Autumn in Paris...

I just realised that the weather were having right now (temperature wise)…I would be enjoying in Paris next year!!! How exciting is that???

I started saving yesterday…the first time in a long while…and I’m so happy that my plan is starting to move forward. I felt a bit blue in April, because it didn’t seem as though I was achieving anything for my trip to Europe next year. (It was really just one thing among other things which was causing me to feel blue).

But since I made the first transfer yesterday I feel like the weight on my shoulders is just “that” little bit lighter!

And then it just dawned on me this morning…glorious sunshine…bright blue sky…some gusty wind…all I was missing was some seasonal coloured leaves on the ground – that I assume, Paris will not be lacking when I am there in September/October next year. (I’m repeating myself…but I don’t care!)

What a notion? I’m so excited that I’m beside myself. *LoL*

I keep hearing the song “Spring time in Paris”…but I replace it with “Autumn in Paris”…

It was easy to decide on the tour, there was only one which ended in Paris and would stop in Spain for a few days. And that is the one I’m going on!

Suffering for a year by being frugal seems worth it right now…

Speaking of suffering...for a week, I have been thinking about how some people are really fortunate and then there were the rest of us.

Some people are just so lucky…they get everything they want…sometimes without even trying…but I know most often then not they worked their way to achieve it…or so I hope, otherwise that would be depressing…a group of people who didn’t have to try at anything and got exactly what they wanted and life just keep getting better for them.

I was feeling as though I was in the group of “the others”. Of late, life hasn’t been great…and I’m not just referring to my failed relationship with my ex. I’m referring to greater things that are better left unsaid. My gripe is that I believe that I’m a good person. I try to do the right thing all the time and always with good intentions. When I do the wrong thing, I feel guilty and apologise and try to learn from my mistake to never do it again.

So, why is that I feel as though I’m being punished for something major that I didn’t commit. Let’s not get into religion. I don’t want to hear about Adam and Eve…I’ve been reading this novel that seems to harp on religion so much because there is this oppressive monk that keeps on talking about the sins we commit…I think he is nuts…and I suspect he is the one going around killing the people in the streets…he is trying to purge Florence from the sinners and bring the city back to purity.

Back to the subject at hand. I believe that I’m a target of some sort, among the group of “others” who just aren’t fortunate to be happy once in a while. It really felt like the moment I was happy, I had to be stripped of this privilege. And I know that I can’t be the only one who has felt this way.

There must be people out there who feel as though they deserve something and yet no matter how hard they work, had yet to achieve or receive it…that they deserve the pay rise for staying back when needed. That they worked their butts off and should be able to own a house by now. Or that they haven’t done anything wrong to their wife/husband but are supportive and provided what they needed, and yet they got serviced with divorce papers...

There must be people out there who feel cheated with life.

Its utterly depressing…and I was probably utterly depressing for the last week thinking about how I was being ripped off by someone or something…that a cruel joke was being played out with my life. And when I look at my friends who have one thing but not the other…who are striving for their piece of happiness, and yet they are left out to hang dry on the clothes line…it gives me comfort to know that I’m not the only one who has been duped…but it saddens me that they haven’t reached their ray of sunshine – and why is that???

And why are there so many people suffering out there??? There are heaps of good people suffering quietly behind the doors…it just doesn’t seem fair that the good people who are suffering, keep on suffering…and those fortunate…just keep staying fortunate. When do things balance out so that the people who are suffering get their chance at feeling as though they are fortunate for once and the fortunate get served their share of the suffering so that they appreciate how their wonderful life was or is still???

I’m giving up pondering on this subject. Its so blue that its almost black.

Instead, I’m going to focus on my trip next year…Autumn in Paris…my journey…

And like I said, although I have to be a miser for a year…I know it will be worth it…well I don’t know, but I’m hoping…and for now, I don’t want to look into the darkness in search of the light at the end…I want to look into the brightness and be illuminated by the warmth so that I won’t be feeling cold.

I’m taking the optimistic approach now.

Rose-tinted sunnies sitting on the bridge of my nose, looking forward.

Autumn in Paris…browsing in the markets at Saint Ouen…lunch in a local bistro…sitting in a park and filling my sketch journal with some drawings…