my bf...

The one that got away...

On the train this morning:

I thought i recognised u! But...woahhh!!! U've lost weight! I tried to look but wanted to avoid from looking like a guy checking you out!

hehehe
So, ur still with your gf?

Yep, a while now.

I didnt recognise u either, uve lost weight too...especially around the face.

Yeah, I've lost it around the face, but im getting a gut!

Too much beer drinking, eh?
hehehe
So, are u going to work?

Yeah, going to work.

Where are u working?

Walters.

Is that a construction company?

Yeah, i started about 4 months ago, as a cadet.

Woohoo...this is for your internship, right?

Yeah. Its been good too. Its such a good company. I wasnt going to say no. I mean they built the Centrepoint, Parliament House, the Hilton, like 80% of Sydney! When I was told that I got the job, I ran to uni and dropped all my subjects except one.

The one that you could pass with your eyes closed?

Yep! The one that I could b/s through! hahaha

***More talk about the job, how much the foreman was getting paid vs him. How much he would get if he graduated and became a Site Engineer. How his Project Manager gets $97 an hour and is only 36 y/o...etc.***

So, are you still with Phillip?

Do you mean my Ex?

Oh yeah, him...are you still with him?

No, we broke up a long time ago.

So, are u single then?

Yeah, there arent any guys out there.

Damn! (under his breath)

Even went shopping with my friend to find guys just to perve on...single or taken...just to look, and they seemed to have all disappeared! We went shopping on the Sunday that I found out that I was graduating...and there was no one!

Wait for me...just a couple of years...

I dont think ur gf would be happy to hear that!
hehehe
Hey ur stop...u dont want to miss it.

Rain on my parade...

I thought since i found out my final result and I will be graduating, that nothing would stop me from smiling!
I have been smiling ridiculously for a week and then i had an allergic reaction to my lunch on Tuesday last week...after lunch my mouth seemed to develop a rash on the side of my cheeks(inside the mouth) and by dinner, my tongue was swelling! The morning after...i opened my mouth and i could not see my throat!

I left from work a little early in the afternoon to see the doctor...and he said it has subsided and it was an allergic reaction from something i obviously ate! Come Thursday and i go through food poisoning...and all i can say is - i never want to go through that again! >_<

The last time i can remember being that sick was like when i was maybe 8 y/o. It was so horrid the feeling...which came in waves and subsided for a maximum of 30 minutes. And even when there was nothing left to up-chuck...my body still tried to throw something out!

My workmates were all teasing me, as they knew i was going through another detoxification. They were all jeering the next day: "You must be really cleansed now, hey?"

As i was lying on the living room couch...i actually started to think that it was the end. I felt that not only was there rain, but the storm was here and that because i can finally graduate, it was going to be taken away from me! *Melodramatic* But i did feel that way at the time.

I'm such a pansy!

I hate you!

I try my very best to avoid you.
It actually hurts when i have to face you.
Its such hard work having to deal with you day in, day out.

Your so selfish.
Your so mean.
Stop calling me fat.
Stop making me cry!

Don't you understand that I have feelings too.
No, i'm not fragile...but that doesn't mean that i can constantly take every blow you sling at me and bounce right back.

I'm not supergirl - i wish i was...but thats another story in itself!

You see, you don't seem to notice the consequence of your hateful words.
Thankfully, i do have some inner strength - not a lot, just a little...and if i had allowed you to really influence me...i'd probably be struggling with multiple disorders by now! But i won't let you do that to me. Its not worth it!

So, what i want is for you to leave me alone! Go away, go bother someone else, banish yourself from the face of the Earth. Die if you have to, just leave me in peace. If you still persist in bothering me i can't guarantee that i can be civil with you anymore, i might have to resort in hurting you the same way you hurt me. Just stop it!

Oh, by the way, i just wanted to add : i hate you!

2nd Week

Its my second week at work.

Good note: Things are great...i drove to work today...i think i may in fact be driving every day from now on...People are lovely, and im being healthy...striving to look good for aunty's wedding on Xmas day!

Bad note: My work mate Wilson...he knows not only my travel agent...he also knows my Ex's family!

Enough said.

Study, Holiday, Work!

I have been riding a tidal wave...

I had my final exam for Uni...and that was Tuesday 18th November 2003. It ended at 4pm in the afternoon. I rushed home to pack the last of my things into my hand-carry bag and zoomed to the airport to catch my flight to Thailand at 7pm. Got to the airport and the plane flew at 10pm.

I didnt sleep all nite...i napped for an hour but by the time i managed to get tired enough to catch some decent zzz's, we had reached Thailand and it was 5am Thai time...We stayed awake and went shopping! Next day we went on a day tour and we managed to still shop! I was completely stuffed on the second day. Buffet breakfast, buffet lunch, buffet dinner! At least the food was good! =D

Next day was more shopping...now today was more shopping for me: bags, shoes, bags, shoes, a pair of jeans here...more shoes, more bags, a top here...some stuf for my niece...more bags, more shoes...

I have to say, i have never enjoyed buying shoes more than ever...i mean who can argue with buying shoes that only cost u no more than $25 for the really nicest highest prettiest shoes! *LoL*

Average price for the shoes were like $8-15, same with the bags!

The hotel was great...centralised and close to shops...had great food...swimming pool...gym...nice staff...great masseurs - i recommend the oriental foot massage!

I plan to go back again...but for longer, and go to other countries while im at it!
=)

I got back on Sunday...it was 10:30pm when i got out from Sydney International...got home at about 11:10pm...went online - yes that was the first thing i did when i got home! Went online to check my train times so i would know what time to set my alarm to wake up the next day for work!

Yes, I had to go to work although i was sick and completely buggered...i soldiered on!

I went to work and they told me to take a half day, cos they were worried about me infecting others! *LoL* I am working in an airconditioned enclosed area that would spread my germs in seconds! So, the engineers were happy that i was there (so they could utilise their sick days) but the supervisor wanted me to get better, and not spread the germs....

So my first day at work was only a half day and i also took the next day off! hehehe...good start to a new job eh?
=P

Emulation...

My workmate...he is under 25 y/o...
Average looking...not very tall...korean...born in Australia...
I appreciate the fact that i have met someone that has emulated what i want in my ideal partner and know that it does exist! (Except the person that the qualities exist in is already taken! *bummer*)

Look at what he has achieved thus far:

He plays the violin...he did so professionally since he was a child.
Due to his talent...he has travelled the world playing with an orchestra...he travelled all of Europe - all of Asia - and places in between...this was all done by the time he finished high school.

From high school he decided to join the army reserve part time and full time uni.
He is an officer now, and he gets to drive tanks! *LoL*
He teaches children to play the violin now...on the weekends he goes to the barracks and does training.
He is also finishing his Masters in Finance at my Uni.

In between all this he runs a business and works with us at IncNet.
This guy emulates what i want in a guy.

Confidence, a good sense of humour, talent, motivation to succeed, humility...
This guy is fun to be around. He is giving, always sharing...
He talks and i absorb...we have good conversations...
I like he fact that he is so good natured. It makes me want to be an exceptionally good person to!

And that my friends, is the most important quality that i would like to find in a future partner. I'd like the guy to be more knowledgable and interesting, so that i can learn from them or i can become motivated to learn more by myself. Which is why i like being around people who are constantly moving...changing...learning...trying new things!

I get bored easily - im not going to deny that!

So, i would like to be with someone who is going to challenge me to do brilliant things!
And since the possible someone is taken...i guess im going to end up dying old and lonely!

ahahahahhaa

i doubt that would happen...i mean, i would just get too bored and have to do something (about it) wayyy before i would get old and lonely!

oh wells...

Melbourne Cup

I won! Good work to Makybe Diva & Glen Boss!!!

Funny...i dont advocate gambling...im not even tempted to purchase lotto tickets, even when there are HUGE sweeps...so yeah...dont know what made me bet on Melb Cup, but i did...

I placed bets up to $9, and i won $14...so i made a profit of $5.
I'm happy...not as happy as my father's friends nephew.
He didnt know what he was doing...he told my dad to write it down for him and place a bet of $10 trifectta on horses #12, #17, #1.
He is ultra happy cos he made $129,000.00 - thats lucky happy!

I went to the new office that we will move into in December at the end of the year. I dont really like the area of North Ryde...The people at Praxa are...i derno...asian?!

One guy had his pants pulled so high up...i wonder if that is a permanent wedgie?

Highlight of the day was the fact that i bludged from 1pm onwards...hehehehe...and i won the Melb Cup...Dad won too...so i got $100 from him...*woohoo*

Somethings may never change...

My cousin, her husband, my funky valentine (nephew phillip), my lil sweetheart (my neice megan) all came up from Melbourne to celebrate my lil brother's Sweet 16th Bday for the weekend!

The ride from the airport to our home was a nightmare! We picked them up from the domestic terminal and my funky valentine was crook and so he was crying and throwing tantrums...*grrr*...

my lil sweetheart on the other hand didnt get agitated until we were 3/4 of the way home. then she started sulking sliding off the baby seat, etc.

when i was about 13 y/o...i told mum that i wasnt having kids.

i was sure of it!

back then, i was very career oriented. i wanted to become a doctor and to be exact a psychiatrist no less. if not a psychiatrist i would have to be a neurologist. previously i wanted to be a fashion designer...interior decorator...architect...then it led to being a doctor...

and since i was going to lead a very hectic life...i told mum that i was sure that kids wouldnt go well with my future lifestyle.

when i was 14-15 y/o i told her that i dont think i would want to have kids not only because of my future career, but also because i wouldnt be a good mother. i know that im an irresponsible person. i cant even take care of myself. why bring another child into the world if you cant take care of it? and there are so many children in the world that are orphans.

when i turned 18 y/o i was thinking about the world then, and it wasnt a nice place to bring a child into a world that may be ending (the whole y2k...the world is going to end thing).

for once mum didnt complain about it...whenever i mentioned it to her...she would usually ask me "well who is going to call me grandmother in that way - ur my only daughter?" (in chinese and vietnamese there are 2 different ways on calling family members, depending on whether they are related through ur mother or father.)

she agreed with me. she didnt think it would be a good place, if we survived y2k - not knowing what would happen next...to bring a child into this world. she was against my brother and sister in-law in having Chloe...but she couldnt stop it. she didnt think it was right, as they were both soooo not prepared for it.

now at 22 y/o...i still affirm that i dont want kids but its not due to my career aspirations. i still conclude that im not going to be a good mother as im utterly selfish and still cant look after myself, let alone another being.

if the ride from the airport alone did not embed in my brain that i shouldnt have kids, the dinner last nite for my lil brother's birthday surely must have engraved the confirmation!?!

i always have to act as though i dont care...cos the moment i care and notice those lil beings movement...i feel as though im getting utterly violent and prepare to spank the lil bottoms. since i firmly believe that violence is not the answer esp with kids...i have to pretend that they are not there acting like lil brats, to avoid hitting them!

and since this demonstrates my hot temper...i think it shows that i should not be a mother!

and looking after 2 lil girls for a lunch time...let me just say that it was not fun...esp at yum cha!

-_-!

Straight girl for the Queer 5!

I am absolutely loving the show Queer Eye for the straight guy - showcasing the Fabulous 5!

Last nites episode was the Fab 5 helping a guy prepare for the nite he proposes to his gf, in which he was living with for the past 2 years.

I was flabbergasted when they cleaned him up (and more so - the way they transformed the house in such short time.) Not that he was bad looking in the first place...he really looked like a model on the weekend with the 5 o'clock shadow on his face...so they cleaned him up...

I was in awe with those chocolate boxes filled with choc mousse and rasperries, and more importantly the ring in one of the 3 choccie boxes...i really want to try the Albanian choc that has a real minty flavour to it! (I like minty-freshness, even in chocolates!)

I was also in awe of the simple fact that this guy was Oh! soooo ROMANTIC...and he was inspired by the late greats of romance...he wanted to present his gf with the whole casablanca type of good lovin'...and he was chivalrous by heart.

I started to cry when he proposed and she took way too long to say yes! (He put in so much effort...) The Fab 5 thought she was preparing a "NO!" just as much as i was anticipating it!...the way her face looked indicated a negative reply...but she said that she would love nothing more than to be his wife! *awwwww*

^_^

Now...when i think about it...

If you were given the proposition of the Fab 5 from Queer Eye or all of the crushes you have had in the last year? I'd choose the Fab 5.

If you were given the proposition of the Fab 5 from Queer Eye or 5 guys from the last 200 guys on earth? I'd definately choose the Fab 5.

If you were given the proposition of the Fab 5 from Queer Eye or the last supermodel looking man on earth? I'd still choose the Fab 5.

FAB 5 win hands down!
*LoL*

Who wouldnt want a guy that was well groomed, dressed fashionably, cultured, handy and decorative, and cooks?! (That could teach u too..)

Well, if u cant find one guy, why not have five that know what they are doing and always do it well???

I want to be a Supermodel!

I want to be pretty like a Supermodel...actually, just pretty like any model!
heh.
*sigh*
/me weeps...

I think i should face up to the fact that:
I will never be toned and slender!
I will never be tall!
I wont have a sparkling smile - ever!
Clothes will always fit funny on me...
I wont ever be able to find a good pair of jeans that fit.
I will always be ashamed of wearing a swimsuit on the beach...least to say a bikini!
I will have leg problems in about 5 years because im vertically challenged and wear heels too often to compensate for it!

You see...at this point i should be crying...like all the other times i get really really upset about the way i look!

But miraculously im not...

I think im more numb from the self realisation.

I should be grateful that im not one half of a siemese twin joined in a weird position that would make it dangerous for doctors to separate me from my twin, or that im mutilated in any way. I should be grateful like my mother when she gave birth to me and the midwife said that I was a healthy baby girl with a head full of jet-black hair, 2 beautiful large eyes, 1 cute nose, 2 ears, 2 arms, 2 legs, 10 fingers, 10 toes, etc...

I should be grateful...but why dont i feel so?

I crave...

So now everyone knows that i have been detoxing and training almost mad. I havent eaten junk food for over 21 days (the amount of time to develop a habit).

On the weekend...the long weekend I had some fish and chips in a store in Manly and had a little bit of chocolate.

I use to eat so much chocolate...like in highschool...i lived by the slogan "a mars a day helps you work rest and play"...yeah i had a mars bar a day...sometimes even 2 bars a day! This was when i was frantically doing my art projects and pretty much did 3 months worth of work in 2 weeks with a minimal of 1-2hours per nite of sleep...and some nites without any at all. So...i REALLY needed the sugar!

=P

I use to crave sugar so much that it became a normal everyday thing. But since my detox i no longer crave it, if anything - by example of that nite i had a little bit of it...my body was rejecting it! After eating it i was unsettled and my tongue began to swell. I felt so uncomfortable and sick. So "byebye" to my chocolate cravings!

The oil from the fish and chips...well it was actually cooked quite well..and there was very little traces of oil on the food or the plate, but in my stomach...after i ate it...i bloated up...i never liked oily foods...now it is obvious that my body wont take it!

What i crave for now is meat...beef, chicken, fish, pork, etc...i cut out a lot of meat from my diet...almost vegan...but ive eaten a little here and there...its funny how things change - what u crave for. I like eating all kinds of greens...and herbs...like mint and corriander...i use to push it away from my food...now i eat the lot!

I also noticed some other things that i have started to crave for...in terms of my needs. I need someone to talk to sometimes...someone i can just tell everything to. Let down my guards and just let it all flow out!

I need some intimacy with someone...someone i can sit close to, lean my head against their shoulder or chest...someone to gaze into their eyes as they gaze into mine as we speak to eachother...

I need someone to hold hands with...to feel someone's stronger grip around mine, makng me feel secure.

I also need hugs, not the simple *pat pat* hugs from friends...close and warm hugs...the type that u receive from your partner...

I also need a "potential"...i need a potential someone to give my "pursue me" time to.

I dont want marriage material boys...im not ready for marriage...i just want someone to make myself pretty for, now and again - in my attempt to impress them.

I want to have some fun flirting with someone who will flirt back - who i want to flirt back to me...

Thats what i crave...

Me against the world...

I think it started when i was born.

I was blessed as a beautiful baby. Ask anyone, and they will tell you i looked like a doll...perfect symmetry in the face, large black eyes like two polished onyx stones, black silky hair that was oh so thick. My face was white as snow and my cheeks were like two rosebuds imprinted on the apple.

I was the cutest thing ever.

My uncle would refuse to eat if i wasnt in his presence.

I was the first born girl for the next generation of my family - so of course everyone loved me for that simple fact. Other than that, i WAS beautiful...undeniably...simply gorgeous...breath taking even...cute as a button...*sigh* But i grew up...turned ugly and it does feel like the world is against me.

I use to study until i basically had no sleep at nite just so that i could achieve my best...It all started in Year 9 in highschool...beginning of the end...it turned out not to be for my best after all...*double sigh*

Its like every time i try...i succeed in failing.

Relationships...dont even talk to me about that subject.
Failed #1/2...which wasnt really a relationship at all...
Failed #1...bad choice?
Failed #2...another bad decision taken...
Failed #3...i actually thought i was ready for a relationship again...

Note to self: You will never be ready you commitment phobe!

Im in my 5th year at Uni doing a degree that im uncertain as to what i will do with it once i actually get it. And even that is in itself a big "IF i get it". One subject lingering...and im so scared that i will fail it AGAIN...i may be reduced to tears soon...exams are only 4 weeks away!!! *panic attack*...i still dont feel like ive learnt anything this semester...*even bigger sigh*

...and...?

I was overweight as a kid...well i wasnt really...but being asian...if ur slighty bigger than the average bones and skin...ur basically FAT. I was only 10 years old when i was told by someone to "diet". That someone was a person that i never thought would judge me as so, especially when they were that close to me. Imagine my self esteem...wait...unless u have been told that u are "overweight" or "fat" by ur family or family friends...then u wont know how it feels, so dont even try to imagine what my self esteem was like!

All this time...i guess i have been obsessed with losing weight...trying to achieve what i think is perfect. There was a period of time where i wasnt even thinking about it...i was just happy to be me and i was happy with the size i was. That soon fizzled, cos my confidence was shot and soon i began obsessing again...i jogged/ran around the local oval...over and over again every morning with dedication of an elite athlete...

I dont think im obsessive about it now, im just challenging myself to reach my goal.

I was fired on Tuesday 23rd Sept 2003 at approximately 1:10pm. I was going to quit...and the bloody bastard beat me to it! *Grr*...i worked really hard for that company, i even stressed for them...and this is how they pay me! I stayed out of office politics...i didnt care for the gossip...and then my ex-friggin "sexually challenged" manager decides to pick on me. I take action and he fires me cos i "dobbed" him in for picking on the staff in the department!

Trust no one...

I got home straight after he fired me and i called all my agencies that afternoon. They called back for interviews to "touch-base" and so on Wednesday i went to interviews, by Thursdays i was offered 4 different roles! On Friday i went to another interview for a position that was most flexible and i got it right away - so i accepted it then and there!

So up yours u prick!!!

I fell sick with what seemed like a never ending virus about 1-2 months ago...i couldnt take antibiotics cos it wouldnt have helped either way and the only thing i could take was panadol and my allergy medication, that wasnt really working anyways...i would cough and what i thought and felt was a chesty cough, turned out to be a dry irritating one!

This is what i get for not going to my doc for a flu vaccination this winter!

When i get sick, its like a bloody curse...i put on weight...yes yes...ino people tend to lose weight...cos they lose their appetite and pretty much just welt like a dying flower...but i, even though all i do is drink water, and i eat very little...i stack on the weight. cos i wasnt allowed to exercise...as an alternate to the intense cardio workouts i usually do, i walked 15 mins to and from work and did body balance classes to stretch and yet i still put on the weight! So much that i had rolls over the top of the waistband on my pants or skirts.

Rolls...there were rolls...

I went on my own version of a detox after researching so much on it. I avoided foods with fats/sugars/junk/fatty meats/preservatives/dairy/salt and some other stuff. I eat fresh fruits and veges, or steamed veges, beans and legumes, soya products, aloe vera juice, freshly squeezed juices...especially ones designed to detoxify or cleanse your system...like Boost's liver cleanser *yuk cos it had beetroot in it* but i drank it regardless...and it was good at flushing the body!

I started my interval training with my trainer and its been good...

I have been bigger than my brothers for so long...albeit my younger brother is 6 years younger...but now he is a teenager...i sort of prefer to be lighter in weight than he is since im shorter. My older brother was heavier the moment he got engaged and cushy with his "married man" lifestyle and he let go...literally, he let himself go!!!

And since my detoxing...i have reached a milestone! *woo hoo* I'm lighter than my younger brother. Like finally some form of redemption for my sad life...Finally the world has given back for all the times it has taken from me! This is really tiring me out...i cant keep on going on like this and just keep on taking the knock backs. I mean there is only SO much a person can take.

Once again *WOO HOO!!!*