Correcting past mistakes?

I know that my brother's and i have been spoilt by our mother. I think she too, came to a point and realised that what she was doing, by giving us everything we wanted was a BIG mistake.

I'm so slow sometimes...as a teenager, i enjoyed her stories about the past...before she came to Australia...stories of her trip as she migrated here...stories about the other women in our family, their hardships...all the hard things people had to go through...

I would sit and appreciate the stories, but i did not fully understand why she was telling me about those things. I enjoyed those times listening, as it would often occur on a rainy Sunday afternoon...either as i was helping her mix some ingredients for dinner that nite or there was simply nothing to watch on the tv. It was our time that we shared...

Our time, these days would be my taking her out to get the groceries. Those times back then, was a time before i had my license or my car...when i was still young and malleable...

During those times, i now think she was trying to correct the wrong before it could not be undone.

It had always left me an odd sensation...as we would both cry and laugh heartily during those moments. I'd sit in silence, because what she told me would usually get me so choked up that even if i had tried to speak, nothing would come out.

Her stories were like chapters out of a book, switching between the country side...to the city...to a war torn period...to heartache...to sighs of relief...to various deaths...there was just so much for her to tell me...so much that i wanted and needed to hear from her as those stories seemed to always answer questions i had in the back of my mind.

I now understand a bit more...part of the reason she tells me these things is to humble me. And i am grateful that she reminds me subtley with her stories. Those stories take me off my high horse and bring me down to the ground. They make me appreciate what i have now, especially my mother. They help me to understand why she wanted to spoil us, and ultimately, makes me want to stop being a spoilt brat!

She still spoils us out of habit and im still a brat sometimes...but i am happy to hear her stories as frequently as i need them. I get so caught up with what i think is "my life", forgetting who i affect in the process of taking my actions.

The present seems to pass me by without any form of appreciation.

Today at present: I am well (minus the flu). I have a good family that are always there for me. I have a tight circle of friends who's true essence remains the same. I feel all emotions. I can move forward. And at this instance, I am happy!