My burden to bare...

There has been a lot that has happened over the weekend...a lot of crying too!

I hate crying...im the typical person who cries and her eyes go all puffy like balloons...its the worse thing ever, cos it doesnt subside until a very long time later...sleeping it off doesnt work either, it makes it stay just as puffy!

I found out even more details about how he has been lying to EVERYONE!!! But that didnt make me feel like crying, if anything i was worried that if i saw him the next nite, cos he was going to Hoobastank with us, i might just walk up to him and punch him for breaking up my friendship with my best friend!

But i controlled myself...i pretended like i didnt know anything...talk about self control?

But i also found out other things...to do with my family...and i sorta knew that this would be coming my way...which has put a rift in the way things are at home...my aunt tried to console me, telling me its my obligation...telling me that my life is so much better now that we are in Australia...

Gee, u would think that i just came here off a boat by the way she was talking to me about it...even though i was actually born here.

I understand, and i appreciate what she was trying to say, but i think that there shouldnt be a burden in the first place, let along a burden for me to carry...although, her point was that it is - all for me! *heh* I'm, quite frankly, too ashamed to even mention what has now been bestowed upon my shoulders...but its there...i feel the weight of it...its quite substantial...

=(

For the first time in my adult life, i lost sleep over something...i woke up in a fever at about 3:30 in the morning and i couldnt get back to sleep...and i just laid there thinking...and crying and thinking and crying even more, to the extent that my body was shaking!

I felt like a child who had finally comprehended what demons they were about to face, but i also understood why there was no way out! Its not like, i can just "face" my demons...it will be an ongoing burden to deal with...and i wont really have any help in dealing with it!

So, basically...i have to carry the weight for as long as it will take...