Breakfast at The Tearoom...

I attended a Breakfast function at The Tearoom (QVB) today.

We had an inspiring female guest speaker. Her name is Dr Caroline Kovac, General Manager of IBM Pharmaceutical and Life Sciences.

The topic for the day was 'Women in science & technology : one woman's perspective'.

And as boring as you may want to assume it to be, it wasnt. And of course the food helped to make it that little bit more interesting...but Dr Kovac is a very engaging public speaker who has a lot to offer young females in terms of inspiration and motivation.

I found myself twisted in my chair (my chair was facing the opposite direction to the podium) to see her as she spoke and shared her pearls of wisdom with the audience. And just because the topic was about women in science & technology...dont go thinking it was just a bunch of feminists
b!tching about inequality in the work place. There was a large number of men who attended this function as well.

She shared a story about one of her latest board meetings with her execs, and a female exec had pointed out that within Dr Kovac's team, there were 4 women and only 2 men. And the men had pointed out that they felt "weird" in such a group. This was just to point out that the differences are felt vice versa, men-women or women-men. And we should embrace the differences to make the team and the environment a wonderful place to work in.

The topic of the day made me think about myself and my interest in science. When i was in primary school there was a HUGE interest (that i had) to change the world. And i acknowledged that by being enthusiastic about learning science as much as art. Even when i went to high school, i was highly motivated to study chemistry and physics, cos i didnt want to study biology...but ironic enough, i was studying chemistry and physics so i could get into medicine. (Don't ask...)

A lot of people, teachers and friends alike, thought it was weird when they found out that i was going to study Computer Science at Usyd. It wasnt the choice of university that they were shocked about, it was the degree. Nobody, and i mean nobody thought i would choose Comp Sci. They all just assumed that i would become a lawyer as i was a good public speaker and did well in English.

At some stage, when i was a kid, i did dream about being a "real" scientist and changing the world. And this was part of the presentation today. Addressing the issue of how girls seem to lose interest in science when they get to their tweens or teens. To help combat this issue, Dr Kovac suggests that girls get motivated by "Peer Mentors" - mentors closer to their age who are enthusiastic about science and are passionate about what they do, to show the younger girls that they too can excel in science.

I, for some reason as a kid, had dreamt about being some great doctor, changing the face of medicine through research and being published in journals all over the world. And then that dream stopped. I dont know why the dream stopped. But i had dreamt about doing many great things when i was a child...and obviously, they havent come to fruition.

Do girls just decide when they get to about 13-15 y/o that doing anything "hardcore" like science and becoming a scientist is just not for them? That they should just become a hairdresser or beautician? Is that because they think that those are the sort of things girls should do? And im not saying this as a negative to hairdressers or beauticians...because at some stage, i wanted to be a hairdresser or a beautician, sometimes i still consider it, because it looks like a fun job to do. Its hard and demanding but if u are passionate about it, it would be worth it, right?

How many young girls do you know, get all excited and feel passionately about becoming a scientist? Do girls really know what being a "scientist" entails?

Its a mystery.

Which was another point that Dr Kovac brought to our attention. Being a scientist has this air of mystery...they usually delve into the unknown to bring the truth to light. And the thing is, if you cant really tell someone what it is that you do, how can they really get interested in it? And even if you can describe it to them, but they still dont quite grasp what you are saying...then you are still at loose ends.

She really made me think about what i was doing with my job? I queried and wondered about what i was doing to make a contribution to the world. And honestly, im not contributing much at all. I'm not really making a difference, and i am most definitely not helping the cause to find a cure for cancer.

In a very indirect and ultimately, in an ever so slight way, i may be helping some customers of the bank...but my contribution is very very small and insignificant.

I felt liberated after breakfast, and at the same time i felt ashamed that i wasnt doing anything to better the world.

*sigh*

So, the question that i have to answer is, what am i going to do to make a contribution to better our world today, tomorrow, and there after?

Fun in the kitchen...

I found a way for me to enjoy the novelty of cooking, making it even more of a novelty.

Cranking up the music and dancing around while waiting for the water to boil!!!

I cant believe how much fun i was having boiling the spinach noodles last night...as i did each portion individually...i had to wait for the water to boil 4 times and reboil while cooking the noodles 4 times.

But dancing around to either One Marathon/Passes & Passports/Rip the Universe - all by Reverie Sound Revue, made the waiting so much fun.

I know if someone was looking in, they would think that i was a lunatic, but i dont give a shoot. And the windows were so cloudy, they would have had too much difficulty looking in.
=P

I'm starting to take pride in the presentation of the food i cook too. It use to be so long as it looked clean on the plate, no nasty excess spills on the side, then it would be alright...its going into the stomach anyway!!! But now, i want to balance the veges with the protein (meat typically) with the carbs and make it look all pretty!!!
=D

And yes, the plate must still be clean of excess spillage.

Just wait until the day i tell you im garnishing the meals!
*RoFL*

hmm...& hmm again...

Im not saying that its a trend, but it is something to note.

Looking through the Sun Herald today, i noticed that out of the 4 weddings being featured in the paper, 3 were of mixed unions. An asian woman with a caucasian man.

Only one was of 2 caucasians uniting.


I'm so over this rain...i dont mind it raining...but i would prefer it if it wasnt so heavy over extended periods of time and if it was directed into the catchment areas. Please.


Its been a shocker of a week hasnt it? First Steve Irwin and then Peter Brock...


The medication i have been taking for my acne has started to make my skin flare up. Fun. But at least i know its working...


One more week of working at home...I should try to savour it, but im not one who likes long periods of time being isolated...the first week has indicated that. Or maybe its because i dont have my mother around. I miss my mother, and she is only on a holiday. Imagine how i would feel upon the worse. *knock wood x 1000*

Let's be honest here...

I dont want to admit it. Who wants to admit the truth and be vulnerable about their feelings?

I didnt want any of this to happen. Quite frankly, it was what i was desperately trying to avoid. I want to protect my feelings and my heart. I dont want to be in a position that may lead to disappointment.

Which is often the case when you are "crushing" on a person. And it is as juvenile as it sounds. I feel like im a teenager again, with a major crush on some guy i havent even met yet.

No, its not as seedy as its starting to sound. He is a friend, of a friend of mine. There was a position that was recently available within my own company and so it all started because he was interested in that position.

He sent me emails and we just started to converse from there and it extended to messenger because he needed to ask me some questions about the role and our mutual friend gave him my messenger contact.

So, of late, we have been chatting. But i havent met him as yet. So, we still dont know what each other look like.

Initially, i wanted to keep it that way. There is less pressure when you dont know what each other look like. The crap you talk about is just straight up and thats what crap should be...

And when you are honest, because you have chatted so much and learnt so much about each other, you are brutally honest. I have learnt various intimate details about him, and its the intimate details that draw me to him. The fact that he has shared such information with me. The fact that he has felt at ease to talk about those things, has really made me feel as though we have a connection.

How ridiculous is that???

I feel as though we have a connection. And yet i need to remind myself that we have never met in person!!!

So, i have started to develop feelings for this guy...but i dont think its being reciprocated in the same way.

At some point we were talking about our physical appearance. He asked how much i weighed. Like, hello??? Who would go and ask a girl such a question?!
=P

So, it was an obvious lie when i told him that i was 90kgs...just to shut him up.

But, you know what? He believed it when i told him. And he didnt mind...and the flirting didnt stop either. Which i think makes me endear towards him even more. The fact that everything remained the same even though i thought it would upset the equilibrium of our friendship.

But, thats also the factor that has led me to believe that my "crushing" feelings arent reciprocated, not now and not ever. It will always be that we enjoy talking to each other, and thats as far as it will ever get to. The buck stops there.

I cant really complain, because it simply makes my days more entertaining, having someone to talk to and to flirt with online. I shouldnt be hoping that something will amount from it. Thats just silly and ridiculous. And yet, im having a crush on him.

And i know that if i told my friends the full story, they will try to boost my ego and my spirits and tell me to meet him and "you never know", "he may have feelings for you too". But that is definitely a set up for disaster...because i will have to put my heart on my sleeve, and i dont want to do that, im not ready to do that. So, i wont be doing that. I will prolong any lunch invitation for as long as i possibly can without being a snob.

I think i need to take drastic measures and stop chatting to him. But i dont know if i can stop myself. How silly is that? I cant even control myself from chatting to a guy that i have a crush on. I feel the need to take "drastic" measures??? Because i know it will end in a disaster...*sigh*...

Gosh, im 25 with a crush on a friend of a friend, that i have never met before.

Good one Petals!

Happily accidental...

I love accidentally catching a show that is new to me and coming across parts of its soundtrack and think how awesome...its all accidental and its all soo what i love!

As i channel surfed yesterday arvo around 5:00pm I settled on watching the cartoons on the ABC. I actually love doing this, because the ABC usually shows cartoons or tween shows that are slightly off the kilter that i really enjoy. I think it reminds me of my younger days and watching Degrassi High, et al.

Which is probably another reason that explains why i absolutely love watching Veronica Mars.

So, i proceeded to watch a cartoon called "Fairly Odd Parents"...and it was so cool and cute. I was glad to watch something so entertaining...and it made me glad that at least the ABC is still showing some quality kiddie shows.

After the cartoon, i happened on watching "RFR - Radio Free Roscoe". Think Degrassi, but slightly more slick and it seems, better music. After quick online searches i find that this show i caught is actually from Season 2 and its called "I'm with Cupid" (#208). What made me go and do quick investigations straight after the show was the final song of the episode.

It is so kitsch, making it so cool. I loved the vocals and the electronic indy sort of sound of the music.

The band is Reverie Sound Revue and the song played on the show is called One Marathon...which you can download from this website. Which i obviously made headway with. I was so excited, i felt like i was in a patisserie picking out various yummy pastries and cookies and cakes!!!

There is something about the song that gets me giddy. And that says a lot, considering not much knocks my socks off anymore. And im pretty happy that i happened on this band that seems fairly unknown all by accident.

Desperate House-girl...

I was going to write "Desperate Housewife" but as i am not married nor acting as a wife...i figured it'd be inappropriate to use it as a title.

If i married a guy and was asked to be a stay at home type of wife, i think i would die of boredom.

Its not the type of thing i could do.

Maybe if i had kids to keep me on my feet and really really occupied, it might be okay. But if i was just a wife, at home doing all the house-wifey things...it would drive me nuts that i was not interacting with a variety of people.

A week at home should have been great, if i was not meant to be doing work. But since work was still a burden on my shoulders and then i really just wanted to do the chores that had to be done, to get them out of the way so i can really enjoy my weekend...its just hasnt been as great as i had anticipated.

And i noticed that i was missing the interpersonal interactions with my teams and my managers.

So, i decided that i had to get out of the house. I had to do something, go somewhere and be surrounded by people.

All i could really think of, to do locally, was go out for dinner and catch a movie.

And guess what movie i went to watch tonight?

DOA - Dead Or Alive.

Was it any good? No!
Was it at least a little bit entertaining? Yes.
It was ridiculous to a point where i wanted to just laugh, cos i couldnt believe that i was sitting there watching it...but there were funny bits in it too.

And the thing is, whenever i watch a movie and the girls are kicking butts, i feel like i want to go and kick a sand bag or someone. I feel like punching the lights out for someone. I just feel like starting a fight! *LoL*

For the guys who have read some reviews and were lead to believe that there are some nude scenes, please be advised that there are none. There is like a short (very short) scene where you see part of Holly Valance's left boob, but thats about it for the whole movie. There are, however, plenty of bikini scenes...and the chick that plays Helena - she has a nice arse which gets focused on by the camera guy here and there.

The ending is lame...

The only really exciting thing, was finding out that the girl who served me when i bought the tix, had given me a "love seat" to sit in with my friend...its a pair of seats which has no arm rest separating us...without my asking for it!

I didnt realise that it was actually referred to by the cinema as a "love seat" either, until my friend pointed it out on the poster showing us the seat rows and numbers.

* The cinema allocated seat numbers when we purchased the tix.

One of the freakiest thing that happened tonight was when the chinese guy sitting next to me with his gf, started to make sounds like he was having an orgasm over an Xbox 360 commercials...it was a bit Homer Simpson-esque...And i happened to be half way putting a piece of unwrapped gum into my mouth, but i just held the gum in the air at that point because i was afraid that if i opened my mouth to put the gum in, i would start laughing so hard that i wouldnt stop. I had to literally bite my mouth close so that i wouldnt laugh at the guy!!! I felt really sorry for his gf. How embarrassing!!!

But anyhoo...i think it is time this Desperate House-girl goes to bed. I actually feel really tired.

Domestic Goddess...

I am soooo not domesticated.

It is sooo hard to be working from home and at the same time, trying to do the household chores.

Maybe its because i suck at all the domestic chores and it takes me a long time to do things. But i find that since i have chosen to cook dinner on most nights, i spend most of my days thinking about (a) what i will be cooking (b) what ingredients i will have to get from the shops (c) when i should start cooking so that it will be ready by the time my father and brother come home.

Its hard work, but i am actually enjoying it. My mother hates me in the kitchen, because she thinks i will make a mess and its her cooking utensils i will be messing up...So, the fact that i can cook something edible (while she is away) is a bit like an honour badge for me to wear on my sleeve.

Although, my first attempt to cook (in a very long time) was a salmon dish with some veges. The salmon, ended up a bit under cooked. But to my defence, the only reason why it was under cooked was because i had to rush and pick my brother up from the trainstation. And fortunately for me, u can eat salmon raw...but my dad helped me rectify the salmon, by cooking it a bit more well done. At least the veges turned out fine!
=D

Tonight, i cooked a salami and olive risotto. The funny thing is, each time i tell someone i will be cooking a risotto, they ask me "isnt that something hard to cook?" But the darndest thing, i can actually cook a risotto. I may stuff up plain asian rice in a rice cooker, but i can roast a turkey. Who gets it? I dont!

Did i ever tell you that for the first time in my life, when i started cooking, i decided to have my first go on Christmas Eve and a roast turkey was for the main meal? It actually turned out perfecto-mundo. The turkey was glossy on the outside, tender on the inside and the veges were golden roasted, even the homemade gravy was perfect. (If i do say so myself!)

And part of my Christmas present that year was an apron from my ex, and attached to the apron was a recipe for a risotto. As i love risotto so much, i decided that that would be the next thing id cook for him. And so, thats why i am able to cook a risotto, because it was the second thing i had ever cooked. And i cooked it over and over again...because its excellent comfort food and if you really think about it, its easy...just time consuming, but since i cook very slowly, its actually the perfect thing for me to do.
=P

I mentioned to a friend that i was going to cook a risotto tonight, he asked if he could try some...i told him to marry me if he wanted to try my cooking! *LoL* It was a joke to just shut him up.

Another male friend was drooling over the idea of a risotto...i think its the weather that makes it an enticing dish...with all the wind and rain, who doesnt want to curl up on the sofa with a bowl of risotto? He asked if he could try...I told him to get in line!

What is it with guys??? They all seem too willing to try my cooking, without realising the consequences...since im not very good at cooking...i could give them food poisoning! I should put a sign on the food: "Eat at your own risk!"

Tears for fears...

Statistic - 1 in 4 girls under the age of 18 will be molested in one way or another.

I just heard that from Oprah.

How scary is that?

Part of her show today was about a new movie, about a girl being molested by her step father and the mother not taking her side. Then it shows you how it affects the girl's life, making her spiral out of control, to do drugs, to seek attention from stripping and prostitution, etc.

The worst story presented on the show, was of a lady telling us about how her real father, had molested all of her siblings and herself, while physically abusing her mother. As an adult and mother, she found out that her father tried to molester his grand daughter too. Which was the last straw...she snapped and shot her father twice.

Oh. My. Gosh!

(1) I can't believe it and it frightens me to death, but i have to believe that its true (it is possible), that a man is capable of raping his own daughter(s) or son(s).

(2) Children are afraid of telling their mothers because in their hearts, they believe that their mothers will take the molester's side and not the child's side. Who the hell believes in a man who is not their blood, over their child??? Give your child the benefit of the doubt and put faith in that child, protect them as you should, as it is your duty as a mother. Gosh, that really pisses me off.

The mother of one of the girls is still married to the step father who raped her daughter and her disabled sister. Like WTF?

(3) It is a calculated act when someone molesters a child. Its the opportunity that gets presented, its the psychological and emotional power play, its the trust that they gain from the child and use it against the child.

It is never a childs fault.


All of this worries me, because I have a lot of little nieces. But i'm not worried about their own fathers, i'm worried about the predators who are out there, waiting for their opportunity to trap their prey. Little girls (and boys) are so trusting, because they are so innocent.

What is our world turning in to?

Transitional phase...

Be it the sun or the moon or the fact that the alignment is out of whack...

Something is going on.

Quite a number of people i know have recently suffered a broken heart...me, being one of them...

And they are people who i thought would end up marrying their partners.

How wrong was i?

A friend emailed this morning and wondered if i had 5 minutes to chat...i'm working from home...i have plenty of time to chat! *LoL*

So, i called his mobile and we talked a bit and then we were joking about our marriages to our respective banks. I told him about how i was in the process of signing my pre-nup to the bank...that made him laugh.

I have been describing my home loan as such, a marriage, 30 years is the what the pre-nup has outlined...at least i know it will last longer than most marriages.
=P

This friend, secretly hinted that he was single now, and it was only when we started talking about our "marriages to the bank" did he come out with it. It seems he's been single for a while now...what a shame. He is a really nice and funny guy. It seems his gf was the one who instigated the break up.

I've also noticed that the people who are caught in this "Transitional Phase", if they dont break up with their partners, they marry them. I guess thats the only other path to follow???

Maybe this isnt something that has been fated by the stars in the sky, maybe its just the way of life. In our mid-20's we have to make certain changes. And these things just happen. It forces us to grow up and in turn we learn to make better decisions the next time around.

But im starting to doubt that there are many "next time(s)" for us all. Some will be fortunate, others i believe will miss out.

I think i fall into the category of those missing out.

Loss of appetite...

I'm feeling awfully bizarre...i usually eat 5 meals in a day and it has always been regular. I eat breakfast at 8am, morning tea at about 10:30 or 11am. Lunch around 1:30pm...afternoon tea/snack at 3:30pm and dinner about 6:30pm or if i go to the gym i'd miss dinner and have a protein hit after the gym session.

Today, i had breakfast at 6:30am. I had a some toast at 9am...and then i was bad and had 6 Tim Tams and thats about it for the rest of the day. I haven't had dinner and i dont feel like it either.

I fried a fillet of salmon and some veges for dinner...but i dont feel like eating.

I dont even feel like drinking water, and i usually have 4 litres in a day...if im doing a lot of exercise, its in excess of 4 litres. Today, i barely had 1.5 litres...still another 500 mls to go.

Something is going on...i dont feel like doing much. I'll head off to the gym soon, maybe that will re-energise me and give me back my appetite. But for now...its gone MIA.

I wonder what is causing it...?

Family perk...

The baby shower was quite entertaining...

And i was really surprised when i saw my pregnant cousin. She was full blown, I never thought i would see her like that...it just didnt seem to fit. Among the guests were all the cousin's on both side of her family...and were a bunch of young girls...not really women...so, it was just odd to see her with a huge bump on her belly. Doesnt mean i am any less happy for her...its just odd. I guess it would always be weird to be the first one pregnant out of our generation.

But its great to catch up with everyone...the last time we all came together was at Chinese New Year.

5-6 months on and we catch up with one another. And like i said...most of my cousins have no idea as to what i do for a living...and although i've updated them now, i bet they will ask me again at Christmas or Chinese New Year in 2007.

Now, while we were sharing what each other were up to in terms of career, we find that a cousin on the other side of the family, Bec's Dad's side of the family (i'm related via her Mum's side) is a hairdresser, well her mother is a hairdresser and she pretty much knows how to cut hair, but wanted professional recognition so is attending the Toni & Guy Academy in Paddington. And so, i volunteered to get my hair cut by her - its all for free. If i want colour, i would just pay for the products, which is about $30. IF i wanted to get my hair straightened, it would cost about $60-$80. So, basically whatever i get done, i wont have to pay for the effort just the products used.

HOW COOL IS THAT?

But since i only want a cut, i wont have to pay for anything at all!!!

She is almost done with the courses, and she asked if i would model for her if needed. I told her if it turned out fabulous and she wanted me to, then id be glad to parade on her behalf!
*LoL*

It may be the only time someone asks me to "model" for them!!!

I've always thought my hair was good for something!
;p

Existing for Existance's sake...

I thought about this for a short period last nite while i was writing in my cousin's "Congratulations - It's a Girl!" card...

She is younger than i am, happily married and is about to pop out her first baby.

She will be 22 in 3 weeks.

Dont jump to the wrong conclusion. She is educated and has career aspirations and the baby was planned. And she was so fed up with the bad rep of "young mums" that she actually went to a forum for young mothers who were all having their babies by choice. A lot of them are uni educated or are career oriented. They are not dead beat mothers who got pregnant by accident. She also wrote into a popular baby magazine telling them that they should write more articles that included young mums. So, the magazine called her up and did an article about her. Which will be published in this month's magazine.

It makes me realise how different i am to a lot of people. I use to think that i was a "do-er" but i'm not.

I'm not much really.

I dont do anything proactive.

I dont feel passionate about much.

I think the only time i will go out of my way to do anything is for my family and friends...and thats about it.

I was told that people my age who are single, its often by choice because they are focused on their career. This is the time where their job is numero uno on their list of priorities.

Its not for me.

My career is chugging along only because my manager wants me to go from Point B to Point T by the end of this year. And im only doing the things im doing, because of him. At the end of the day, its not because i really want to.

I wonder if this is just a phase and whether i will wake up from it one day. Like when i turn 28 and realise that im almost 30 and question what i have to show for the 28 years of my life?

At 25, i cant say that there is much to show for the 25 years thus far.

I have a piece of paper from a known university.

I've had a number of jobs and have found one that i am comfortable in staying in for a few more years and dont actually see myself leaving it in any time soon.

I've been to asia...but still havent gone to europe yet...

I have a lot of clothes and shoes and bags and accessories.

Errmmm...i think thats basically the summary.

-_-"

As you can see...im not really achieving much. But it doesnt really bother me.

Do i feel like im missing out on something, anything, or everything? I acknowledge that there are things out there that i could be achieving. But i'm not disappointed that i havent. And im not setting out to do it either.

I'm just going to sit around and exist like i have been for the past few years.

And if it starts to bother me...then i might consider doing something.

Sort of holiday...

Today is my last day "at work"...

Next week, i will be "working from home"...for 2 whole weeks.

And because i have wireless broadband, i could potentially be anywhere and do my work. So, if it is a lovely day, i really could be at the park or the beach - doing my reports, or preparing a schedule, etc.

I have taken aboard to cooking dinner for most nights during the week. Which means, me, taking 2 hours to prepare and half an hour to cook - because i really suck at cooking and havent cooked anything in (probably) over 6 months.

Its a shame that im coming down with something, so instead of working from home and enjoying ET at 3pm, i might actually be at home, doing work and trying to get over this fudgin virus. And not really enjoying ET at all, because i am taking a nap, cos i need it.

But at least im at home.

***
Someone in my office stole my ruler yesterday. Its one of those long rulers, because most of my schedules and reports are on A3 paper, so the ruler goes across the whole page. It really annoys me that people just steal other people's belonging. And if someone had borrowed it, they have yet to return it and that annoys me too. The fact that they didnt ask to borrow it, annoys me further. I truly believe that that is bad etiquette. It was paper weight on top of the reports on my desk, and then after lunch yesterday, it disappeared.

***
My cousin's Baby Shower is on this Sunday...I have never been to one...so, i really dont know what to expect.

I'm worried that i will get upset. That it will invoke feelings that i have tried to suppress for a while. Stuff between my ex and i that just wont happen. I have moved on. I'm stronger than i was before. But that doesnt change the fact that i am a weepy girl and something like a baby shower for my cousin, might just be the point in which the branch will snap.

I may even get upset and it will have nothing to do with the fact that i am single or about my ex. It might just be some unresolved issues within my family that will get me so angry and i wont know what to do but cry!

Sometimes, at moments like that, i wish i was a boy.

***
I had read Bec's post some time ago and left a comment about the contents of my bag in comparison to her contents. I was astonished with myself yesterday when i realised i had been carrying a 1L bottle of Mt Franklin with me this whole week.

The rest of the contents in my large morrisey mock croc tote yesterday is as follows:

* 2 lipbalms
* 1 makeup bag with medicinal and cosmetic things
* 1 umbrella
* 1 box of Roaccutane
* 1 600ml Decor lunch box
* 1 set of keys
* Various passes and keys for work
* 1 pen
* 1 usb drive
* 1 nano
* 2 mobiles
* 2 packs of tissue
* 1 wallet
* 1 coin purse
* 1 train timetable
* 1 large hair clip
* 1 extra hair tie
+ the 1L bottle of Mt Franklin

The fact that that all fits into my bag is amazing. The fact that i could close the bag without any struggle is also amazing. I think my bag was heavy and solid enough to do damage if i had smacked someone across the head with it!

*LoL*

You're so vain...

You probably think this song is about you...

I went to buy some throat lozenges and when I got into the lifts to get back to my floor this guy walked in after me and just as he got in, he checked himself out in the mirror in the lift. Ran his hand through his hair and actually moved really close to the mirror to check his reflection.

Meanwhile, the mirrors in the lift actually have this meshy type thing over the reflective bit, so its not like a proper mirror…so I don’t know why he just didn’t go to the Men’s and check the mirrors there. Its brighter and clearer than in the lifts.

Like…I’m a chick and I don’t even do that…at least not while there is someone else in the lift!
=P

Talk about vain…


I picked my brother up from the station last night and when we got home, he hogged the shower first. While he was in the shower, I happened to walk past to get to my room and I hear him singing…and what is it that he is singing from the top of his lungs in a squeaky girly voice? The Veronicas – Revolution!!!

*ROfL*

I shouted out to him to stop being gay and squealing like a girl.

He shouted back that it was a catchy song and he couldn’t help it!


I’ve decided that I am going to chop off at least half the length of my hair. Why? Well, I know long hair is in season this summer – but I don’t usually follow trends. I know I should feel lucky to already have long, healthy, naturally straight hair, while millions of girls out there will try desperately to grow out their hair to my length, but I really need to cut it.

I’ve just started taking Roaccutane for my acne. I get acne and I scar (bloody Asian skin)…I’m tired of getting a couple every week and although I am eating healthy and drink heaps of water and exercise regularly, nothing helps it go away. For 2 years I have been trying to eliminate it on its own with the help of a good facial cleansing regimen…and allowing it to take its natural course…and (perhaps) letting my hormones settle down, or something.

But for 2 years, it is still around.

I feel like I'm just hitting puberty now, because I didn't have this problem when i was a teen.

Grrr...

So, I’m taking a more aggressive approach! I’m taking this medication that even my dermatologist has taken, and is said to get rid of acne all together. For some with chronic acne, it will make it lighter and occur less. For someone like me, it should eliminate it completely, with the occurrence of maybe one or two in a long while – which I can deal with.

But the drug really dries the skin (that’s a part of how it works). It is recommended that you moisturise regularly – everywhere…which is okay, because since the start of winter, I have been moisturising everywhere. You shouldn’t shower for too long and use only luke-warm water. Which is okay too, but when I have to wash my hair…I take a long time in washing and conditioning it, which is the ultimate reason to why I need to cut my hair.

So, I have been looking for different short styles. I’m thinking I want it as short as possible, but it still needs to be long enough to tie up so that when I’m at the gym, my hair won’t get in my face.

So, I am settling for a shoulder length cut.

Shoulder length and straight, I don’t know if I want it layered at lot, or just some long layers sliced through for movement.

I think I will ask my hairdresser to cut my hair off at a certain point so that I can keep it. I’ve spent a long time nurturing my hair for it to stay this healthy at this length. I hope I don’t get all weepy about it. And at heart, I really love short hair…I just look better with a longer style. (You always want what you can’t have).

But now that I have lost some fat in my face, it looks less round, maybe a shorter ‘do will actually look alright.

Yes, I am vain too.

Varekai!

I love the productions Cirque du Soleil put on.

First one i went to was Quidam, 2 years ago...and that was brilliant...its so awe inspiring...it takes my breath away each time i watch the acrobats do something without a harness up in the air...its absolutely thrilling!

This Saturday, i went to watch Varekai...and once again, they blew me away!!!

The first act, where the fallen angel descends into the jungle, plays out this mystical, ethereal scene...what is really odd and peculiar, is that it took most of the show for my friend and i to agree that the fallen angel was male! *LoL* But it was one of my favourite acts of the evening.

The other act that I absolutely loved were the 3 little chinese boys. They may have dropped their spinning ropes a couple of times, but they were so cute and animated and oh so very young, we forgave them for dropping it those few times. We applauded loudly when they dropped it, and the claps were even louder when the caught those spinning ropes after somersaulting mid air.

The second last act was so beautiful and elegant...i just wont do it justice in describing it. The gymnast that performed it was so graceful while balancing on one hand, and her whole body was bent over and she had her legs in a split...talk about flexible!!!

The final act was just mind blowing. Never in a million years, even if you paid me millions of bucks would i consider flying around like those men! And even they were graceful! I absolutely loved the final act!!! And its never bad sitting 5 rows away from the stage and seeing men in tight leotards with buns of steel on display!
*ROfL*

I bought tix 5 rows away from the stage, because when i went to Quidam the last time, my friend and i sat in the front row, seats 1 and 2. We craned our neck so much for all the air-defying acts that we promised ourselves to get tix to the next show a few rows back. And i must say, in the 5th row, you don't hurt your neck as much and yet you see everything. Which just makes the experience that much better.

We had popcorn and as corny as this sounds, we got collector's cups to take home. My friend who went to the last 2 productions had bought the last 2 programmes. I asked him why he didnt get the programme for Varekai - he said he realised it was a waste of money! *LoL*

The tickets are printed on special "Varekai" printed tickets, which comes in a special "Varekai" envelope...hehehe...i'm so gay.

Since it was a matinee show, it finished around 6pm. So, we had dinner afterwards. And we went to Encasa. Now, it seems all the people who have had dinner here have really enjoyed the food and the service. I enjoyed the food, until dessert came along, but i have to say - the service was questionable.

Now in their defence, it was a Saturday night and they were busy. There were a few birthdays and a Hen's night happening. Our food did come out really fast, but there was a huge mix up and had i not pulled the Head waitress to ask her about my twice baked blue cheese and pumpkin souffle, we would not have been advised that they had ran out and it was in no way coming! I was a bit miffed, considering the fact that i really wanted to try it. But i was more miffed that no one had told us and we were waiting for an extra 30 minutes after all the other food came out.

So, to make up for matters i ordered a chocolate creme brulee, and i was so disappointed when the creme brulee did not come out as chocolate for one and the creme was custard and the brulee was really burnt!

My alterna-date wanted to make me feel better, so we went to Max Brenners!

Now, to make amends with my disappointed taste buds i ordered the choc licks and a mint choc hug-mug drink (only in winter)...i couldnt finish the choc lick...i cant believe not eating chocolate for 3 weeks...has put my tastebuds to rest in peace!!!

I actually felt sick half way through it...but the mint choc hug-mug drink...mmmmyummymmmm!!!

We ended up getting home by 11pm.

Can you believe that? And my friend and i were so tired, we were ready to crash into our beds! *LoL*

We realise that we are old and are unable to keep up with the times!!!

***

On another note...if you come to World Square, head down the escalators that take you to Bread Top. Behind the escalators is a new mini bakery thingo...that sells these things called "Puffy Cookies" and its like the most yummy things ever!!!

Its sorta like a profiterole sorta jam donut looking, but it has a crunchy cookie like outershell and it has a really light custard centre...hehehehe...its $1.60 each, or a box of 6 for $9.60 (i think). I believe the store is owned by Bread Top as well (thats what i think)...because the lady that served me use to serve me in Bread Top.

Its like the new thing...like how Krispy Kreme was when it first came to Sydney...way back when...when we all trekked to Penrith, once upon a time...

;P~~~

Do i know you from somewhere...?

Have you ever met someone and thought to yourself that you could possibly know that person from somewhere???

Its the oddest sense of deja vu when you see someone on a regular basis and yet you dont speak to them, and you give each other looks as though you know each other from somewhere, but the both of you cant place it. So, you dance around and pretend to ignore one another and fail to ever find out how or where you may have met...

There is this guy at the gym.

I have seen him there on a regular basis for at least 3 years, more like 4 years. And through those 4 years, i keep thinking to myself "i know him from somewhere"...and he looks at me, and it seems like he is thinking the same darn thing.

But you know what is even more eerie?

We dont know each other at all. I mean it, seriously. Its not simply that we have met once and have forgotten. This guy is cute. I would recall meeting him, even if i dont remember his name or where we met, but i have this insane feeling as though we should know each other very well.

It got me thinking that we possibly, if reincarnation was real, were intimate friends or lovers in a past life.

Could that be possible?

My mother isnt religious, but she is superstitious. She believes in reincarnation. She has this belief that people with unfinished business come back as a human "again" to finish off their business from a previous life. Maybe that's how love at first sight works. Its the lovers from another life time bumping into each other again??? I mean, you got to admit that that is an interesting theory, and it makes sense romantically.

I really feel strongly about this guy (not in the sense that i am going to run and proclaim undying love to him), its like we have this strong connection of some sort, and i just cant shake it. Each time i see him, it makes me wonder...

Its making me wonder so much that i had to write this down.

One day, i may look back and wonder what kind of pills i was taking...but for now, in a weird, lucid dream type of way, it makes sense to believe that in some parallel world, we know each other and have a connection of some sort.

Its a beautiful morning...

Good Morning to you all!

Its a lovely day isnt it? Quite heavenly in my opinion...even though it is cloudy and raining. I dont think anything can really dampen my mood today!

I love this "working from home" option.

I get up at a reasonable hour, log on, send an email or two to the people who might wonder where i am, and then...

So, long as i get my work done, i could technically be whipping up a feast for lunch and for dinner and no one would be the wiser. I've decided that i will go to the gym for an hour or 2 during lunch today. How convenient is that? And if its pouring outside, i dont have to worry about leaving home. I'm at home and i can stay in bed!!!

And ultimately, i can blog without anyone looking over my shoulder, except my little brother who happened to have woken right about now and is sitting behind me!
=P

Sorry if this is rubbing you the wrong way...but i'm really enjoying this perk, that i didnt think i was entitled to. And yet, now i have it!

Woohoo...!

^_^

Somebody loves me...

Not in "that" way!

A girl will always feel mighty special when a present gets delivered to her desk.

Think a box from Roses Only on Valentine's Day. Its embarrassing that the whole office finds out, but it still makes you feel uber special. You might be blushing because of this display at work, but you are also blushing because you are feeling special...knowing somebody likes you so much that they wanted to send you such a suprise.

I didn't receive flowers today.

I got something more uber cool, that i am sure other chicks (albeit, ones who like tech gadgets) would agree - that somebody loves me!!!

Maybe it was the power of the almighty upstairs or maybe i do have more pull than i think...?

At 11am today, my manager walks up to my desk with a black bag in hand...

It looked awfully dainty...very girly...and it hit me!

He brought me a laptop!!!

*squeals of delight*

He was going to let me take a laptop from our office, so that i could work from home in September while i was house sitting. I didnt care. It just means that i dont have to take any of my leave this year. And i thought he was going to give me a used one.

One of my workmates went o/s and his laptop got stolen. So, the laptop i was going to borrow, was given to him upon his return. My manager told me that the colleague would use it and give it to me when i start working from home. Gives that workmate some time to buy his new laptop.

So, i patiently waited...and today he brought in the laptop. I thought it was the "used" one.

BUT...when i opened the laptop up...it was like Christmas...not only was the bag housing my laptop new. The laptop itself was NEW!!! There was still the obvious "new" things about it...a slip between monitor and keys...that smell of new-ness...no fingerprints - anywhere!!!

*^_^*

And inside the bag was also a new mobile broadband connection pack!!!

I know my manager doesn't "love" me in "that" way...and it could simply be the fact that he still feels bad about me breaking my ankle for the company when i played touch footy last year...but gosh, i do feel special today with my NEW toy!

*giggles like a school girl*

Wrong perceptions...

I was asked by a male colleague if I would like some of his red bean bun from Bread Top (its weird, cos he is like a 40-ish, white male)...but that wasnt the point of this blog. The point is what followed my response to his offer.

I told him "no thanks, i'm dieting". Well, technically we are all on a diet. Since, strictly speaking, we all eat food. But what i mean is, i have restricted my calorie intake and hope to keep it that way as a complete lifestyle change.

I told him that i have dropped a couple of kilos and don't want to ruin it by having something packed with sugar, since my biggest problem is that i am a sugar addict. So, i basically have cut out all sugars unless its from fruit or dried fruits, that is anything but natural sugars.

He was astonished that i wanted to lose weight and he mocked me by saying: "What do you have to lose from all of your 50 kilos?"

O_O

Errmmm...i weigh far more than 50 kilos...which is why i am trying to lose the weight. And i'm not even trying to lose enough to get down to 50kg. I just want to get to about 58-60kg. Then i will be smack bang in the middle of the healthy weight range for my height! I dont have to lose weight until i get to 58kg. I might get to about 62kg and realise that i have lost my curves and decide that i want to stay at 62kg and just tone my muscles. And at the end of the day, i know that muscle weighs more than fat...

Its just weird that as we were discussing everything, he kept thinking that i am fine the way i am - but i kept thinking how "technically" i'm overweight for my height.

I must dress very well to be able to deceive a man to think that i am like 30 kilos lighter than i am...well not that much, but you get the gist of it. His perception of me is a flattering one. I wonder if its not just because i wear black...

I wonder if his perception is based on my personality. A lot of the men i have worked with, over the years, all think i am nuts when i say i am on a diet. To be honest, sometimes, i just dont want to eat the junk they offer, like chips...and the best way to shut them up is to say you are on a diet, because they dont want to argue with a girl who is "on a diet"...*LoL*...but they always tell me that i dont need to lose any weight.

Is it really true? That i dont need to lose any weight? But i'm not happy with my weight. I think there is a lot of flab to reduce. I dont want to be skeletal, i want to be toned with curves in the right places. I want to be fit, not a supermodel.

So, why do the men i work with say that i dont need to lose weight? They could simply be saying it to be nice to me. But their reactions say otherwise. I think its all to do with the perception they have of me. In their mind i'm a bubbly girl they work with who is confident in the things she says and does. When i talk to them, i probably sound like and give the impression of a toned, fit chick! So, when a girl who in their mind is a toned, fit chick says "no thanks, i'm on a diet"...its like a shock to their system.

You've all received those emails where there is a paragraph with words spelt incorrectly but the first letter and the last letter is correct, and your brain understands what the word is suppose to be...or even 3D images embedded in a picture and you need to cross your eyes to see it...

I believe the men i work with, their brains have translated me into the girl i want to be, but not quite there yet. Which is why they tell me i dont need to lose weight. But i really do.

I was at the gym last night and there were two vietnamese sisters. I know they were viet because they were talking in viet and i understood them. The show "The Wedge" was on and there was the big girl with the curly red hair dancing in a pastel pink leotard. One of the sisters was watching this, as was i, and exclaimed to the other with disgust in viet: "OMG - she is so FAT!"

Being a tad offended for the big girl on TV, I turned to look at who made that comment as i was getting off my cross training machine. And i was utterly expecting a skinny chick that is just strolling on the treadmill without breaking a sweat and has make up caked on her face (which makes you wonder why they paid almost $20 for the entry fee to the gym, to gain no result from it except pimples), but i found 2 really chubby girls who are not far from being as big as the girl on TV.

It really took me by surprise. And it made me wonder about the perception they had of themselves.

Typically, if i see a big woman or a chubby girl, i sympathise with them. Because i personally feel like i am one of them and i think to myself that i know what they are going through. I don't sympathise with people who are obese. Because i think there should have been some point where you looked at yourself and said "Sh!t, this has got to stop, or i will be obese!" And that is when you do something drastic about it...because thats what i would do. And i know that not everyone thinks like i do, and not everyone reacts the way i do...but if everyone cared about their appearance, they should react and do something before it spirals out of control.

Its a good thing that these girls are at the gym and doing something, but from noticing what they were doing and how they were using the equipment, i give them a month, and if they dont see themselves transformed into Jessica Alba by then, they will give up and go back to their old habits. Which is of course, not a good direction to turn. So, i do hope that they keep on going regardless and actually seek out the help of one of the personal trainers at the gym.

Back to the point about perception...i wonder if they see themselves like Jessica Simpson (for instance) after the divorce with a few extra kilos...and their efforts at the gym now is her preparation for the video clip to her song "A public affair", where she slimmed down quite a lot to look as hot as she did???

I am starting to realise (or should i say accept) that we all have these perceptions of ourselves, and that others have perceptions different from our own.

Why is it that we can't just see the reflection in the mirror! Why is it that some of us see whales, hippos, elephants? Why is that some see poles, tree trunks, and rakes???

*ugh*

-_-"

Home Sweet Home...

He called me today. My bearer of good news has been doing the hard yards on my behalf. I had been feeling really anxious when he recently told me that there were some complications with my application. I asked him in almost hysterics - "why? how? what?"...

But as he promised, he came through. Like music to my ears, he told me this morning - "I've got your approval! I'll fax it to you right away, what's your fax number?"


It started off as a silly notion. Mum was telling me not to bother if it was going to be difficult...and there was a time i wanted to just give up and accept that i wasnt good enough. It was scary. I never did it before. I had no clue as to what i needed to do. I didnt do enough research because it was all on the spur of the moment. But once the momentum got the ball rolling, i couldnt stop it. I didnt want to stop it.

It really irritated me that it was going to be a challenge to overcome simply because i am single and i still have my HECS debt lingering over my shoulders. But it just made sense and would be so much easier for me if i could consolidate things under my name.

I am really grateful that everything has pulled through.

Its just the approval, i know that there is more to it. But this was one hurdle that i wasnt sure i was going to make.

*sigh*

It is a glorious day today.