Closet FOB-ia...

* I was writing this as part of an addition to my "Aging gracefully..." post, but it got too big, so I decided to separate the two.

FOB: A person who is Fresh Off the Boat.
Foblish: The English language as spoken by a FOB.

A ex-workmate use to sit right behind me, but facing the opposite direction. In our downtime, he use to hear my conversations on the phone with clients. After i got off the phone he told me that if he was on the phone with me, he would not have known if i was Anglo-Australian or Asian-Australian because i spoke English fluently, even better than he did, and he is Anglo-Australian.

The thing is, i didnt find it weird. I was born here. I learnt how to say "Dad" only seconds after learning how to say it in Chinese and Vietnamese. So, English isnt really a second language for me because i learnt it in parallel with Chinese and Vietnamese. Which I guess would explain why i speak Chinese and Vietnamese with an Aussie English accent. L cracks up every time i say something in Cantonese. She has a laughing fit, and she is on the floor rolling around (if the floor is clean).

I'm presenting this background because last night, while sitting on the train going home after having a really strong "Black Forest" inspired cocktail, a guy and a female friend came and sat behind me and of course started catching up over a long conversation. Since i finished reading Zorro, i didnt have anything to focus on. They were sitting directly behind me and were talking pretty audibly. So, of course i heard their conversation.

The guy is Cambodian. The girl is Vietnamese. He came to Australia when he was 5, i know this because the girl asked him. She, alternatively, came to Australia when she was 9. From the way they were talking, i figure that they are in their early 20's...only a year or 2, younger than i am - i'm guessing.

The guy has radical ideas about cooking. Well, not really radical...he just refuses to learn how to cook. Eats take out all the time. He figures if he doesnt learn now, he doesnt have to cook ever. His plan is to marry a woman and she can do all the cooking. He then tries to smooth things out and says that he will "help" his wife with the cleaning up. The girl clarifies and says "she'll do the cooking and you'll do all the cleaning after?" And he is like *hell no!* "i said i would 'help' clean up"...(to me that sounds like he would offer, but do jack all!)

He then asks the girl, if you had your own place, and all your own pretty plates, would you trust your husband to wash it up and do a dodgy job of it? The girl says to him "i'll teach him to wash up the way i want it washed!"

He then asks her if her friends are married. She tells him that almost all of them are. He asks when is it her turn? She tells him that ideal age would be 27 y/o but she isnt really keen and she gives herself until 30. He thinks thats old. She said that she is young and enjoys her freedom. He asks her "what freedom? Its not like you will be locked up by your husband!" She defends herself by telling him that she likes working overtime now, being single enables you to work longer hours = more money, etc. If you were married you would have all these other things that you would have to do...you wouldnt be able to work overtime. She didnt do the defending quite well...which made me want to turn around and ask the guy: what if she ended marrying a dumb sod like himself???

If she wanted to work some extra hours she wouldnt be able to because:

(1) She would have all this cooking and cleaning to do...who was going to get it done if she didnt do it all herself, a magic genie??? He sure wouldnt help!
(2) If they have kids? Hello? Bringing up kids is a full time job!!! Freedom to do anything selfish is out the door.
(3) When you get married, responsibility usually rests on the shoulder of the woman of the house. We let men think that they are "The Man"...but its really us woman who hold things together. And dealing with all of those things, is a full time job in itself!!!

And this is a short list.

And in my opinion, these things are in a way like shackles on a woman's ankle when it comes to freedom. You may not be locked up hidden at home, but all these things prevent you from doing what you would normally do if you were single...because you would be no longer thinking of just you...you would have to consider your husband and family.

The guy obviously wouldnt have understood this, not because of any language barrier, but because he doesnt get the concept of being selfless and the "u" + "me" = "we".

To top off this, they were both speaking in an almost broken English it left me baffled. He came to Australia when he was 5. You would think that he would have dropped any asian lilt (fobby accent) by the time he got to 2nd grade or somewhere along the way in primary school. She came when she was 9. So, its a bit harder to shake...but by mid way through high school (from the constant chatter behind me), you would gather that the fobbyness would have disappeared. But no...they were speaking with very fobby accents.

It made me feel weird. I havent heard FOB-lish from anyone younger than me in a very long time. I personally think its inexcusable too. If you went to school here from primary level and even finished tertiary education, then you should be able to speak fluent english, without the asian lilt. I mean, you're probably going to get stuck with one or two pronounciations that you just cant shake, that gets served with some asianess, but from the way they were talking i was astonished that i could even follow their conversation.

It made me wonder if i was a closet FOB? I understand it. I comprehend clearly. I just dont speak it.

I had been like that with Vietnamese for a very long time. When i was a toddler i would speak all languages i had been taught. When i started to go to school, i kept the Chinese up, but dropped the Vietnamese. I still understood it, i just chose not to speak it. And when i was in highschool and went back to Vietnam to visit relatives, i realised that i couldnt really speak it. It was broken up, infused with Chinese and English.

After a week of being immersed in the culture and language, speaking the native tongue became easier. I'm still not fluent, because i choose to speak mostly Chinese with my parents. But i do speak it when necessary.

If (when necessary) for instance, i was speaking to a person with an asian lilt would i in turn speak foblish?

Some people when in Europe, say they are in France. When they speak to the natives, they speak with a superimposed faux-French accent...especially when the dont speak French.

Would i be the same?