What is more agonising than love?

I haven't cried for a while...i really havent had a reason to.

In a sense, i guess its good that i havent cried for over a year now...but i think im realising that sometimes it is necessary to let some tears flow freely.

I got so choked up today while i was watching 'Love Actually' again on DVD. First time i watched it was at the cinemas...and because i was in public, i tried not to cry. Today, i went to Harvey Normans to print out my digital fotos, and there was a 10 min wait for them to print. So, i walked around to the DVD section and saw Love Actually for $19.95, so i quickly snapped it up!

I went home, popped it into the DVD player...waiting to watch it and feel uber warm and fuzzy from all the love floating around...and then the story about the "husband, wife, & other woman" was in my face!

I sat there, my throat was really tight, i almost stopped breathing and my eyes just welled with tears. I have never been cheated on, so i dont actually know how it feels...i dont think i ever want to know how it feels to be hurt in such a way...all i know is that I empathised with Emma Thompson's character and i cried when she cried and i choked when she was choking...Her moment in the School Hall after the play where she asked her husband what he would do in her position? Was it just jewellery, or was it jewellery and sex, or worse...jewellery and love??? His response was that he was a fool. Her response to that was that he had made her look the fool too!

I cried when Sarah missed out her chance with hunk-o-rama Carl, because of her love for her brother...the fact that she has to be there for her brother every time he calls...and everytime he insists that she comes and visit him in the hospital...she loves him dearly, but its a shame that she cant live her own life because of his psychological issues.

I cried tears of joy when Jamie - the writer, after learning Portugese flew to propose to Aurelia - the housekeeper, and she says YES (and she learnt English, just in case!) to his proposal...each time the two spoke previously, although both in different languages, not understanding eachother, the dialogue was flowing...if only they knew that they were having muted conversations with one another...

I havent had a good cry for a very long time...i felt angry last nite, but i didnt feel like crying, or maybe i did but stopped myself as i was in public? I dont like public displays of emotions unless its laughter and joy. So, i do try my best to prevent it. I told Mey that i have been emotionally switched off for a long while now, i think i may have written about this too, some time ago on this blog...

It may be the reason why i havent felt like crying, even while PMS-ing...but im sure glad i got it out of my system today! I really needed it. I just hope it doesnt keep happening like a domino effect. I think crying can be theraputic...but i also think laughing is too...i prefer laughing...oh, and retail therapy is also quite theraputic...i bought another pair of black stilettos today...this was after i got my fotos and my DVD.