Wrong perceptions...

I was asked by a male colleague if I would like some of his red bean bun from Bread Top (its weird, cos he is like a 40-ish, white male)...but that wasnt the point of this blog. The point is what followed my response to his offer.

I told him "no thanks, i'm dieting". Well, technically we are all on a diet. Since, strictly speaking, we all eat food. But what i mean is, i have restricted my calorie intake and hope to keep it that way as a complete lifestyle change.

I told him that i have dropped a couple of kilos and don't want to ruin it by having something packed with sugar, since my biggest problem is that i am a sugar addict. So, i basically have cut out all sugars unless its from fruit or dried fruits, that is anything but natural sugars.

He was astonished that i wanted to lose weight and he mocked me by saying: "What do you have to lose from all of your 50 kilos?"

O_O

Errmmm...i weigh far more than 50 kilos...which is why i am trying to lose the weight. And i'm not even trying to lose enough to get down to 50kg. I just want to get to about 58-60kg. Then i will be smack bang in the middle of the healthy weight range for my height! I dont have to lose weight until i get to 58kg. I might get to about 62kg and realise that i have lost my curves and decide that i want to stay at 62kg and just tone my muscles. And at the end of the day, i know that muscle weighs more than fat...

Its just weird that as we were discussing everything, he kept thinking that i am fine the way i am - but i kept thinking how "technically" i'm overweight for my height.

I must dress very well to be able to deceive a man to think that i am like 30 kilos lighter than i am...well not that much, but you get the gist of it. His perception of me is a flattering one. I wonder if its not just because i wear black...

I wonder if his perception is based on my personality. A lot of the men i have worked with, over the years, all think i am nuts when i say i am on a diet. To be honest, sometimes, i just dont want to eat the junk they offer, like chips...and the best way to shut them up is to say you are on a diet, because they dont want to argue with a girl who is "on a diet"...*LoL*...but they always tell me that i dont need to lose any weight.

Is it really true? That i dont need to lose any weight? But i'm not happy with my weight. I think there is a lot of flab to reduce. I dont want to be skeletal, i want to be toned with curves in the right places. I want to be fit, not a supermodel.

So, why do the men i work with say that i dont need to lose weight? They could simply be saying it to be nice to me. But their reactions say otherwise. I think its all to do with the perception they have of me. In their mind i'm a bubbly girl they work with who is confident in the things she says and does. When i talk to them, i probably sound like and give the impression of a toned, fit chick! So, when a girl who in their mind is a toned, fit chick says "no thanks, i'm on a diet"...its like a shock to their system.

You've all received those emails where there is a paragraph with words spelt incorrectly but the first letter and the last letter is correct, and your brain understands what the word is suppose to be...or even 3D images embedded in a picture and you need to cross your eyes to see it...

I believe the men i work with, their brains have translated me into the girl i want to be, but not quite there yet. Which is why they tell me i dont need to lose weight. But i really do.

I was at the gym last night and there were two vietnamese sisters. I know they were viet because they were talking in viet and i understood them. The show "The Wedge" was on and there was the big girl with the curly red hair dancing in a pastel pink leotard. One of the sisters was watching this, as was i, and exclaimed to the other with disgust in viet: "OMG - she is so FAT!"

Being a tad offended for the big girl on TV, I turned to look at who made that comment as i was getting off my cross training machine. And i was utterly expecting a skinny chick that is just strolling on the treadmill without breaking a sweat and has make up caked on her face (which makes you wonder why they paid almost $20 for the entry fee to the gym, to gain no result from it except pimples), but i found 2 really chubby girls who are not far from being as big as the girl on TV.

It really took me by surprise. And it made me wonder about the perception they had of themselves.

Typically, if i see a big woman or a chubby girl, i sympathise with them. Because i personally feel like i am one of them and i think to myself that i know what they are going through. I don't sympathise with people who are obese. Because i think there should have been some point where you looked at yourself and said "Sh!t, this has got to stop, or i will be obese!" And that is when you do something drastic about it...because thats what i would do. And i know that not everyone thinks like i do, and not everyone reacts the way i do...but if everyone cared about their appearance, they should react and do something before it spirals out of control.

Its a good thing that these girls are at the gym and doing something, but from noticing what they were doing and how they were using the equipment, i give them a month, and if they dont see themselves transformed into Jessica Alba by then, they will give up and go back to their old habits. Which is of course, not a good direction to turn. So, i do hope that they keep on going regardless and actually seek out the help of one of the personal trainers at the gym.

Back to the point about perception...i wonder if they see themselves like Jessica Simpson (for instance) after the divorce with a few extra kilos...and their efforts at the gym now is her preparation for the video clip to her song "A public affair", where she slimmed down quite a lot to look as hot as she did???

I am starting to realise (or should i say accept) that we all have these perceptions of ourselves, and that others have perceptions different from our own.

Why is it that we can't just see the reflection in the mirror! Why is it that some of us see whales, hippos, elephants? Why is that some see poles, tree trunks, and rakes???

*ugh*

-_-"