Settling down...

I was talking to a friend...(i'm always talking to a friend...)

And i realised that i'm nearly at that stage of settling down.

That stage where i want to do inane things like sitting at home watching DVDs.

That stage where i do scheduled things like going to the AGNSW "After Dark" on Wednesday or Drinks with friends on Friday after work or watch a foreign film at 1pm on Saturday after having brunch or sketching some pictures in my sketch journal on a Sunday afternoon.

And the most enjoyable part...i'm at that stage of just being at home. I want to cook dinners, invite friends over to play board games and talk over tea or wine and then go to bed at a decent hour after enjoying my day. (Maybe even hold a tea party on a Sunday!)

I want to sit at home and enjoy the company of my partner and just talk about things...anything...and everything.

And i think i am almost ready to get married and have kids.

*Shoot me now, i can't believe i admitted that!*

Why I say "nearly or almost", its because there are some things i would like to do before having children...the things where you need the freedom to do so...while i can still be selfish! Because once i have children, i would need to be selfless, and my idea of being a good mother is one that gives all of herself to her family...(and then trying to fit some time for herself - some where, some how, some way!)

I never thought that i could become a mother...i couldn't see myself having children and i think it was because in my previous life, not so long ago, i was selfish - purely career oriented and i was vain. I wanted success and i wanted to live out a life of luxury and freedom. I didn't want to suffer stretch marks, i didn't want to lose my figure, i didn't want to have to go through 9 hours or more of pain, or have many sleepless nights on end. But more importantly, i truly believed that i was incapable of being a good role model for my children or be able to provide enough for them and be responsible for them in the way that a good mother should.

You see bad examples of parenting out there and it does scare the bejeezus out of me. You see those kids who parents don't care about them all that much and don't bother teaching them anything. And so what type of hoons will they grow up to be???

I didn't see myself go through this change, until i openly admitted these things to my friend. How different i am now, compared to how i was only a year ago? I now want to take my nieces out to the zoo and spend quality time with them, I'm getting so bloody clucky! I can't believe that i am actually ready - now that i'm single?!?!

What kind of warped joke is this?

I walk past this store that sells fabric for curtains and upholstery during my lunch breaks...its very cute and quaint and it looks like they only stock quality fabrics...the store is called Harris & Nugent...and each time i walk towards it, my attention is sucked towards its window display, and i have this HUGE urge to buy a pre-loved armchair so that i could go and re-upholster it like the one they have in the window...like how stupid is that?

Its beyond being homely...i think im going crazy!

Who would have thought that when i turned 25 I would wake up and realise that I want what most women want...a life filled with wonderous memories, shared with a loving husband and a couple of beautiful happy children...with a loving extended family and circle of friends.