My current state of mind...

I read this post and then i read the comments that followed...

In person, when i speak to my girl friends...i have always believed that i needed to make myself a better person before i met the next person in my life. Which is why i made a break from my ex. Which is why i enjoyed my single life. Which is why i did things on my own. Which is why i perservered in gaining my independence.

I agree that in order to be in a successful relationship, part of the equation is whether or not you're able to contribute to the other person's life...as much as they can contribute to yours. Its not necessarily about finding the "one".

Which is why i believe you need to be your own person before becoming one half of a partnership. If you are iffy about who you are...if you feel your life is boring, or insignificant...basically, if you look at ur life in a more negative way than a positive one...then my question to you is:

How will you make a genuine contribution to the life of someone else?

In the process of "upgrading" myself, i think i have lost touch with just having fun while dating. I am unable to break free from a mould that i have sort of superimposed on myself. So, while i endeavoured to "broaden" my mind and gain various skills and abilities...it was all about me...and by doing that, i ended up in a box.

I can be carefree. If i have no feelings for a person or if i know that there is no threat in being carefree with a particular person. Its like, i flirt with particular friends, like E...cos we both know that nothing will amount from it. Our friendship is secure...we are both wild and crazy in our comments to eachother...well thats the way E is with everyone he knows.

But if there might be a hint that the other person could be interested in me...and there is a threat of my heart getting lost in a puddle of mud...my head will get lost in a puddle of mud! grrr...

And although i may want to make a contribution to that someone else's life...my world is currently in a state of chaos...so all that time being single and "upgrading" myself...it totally *fudged* me up!

I cant think straight!
I get anxious easily.
I want out!!!
I could be making a negative contribution to that someone else's life, and that isnt fair...
I am now masking my own selfishness and fears by sounding as though im being ultra-considerate of the other person's feelings.

*sigh*

Right now...i just want to get back to my old self...the girl that was sure of what she had to offer to the world...even though she didnt mention it, she secretly felt that she had some things to offer...some things to offer to compliment that other person.