Friday, July 28, 2006

Loose lips sink ships...

After having a scrummy breakfast at the Glasshouse, Hilton with our GM...

I was walking back to the office along George Street. As i walk past one of those Mission Australia people, I thought to myself that i'm going to side step this guy. He happened to be talking to someone else...but just my luck...as i walk by he stops talking that guy and says to me: "Excuse me Miss, you dropped your..." and he trails off.

I had my scarf drapped on my handbag and since it was the only thing that could drop, i absentmindedly thought that he was referring to my scarf. So, i actually stopped and turned around and noticed nothing was on the floor. I looked at my handbag and my scarf was snuggly hanging off the handles, just where i had left it.

I looked up and he finally decides to finish that his statement with: "You dropped your smile..."

I gave him a grimace and then chatised myself for being rude, it was barely 9:30 in the morning...i thought i should give him a break, so i offered him a smile.

I think he noticed the grimace, because he asked for confirmation that it was a pretty good line. I told him it was creative. And i continued my way back to work.

After a long day, being told that my role in the programme is to basically do 1/3 of what my Programme Manager is supposed to do, that is, take care of all the finances from start to finish and make sure that we are in the black and not in the red...i thought i NEED a drink tonight. (I'm an IT person...not an accountant or anyone that is even slightly proficient in managing finances!)

I caught up to have dinner with a friend. Then afterwards we went for a drink. I met an acquaintance after getting my glass of white at the bar. I had the most bizarre conversation with this acquaintance (that i haven't seen in a year)...i actually think it was highly inappropriate, the things he said to me.

Below is a recount of our conversation. Its not exact, its close to...i'm thankful that i dont remember it word for word!

Me: Hey, how have you been?
Him: Good, you?
Me: Yeah, im good too. (Lie. Blatant lie, but i thought i should pretend to be pleasant).
Him: Where is M these days? How come you didnt bring her? (I met him through M).
Me: Oh, she's busy, probably playing bball or with her bf...(Another lie...I improvised). So, what have you been up to, what are you doing now? You changed jobs, right? (Rapidly changing subject...)
Him: I'm in recruitment now. (Previously in Software Testing - i think).
Me: Really? Thats a huge change...who for? How are you liking it?
Him: For "said company"...its been 5 months and im over it. But its okay, i'm just more interested in starting my own thing.
Me: Recruitment? *Baffled look, saying "what?"* You want to start your own recruitment agency?
Him: No, but something like it... (Hmm...right...)
Me: So, you're one of these guys with the new ideas...what is it? (The friend i had dinner with, was also into this whole "new idea - get rich" sense of mentality).
Him: If i tell you, i'd have to kill you.
Me: Right, haha, did you notice how far my eyes rolled back? (Me thinking, "like i really care about acting your idea". I'm not even into being innovative!)
Him: Well, if i tell you, you might have a really long, unforgettable...(some other supposedly interesting adjectives)...orgasm! (He laughs so loud, i think the floor was shaking).
Me: Err, right... *Eyes rolling back since he said it loud enough for everyone one around us to hear, and its a noisy bar!*
Him: (Proceeds to make fake orgasm sounds!!!) "Oh...oh...oh...OOOoooHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh..."
Me: *Cough* ...right...and it would be fake! *eyes roll back so far i thought they would get stuck* (I should have added that i'd just be faking it to shut him up ASAP...but that would be even more slack. So, i didnt!)

Girl to the right of the table gives him a disgusted glare. I think anyone within a 5m radius from him heard his pathetic attempt to orgasm like a female enamored by her lover. Just picture a really packed bar, and everyone going silent because this guy was being a complete d!ck in public. Everyone heard him.

Thankfully (only in the sense it offered me an escape route), the acquaintance's friend, who happens to be this really offensive, arrogant, 'I-think-I'm-God's-gift-to-women' turned up and joined us.

Him: Oh, you remember "said friend"?
Me: Yes. *eyes roll AGAIN* I think im going to go and mingle. See ya.
Him: I thought you would say that, bye. (Him implying that the friend would make me run, not realising it was actually his disgusting display of bad-taste-left-in-mouth sense of humour!)

Guys like that make me feel *icK!!!*

Mental note - acquaintance is now demoted to hi/bye person. Conversations = nil. Make no attempt to reacquaint one's self to hi/bye person. If hi/bye person tries to hold conversation, make effort to make eye contact so he gets it through his head that you mean it when you tell him, you need to excuse yourself to go to the ladies!

Hi/bye person should learn when to shut the f@#$ up...especially when the ship is sinking.

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