Eye see...

There is dressing like a professional and there is dressing like a "professional"...the former is what you would wear to an office environment during office hours...the latter i would assume is the attire one would wear late at nite, but then i really dont know, as im not 100% sure what a "professional" professional really dresses up like these days except of what hollywood has brainwashed me to think.

What i do know is that if you are a professional at 1/4 to 8 in the morning striding into work, you should refrain from wearing a white business shirt that looks like it was painted on you and refrain from wearing a black skirt where the split at the back is almost as high as your crack. Because in all honesty, that aint professional office attire. At least her shoes were dynamite!!!

=P

***

It might just be me, but Sydneysiders must like shutting the world out or something...the number of people i spot with their ipod or some mp3 playing gadget attached to them is far greater than the number of people i saw in Melbourne. It could have been that i caught the trams at a funny time, not during peak hour, and therefore missed all the school kids who'd have their ipods on. But its like 5 in 6 passengers on my train are listening to something, while in Melbourne i was the only one listening to my ipod.

Weird...

***

My coughing is still lingering and my voice is slowly coming back...*ugh*...its getting tiring coughing and having people worry that im suffering from SARS or something, when im not. And no, my abs are not getting a workout, if only...instead all im getting is a dry aching throat.

*bugger*

***

My alterna-date is doing a trip around Australia again for work over December and January. I knew about his trip to Melbourne but not the rest of Australia. I told him about how i had told my mother that he was going to Melbourne in December and how i wanted to go back at the same time with him. My mother was peachy keen and didnt seem phased in suggesting that he and i share a room...i thought it was odd since were not together and i can always stay at my cousin's place (which was what i was thinking of). And so I relayed this back to him about her suggestion of us sharing a room.

As we were chatting via email he told me about this new development, of him doing the rest of Australia for work too and that if i wanted to, I was more than welcome to join him. I started thinking "how cool" free accomodation and i get to see Uluru (formerly known as Ayers Rock)...but then i started thinking *ugh* MONEY!!! I'm saving to do Europe later in 2007...I cant afford to fly all over Australia, even if accomodation is taken care of.

=(

But the funny thing is, he offered to pay for some of the airfare.

That really took me back.

Not that i would ever accept his offer, but it was very thoughtful and considerate of him none the less for suggesting it. And for a split second...well, maybe a bit longer...i seriously thought about giving him a real chance and marrying this guy who seems to be utterly infatuated with me.

A guy who seems to want and enjoys my company...A guy who adores me...A guy who wants to share really wonderful experiences with someone and that someone seems to be me...A guy who is thoughtful towards me in every way...A guy who thinks im beautiful just as i am...A guy who always calls back...A guy whom i know intimate details about and knows intimate details about me...

A guy who is actually significantly taller than i am, for crying out loud!!!

So whats stopping me? Been there, done that...I dont think he will change in the way i need him to change so that i could actually live with him for the rest of my life. I wont ask him to change...thats just wrong! And when something is embedded in a person for all their life thus far, its a pretty hard task to change a singular part of their personality. Even if they wanted to...

Dresses...

K and i went shopping around Myers because of their mid-season sale.

While i was looking for black trousers for work, K was browsing for summer dresses.

There are soooo many around. And while we chatted i was talking about my obsession and she agreed that she all of a sudden loves the idea of wearing dresses.

I think we have reached an age where dressing in an adrogenous tone no longer seems appealing. Even my jeans have a more girly slant to it and i tend to wear cute tees or nice strappy tops with them. And to add to the girly flair, it is usually paired with heels and a nice bag.

But dresses are the epitome of femininity, are they not? Especially all those short floaty pink kinds. And if we dont wear it now, while were in our mid-20's, when will we wear short dresses to show off what legs we currently have before we give birth and our legs get ravaged by varicose veins???
*LoL*

Mum is making me a baby fuchsia with black polka dots dress, which i plan to wear to the races this year...so i will be needing a black fascinator or hat.

I have always had a variety of dresses for evening wear...but not many for casual dinner or day wear. Which is why i was pleased with my score of 2 dresses from Melb.

Unfortunately, i spotted a girl with a white version of one of the dresses i got!

*sigh*

Oh well, if you cant beat them...join them!

I think i have enough dresses for this summer, but unfortunately, if my bag and shoe collection is to go by as a benchmark, i will be buying more dresses...I need to get paid more!!!

Enough of the girl talk about dresses...back to work, i should go.

PS: My manager asked if i wanted to manage a small project. I dont know if im ready to deal with The Bank. My commitments have been narrowed down to 4 days. So, technically i do have a day free to take it on...but its a whole project...

I think im freaking for no good reason.

I should be okay to jump into the deep end, right?

Labour Day long weekend 2006...

I got home from work on Friday feeling really feverish and basically like i wanted to die.

Not a good sign for my Melbourne bound flight on Saturday. I proceeded to drink heaps of water and went to bed early.

I woke up on Saturday feeling even worse wondering if i should cancel my bloody trip, but i decided to pop as many legal pills as possible and grin and bear the flight. Worse comes to worse, i would be in Melbourne with my cousin and not stuck in a foreign country with no one i know.

I landed and was picked up and driven home safely without a hitch. I gave my niece and nephew their presents and ended up playing spiderman and barbie all night. My nephew who is 6 showed me how he gets on the internet and plays online games. Without my help he connects to the internet and then proceeds to go to his favourite links. For a moment, i actually felt dumb compared to him and his net savvy ways. *LoL* Gosh they grow fast...

I went to bed and woke pretty early on Sunday morning. The kids and i watched the various episodes on the Cartoon Network all morning. After a few various cartoons i realised i should make a move on things as Z and Em were going to meet me at 12:30pm at The Art Centre in the Melb CBD.

So i got ready and left my cousin's place at 11am. Walked along Smith Street and things felt a little strange to me. It was all oddly familiar, but at the same time some stores were different and i felt a bit spaced out. But after 10 minutes of strolling, i felt like i had lived in Melb for a year or 2 and it was like going home.

I hopped on a tram that was city bound and got off on Bourke Street. I made my way to Kinki Gerlinki to see what was in store and found a couple of items that i was keen on, but not 100% sure if i should get then and there...and the Picasso Love & War exhibition was looming in the back of my mind...i kept thinking i could fit it in before meeting with Z & Em.

So, instead of making a rash decision, i walked out of Kinki Gerlinki and walked to Fed Square. When i got to Fed Square there was an outdoor exhibition - Earth from Above...photographs taken from...der...above. I walked around that and wondered if 30 minutes was enough for Picasso. If i didnt see Picasso today, i might shop too long and not get to see it on Monday before i leave Melb. I was only in Melb for 2 days. I knew that Sunday was going to be jam packed, because Z told me his plans.

I decided to leave Fed Square and rush to NGV, next to The Art Centre. I confirmed with Z that he was running a little late and therefore i had 45 minutes to see the Love & War collection. See, i thought the range of photographs and artworks would be limited, like how it often is in Sydney (which means you see everything within 30 minutes). But this Picasso collection was HUGE. I mean HUGE!!!

I really needed to take at least 1.5 hours, but i fit it all into the 45 minutes I had. But even that 45 minutes was worth it. It will be embedded in my mind forever. There was a main room, and then there was a sign that said that there was more of the collection "this way"...i followed the sign and found another room...thinking it was a small atrium, i followed along one of the walls and found myself in an even bigger room which had another room attached (i think...there was just so much to see at this point).

I rushed out when i noticed my watch and the time...

Just in time to meet up with Z and Em.

Hopped into Em's car and we headed out to St Kilda. We found a parking spot effortlessly and walked towards the Pier and the beach...omg the beach. It was beautiful...unbelievably gorgeous...the water was so nice and inviting. I didnt get into the water, but omg...i wish i did.

After walking down the Pier and back towards the market, we all headed towards Aclan Street. Walked past Luna Park and down the street to find a restaurant that was not so busy and we could get a seat. We ended up at this place starting with a V, but i cant remember its name for the life of me. We went inside and it was quite empty...the busy bit was the outdoor/sidewalk seats.

This place had okay food and okay service, but the interesting thing was their toilets. One door had a girl dressed as a man with a moustache and hat and braces with her man trousers. The other door had a cross dressing man wearing a tight short pink corset dress and was heavily made up. Em didnt know which to use...so she went for the man dressed in the pink dress. Unfortunately for Em, that was the Men's. And she only noticed when she was washing her hands and saw a urinal in the reflection of the mirror.

She came back to the table and told Z and i about the "toilets"...i told her that i would use the other toilet and confirm if that was the girls or the guys. After our lunch i walked towards them feeling a bit dubious...fortunately for me, i asked one of the waitresses. She confirmed that the girl dressed as a guy was in fact the women's toilets.

And when you push the door, look on the floor and there is the typical pink girl cut out confirming that it was the girls toilets.

With the guys, there is a blue boy cut out on the floor. I took a photo of the pictures on the front of the doors to the toilets...but i havent transferred anything to my pc.

After lunch we stopped at the various cake stores along Aclan Street. Like OMG...the cakes!!! And OMG...the ice cream/gelato stores along the street. The lines were so long...and it was only 26 degrees, but i was informed by the Melbournians...that that was hot for them.
*LoL*

After St Kilda, we headed to Port Melbourne...I had driven past Port Melbourne previously on another trip before, so we did a quick drive and squizz. Z & Em then took me to see the Mansions around Toorak and South Yarra (i think). I have never seen houses this BIG and this BEAUTIFUL!!! The house that Z pointed out as his favourite was the most beautiful mansion i had ever ever seen. If i could, i would love to own it! The streets we drove along were tree lined and were absolutely lush.
*sigh*

After checking out the mansions, we headed to Williamstown for dinner, one of Z's favourite places.

We decided to have Jap and stopped at a place called Hokkaido. Unfortunately, the place had changed management and the food wasnt really good. Either that, or by this stage my tastebuds had all gone due to the amount of lozenges i was popping for my sore throat. But my noodles really did taste funny, and according to Z, it smelt like they had just poured a bottle of vinegar over it for the sauce. I couldnt place the weird taste (because i was sick) and when Z told me it smelt of vinegar, that was it! I could make the vinegar out as the sauce the noodles were fried in!!!
=P

We decided wash the bad Jap and get ice cream at The Ice Cream Shoppe - which claimed to be the store with the most variety of ice creams in Australia...and it actually didnt have that many on display. I had also noticed that on the big sign on the wall, it was written 3 times that there was no taste testing...which i thought was odd. I mean if you are an ice cream shop, who claims to have that many flavours, shouldnt you allow people to at least try the more exotic flavours that they have never heard before???

Anyhoo, after Williamstown we headed to the Jam factory on Chapel Street to catch a movie. We wanted to watch The Devil Wears Prada and got tickets for the 9:20pm session. Since it was 8:40pm we had some time to kill and went to Virgin to peruse at the CDs and DVDs on sale. It was 9pm and we left the store as they were closing up and headed over to Boarders as they were still opened. We sat down and perused through their magazines...hehehe...

Then we headed over to our cinema to catch the movie.

I was a bit surprised that there were significant changes in the movie from the book...but the movie was enjoyable none the less. I wont bother getting into the movie now...there is no point really.

After the movie, Z & Em drove me back to my cousin's place. It was the first time in all of my Melbourne trips had i gone home so late, midnite...how weird is that? It was fun, but i think the jam packed day had run me down, because when i woke up on Monday, i felt even more crap than before.

But i was on a mission. I have started obsessing over summer dresses. I wanted to leave Melb with a dress that i could wear during the day and at night for a reasonable price, that is different and i wouldnt be able to find in Sydney, or at least wear it for a month or two before i see it in stores around Sydney.

So, i dragged my cousin and my niece around Smith Street and then we headed to the CBD...i didnt have much time because i was leaving in the early afternoon.

But i found them...2 dresses and for a bargain price...i got the 2 for $110. I was so chuffed. I also got two mini skirts for $10 each...and a range of basic singlets in white and black.

I didnt manage to purchase anything else and i didnt get to go back to Kinki Gerlinki as i had planned, but it was okay. I didnt want this trip to be a shopping trip. And i am broke anyways...so i shouldnt have really bought the dresses, but for that price, could you blame me???

*LoL*

During the nights i was in Melbourne i got the weird calls from L & E who were up at the Gold Coast, pretending to be in Fiji or something...but they were so hammered they kept calling and either i pick up or they would leave messages where they are just calling my name and saying how much they missed me! *ROfL* E was wondering if i would lick his nipples...apparently they were taking shots every 30 minutes at any time of the day and drinking as much as they could afford.

I hope they come back to Sydney in one piece!

I had a good weekend, except for what i thought was the flu.

I found out yesterday after i called my managers and told them that i was sick and wouldnt be coming in, and saw my doctor, that i have some throat virus.

I was coughing so much and trying to talk so much yesterday, that i have lost my voice.

Oh well, things will get better by next week.

The Devil Wears Prada...

K had leant me the book, she bought it due to the hype of the movie. I thought i should read it and then watch the movie...

I'm about 2/3 of the way through the book and it dawned on me that there is a manager at work who is very much like Miranda Priestly - The Devil in the book.

Two out of the four people who are her subordinates have jumped ship, and have landed themselves positions in another department within the company. I am sure they told the interviewer that they wanted to move due to the challenge of the new role, etc. Not because their manager is a horrible b!tch who makes their lives a living hell!

The two who will be leaving shortly are the two girls. Two guys remain. One is the next in charge, so he wont be leaving any time soon. The other is the lackey that gets the blame for most things and is deemed a "troublemaker" by The Devil, but he isnt really.

The "troublemaker" was pointing out some very obvious "Devil" traits...One such trait is:

"Its like she went to the 'Obedience Training Management School'. When she doesnt understand what you are telling her, she will say one word statements/commands. Have you noticed how she especially likes using the words 'Stop!' and 'No!'...its like she doesnt realise that you are a person and not an actual dog."

And you know what, i have noticed.

The first time i ever had to deal with her, she spoke to me like that over the phone. This was when she did a manual bill for The Bank for our projects. I sent her the spreadsheet she requested that i fill out with all the details she required. I did it. I balanced it. I sent it back to her. She did whatever she had to do. Then she called me. She asked me to balance what she had done, because she didnt get my total. She then sent me her spreadsheet.

I basically went ahead and did her job for her. I reconciled her spreadsheet. I called her and pointed out all the mistakes she had made not actually blaming her but thinking it. Never once did she admit that she did anything wrong. It had to be my mistake. She did the "Stop!" and the "No!"...i wondered why she didnt just say to me "Petals, i dont see where you got that figure? Could you please show me which column you are adding to get that total?"

It was just a bunch of "Stop!" and a bunch of "No!"

I wished and prayed that i never had to deal with her in person.

Mind you, i dont have to report to her. I am only polite to her, simply because she is a "manager" and i have to deal with her to get some of my project billing done...its rare, because she gets all her subordinates to do the work while she disappears from the office for 5 hours of the working day...but i still have to deal with her that little bit, so its wiser to at least stay neutral with her.

I, unfortunately sit in the set of cubicles right next to her and her team. I hear the way she speaks to them. Its condescending and very demoralising and loud. And because i am sitting right next to her and her team...its like, she thinks she can order me around like she does her own team.

I will be on the phone with my project manager and just because she happens to be doing something for the projects im working on, she will immediately call out "Petals!" Which is followed by a "Can you come over here!" Not a question, but a demand for me to go to HER desk, to bloody answer something that she JUST doesnt understand.

At first i ignored her, my project manager is who i report to and i was on the phone with him. Mr Troublemaker informed her that i was on the phone, as he could see over the partition that i was holding the receiver to my ear. But she didnt relent. She just called out again. "Petals!"..."Petals!"...Why dont you bloody shut the f@#$ up!!!

I had to tell my manager that she was calling me and it sounded urgent...he understands that she is one sick b!tch...and told me to call him back after i dealt with her.

I went over and for some bloody reason I apologised to her for keeping her waiting. Although, i made a point that i was on the phone with my project manager.

She proceeded to ask me "What is this?"

I was a bit dumbfounded because it was another manual bill filled out to her specifications. It was balanced. It was perfect. I had even attached to the email all the required documentation for proof of work completed, so she wouldnt have to ask me for it. And yet, here she was asking me what i had sent her???

I told her it was the information she required to do a manual bill for our project that month.

She said "Yes! But shouldnt you be able to put this into the system yourself?"

I told her "No, I am unable to. The purchase order is not in the system, so I am unable to put it through. But we do have the purchase order and therefore I gave it to you to be billed manually."

Her response was "Oh."

I replied to that with "Was there anything else?" in a cheery sing song voice...thinking "you are a dumb b!tch and you have just wasted my time with something so obvious".

I have a few more encounters as such...but i wont bore you with them.

A war story from one of the girls who are moving on, was about their monthly reviews with The Devil. Instead of having just the plain old half yearly reviews, it seems their team gets reviewed on a monthly basis. They sit down with her and get reviewed on their performance. The girl sat down with The Devil one afternoon and was told that The Devil had found that she has been cocky lately.

Now let me tell you first hand. This girl is lovely. She is soft spoken and really pleasant. She sits opposite me in the cluster of cubicles. All i hear each and every day The Devil is present, is The Devil reprimanding her or telling her to do something, or asking her why something hasnt been done yet, whats taking her so long...and she doesnt give much details to the poor girl for her to do her tasks. She is pretty much like Miranda Priestly on the way she treats this poor girl...just not to the nth degree. And this girl manages to take alot of the flack without being rude, while i would have told her to shove it a long time ago. The girl is in NO WAY COCKY.

Because the girl is really polite, she proceeded to apologise if she gave the impression that she was cocky and that she didnt mean for it to come out that way.

The Devil just turned around and said "You see! THAT! You are being cocky again!"

I always wondered why the girl was upset that afternoon...i wasnt informed of this right away and it was Mr Troublemaker who told me afterwards.

The girls are going to watch the movie tonight, because it reminds them of their own Devil.

I am very grateful that my own managers are decent human beings. And that they dont treat me like sh!t...I just need to find a way of taming this Devil who bullies me when she feels like it. She really has no reason to...and i absolutely hate it when she feigns interest in me or when she feigns interest in anyone else...we all know it to be fake.

Grrr...

Its that time of the month...

Some people at work have asked me "how are you?" or "hey, why do you look peeved?" or "are you okay?"...

My typical response is: "its that time of the month..."

As though that one line will explain it all to them, but it really doesnt. And when i say "its that time of the month" i am actually referring to "that time of the month where i have to do the billing and all the financial reports and have to deal with the finance team upstairs who dont seem to understand columns and want to see everything redone in rows, etc..."

Not "that" time of the month, but "that time of the month".

And i just realised today, after almost a whole week of saying that line, that it just doesnt sound right. It sounds like im telling everyone that im in PMS mode...cos its "that" time of the month!

hmm...


I have also noticed recently, that i just dont listen to my gut feelings and havent in a long while. Since when did i stop paying attention to my own intuition??? I hear it, i just dont listen to it!!! I had feelings of reservations about many things...and i had noticed at the time that alarm bells were ringing...or my stomach was feeling restless...or something just didnt feel quite right. So, why did i white noise the ringing from my ears...pretend that the feeling in my tummy were butterflies when they werent...and that something just not right was stress from work?

Do we, as we "grow up" just lose the ability to listen to ourselves? We hear, we just dont do anything?

I once was channel surfing and stopped at a Kylie Minogue interview. She was asked by the interviewer what advice (lessons learnt) would she tell a young Kylie who was 18 and hopping on to a plane bound for the UK? Kylie said that she would tell the young Kylie to know that her opinions and thoughts were valid and to never think that they weren't and to always listen to your instincts. Because they are usually right.

Why do instincts win in the battle and rational thinking gets trampled on and left for dead in the fight? As a rational person, it doesnt make sense to me! grrr...


I caught the train Tuesday morning with that friend i mentioned before. The one whose relationship ended, although i thought it would last forever...Well, he saw me on the platform and walked up right next to me but didnt say hi. I had my tunnel vision switched on while i was on the platform, but also noticed there was a person beside me. So, i turned towards him and shoved him when i recognised it was him! *LoL*

The funny thing is, were not really friends to begin with in highschool, he was a friend of a friend's cousin...and somehow at uni, because we are both talkative and kept bumping into each other, we just seemed to form a bond. And although we stopped seeing each other due to the separate paths in our lives...whenever we talk, its like nothing has changed. Its that type of relationship thats not much different to how best friends operate, although were not best friends. One may go far away and yet when they return, its like the two of you have never been apart.

I'm always guaranteed to laugh A LOT...sometimes i have tears in my eyes from laughing that much.

It was great to catch up with him...and it was so coinky-dink that we bumped into each other like that...it was sweet too, that he got off at Town Hall with me, although he usually gets off at Central.


At the gym last night, the final combat class was delayed by 15 minutes due to a change in instructor...i was planning on skipping the class if she didnt turn up by 9:05pm. But there she was on the dot at 9:05.

So, i paid attention and did the class...then after the class i walked outside to the bench so i could drop my bag, wipe my brow, search for my keys and put on my jacket. I was soaked with sweat and just as i was slipping my jacket on, the cutest guy i have seen in a very long time, stops to speak to his cousins just to the right of me. And he was looking at me...and thankfully not with a look of disgust. But i was still mortified that he was looking at me with my really flushed face with perspiration dripping from my forehead to my brow...*yuk*...

I wonder if i will see him again, and hopefully next time, im not dripping with sweat!

Reverie Sound Revue (ii)

I couldnt really describe why i love their album so much...and then i put my rose tinted sunnies on one day, and *b!nGo*, i get it.

The music, the lyrics, that voice...it puts me in a state similar to when i put my rose tinted sunnies on, on a sunny clear day, roaming around with someone i love.

I feel nostalgic. I feel happy. I feel grateful. I feel loved. I feel like just taking off and going somewhere - anywhere. The song that really puts me in that jet setting mood is aptly called "passes & passports".



To the woman i saw at World Square today: If you ever decide to wear a clingy jersey dress again, please wear a bra. Especially on a day where the wind is blowing and its chilly. Men may find it a turn on, but at the same time im sure it would make everybody at work feel uncomfortable, especially when their eyes are getting poked out!


Its amazing, K was reluctant to jog with me at lunch. She just didnt want to and we had always power walked. But now she has decided to try it and although we are jogging at intervals, at least the intervals are getting longer each day.

Because of my asthma as a child, i had been a reluctant jogger. I have changed over the years, drastically. And now i love it when i go for a run during my lunch break these days. The wind, the focus, going by the AGNSW and then to Mrs Macquarie's Chair, the stairs, looping back. I also feel great that im not huffing or puffing as much as K...because all throughout highschool...she was fitter than i was. In terms of cardio, its obvious that im the healthier of the two, today.
=)


I totally forgot...Melbourne this weekend...and this time i will have some friends to take me around to the places i wouldnt be able to get to without a car.

I'm going to enjoy this trip, albeit, it will be a really really short one.


Good Food Month is just around the corner..."Let's Do Lunch" and "Sugar Hits" are high priority this year...I cant wait!!!


I think other than doing some of the stuff for Good Food Month, i will need to hibernate at home, especially in November. I'm going to be sooo broke after Melbourne and eating out so much.

Biological clock in Men...

When i was a child, I was told that it was the woman's fault if she did not give birth to a son as a first child. I saw it in Chinese movies, I saw it in most other movies...I was told by older relatives who did not know better.

If a child was born with a deformity, it was usually pinned on the mother as well.

It was not until i got to highschool and while i studied Science, did i learn that the gender of a child is determined by the father, its his sperm that carries either a X or a Y chromosome and races to the egg. If a mother fails to conceive a boy, its the father's "fault" really. (And i dont mean "fault" as in he "chose" what to happen...i just mean its his sperm that made the difference).

Learning this fact made me feel as though there was a great injustice. That women had to suffer the blame for not having a son when a son was wanted by the father and his family. But it is really the father who didnt make a son "happen". As i am older now, i see a great injustice in women having to suffer the blame for having difficulty falling pregnant and when they do fall pregnant they suffer the blame for either having complicated pregnancies and/or for having babies with some sort of deformity.

No one ever asks for a deformed child or a child sick from the moment they were born. No one. A mother, of all people, hopes and prays that she gives birth to a healthy baby with all their 10 fingers and toes, healthy heart, lungs and every other organ...you get the drift...

And it takes two people to make a baby, why does the blame have to reside with the mother? Its always the "mother" who was "too old", has anybody considered that the father was "too old"???

Which leads me to what i actually wanted to write about...

I read the paper yesterday and there was a small article in the back of the Telegraph and it spoke of "Biological Clocks". I thought "here we go again, someone telling me I'M running out of time...I wonder if they have something new for me to learn other than i'm screwed!"

As i really had nothing better to do, i read it, and i'm glad I did. It wasnt about women's biological clocks, it was about men and their biological clocks.

Studies have been done over the years and the findings indicate that men who have children in their later years, from 35 y/o onwards, are at a higher risk of fathering a child with autism or down syndrome compared to their 25 y/o counterparts.

In the past until this research was done, men were always seen as having "until the day they die" to father a child. They had an unlimited supply of sperm, while the women have only a finite amount of eggs.

Yes, there are some of those super mums who managed to fall pregnant at 50 or older. But the amount of mothers at that age is highly rare and is almost a freak of nature. Yet, seeing a father at 50 these days is seemingly acceptable. I mean, the men out there must be sighing with relief every time a bloke over 50 fathers a child. Think Donald Trump, Paul McCartney, Michael Douglas, et al. The men of our society probably see this as validation that they have at least 10-15 years left to father some children.

Fortunately for those wealthy men, their children have been born healthy.

But how many families out there are struggling with looking after a child with autism, because the father was 45 when the child was conceived?

I'm not writing this as an "I told you so" or to shove the blame on all the father's out there.

But if it takes two people to make a baby, shouldnt it be two people who share the responsibility of having a child with a disability and share the blame that they both left it a little too late?

I mean if the mother left it until she was happy with her career to then decide she wants a child, now at 35. And her hubby who is 45, is also quite happy now to be a father. Now when they fall pregnant, probably through IVF, find out that their one shot of having a baby is marred by a strong possibility of a child with severe down syndrome.

Who is to blame for leaving it too late?

My pretty heels, against the world.

I'm starting to believe that it all began when a gorgeous gal who loved her shoes all too much broke the heart of some charming man, making him lose his charm and he became utterly disgruntled and vengeful.

Men would turn nasty if women chose Manolo's or Choo's over them.

And so, this disenchanted man went ahead and weaved havoc on all women who loved high heels.

I bet he was the first of the men out there, who designed and paved our walkways, leaving those nut sized gaps or holes between the pavement so that we get caught or we scratch our heels from stepping into them.

Notorious locations in the Sydney CBD that have these dreaded walkways with gapping holes are:

(1) Martin Place - Every girls nightmare...I cant remember how many times i have gotten my new shoes stuck walking along heading to one of the bars. The tip of my heels were once broken along here, i stopped into a shoe repair and the shoe repair man asked if i "got stuck walking along Martin Place" - see, even he knows it!!!

(2) Opera House - Don't let those big slabs fool you, the gaps between them are deadly. My poor Urban Soul white stiletto was left with a long ugly mark. It was also the first time i wore them. *sigh*

(3) The plank walk from King Street Wharf to Cockle Bay Wharf (around the Aquarium) - You will find most girls tip toe across this, because it is well known that if your stiletto gets stuck between the wooden planks here, you are most likely going to get down on your knees to yank it out.

(4) The plank walk that goes around the Park Hyatt, The Rocks - As above, number(3).

(5) Along Pitt Street, just outside The Arthouse & The Hilton Hotel - I got my shoe stuck in one of the gaps between the pavement here recently. Although there are not many gaps...i think some man decided it would be funny to place a couple here and there so that it would be inconspicuous and the women who walk along with their heads held up, will just walk right into it.

(6) The Entertainment Quarter, the location formerly known as Fox Studios - Holes EVERYWHERE!!! The pavement has been layed in a way so that it looks like a honeycomb sort of shape. There are gaps between every flower-like blooming shape. These gaps should be filled with something, but it isnt, and so when you walk along be very wary. But since the gaps are larger than the heel, you might walk along, get that slightly sinking feeling and walk away without a major scratch. But then you proceed to take the next step with extreme caution and perhaps decide to tip toe to the restaurant or to the cinemas.

These men really hit us where it hurts, didnt they?

Its beginning to peeve me sooo much. I'm tired of wearing the newest addition to my family of shoes, and then it gets a dent/scratch or cuts, into the leather on the heels. Fortunately for me, i dont spend hundreds and hundreds on one pair of heels. And although it does hurt me gravely when my new shoes get scratched, scarring it for the rest of my life...it would hurt more for that woman who is wearing the latest Jimmy Choo's and some of the leather was ripped off from the heel when she yanked it out from between the pavement.

Men, please understand, these pretty shoes are an investment. We paid for them. They are ours and will always be around. If you are a partner to a woman who loves her shoes, dont complain when her shoes get ruined and she needs to buy another pair because the shoe repair man cant fix it. Blame it on the men who designed our walkways leaving gaps for us to get stuck in and wrecking our glorious heels!

Age of Man vs Emotional Availability...

I was going to start by saying that this was my theory...but after thinking about it a little bit more, i would say it was more just my own personal opinion and its highly generalised.

I was thinking about this on my train ride into work today. So, if its sounding sketchy, thats because i only just thought about it.

I think that younger men, men younger than my age, are more emotionally available than every other age group. I'm not sure if its because they were born into a world that started embracing emotions...they were born in a time where SNAGs were the newest thing to describe men. Maybe their fathers taught them that it was okay to cry and that it was more than okay to feel love, show love, and be in love?

They all seem to want to be in a long term loving sort of relationship...once they get out of one, they want to be in another. Hmm...maybe they are just too co-dependent? Maybe they are just cant handle being alone?

Well, for whatever reason, they are the most available for relationships.

Guys around my age, the mid to late 20's, I believe are the least emotionally available sort of guys. Simply because they are in the midst of a career change or are working towards climbing the ladder. Money does make the world go round and I think the guys feel the pressures of making a lot so that their future family can live comfortably...i mean, lets not mention the increase in interest rates, shall we?

In a chauvinistic/machismo sort of way, they need to be a "success" in their eyes. And if that is at the expense of not dating or not being in a relationship, or not finding "the one" - so be it! (Thats what i think their attitude is like).

So much time is spent in furthering their education (certificates/diplomas/postgrad), socialising with the managers after work so that they can get to know you personally, playing some sport on a weekly basis or going to the gym to stay in shape, then hanging out with their mates on the weekend, because thats the only spare time they all have to get together...

Like come off it, thats a hectic schedule - where does the girlfriend fit into the picture??? And she doesnt fit into the picture.

These guys will probably try to have a girlfriend, but it probably wont last, not until their priorities get rearranged.

Which leads me to my next age group. The 30-something y/o man.

Men in their 30's i believe are emotionally available, but are highly pedantic. They have the great career, they are a success in their eyes, things cant get any better, except the "perfect wife"...and then the "perfect family" with the 2.5 kids living in the double storey house with white picket fences...wait, i think thats the dream of American women, circa the 80's...the 2.5 kids and the house with the white picket fences.
=P

I say these guys are highly pedantic, simply because they know what they want. They are ready to settle down and commit - but only to the right woman. And i can hear the men in the background piping "but at least he is available", right?

So, based upon my thoughts, the best bet for a girl is to go out with one of these younger guys or one of these older guys. Because they are the most emotionally available. BUT, younger guys are a risk, because when they reach their mid 20's they may change...to become one of those career oriented mid 20-something.

Therefore, the 30-something may be the best choice, but only if you are the right woman for them!
=P

*LoL*

And yes, there are exceptions out there...just like every software program written. And in the programs, a line of code can be added to catch these exception. (Geeky programmer pun intended!) In reality, those exceptions get "caught" by some girl before anybody else has a chance...because she knew he was one of those exceptions!

So...30-something men...

Me + Dag = Other good catch...

I popped over to the Glebe office today, to visit my monkey. I knew it would be like a 1 minute meeting, but the project manager insists that i waste 1.5 hours by travelling from our CBD office to Glebe and then back...just to see the monkey.

So, i went. But i had my really quick meeting with him and then spent the rest of the time catching up with other teams that i use to have lunch with when i worked at Glebe.

The manager, who offered me 6 figures for the contract role he really wanted to fill, was telling me about his newest addition. He use to be a monogamist, but since his divorce he has adopted polygamy. He likes to have 4 or 5 girlfriends, one for each day of the working week, while the weekends is exclusively for his kids.

In a very mocking way, i told him that his life was wild and exciting and in reflection to my own, my life was boring as...now stupid me, i also said, "if only i had that many boyfriends"...

Either he took me seriously, or i must be looking lonely and/or desperate these days...which is a worry in itself.

He suggested, since "from his experience" that i take a photo with our mutual friend and colleague (who he thinks is a dag) and pretend that he was an ex. Then, he can use that photo and pimp me to some eligible bachelors.

According to this manager, if you are in a photo with someone who is a bit of a "dag" it will then:

(a) Make you look more attractive, comparatively, standing next to said "dag".
(b) Make the person you are being pimped to, think that you must be a really special and nice sort of person to have given said "dag" a chance.
(c) And at the crux of it all, IF you did go out with said "dag" then the person you are being pimped to will feel as though they have a good chance in getting to know you. The fear of rejection is greatly minimised.

So, for most of the afternoon, i was dodging this manager, trying to avoid being snapped by his mobile camera...bloody 2M...

Now speaking of this manager and his polygamous relationships...

Listening to him talk about how much fun he is having is intriguing to me, as i have never met anyone who managed to have 4 or 5 girlfriends at any one time. Having said that, I am also quite turned off by it.

I am a person who believes in monogamy.

What i dont get is why these young asian women are comfortable with being only a girlfriend on either Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday? And I dont get why they are so comfortable with the knowledge that their boyfriend is being shared with 3 or 4 other women.

This manager is up front. All the women he sees know that they will only be getting one day of the week. They know that their boyfriend is seeing other women. They know that the intimacy will be shared amongst all of them.

I think that's the thing that would kill me the most, if i was in that situation.

I dont want to share the intimacy i have with someone with 3 or 4 other women. I only want the intimacy to be shared between him and i, thats it, no one else.

So, the question on my lips is "How are they so comfortable with sharing him?"

These women are intelligent, attractive and fun to be with...I wonder why they havent snared a man and gotten married already. But that kind of wondering opens a can of ugly worms...so lets not go there.

The turnover rate of these women arent that high...every couple of months, only one gets swapped with another...so i guess there is some form of retention.
=P

hehehe...

I cant wait until the next time i visit Glebe...i'm pretty sure there will be more news of his 4 or 5 girlfriends...until then, i guess.

How delightful...

It was 1pm today...

I drove past a bus stop that didnt have seats or any covering.

There was an elderly man and an elderly woman, both asian.

If i had to predict their age, i would have to say that they were in their late 50's or early 60's.

The man was wearing a hat and leaning against his cane. The woman was crouching beside him, hiding under his shadow while he stood blocking the sun for her.

I was amazed and felt all warm and fuzzy.

Its not often that you catch a sight like that, where asians in their generation publicly display their affection for one another. Heck, most asians in the "older" generation (and i mean anything older than me) abstain from ever showing their affection for one another at home in front of the kids, let alone in public.

It has instilled a bit more faith in me, that love like their's can last through the ages.

I also love watching elderly couples holding hands while they walk along the street. Its like sooo cute!

I think that kind of love is sooo hard to find these days.

But one can hope.

Mum Inc.

I now understand why some women in their late 20's start panicking about their biological clock.

Did you know that the moment a woman turns 27, their ability to fall pregnant drops. Give or take a few years because everybody is different...and after 35...ur pretty much screwed.

I only recently found out this info. And its put things into perspective. I mean, if i was keen to have a baby naturally, and not through IVF, I would have to meet someone ASAP, and marry him and start bonking away like there was no tomorrow.

Ha!

Luckily, im not too fussed, but i now understand the pressures a girl might feel if she was really interested in having a family of her own and becoming a mum.

Its hard enough to find a partner who has the same interests as you to spend time with, let alone a partner you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with - to be the father of your child.

So, from now on...i promise not to laugh at any girl who is freaking out about her chances of becoming a mum.

My experience at being a house sitter for the past week and a half has also made me wake up and realise a few things.

I have always appreciated mothers world wide...for their hard work, no pay, lack of recognition and sometimes ungrateful families.

I can honestly say that i have not done things as well as my mother. I have most probably done 50% of the work my mother would normally do...keeping in mind i was trying to balance 8hrs of doing "work" work with all the house chores. But then again, my mother "works" full time as well as being the homemaker - which is a full time job in itself.

I dont know how in the world mothers out there balance being full time mothers as well as keeping a position in the work force.

I cant do it.

With the rain, it put all the washing out of whack over the weekend...and then finally some sun broke through the clouds yesterday, so i was doing loads and loads of washing. (And dont even ask me how my father and brother manage to wear that many items of clothing!) I didnt manage to do any work at all, because by the time the washing was done, i had to start cooking dinner.

I had a conference call at 9:30am and i think i answered a couple of emails, like 2...and then that was it, my day was over.

By 5pm I was buggered, grumpy, and i felt like i hadnt achieved anything significant at all.

Not only that, my father complained about the beef. That it must have been cut incorrectly because it was tough and not tender...ugh, talk about the lack of appreciation. I dont know how my mother deals with it. I dont know how other mothers/wives deal with the criticism...

Like hello?! I'm not just sitting at home twiddling my thumbs.

=P

Being a homemaker is a full time job. A full time job i'd rather not have...

I'm not cut out to be a stay at home anything.

No offence to those who can do it, its just not for me.

I realise it. I accept it. And kudos to those mothers, wives, partners who manage and do it well.

Breakfast at The Tearoom...

I attended a Breakfast function at The Tearoom (QVB) today.

We had an inspiring female guest speaker. Her name is Dr Caroline Kovac, General Manager of IBM Pharmaceutical and Life Sciences.

The topic for the day was 'Women in science & technology : one woman's perspective'.

And as boring as you may want to assume it to be, it wasnt. And of course the food helped to make it that little bit more interesting...but Dr Kovac is a very engaging public speaker who has a lot to offer young females in terms of inspiration and motivation.

I found myself twisted in my chair (my chair was facing the opposite direction to the podium) to see her as she spoke and shared her pearls of wisdom with the audience. And just because the topic was about women in science & technology...dont go thinking it was just a bunch of feminists
b!tching about inequality in the work place. There was a large number of men who attended this function as well.

She shared a story about one of her latest board meetings with her execs, and a female exec had pointed out that within Dr Kovac's team, there were 4 women and only 2 men. And the men had pointed out that they felt "weird" in such a group. This was just to point out that the differences are felt vice versa, men-women or women-men. And we should embrace the differences to make the team and the environment a wonderful place to work in.

The topic of the day made me think about myself and my interest in science. When i was in primary school there was a HUGE interest (that i had) to change the world. And i acknowledged that by being enthusiastic about learning science as much as art. Even when i went to high school, i was highly motivated to study chemistry and physics, cos i didnt want to study biology...but ironic enough, i was studying chemistry and physics so i could get into medicine. (Don't ask...)

A lot of people, teachers and friends alike, thought it was weird when they found out that i was going to study Computer Science at Usyd. It wasnt the choice of university that they were shocked about, it was the degree. Nobody, and i mean nobody thought i would choose Comp Sci. They all just assumed that i would become a lawyer as i was a good public speaker and did well in English.

At some stage, when i was a kid, i did dream about being a "real" scientist and changing the world. And this was part of the presentation today. Addressing the issue of how girls seem to lose interest in science when they get to their tweens or teens. To help combat this issue, Dr Kovac suggests that girls get motivated by "Peer Mentors" - mentors closer to their age who are enthusiastic about science and are passionate about what they do, to show the younger girls that they too can excel in science.

I, for some reason as a kid, had dreamt about being some great doctor, changing the face of medicine through research and being published in journals all over the world. And then that dream stopped. I dont know why the dream stopped. But i had dreamt about doing many great things when i was a child...and obviously, they havent come to fruition.

Do girls just decide when they get to about 13-15 y/o that doing anything "hardcore" like science and becoming a scientist is just not for them? That they should just become a hairdresser or beautician? Is that because they think that those are the sort of things girls should do? And im not saying this as a negative to hairdressers or beauticians...because at some stage, i wanted to be a hairdresser or a beautician, sometimes i still consider it, because it looks like a fun job to do. Its hard and demanding but if u are passionate about it, it would be worth it, right?

How many young girls do you know, get all excited and feel passionately about becoming a scientist? Do girls really know what being a "scientist" entails?

Its a mystery.

Which was another point that Dr Kovac brought to our attention. Being a scientist has this air of mystery...they usually delve into the unknown to bring the truth to light. And the thing is, if you cant really tell someone what it is that you do, how can they really get interested in it? And even if you can describe it to them, but they still dont quite grasp what you are saying...then you are still at loose ends.

She really made me think about what i was doing with my job? I queried and wondered about what i was doing to make a contribution to the world. And honestly, im not contributing much at all. I'm not really making a difference, and i am most definitely not helping the cause to find a cure for cancer.

In a very indirect and ultimately, in an ever so slight way, i may be helping some customers of the bank...but my contribution is very very small and insignificant.

I felt liberated after breakfast, and at the same time i felt ashamed that i wasnt doing anything to better the world.

*sigh*

So, the question that i have to answer is, what am i going to do to make a contribution to better our world today, tomorrow, and there after?

Fun in the kitchen...

I found a way for me to enjoy the novelty of cooking, making it even more of a novelty.

Cranking up the music and dancing around while waiting for the water to boil!!!

I cant believe how much fun i was having boiling the spinach noodles last night...as i did each portion individually...i had to wait for the water to boil 4 times and reboil while cooking the noodles 4 times.

But dancing around to either One Marathon/Passes & Passports/Rip the Universe - all by Reverie Sound Revue, made the waiting so much fun.

I know if someone was looking in, they would think that i was a lunatic, but i dont give a shoot. And the windows were so cloudy, they would have had too much difficulty looking in.
=P

I'm starting to take pride in the presentation of the food i cook too. It use to be so long as it looked clean on the plate, no nasty excess spills on the side, then it would be alright...its going into the stomach anyway!!! But now, i want to balance the veges with the protein (meat typically) with the carbs and make it look all pretty!!!
=D

And yes, the plate must still be clean of excess spillage.

Just wait until the day i tell you im garnishing the meals!
*RoFL*

hmm...& hmm again...

Im not saying that its a trend, but it is something to note.

Looking through the Sun Herald today, i noticed that out of the 4 weddings being featured in the paper, 3 were of mixed unions. An asian woman with a caucasian man.

Only one was of 2 caucasians uniting.


I'm so over this rain...i dont mind it raining...but i would prefer it if it wasnt so heavy over extended periods of time and if it was directed into the catchment areas. Please.


Its been a shocker of a week hasnt it? First Steve Irwin and then Peter Brock...


The medication i have been taking for my acne has started to make my skin flare up. Fun. But at least i know its working...


One more week of working at home...I should try to savour it, but im not one who likes long periods of time being isolated...the first week has indicated that. Or maybe its because i dont have my mother around. I miss my mother, and she is only on a holiday. Imagine how i would feel upon the worse. *knock wood x 1000*

Let's be honest here...

I dont want to admit it. Who wants to admit the truth and be vulnerable about their feelings?

I didnt want any of this to happen. Quite frankly, it was what i was desperately trying to avoid. I want to protect my feelings and my heart. I dont want to be in a position that may lead to disappointment.

Which is often the case when you are "crushing" on a person. And it is as juvenile as it sounds. I feel like im a teenager again, with a major crush on some guy i havent even met yet.

No, its not as seedy as its starting to sound. He is a friend, of a friend of mine. There was a position that was recently available within my own company and so it all started because he was interested in that position.

He sent me emails and we just started to converse from there and it extended to messenger because he needed to ask me some questions about the role and our mutual friend gave him my messenger contact.

So, of late, we have been chatting. But i havent met him as yet. So, we still dont know what each other look like.

Initially, i wanted to keep it that way. There is less pressure when you dont know what each other look like. The crap you talk about is just straight up and thats what crap should be...

And when you are honest, because you have chatted so much and learnt so much about each other, you are brutally honest. I have learnt various intimate details about him, and its the intimate details that draw me to him. The fact that he has shared such information with me. The fact that he has felt at ease to talk about those things, has really made me feel as though we have a connection.

How ridiculous is that???

I feel as though we have a connection. And yet i need to remind myself that we have never met in person!!!

So, i have started to develop feelings for this guy...but i dont think its being reciprocated in the same way.

At some point we were talking about our physical appearance. He asked how much i weighed. Like, hello??? Who would go and ask a girl such a question?!
=P

So, it was an obvious lie when i told him that i was 90kgs...just to shut him up.

But, you know what? He believed it when i told him. And he didnt mind...and the flirting didnt stop either. Which i think makes me endear towards him even more. The fact that everything remained the same even though i thought it would upset the equilibrium of our friendship.

But, thats also the factor that has led me to believe that my "crushing" feelings arent reciprocated, not now and not ever. It will always be that we enjoy talking to each other, and thats as far as it will ever get to. The buck stops there.

I cant really complain, because it simply makes my days more entertaining, having someone to talk to and to flirt with online. I shouldnt be hoping that something will amount from it. Thats just silly and ridiculous. And yet, im having a crush on him.

And i know that if i told my friends the full story, they will try to boost my ego and my spirits and tell me to meet him and "you never know", "he may have feelings for you too". But that is definitely a set up for disaster...because i will have to put my heart on my sleeve, and i dont want to do that, im not ready to do that. So, i wont be doing that. I will prolong any lunch invitation for as long as i possibly can without being a snob.

I think i need to take drastic measures and stop chatting to him. But i dont know if i can stop myself. How silly is that? I cant even control myself from chatting to a guy that i have a crush on. I feel the need to take "drastic" measures??? Because i know it will end in a disaster...*sigh*...

Gosh, im 25 with a crush on a friend of a friend, that i have never met before.

Good one Petals!

Happily accidental...

I love accidentally catching a show that is new to me and coming across parts of its soundtrack and think how awesome...its all accidental and its all soo what i love!

As i channel surfed yesterday arvo around 5:00pm I settled on watching the cartoons on the ABC. I actually love doing this, because the ABC usually shows cartoons or tween shows that are slightly off the kilter that i really enjoy. I think it reminds me of my younger days and watching Degrassi High, et al.

Which is probably another reason that explains why i absolutely love watching Veronica Mars.

So, i proceeded to watch a cartoon called "Fairly Odd Parents"...and it was so cool and cute. I was glad to watch something so entertaining...and it made me glad that at least the ABC is still showing some quality kiddie shows.

After the cartoon, i happened on watching "RFR - Radio Free Roscoe". Think Degrassi, but slightly more slick and it seems, better music. After quick online searches i find that this show i caught is actually from Season 2 and its called "I'm with Cupid" (#208). What made me go and do quick investigations straight after the show was the final song of the episode.

It is so kitsch, making it so cool. I loved the vocals and the electronic indy sort of sound of the music.

The band is Reverie Sound Revue and the song played on the show is called One Marathon...which you can download from this website. Which i obviously made headway with. I was so excited, i felt like i was in a patisserie picking out various yummy pastries and cookies and cakes!!!

There is something about the song that gets me giddy. And that says a lot, considering not much knocks my socks off anymore. And im pretty happy that i happened on this band that seems fairly unknown all by accident.

Desperate House-girl...

I was going to write "Desperate Housewife" but as i am not married nor acting as a wife...i figured it'd be inappropriate to use it as a title.

If i married a guy and was asked to be a stay at home type of wife, i think i would die of boredom.

Its not the type of thing i could do.

Maybe if i had kids to keep me on my feet and really really occupied, it might be okay. But if i was just a wife, at home doing all the house-wifey things...it would drive me nuts that i was not interacting with a variety of people.

A week at home should have been great, if i was not meant to be doing work. But since work was still a burden on my shoulders and then i really just wanted to do the chores that had to be done, to get them out of the way so i can really enjoy my weekend...its just hasnt been as great as i had anticipated.

And i noticed that i was missing the interpersonal interactions with my teams and my managers.

So, i decided that i had to get out of the house. I had to do something, go somewhere and be surrounded by people.

All i could really think of, to do locally, was go out for dinner and catch a movie.

And guess what movie i went to watch tonight?

DOA - Dead Or Alive.

Was it any good? No!
Was it at least a little bit entertaining? Yes.
It was ridiculous to a point where i wanted to just laugh, cos i couldnt believe that i was sitting there watching it...but there were funny bits in it too.

And the thing is, whenever i watch a movie and the girls are kicking butts, i feel like i want to go and kick a sand bag or someone. I feel like punching the lights out for someone. I just feel like starting a fight! *LoL*

For the guys who have read some reviews and were lead to believe that there are some nude scenes, please be advised that there are none. There is like a short (very short) scene where you see part of Holly Valance's left boob, but thats about it for the whole movie. There are, however, plenty of bikini scenes...and the chick that plays Helena - she has a nice arse which gets focused on by the camera guy here and there.

The ending is lame...

The only really exciting thing, was finding out that the girl who served me when i bought the tix, had given me a "love seat" to sit in with my friend...its a pair of seats which has no arm rest separating us...without my asking for it!

I didnt realise that it was actually referred to by the cinema as a "love seat" either, until my friend pointed it out on the poster showing us the seat rows and numbers.

* The cinema allocated seat numbers when we purchased the tix.

One of the freakiest thing that happened tonight was when the chinese guy sitting next to me with his gf, started to make sounds like he was having an orgasm over an Xbox 360 commercials...it was a bit Homer Simpson-esque...And i happened to be half way putting a piece of unwrapped gum into my mouth, but i just held the gum in the air at that point because i was afraid that if i opened my mouth to put the gum in, i would start laughing so hard that i wouldnt stop. I had to literally bite my mouth close so that i wouldnt laugh at the guy!!! I felt really sorry for his gf. How embarrassing!!!

But anyhoo...i think it is time this Desperate House-girl goes to bed. I actually feel really tired.

Domestic Goddess...

I am soooo not domesticated.

It is sooo hard to be working from home and at the same time, trying to do the household chores.

Maybe its because i suck at all the domestic chores and it takes me a long time to do things. But i find that since i have chosen to cook dinner on most nights, i spend most of my days thinking about (a) what i will be cooking (b) what ingredients i will have to get from the shops (c) when i should start cooking so that it will be ready by the time my father and brother come home.

Its hard work, but i am actually enjoying it. My mother hates me in the kitchen, because she thinks i will make a mess and its her cooking utensils i will be messing up...So, the fact that i can cook something edible (while she is away) is a bit like an honour badge for me to wear on my sleeve.

Although, my first attempt to cook (in a very long time) was a salmon dish with some veges. The salmon, ended up a bit under cooked. But to my defence, the only reason why it was under cooked was because i had to rush and pick my brother up from the trainstation. And fortunately for me, u can eat salmon raw...but my dad helped me rectify the salmon, by cooking it a bit more well done. At least the veges turned out fine!
=D

Tonight, i cooked a salami and olive risotto. The funny thing is, each time i tell someone i will be cooking a risotto, they ask me "isnt that something hard to cook?" But the darndest thing, i can actually cook a risotto. I may stuff up plain asian rice in a rice cooker, but i can roast a turkey. Who gets it? I dont!

Did i ever tell you that for the first time in my life, when i started cooking, i decided to have my first go on Christmas Eve and a roast turkey was for the main meal? It actually turned out perfecto-mundo. The turkey was glossy on the outside, tender on the inside and the veges were golden roasted, even the homemade gravy was perfect. (If i do say so myself!)

And part of my Christmas present that year was an apron from my ex, and attached to the apron was a recipe for a risotto. As i love risotto so much, i decided that that would be the next thing id cook for him. And so, thats why i am able to cook a risotto, because it was the second thing i had ever cooked. And i cooked it over and over again...because its excellent comfort food and if you really think about it, its easy...just time consuming, but since i cook very slowly, its actually the perfect thing for me to do.
=P

I mentioned to a friend that i was going to cook a risotto tonight, he asked if he could try some...i told him to marry me if he wanted to try my cooking! *LoL* It was a joke to just shut him up.

Another male friend was drooling over the idea of a risotto...i think its the weather that makes it an enticing dish...with all the wind and rain, who doesnt want to curl up on the sofa with a bowl of risotto? He asked if he could try...I told him to get in line!

What is it with guys??? They all seem too willing to try my cooking, without realising the consequences...since im not very good at cooking...i could give them food poisoning! I should put a sign on the food: "Eat at your own risk!"

Tears for fears...

Statistic - 1 in 4 girls under the age of 18 will be molested in one way or another.

I just heard that from Oprah.

How scary is that?

Part of her show today was about a new movie, about a girl being molested by her step father and the mother not taking her side. Then it shows you how it affects the girl's life, making her spiral out of control, to do drugs, to seek attention from stripping and prostitution, etc.

The worst story presented on the show, was of a lady telling us about how her real father, had molested all of her siblings and herself, while physically abusing her mother. As an adult and mother, she found out that her father tried to molester his grand daughter too. Which was the last straw...she snapped and shot her father twice.

Oh. My. Gosh!

(1) I can't believe it and it frightens me to death, but i have to believe that its true (it is possible), that a man is capable of raping his own daughter(s) or son(s).

(2) Children are afraid of telling their mothers because in their hearts, they believe that their mothers will take the molester's side and not the child's side. Who the hell believes in a man who is not their blood, over their child??? Give your child the benefit of the doubt and put faith in that child, protect them as you should, as it is your duty as a mother. Gosh, that really pisses me off.

The mother of one of the girls is still married to the step father who raped her daughter and her disabled sister. Like WTF?

(3) It is a calculated act when someone molesters a child. Its the opportunity that gets presented, its the psychological and emotional power play, its the trust that they gain from the child and use it against the child.

It is never a childs fault.


All of this worries me, because I have a lot of little nieces. But i'm not worried about their own fathers, i'm worried about the predators who are out there, waiting for their opportunity to trap their prey. Little girls (and boys) are so trusting, because they are so innocent.

What is our world turning in to?

Transitional phase...

Be it the sun or the moon or the fact that the alignment is out of whack...

Something is going on.

Quite a number of people i know have recently suffered a broken heart...me, being one of them...

And they are people who i thought would end up marrying their partners.

How wrong was i?

A friend emailed this morning and wondered if i had 5 minutes to chat...i'm working from home...i have plenty of time to chat! *LoL*

So, i called his mobile and we talked a bit and then we were joking about our marriages to our respective banks. I told him about how i was in the process of signing my pre-nup to the bank...that made him laugh.

I have been describing my home loan as such, a marriage, 30 years is the what the pre-nup has outlined...at least i know it will last longer than most marriages.
=P

This friend, secretly hinted that he was single now, and it was only when we started talking about our "marriages to the bank" did he come out with it. It seems he's been single for a while now...what a shame. He is a really nice and funny guy. It seems his gf was the one who instigated the break up.

I've also noticed that the people who are caught in this "Transitional Phase", if they dont break up with their partners, they marry them. I guess thats the only other path to follow???

Maybe this isnt something that has been fated by the stars in the sky, maybe its just the way of life. In our mid-20's we have to make certain changes. And these things just happen. It forces us to grow up and in turn we learn to make better decisions the next time around.

But im starting to doubt that there are many "next time(s)" for us all. Some will be fortunate, others i believe will miss out.

I think i fall into the category of those missing out.

Loss of appetite...

I'm feeling awfully bizarre...i usually eat 5 meals in a day and it has always been regular. I eat breakfast at 8am, morning tea at about 10:30 or 11am. Lunch around 1:30pm...afternoon tea/snack at 3:30pm and dinner about 6:30pm or if i go to the gym i'd miss dinner and have a protein hit after the gym session.

Today, i had breakfast at 6:30am. I had a some toast at 9am...and then i was bad and had 6 Tim Tams and thats about it for the rest of the day. I haven't had dinner and i dont feel like it either.

I fried a fillet of salmon and some veges for dinner...but i dont feel like eating.

I dont even feel like drinking water, and i usually have 4 litres in a day...if im doing a lot of exercise, its in excess of 4 litres. Today, i barely had 1.5 litres...still another 500 mls to go.

Something is going on...i dont feel like doing much. I'll head off to the gym soon, maybe that will re-energise me and give me back my appetite. But for now...its gone MIA.

I wonder what is causing it...?

Family perk...

The baby shower was quite entertaining...

And i was really surprised when i saw my pregnant cousin. She was full blown, I never thought i would see her like that...it just didnt seem to fit. Among the guests were all the cousin's on both side of her family...and were a bunch of young girls...not really women...so, it was just odd to see her with a huge bump on her belly. Doesnt mean i am any less happy for her...its just odd. I guess it would always be weird to be the first one pregnant out of our generation.

But its great to catch up with everyone...the last time we all came together was at Chinese New Year.

5-6 months on and we catch up with one another. And like i said...most of my cousins have no idea as to what i do for a living...and although i've updated them now, i bet they will ask me again at Christmas or Chinese New Year in 2007.

Now, while we were sharing what each other were up to in terms of career, we find that a cousin on the other side of the family, Bec's Dad's side of the family (i'm related via her Mum's side) is a hairdresser, well her mother is a hairdresser and she pretty much knows how to cut hair, but wanted professional recognition so is attending the Toni & Guy Academy in Paddington. And so, i volunteered to get my hair cut by her - its all for free. If i want colour, i would just pay for the products, which is about $30. IF i wanted to get my hair straightened, it would cost about $60-$80. So, basically whatever i get done, i wont have to pay for the effort just the products used.

HOW COOL IS THAT?

But since i only want a cut, i wont have to pay for anything at all!!!

She is almost done with the courses, and she asked if i would model for her if needed. I told her if it turned out fabulous and she wanted me to, then id be glad to parade on her behalf!
*LoL*

It may be the only time someone asks me to "model" for them!!!

I've always thought my hair was good for something!
;p

Existing for Existance's sake...

I thought about this for a short period last nite while i was writing in my cousin's "Congratulations - It's a Girl!" card...

She is younger than i am, happily married and is about to pop out her first baby.

She will be 22 in 3 weeks.

Dont jump to the wrong conclusion. She is educated and has career aspirations and the baby was planned. And she was so fed up with the bad rep of "young mums" that she actually went to a forum for young mothers who were all having their babies by choice. A lot of them are uni educated or are career oriented. They are not dead beat mothers who got pregnant by accident. She also wrote into a popular baby magazine telling them that they should write more articles that included young mums. So, the magazine called her up and did an article about her. Which will be published in this month's magazine.

It makes me realise how different i am to a lot of people. I use to think that i was a "do-er" but i'm not.

I'm not much really.

I dont do anything proactive.

I dont feel passionate about much.

I think the only time i will go out of my way to do anything is for my family and friends...and thats about it.

I was told that people my age who are single, its often by choice because they are focused on their career. This is the time where their job is numero uno on their list of priorities.

Its not for me.

My career is chugging along only because my manager wants me to go from Point B to Point T by the end of this year. And im only doing the things im doing, because of him. At the end of the day, its not because i really want to.

I wonder if this is just a phase and whether i will wake up from it one day. Like when i turn 28 and realise that im almost 30 and question what i have to show for the 28 years of my life?

At 25, i cant say that there is much to show for the 25 years thus far.

I have a piece of paper from a known university.

I've had a number of jobs and have found one that i am comfortable in staying in for a few more years and dont actually see myself leaving it in any time soon.

I've been to asia...but still havent gone to europe yet...

I have a lot of clothes and shoes and bags and accessories.

Errmmm...i think thats basically the summary.

-_-"

As you can see...im not really achieving much. But it doesnt really bother me.

Do i feel like im missing out on something, anything, or everything? I acknowledge that there are things out there that i could be achieving. But i'm not disappointed that i havent. And im not setting out to do it either.

I'm just going to sit around and exist like i have been for the past few years.

And if it starts to bother me...then i might consider doing something.

Sort of holiday...

Today is my last day "at work"...

Next week, i will be "working from home"...for 2 whole weeks.

And because i have wireless broadband, i could potentially be anywhere and do my work. So, if it is a lovely day, i really could be at the park or the beach - doing my reports, or preparing a schedule, etc.

I have taken aboard to cooking dinner for most nights during the week. Which means, me, taking 2 hours to prepare and half an hour to cook - because i really suck at cooking and havent cooked anything in (probably) over 6 months.

Its a shame that im coming down with something, so instead of working from home and enjoying ET at 3pm, i might actually be at home, doing work and trying to get over this fudgin virus. And not really enjoying ET at all, because i am taking a nap, cos i need it.

But at least im at home.

***
Someone in my office stole my ruler yesterday. Its one of those long rulers, because most of my schedules and reports are on A3 paper, so the ruler goes across the whole page. It really annoys me that people just steal other people's belonging. And if someone had borrowed it, they have yet to return it and that annoys me too. The fact that they didnt ask to borrow it, annoys me further. I truly believe that that is bad etiquette. It was paper weight on top of the reports on my desk, and then after lunch yesterday, it disappeared.

***
My cousin's Baby Shower is on this Sunday...I have never been to one...so, i really dont know what to expect.

I'm worried that i will get upset. That it will invoke feelings that i have tried to suppress for a while. Stuff between my ex and i that just wont happen. I have moved on. I'm stronger than i was before. But that doesnt change the fact that i am a weepy girl and something like a baby shower for my cousin, might just be the point in which the branch will snap.

I may even get upset and it will have nothing to do with the fact that i am single or about my ex. It might just be some unresolved issues within my family that will get me so angry and i wont know what to do but cry!

Sometimes, at moments like that, i wish i was a boy.

***
I had read Bec's post some time ago and left a comment about the contents of my bag in comparison to her contents. I was astonished with myself yesterday when i realised i had been carrying a 1L bottle of Mt Franklin with me this whole week.

The rest of the contents in my large morrisey mock croc tote yesterday is as follows:

* 2 lipbalms
* 1 makeup bag with medicinal and cosmetic things
* 1 umbrella
* 1 box of Roaccutane
* 1 600ml Decor lunch box
* 1 set of keys
* Various passes and keys for work
* 1 pen
* 1 usb drive
* 1 nano
* 2 mobiles
* 2 packs of tissue
* 1 wallet
* 1 coin purse
* 1 train timetable
* 1 large hair clip
* 1 extra hair tie
+ the 1L bottle of Mt Franklin

The fact that that all fits into my bag is amazing. The fact that i could close the bag without any struggle is also amazing. I think my bag was heavy and solid enough to do damage if i had smacked someone across the head with it!

*LoL*

You're so vain...

You probably think this song is about you...

I went to buy some throat lozenges and when I got into the lifts to get back to my floor this guy walked in after me and just as he got in, he checked himself out in the mirror in the lift. Ran his hand through his hair and actually moved really close to the mirror to check his reflection.

Meanwhile, the mirrors in the lift actually have this meshy type thing over the reflective bit, so its not like a proper mirror…so I don’t know why he just didn’t go to the Men’s and check the mirrors there. Its brighter and clearer than in the lifts.

Like…I’m a chick and I don’t even do that…at least not while there is someone else in the lift!
=P

Talk about vain…


I picked my brother up from the station last night and when we got home, he hogged the shower first. While he was in the shower, I happened to walk past to get to my room and I hear him singing…and what is it that he is singing from the top of his lungs in a squeaky girly voice? The Veronicas – Revolution!!!

*ROfL*

I shouted out to him to stop being gay and squealing like a girl.

He shouted back that it was a catchy song and he couldn’t help it!


I’ve decided that I am going to chop off at least half the length of my hair. Why? Well, I know long hair is in season this summer – but I don’t usually follow trends. I know I should feel lucky to already have long, healthy, naturally straight hair, while millions of girls out there will try desperately to grow out their hair to my length, but I really need to cut it.

I’ve just started taking Roaccutane for my acne. I get acne and I scar (bloody Asian skin)…I’m tired of getting a couple every week and although I am eating healthy and drink heaps of water and exercise regularly, nothing helps it go away. For 2 years I have been trying to eliminate it on its own with the help of a good facial cleansing regimen…and allowing it to take its natural course…and (perhaps) letting my hormones settle down, or something.

But for 2 years, it is still around.

I feel like I'm just hitting puberty now, because I didn't have this problem when i was a teen.

Grrr...

So, I’m taking a more aggressive approach! I’m taking this medication that even my dermatologist has taken, and is said to get rid of acne all together. For some with chronic acne, it will make it lighter and occur less. For someone like me, it should eliminate it completely, with the occurrence of maybe one or two in a long while – which I can deal with.

But the drug really dries the skin (that’s a part of how it works). It is recommended that you moisturise regularly – everywhere…which is okay, because since the start of winter, I have been moisturising everywhere. You shouldn’t shower for too long and use only luke-warm water. Which is okay too, but when I have to wash my hair…I take a long time in washing and conditioning it, which is the ultimate reason to why I need to cut my hair.

So, I have been looking for different short styles. I’m thinking I want it as short as possible, but it still needs to be long enough to tie up so that when I’m at the gym, my hair won’t get in my face.

So, I am settling for a shoulder length cut.

Shoulder length and straight, I don’t know if I want it layered at lot, or just some long layers sliced through for movement.

I think I will ask my hairdresser to cut my hair off at a certain point so that I can keep it. I’ve spent a long time nurturing my hair for it to stay this healthy at this length. I hope I don’t get all weepy about it. And at heart, I really love short hair…I just look better with a longer style. (You always want what you can’t have).

But now that I have lost some fat in my face, it looks less round, maybe a shorter ‘do will actually look alright.

Yes, I am vain too.

Varekai!

I love the productions Cirque du Soleil put on.

First one i went to was Quidam, 2 years ago...and that was brilliant...its so awe inspiring...it takes my breath away each time i watch the acrobats do something without a harness up in the air...its absolutely thrilling!

This Saturday, i went to watch Varekai...and once again, they blew me away!!!

The first act, where the fallen angel descends into the jungle, plays out this mystical, ethereal scene...what is really odd and peculiar, is that it took most of the show for my friend and i to agree that the fallen angel was male! *LoL* But it was one of my favourite acts of the evening.

The other act that I absolutely loved were the 3 little chinese boys. They may have dropped their spinning ropes a couple of times, but they were so cute and animated and oh so very young, we forgave them for dropping it those few times. We applauded loudly when they dropped it, and the claps were even louder when the caught those spinning ropes after somersaulting mid air.

The second last act was so beautiful and elegant...i just wont do it justice in describing it. The gymnast that performed it was so graceful while balancing on one hand, and her whole body was bent over and she had her legs in a split...talk about flexible!!!

The final act was just mind blowing. Never in a million years, even if you paid me millions of bucks would i consider flying around like those men! And even they were graceful! I absolutely loved the final act!!! And its never bad sitting 5 rows away from the stage and seeing men in tight leotards with buns of steel on display!
*ROfL*

I bought tix 5 rows away from the stage, because when i went to Quidam the last time, my friend and i sat in the front row, seats 1 and 2. We craned our neck so much for all the air-defying acts that we promised ourselves to get tix to the next show a few rows back. And i must say, in the 5th row, you don't hurt your neck as much and yet you see everything. Which just makes the experience that much better.

We had popcorn and as corny as this sounds, we got collector's cups to take home. My friend who went to the last 2 productions had bought the last 2 programmes. I asked him why he didnt get the programme for Varekai - he said he realised it was a waste of money! *LoL*

The tickets are printed on special "Varekai" printed tickets, which comes in a special "Varekai" envelope...hehehe...i'm so gay.

Since it was a matinee show, it finished around 6pm. So, we had dinner afterwards. And we went to Encasa. Now, it seems all the people who have had dinner here have really enjoyed the food and the service. I enjoyed the food, until dessert came along, but i have to say - the service was questionable.

Now in their defence, it was a Saturday night and they were busy. There were a few birthdays and a Hen's night happening. Our food did come out really fast, but there was a huge mix up and had i not pulled the Head waitress to ask her about my twice baked blue cheese and pumpkin souffle, we would not have been advised that they had ran out and it was in no way coming! I was a bit miffed, considering the fact that i really wanted to try it. But i was more miffed that no one had told us and we were waiting for an extra 30 minutes after all the other food came out.

So, to make up for matters i ordered a chocolate creme brulee, and i was so disappointed when the creme brulee did not come out as chocolate for one and the creme was custard and the brulee was really burnt!

My alterna-date wanted to make me feel better, so we went to Max Brenners!

Now, to make amends with my disappointed taste buds i ordered the choc licks and a mint choc hug-mug drink (only in winter)...i couldnt finish the choc lick...i cant believe not eating chocolate for 3 weeks...has put my tastebuds to rest in peace!!!

I actually felt sick half way through it...but the mint choc hug-mug drink...mmmmyummymmmm!!!

We ended up getting home by 11pm.

Can you believe that? And my friend and i were so tired, we were ready to crash into our beds! *LoL*

We realise that we are old and are unable to keep up with the times!!!

***

On another note...if you come to World Square, head down the escalators that take you to Bread Top. Behind the escalators is a new mini bakery thingo...that sells these things called "Puffy Cookies" and its like the most yummy things ever!!!

Its sorta like a profiterole sorta jam donut looking, but it has a crunchy cookie like outershell and it has a really light custard centre...hehehehe...its $1.60 each, or a box of 6 for $9.60 (i think). I believe the store is owned by Bread Top as well (thats what i think)...because the lady that served me use to serve me in Bread Top.

Its like the new thing...like how Krispy Kreme was when it first came to Sydney...way back when...when we all trekked to Penrith, once upon a time...

;P~~~

Do i know you from somewhere...?

Have you ever met someone and thought to yourself that you could possibly know that person from somewhere???

Its the oddest sense of deja vu when you see someone on a regular basis and yet you dont speak to them, and you give each other looks as though you know each other from somewhere, but the both of you cant place it. So, you dance around and pretend to ignore one another and fail to ever find out how or where you may have met...

There is this guy at the gym.

I have seen him there on a regular basis for at least 3 years, more like 4 years. And through those 4 years, i keep thinking to myself "i know him from somewhere"...and he looks at me, and it seems like he is thinking the same darn thing.

But you know what is even more eerie?

We dont know each other at all. I mean it, seriously. Its not simply that we have met once and have forgotten. This guy is cute. I would recall meeting him, even if i dont remember his name or where we met, but i have this insane feeling as though we should know each other very well.

It got me thinking that we possibly, if reincarnation was real, were intimate friends or lovers in a past life.

Could that be possible?

My mother isnt religious, but she is superstitious. She believes in reincarnation. She has this belief that people with unfinished business come back as a human "again" to finish off their business from a previous life. Maybe that's how love at first sight works. Its the lovers from another life time bumping into each other again??? I mean, you got to admit that that is an interesting theory, and it makes sense romantically.

I really feel strongly about this guy (not in the sense that i am going to run and proclaim undying love to him), its like we have this strong connection of some sort, and i just cant shake it. Each time i see him, it makes me wonder...

Its making me wonder so much that i had to write this down.

One day, i may look back and wonder what kind of pills i was taking...but for now, in a weird, lucid dream type of way, it makes sense to believe that in some parallel world, we know each other and have a connection of some sort.

Its a beautiful morning...

Good Morning to you all!

Its a lovely day isnt it? Quite heavenly in my opinion...even though it is cloudy and raining. I dont think anything can really dampen my mood today!

I love this "working from home" option.

I get up at a reasonable hour, log on, send an email or two to the people who might wonder where i am, and then...

So, long as i get my work done, i could technically be whipping up a feast for lunch and for dinner and no one would be the wiser. I've decided that i will go to the gym for an hour or 2 during lunch today. How convenient is that? And if its pouring outside, i dont have to worry about leaving home. I'm at home and i can stay in bed!!!

And ultimately, i can blog without anyone looking over my shoulder, except my little brother who happened to have woken right about now and is sitting behind me!
=P

Sorry if this is rubbing you the wrong way...but i'm really enjoying this perk, that i didnt think i was entitled to. And yet, now i have it!

Woohoo...!

^_^

Somebody loves me...

Not in "that" way!

A girl will always feel mighty special when a present gets delivered to her desk.

Think a box from Roses Only on Valentine's Day. Its embarrassing that the whole office finds out, but it still makes you feel uber special. You might be blushing because of this display at work, but you are also blushing because you are feeling special...knowing somebody likes you so much that they wanted to send you such a suprise.

I didn't receive flowers today.

I got something more uber cool, that i am sure other chicks (albeit, ones who like tech gadgets) would agree - that somebody loves me!!!

Maybe it was the power of the almighty upstairs or maybe i do have more pull than i think...?

At 11am today, my manager walks up to my desk with a black bag in hand...

It looked awfully dainty...very girly...and it hit me!

He brought me a laptop!!!

*squeals of delight*

He was going to let me take a laptop from our office, so that i could work from home in September while i was house sitting. I didnt care. It just means that i dont have to take any of my leave this year. And i thought he was going to give me a used one.

One of my workmates went o/s and his laptop got stolen. So, the laptop i was going to borrow, was given to him upon his return. My manager told me that the colleague would use it and give it to me when i start working from home. Gives that workmate some time to buy his new laptop.

So, i patiently waited...and today he brought in the laptop. I thought it was the "used" one.

BUT...when i opened the laptop up...it was like Christmas...not only was the bag housing my laptop new. The laptop itself was NEW!!! There was still the obvious "new" things about it...a slip between monitor and keys...that smell of new-ness...no fingerprints - anywhere!!!

*^_^*

And inside the bag was also a new mobile broadband connection pack!!!

I know my manager doesn't "love" me in "that" way...and it could simply be the fact that he still feels bad about me breaking my ankle for the company when i played touch footy last year...but gosh, i do feel special today with my NEW toy!

*giggles like a school girl*