My lil brother had a gf.
He broke up with her.
I admit, as a big sister, i wasn't impressed that he had a gf so young. I really thought that the least he could do was respect my mum's wishes and abstain from getting involved with anyone until he finished his HSC. But he didnt listen to mum and now he has broken up with that gf and is moving on to another girl.
The thing is, he is such a player.
So, as he was dating one girl...but he managed to vie for another's attention. And he didn't practice the "waiting out of respect" period! That period where you don't date anyone until all ties are severed and so that you dont hurt the other's feelings!
No, he jumps from being with someone, and a day being single and then he is already on the bandwagon with the next one! >_<
I'm so ashamed!
I thought at the least, that my brother would be humble with his looks and brains...well if he used his brains...*sigh*!
It was wrong to tell him that he was the good looking one, the one blessed with the looks and brains in the family - although true...its given him a big head! He knows he's good looking and smart...he was in the gifted and talented class and was voted the most eligible bachelor at school!
Is being a "pretty person" an excuse to be the way he is?
If i was blessed with the looks in the family, would have been that way too? I dont recall ever thinking that i could dump current_bf for potential_bf. I didn't think i would have a chance! Quite frankly the thought never crossed my mind! I had never dumped anyone for another person...which probably explains why the break ups weren't as bad as they could be...but still!
Okies...this is starting to sound like a whinge-fest...i should stop now...
If my brother ever reads this, know that i love you but u can be a conceded bastard sometimes and its moments like these that i worry about what you will turn out to be. I thought you were better than those player guys that hurt girls feelings! But from the example you have just shown me, i dont know...ur acting like a playboy, just because you can!
=(
Monday, December 22, 2003
The end is flying by...
My friend and i are going to Melb.
We'll be staying at my Cuz's place and we'll be celebrating the New Year there too!
I have really boring NYE, year after year...sometimes its with friends bumming at someone's house or im just at home sleeping and then waking 10 to midnite and watching the fireworks on the tv. Since this year it is in Melb, should i hope that it will be better? More interesting? Frankly...im not expecting much. My expectations always seem to get shot down, pretty fast too. So its better not to expect anything at all.
This year has been really eventful for me and honestly...i dont think i would want anything changed.
I'm a firm believer in never regretting anything in my life, and i dont regret! Everything i have done this year was fun and it didnt result in anything negative...its been a hoot! =D
Lets hope that 2004 will be as glorious as 2003...good health...great wealth...and eternal happiness to all!
We'll be staying at my Cuz's place and we'll be celebrating the New Year there too!
I have really boring NYE, year after year...sometimes its with friends bumming at someone's house or im just at home sleeping and then waking 10 to midnite and watching the fireworks on the tv. Since this year it is in Melb, should i hope that it will be better? More interesting? Frankly...im not expecting much. My expectations always seem to get shot down, pretty fast too. So its better not to expect anything at all.
This year has been really eventful for me and honestly...i dont think i would want anything changed.
I'm a firm believer in never regretting anything in my life, and i dont regret! Everything i have done this year was fun and it didnt result in anything negative...its been a hoot! =D
Lets hope that 2004 will be as glorious as 2003...good health...great wealth...and eternal happiness to all!
Mum's set up...
I go to dinner with my family and what do u think happens?
She drags me around the local club that we are having dinner at and introduces me to all these single guys!
Not that i have a problem with being introduced to some single guys (who happen to be quite attractive)...but being introduced by my mother...it just seems odd! I love my mum...but i derno...i dont think she should be the one introducing me to these guys...like i cant get a guy myself. (Which may be true at the moment considering that i cant seem to even find a guy to perve on).
But that aside, she introduced me to this one guy who i thought was quite cute...ino she has a thing for him...like an inkling for him to be her future son-in-law, cos she talks about him whenever she sees him and she is always selling him to me the day after. "He is so well mannered...he is a really good person...he is a funny boy...his parents are really good, teach their children really well...he does the same course as u...he is very tall, with beautiful blue eyes...yadda yadda yadda..."
Mum also has a hankering for me to marry someone with blue eyes...so we can have kids that are mixed! (She thinks half-casts are beautiful, and i agree). Although she knows that i dont want kids and that i dont plan to get married...i think thats still one of her fantasies...so the fact that she has managed to find a good looking guy with light brown hair and blue eyes that she happens think has a very good personality...she may think that her fantasy can become a reality!
So, last nite she introduced us to eachother...it was a brief chat and then i left to go home. This morning she said that he asked for my number so that we could be "friends"...her eyes sparkled as she said that. I know that she feels relieved that i'm graduating and now her next mission is to get me hitched...i mean since i have a stable job and all...in her mind the only thing im lacking at the moment is a partner!
Trust her to be so involved in my love life...even though its lacking at the moment!
She drags me around the local club that we are having dinner at and introduces me to all these single guys!
Not that i have a problem with being introduced to some single guys (who happen to be quite attractive)...but being introduced by my mother...it just seems odd! I love my mum...but i derno...i dont think she should be the one introducing me to these guys...like i cant get a guy myself. (Which may be true at the moment considering that i cant seem to even find a guy to perve on).
But that aside, she introduced me to this one guy who i thought was quite cute...ino she has a thing for him...like an inkling for him to be her future son-in-law, cos she talks about him whenever she sees him and she is always selling him to me the day after. "He is so well mannered...he is a really good person...he is a funny boy...his parents are really good, teach their children really well...he does the same course as u...he is very tall, with beautiful blue eyes...yadda yadda yadda..."
Mum also has a hankering for me to marry someone with blue eyes...so we can have kids that are mixed! (She thinks half-casts are beautiful, and i agree). Although she knows that i dont want kids and that i dont plan to get married...i think thats still one of her fantasies...so the fact that she has managed to find a good looking guy with light brown hair and blue eyes that she happens think has a very good personality...she may think that her fantasy can become a reality!
So, last nite she introduced us to eachother...it was a brief chat and then i left to go home. This morning she said that he asked for my number so that we could be "friends"...her eyes sparkled as she said that. I know that she feels relieved that i'm graduating and now her next mission is to get me hitched...i mean since i have a stable job and all...in her mind the only thing im lacking at the moment is a partner!
Trust her to be so involved in my love life...even though its lacking at the moment!
Friday, December 19, 2003
Previously...
It was about a year ago when we caught up at Wentworth at Uni.
He was talking about his new gf, and i was talking about my new bf.
He said to me:
"I was going to ask u out. I thought u looked pretty and i always felt good after talking to u."
I thought u were cute, i would have gone out with u if u had asked me to!
=P
hehehe
But oh well, were both taken now.
You with ur gf...and me with my bf...
He was talking about his new gf, and i was talking about my new bf.
He said to me:
"I was going to ask u out. I thought u looked pretty and i always felt good after talking to u."
I thought u were cute, i would have gone out with u if u had asked me to!
=P
hehehe
But oh well, were both taken now.
You with ur gf...and me with my bf...
The one that got away...
On the train this morning:
I thought i recognised u! But...woahhh!!! U've lost weight! I tried to look but wanted to avoid from looking like a guy checking you out!
hehehe
So, ur still with your gf?
Yep, a while now.
I didnt recognise u either, uve lost weight too...especially around the face.
Yeah, I've lost it around the face, but im getting a gut!
Too much beer drinking, eh?
hehehe
So, are u going to work?
Yeah, going to work.
Where are u working?
Walters.
Is that a construction company?
Yeah, i started about 4 months ago, as a cadet.
Woohoo...this is for your internship, right?
Yeah. Its been good too. Its such a good company. I wasnt going to say no. I mean they built the Centrepoint, Parliament House, the Hilton, like 80% of Sydney! When I was told that I got the job, I ran to uni and dropped all my subjects except one.
The one that you could pass with your eyes closed?
Yep! The one that I could b/s through! hahaha
***More talk about the job, how much the foreman was getting paid vs him. How much he would get if he graduated and became a Site Engineer. How his Project Manager gets $97 an hour and is only 36 y/o...etc.***
So, are you still with Phillip?
Do you mean my Ex?
Oh yeah, him...are you still with him?
No, we broke up a long time ago.
So, are u single then?
Yeah, there arent any guys out there.
Damn! (under his breath)
Even went shopping with my friend to find guys just to perve on...single or taken...just to look, and they seemed to have all disappeared! We went shopping on the Sunday that I found out that I was graduating...and there was no one!
Wait for me...just a couple of years...
I dont think ur gf would be happy to hear that!
hehehe
Hey ur stop...u dont want to miss it.
I thought i recognised u! But...woahhh!!! U've lost weight! I tried to look but wanted to avoid from looking like a guy checking you out!
hehehe
So, ur still with your gf?
Yep, a while now.
I didnt recognise u either, uve lost weight too...especially around the face.
Yeah, I've lost it around the face, but im getting a gut!
Too much beer drinking, eh?
hehehe
So, are u going to work?
Yeah, going to work.
Where are u working?
Walters.
Is that a construction company?
Yeah, i started about 4 months ago, as a cadet.
Woohoo...this is for your internship, right?
Yeah. Its been good too. Its such a good company. I wasnt going to say no. I mean they built the Centrepoint, Parliament House, the Hilton, like 80% of Sydney! When I was told that I got the job, I ran to uni and dropped all my subjects except one.
The one that you could pass with your eyes closed?
Yep! The one that I could b/s through! hahaha
***More talk about the job, how much the foreman was getting paid vs him. How much he would get if he graduated and became a Site Engineer. How his Project Manager gets $97 an hour and is only 36 y/o...etc.***
So, are you still with Phillip?
Do you mean my Ex?
Oh yeah, him...are you still with him?
No, we broke up a long time ago.
So, are u single then?
Yeah, there arent any guys out there.
Damn! (under his breath)
Even went shopping with my friend to find guys just to perve on...single or taken...just to look, and they seemed to have all disappeared! We went shopping on the Sunday that I found out that I was graduating...and there was no one!
Wait for me...just a couple of years...
I dont think ur gf would be happy to hear that!
hehehe
Hey ur stop...u dont want to miss it.
Tuesday, December 16, 2003
Rain on my parade...
I thought since i found out my final result and I will be graduating, that nothing would stop me from smiling!
I have been smiling ridiculously for a week and then i had an allergic reaction to my lunch on Tuesday last week...after lunch my mouth seemed to develop a rash on the side of my cheeks(inside the mouth) and by dinner, my tongue was swelling! The morning after...i opened my mouth and i could not see my throat!
I left from work a little early in the afternoon to see the doctor...and he said it has subsided and it was an allergic reaction from something i obviously ate! Come Thursday and i go through food poisoning...and all i can say is - i never want to go through that again! >_<
The last time i can remember being that sick was like when i was maybe 8 y/o. It was so horrid the feeling...which came in waves and subsided for a maximum of 30 minutes. And even when there was nothing left to up-chuck...my body still tried to throw something out!
My workmates were all teasing me, as they knew i was going through another detoxification. They were all jeering the next day: "You must be really cleansed now, hey?"
As i was lying on the living room couch...i actually started to think that it was the end. I felt that not only was there rain, but the storm was here and that because i can finally graduate, it was going to be taken away from me! *Melodramatic* But i did feel that way at the time.
I'm such a pansy!
I have been smiling ridiculously for a week and then i had an allergic reaction to my lunch on Tuesday last week...after lunch my mouth seemed to develop a rash on the side of my cheeks(inside the mouth) and by dinner, my tongue was swelling! The morning after...i opened my mouth and i could not see my throat!
I left from work a little early in the afternoon to see the doctor...and he said it has subsided and it was an allergic reaction from something i obviously ate! Come Thursday and i go through food poisoning...and all i can say is - i never want to go through that again! >_<
The last time i can remember being that sick was like when i was maybe 8 y/o. It was so horrid the feeling...which came in waves and subsided for a maximum of 30 minutes. And even when there was nothing left to up-chuck...my body still tried to throw something out!
My workmates were all teasing me, as they knew i was going through another detoxification. They were all jeering the next day: "You must be really cleansed now, hey?"
As i was lying on the living room couch...i actually started to think that it was the end. I felt that not only was there rain, but the storm was here and that because i can finally graduate, it was going to be taken away from me! *Melodramatic* But i did feel that way at the time.
I'm such a pansy!
Saturday, December 06, 2003
I hate you!
I try my very best to avoid you.
It actually hurts when i have to face you.
Its such hard work having to deal with you day in, day out.
Your so selfish.
Your so mean.
Stop calling me fat.
Stop making me cry!
Don't you understand that I have feelings too.
No, i'm not fragile...but that doesn't mean that i can constantly take every blow you sling at me and bounce right back.
I'm not supergirl - i wish i was...but thats another story in itself!
You see, you don't seem to notice the consequence of your hateful words.
Thankfully, i do have some inner strength - not a lot, just a little...and if i had allowed you to really influence me...i'd probably be struggling with multiple disorders by now! But i won't let you do that to me. Its not worth it!
So, what i want is for you to leave me alone! Go away, go bother someone else, banish yourself from the face of the Earth. Die if you have to, just leave me in peace. If you still persist in bothering me i can't guarantee that i can be civil with you anymore, i might have to resort in hurting you the same way you hurt me. Just stop it!
Oh, by the way, i just wanted to add : i hate you!
It actually hurts when i have to face you.
Its such hard work having to deal with you day in, day out.
Your so selfish.
Your so mean.
Stop calling me fat.
Stop making me cry!
Don't you understand that I have feelings too.
No, i'm not fragile...but that doesn't mean that i can constantly take every blow you sling at me and bounce right back.
I'm not supergirl - i wish i was...but thats another story in itself!
You see, you don't seem to notice the consequence of your hateful words.
Thankfully, i do have some inner strength - not a lot, just a little...and if i had allowed you to really influence me...i'd probably be struggling with multiple disorders by now! But i won't let you do that to me. Its not worth it!
So, what i want is for you to leave me alone! Go away, go bother someone else, banish yourself from the face of the Earth. Die if you have to, just leave me in peace. If you still persist in bothering me i can't guarantee that i can be civil with you anymore, i might have to resort in hurting you the same way you hurt me. Just stop it!
Oh, by the way, i just wanted to add : i hate you!
Monday, December 01, 2003
2nd Week
Its my second week at work.
Good note: Things are great...i drove to work today...i think i may in fact be driving every day from now on...People are lovely, and im being healthy...striving to look good for aunty's wedding on Xmas day!
Bad note: My work mate Wilson...he knows not only my travel agent...he also knows my Ex's family!
Enough said.
Good note: Things are great...i drove to work today...i think i may in fact be driving every day from now on...People are lovely, and im being healthy...striving to look good for aunty's wedding on Xmas day!
Bad note: My work mate Wilson...he knows not only my travel agent...he also knows my Ex's family!
Enough said.
Study, Holiday, Work!
I have been riding a tidal wave...
I had my final exam for Uni...and that was Tuesday 18th November 2003. It ended at 4pm in the afternoon. I rushed home to pack the last of my things into my hand-carry bag and zoomed to the airport to catch my flight to Thailand at 7pm. Got to the airport and the plane flew at 10pm.
I didnt sleep all nite...i napped for an hour but by the time i managed to get tired enough to catch some decent zzz's, we had reached Thailand and it was 5am Thai time...We stayed awake and went shopping! Next day we went on a day tour and we managed to still shop! I was completely stuffed on the second day. Buffet breakfast, buffet lunch, buffet dinner! At least the food was good! =D
Next day was more shopping...now today was more shopping for me: bags, shoes, bags, shoes, a pair of jeans here...more shoes, more bags, a top here...some stuf for my niece...more bags, more shoes...
I have to say, i have never enjoyed buying shoes more than ever...i mean who can argue with buying shoes that only cost u no more than $25 for the really nicest highest prettiest shoes! *LoL*
Average price for the shoes were like $8-15, same with the bags!
The hotel was great...centralised and close to shops...had great food...swimming pool...gym...nice staff...great masseurs - i recommend the oriental foot massage!
I plan to go back again...but for longer, and go to other countries while im at it!
=)
I got back on Sunday...it was 10:30pm when i got out from Sydney International...got home at about 11:10pm...went online - yes that was the first thing i did when i got home! Went online to check my train times so i would know what time to set my alarm to wake up the next day for work!
Yes, I had to go to work although i was sick and completely buggered...i soldiered on!
I went to work and they told me to take a half day, cos they were worried about me infecting others! *LoL* I am working in an airconditioned enclosed area that would spread my germs in seconds! So, the engineers were happy that i was there (so they could utilise their sick days) but the supervisor wanted me to get better, and not spread the germs....
So my first day at work was only a half day and i also took the next day off! hehehe...good start to a new job eh?
=P
I had my final exam for Uni...and that was Tuesday 18th November 2003. It ended at 4pm in the afternoon. I rushed home to pack the last of my things into my hand-carry bag and zoomed to the airport to catch my flight to Thailand at 7pm. Got to the airport and the plane flew at 10pm.
I didnt sleep all nite...i napped for an hour but by the time i managed to get tired enough to catch some decent zzz's, we had reached Thailand and it was 5am Thai time...We stayed awake and went shopping! Next day we went on a day tour and we managed to still shop! I was completely stuffed on the second day. Buffet breakfast, buffet lunch, buffet dinner! At least the food was good! =D
Next day was more shopping...now today was more shopping for me: bags, shoes, bags, shoes, a pair of jeans here...more shoes, more bags, a top here...some stuf for my niece...more bags, more shoes...
I have to say, i have never enjoyed buying shoes more than ever...i mean who can argue with buying shoes that only cost u no more than $25 for the really nicest highest prettiest shoes! *LoL*
Average price for the shoes were like $8-15, same with the bags!
The hotel was great...centralised and close to shops...had great food...swimming pool...gym...nice staff...great masseurs - i recommend the oriental foot massage!
I plan to go back again...but for longer, and go to other countries while im at it!
=)
I got back on Sunday...it was 10:30pm when i got out from Sydney International...got home at about 11:10pm...went online - yes that was the first thing i did when i got home! Went online to check my train times so i would know what time to set my alarm to wake up the next day for work!
Yes, I had to go to work although i was sick and completely buggered...i soldiered on!
I went to work and they told me to take a half day, cos they were worried about me infecting others! *LoL* I am working in an airconditioned enclosed area that would spread my germs in seconds! So, the engineers were happy that i was there (so they could utilise their sick days) but the supervisor wanted me to get better, and not spread the germs....
So my first day at work was only a half day and i also took the next day off! hehehe...good start to a new job eh?
=P
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
Emulation...
My workmate...he is under 25 y/o...
Average looking...not very tall...korean...born in Australia...
I appreciate the fact that i have met someone that has emulated what i want in my ideal partner and know that it does exist! (Except the person that the qualities exist in is already taken! *bummer*)
Look at what he has achieved thus far:
He plays the violin...he did so professionally since he was a child.
Due to his talent...he has travelled the world playing with an orchestra...he travelled all of Europe - all of Asia - and places in between...this was all done by the time he finished high school.
From high school he decided to join the army reserve part time and full time uni.
He is an officer now, and he gets to drive tanks! *LoL*
He teaches children to play the violin now...on the weekends he goes to the barracks and does training.
He is also finishing his Masters in Finance at my Uni.
In between all this he runs a business and works with us at IncNet.
This guy emulates what i want in a guy.
Confidence, a good sense of humour, talent, motivation to succeed, humility...
This guy is fun to be around. He is giving, always sharing...
He talks and i absorb...we have good conversations...
I like he fact that he is so good natured. It makes me want to be an exceptionally good person to!
And that my friends, is the most important quality that i would like to find in a future partner. I'd like the guy to be more knowledgable and interesting, so that i can learn from them or i can become motivated to learn more by myself. Which is why i like being around people who are constantly moving...changing...learning...trying new things!
I get bored easily - im not going to deny that!
So, i would like to be with someone who is going to challenge me to do brilliant things!
And since the possible someone is taken...i guess im going to end up dying old and lonely!
ahahahahhaa
i doubt that would happen...i mean, i would just get too bored and have to do something (about it) wayyy before i would get old and lonely!
oh wells...
Average looking...not very tall...korean...born in Australia...
I appreciate the fact that i have met someone that has emulated what i want in my ideal partner and know that it does exist! (Except the person that the qualities exist in is already taken! *bummer*)
Look at what he has achieved thus far:
He plays the violin...he did so professionally since he was a child.
Due to his talent...he has travelled the world playing with an orchestra...he travelled all of Europe - all of Asia - and places in between...this was all done by the time he finished high school.
From high school he decided to join the army reserve part time and full time uni.
He is an officer now, and he gets to drive tanks! *LoL*
He teaches children to play the violin now...on the weekends he goes to the barracks and does training.
He is also finishing his Masters in Finance at my Uni.
In between all this he runs a business and works with us at IncNet.
This guy emulates what i want in a guy.
Confidence, a good sense of humour, talent, motivation to succeed, humility...
This guy is fun to be around. He is giving, always sharing...
He talks and i absorb...we have good conversations...
I like he fact that he is so good natured. It makes me want to be an exceptionally good person to!
And that my friends, is the most important quality that i would like to find in a future partner. I'd like the guy to be more knowledgable and interesting, so that i can learn from them or i can become motivated to learn more by myself. Which is why i like being around people who are constantly moving...changing...learning...trying new things!
I get bored easily - im not going to deny that!
So, i would like to be with someone who is going to challenge me to do brilliant things!
And since the possible someone is taken...i guess im going to end up dying old and lonely!
ahahahahhaa
i doubt that would happen...i mean, i would just get too bored and have to do something (about it) wayyy before i would get old and lonely!
oh wells...
Melbourne Cup
I won! Good work to Makybe Diva & Glen Boss!!!
Funny...i dont advocate gambling...im not even tempted to purchase lotto tickets, even when there are HUGE sweeps...so yeah...dont know what made me bet on Melb Cup, but i did...
I placed bets up to $9, and i won $14...so i made a profit of $5.
I'm happy...not as happy as my father's friends nephew.
He didnt know what he was doing...he told my dad to write it down for him and place a bet of $10 trifectta on horses #12, #17, #1.
He is ultra happy cos he made $129,000.00 - thats lucky happy!
I went to the new office that we will move into in December at the end of the year. I dont really like the area of North Ryde...The people at Praxa are...i derno...asian?!
One guy had his pants pulled so high up...i wonder if that is a permanent wedgie?
Highlight of the day was the fact that i bludged from 1pm onwards...hehehehe...and i won the Melb Cup...Dad won too...so i got $100 from him...*woohoo*
Funny...i dont advocate gambling...im not even tempted to purchase lotto tickets, even when there are HUGE sweeps...so yeah...dont know what made me bet on Melb Cup, but i did...
I placed bets up to $9, and i won $14...so i made a profit of $5.
I'm happy...not as happy as my father's friends nephew.
He didnt know what he was doing...he told my dad to write it down for him and place a bet of $10 trifectta on horses #12, #17, #1.
He is ultra happy cos he made $129,000.00 - thats lucky happy!
I went to the new office that we will move into in December at the end of the year. I dont really like the area of North Ryde...The people at Praxa are...i derno...asian?!
One guy had his pants pulled so high up...i wonder if that is a permanent wedgie?
Highlight of the day was the fact that i bludged from 1pm onwards...hehehehe...and i won the Melb Cup...Dad won too...so i got $100 from him...*woohoo*
Monday, October 27, 2003
Somethings may never change...
My cousin, her husband, my funky valentine (nephew phillip), my lil sweetheart (my neice megan) all came up from Melbourne to celebrate my lil brother's Sweet 16th Bday for the weekend!
The ride from the airport to our home was a nightmare! We picked them up from the domestic terminal and my funky valentine was crook and so he was crying and throwing tantrums...*grrr*...
my lil sweetheart on the other hand didnt get agitated until we were 3/4 of the way home. then she started sulking sliding off the baby seat, etc.
when i was about 13 y/o...i told mum that i wasnt having kids.
i was sure of it!
back then, i was very career oriented. i wanted to become a doctor and to be exact a psychiatrist no less. if not a psychiatrist i would have to be a neurologist. previously i wanted to be a fashion designer...interior decorator...architect...then it led to being a doctor...
and since i was going to lead a very hectic life...i told mum that i was sure that kids wouldnt go well with my future lifestyle.
when i was 14-15 y/o i told her that i dont think i would want to have kids not only because of my future career, but also because i wouldnt be a good mother. i know that im an irresponsible person. i cant even take care of myself. why bring another child into the world if you cant take care of it? and there are so many children in the world that are orphans.
when i turned 18 y/o i was thinking about the world then, and it wasnt a nice place to bring a child into a world that may be ending (the whole y2k...the world is going to end thing).
for once mum didnt complain about it...whenever i mentioned it to her...she would usually ask me "well who is going to call me grandmother in that way - ur my only daughter?" (in chinese and vietnamese there are 2 different ways on calling family members, depending on whether they are related through ur mother or father.)
she agreed with me. she didnt think it would be a good place, if we survived y2k - not knowing what would happen next...to bring a child into this world. she was against my brother and sister in-law in having Chloe...but she couldnt stop it. she didnt think it was right, as they were both soooo not prepared for it.
now at 22 y/o...i still affirm that i dont want kids but its not due to my career aspirations. i still conclude that im not going to be a good mother as im utterly selfish and still cant look after myself, let alone another being.
if the ride from the airport alone did not embed in my brain that i shouldnt have kids, the dinner last nite for my lil brother's birthday surely must have engraved the confirmation!?!
i always have to act as though i dont care...cos the moment i care and notice those lil beings movement...i feel as though im getting utterly violent and prepare to spank the lil bottoms. since i firmly believe that violence is not the answer esp with kids...i have to pretend that they are not there acting like lil brats, to avoid hitting them!
and since this demonstrates my hot temper...i think it shows that i should not be a mother!
and looking after 2 lil girls for a lunch time...let me just say that it was not fun...esp at yum cha!
-_-!
The ride from the airport to our home was a nightmare! We picked them up from the domestic terminal and my funky valentine was crook and so he was crying and throwing tantrums...*grrr*...
my lil sweetheart on the other hand didnt get agitated until we were 3/4 of the way home. then she started sulking sliding off the baby seat, etc.
when i was about 13 y/o...i told mum that i wasnt having kids.
i was sure of it!
back then, i was very career oriented. i wanted to become a doctor and to be exact a psychiatrist no less. if not a psychiatrist i would have to be a neurologist. previously i wanted to be a fashion designer...interior decorator...architect...then it led to being a doctor...
and since i was going to lead a very hectic life...i told mum that i was sure that kids wouldnt go well with my future lifestyle.
when i was 14-15 y/o i told her that i dont think i would want to have kids not only because of my future career, but also because i wouldnt be a good mother. i know that im an irresponsible person. i cant even take care of myself. why bring another child into the world if you cant take care of it? and there are so many children in the world that are orphans.
when i turned 18 y/o i was thinking about the world then, and it wasnt a nice place to bring a child into a world that may be ending (the whole y2k...the world is going to end thing).
for once mum didnt complain about it...whenever i mentioned it to her...she would usually ask me "well who is going to call me grandmother in that way - ur my only daughter?" (in chinese and vietnamese there are 2 different ways on calling family members, depending on whether they are related through ur mother or father.)
she agreed with me. she didnt think it would be a good place, if we survived y2k - not knowing what would happen next...to bring a child into this world. she was against my brother and sister in-law in having Chloe...but she couldnt stop it. she didnt think it was right, as they were both soooo not prepared for it.
now at 22 y/o...i still affirm that i dont want kids but its not due to my career aspirations. i still conclude that im not going to be a good mother as im utterly selfish and still cant look after myself, let alone another being.
if the ride from the airport alone did not embed in my brain that i shouldnt have kids, the dinner last nite for my lil brother's birthday surely must have engraved the confirmation!?!
i always have to act as though i dont care...cos the moment i care and notice those lil beings movement...i feel as though im getting utterly violent and prepare to spank the lil bottoms. since i firmly believe that violence is not the answer esp with kids...i have to pretend that they are not there acting like lil brats, to avoid hitting them!
and since this demonstrates my hot temper...i think it shows that i should not be a mother!
and looking after 2 lil girls for a lunch time...let me just say that it was not fun...esp at yum cha!
-_-!
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
Straight girl for the Queer 5!
I am absolutely loving the show Queer Eye for the straight guy - showcasing the Fabulous 5!
Last nites episode was the Fab 5 helping a guy prepare for the nite he proposes to his gf, in which he was living with for the past 2 years.
I was flabbergasted when they cleaned him up (and more so - the way they transformed the house in such short time.) Not that he was bad looking in the first place...he really looked like a model on the weekend with the 5 o'clock shadow on his face...so they cleaned him up...
I was in awe with those chocolate boxes filled with choc mousse and rasperries, and more importantly the ring in one of the 3 choccie boxes...i really want to try the Albanian choc that has a real minty flavour to it! (I like minty-freshness, even in chocolates!)
I was also in awe of the simple fact that this guy was Oh! soooo ROMANTIC...and he was inspired by the late greats of romance...he wanted to present his gf with the whole casablanca type of good lovin'...and he was chivalrous by heart.
I started to cry when he proposed and she took way too long to say yes! (He put in so much effort...) The Fab 5 thought she was preparing a "NO!" just as much as i was anticipating it!...the way her face looked indicated a negative reply...but she said that she would love nothing more than to be his wife! *awwwww*
^_^
Now...when i think about it...
If you were given the proposition of the Fab 5 from Queer Eye or all of the crushes you have had in the last year? I'd choose the Fab 5.
If you were given the proposition of the Fab 5 from Queer Eye or 5 guys from the last 200 guys on earth? I'd definately choose the Fab 5.
If you were given the proposition of the Fab 5 from Queer Eye or the last supermodel looking man on earth? I'd still choose the Fab 5.
FAB 5 win hands down!
*LoL*
Who wouldnt want a guy that was well groomed, dressed fashionably, cultured, handy and decorative, and cooks?! (That could teach u too..)
Well, if u cant find one guy, why not have five that know what they are doing and always do it well???
Last nites episode was the Fab 5 helping a guy prepare for the nite he proposes to his gf, in which he was living with for the past 2 years.
I was flabbergasted when they cleaned him up (and more so - the way they transformed the house in such short time.) Not that he was bad looking in the first place...he really looked like a model on the weekend with the 5 o'clock shadow on his face...so they cleaned him up...
I was in awe with those chocolate boxes filled with choc mousse and rasperries, and more importantly the ring in one of the 3 choccie boxes...i really want to try the Albanian choc that has a real minty flavour to it! (I like minty-freshness, even in chocolates!)
I was also in awe of the simple fact that this guy was Oh! soooo ROMANTIC...and he was inspired by the late greats of romance...he wanted to present his gf with the whole casablanca type of good lovin'...and he was chivalrous by heart.
I started to cry when he proposed and she took way too long to say yes! (He put in so much effort...) The Fab 5 thought she was preparing a "NO!" just as much as i was anticipating it!...the way her face looked indicated a negative reply...but she said that she would love nothing more than to be his wife! *awwwww*
^_^
Now...when i think about it...
If you were given the proposition of the Fab 5 from Queer Eye or all of the crushes you have had in the last year? I'd choose the Fab 5.
If you were given the proposition of the Fab 5 from Queer Eye or 5 guys from the last 200 guys on earth? I'd definately choose the Fab 5.
If you were given the proposition of the Fab 5 from Queer Eye or the last supermodel looking man on earth? I'd still choose the Fab 5.
FAB 5 win hands down!
*LoL*
Who wouldnt want a guy that was well groomed, dressed fashionably, cultured, handy and decorative, and cooks?! (That could teach u too..)
Well, if u cant find one guy, why not have five that know what they are doing and always do it well???
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
I want to be a Supermodel!
I want to be pretty like a Supermodel...actually, just pretty like any model!
heh.
*sigh*
/me weeps...
I think i should face up to the fact that:
I will never be toned and slender!
I will never be tall!
I wont have a sparkling smile - ever!
Clothes will always fit funny on me...
I wont ever be able to find a good pair of jeans that fit.
I will always be ashamed of wearing a swimsuit on the beach...least to say a bikini!
I will have leg problems in about 5 years because im vertically challenged and wear heels too often to compensate for it!
You see...at this point i should be crying...like all the other times i get really really upset about the way i look!
But miraculously im not...
I think im more numb from the self realisation.
I should be grateful that im not one half of a siemese twin joined in a weird position that would make it dangerous for doctors to separate me from my twin, or that im mutilated in any way. I should be grateful like my mother when she gave birth to me and the midwife said that I was a healthy baby girl with a head full of jet-black hair, 2 beautiful large eyes, 1 cute nose, 2 ears, 2 arms, 2 legs, 10 fingers, 10 toes, etc...
I should be grateful...but why dont i feel so?
heh.
*sigh*
/me weeps...
I think i should face up to the fact that:
I will never be toned and slender!
I will never be tall!
I wont have a sparkling smile - ever!
Clothes will always fit funny on me...
I wont ever be able to find a good pair of jeans that fit.
I will always be ashamed of wearing a swimsuit on the beach...least to say a bikini!
I will have leg problems in about 5 years because im vertically challenged and wear heels too often to compensate for it!
You see...at this point i should be crying...like all the other times i get really really upset about the way i look!
But miraculously im not...
I think im more numb from the self realisation.
I should be grateful that im not one half of a siemese twin joined in a weird position that would make it dangerous for doctors to separate me from my twin, or that im mutilated in any way. I should be grateful like my mother when she gave birth to me and the midwife said that I was a healthy baby girl with a head full of jet-black hair, 2 beautiful large eyes, 1 cute nose, 2 ears, 2 arms, 2 legs, 10 fingers, 10 toes, etc...
I should be grateful...but why dont i feel so?
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
I crave...
So now everyone knows that i have been detoxing and training almost mad. I havent eaten junk food for over 21 days (the amount of time to develop a habit).
On the weekend...the long weekend I had some fish and chips in a store in Manly and had a little bit of chocolate.
I use to eat so much chocolate...like in highschool...i lived by the slogan "a mars a day helps you work rest and play"...yeah i had a mars bar a day...sometimes even 2 bars a day! This was when i was frantically doing my art projects and pretty much did 3 months worth of work in 2 weeks with a minimal of 1-2hours per nite of sleep...and some nites without any at all. So...i REALLY needed the sugar!
=P
I use to crave sugar so much that it became a normal everyday thing. But since my detox i no longer crave it, if anything - by example of that nite i had a little bit of it...my body was rejecting it! After eating it i was unsettled and my tongue began to swell. I felt so uncomfortable and sick. So "byebye" to my chocolate cravings!
The oil from the fish and chips...well it was actually cooked quite well..and there was very little traces of oil on the food or the plate, but in my stomach...after i ate it...i bloated up...i never liked oily foods...now it is obvious that my body wont take it!
What i crave for now is meat...beef, chicken, fish, pork, etc...i cut out a lot of meat from my diet...almost vegan...but ive eaten a little here and there...its funny how things change - what u crave for. I like eating all kinds of greens...and herbs...like mint and corriander...i use to push it away from my food...now i eat the lot!
I also noticed some other things that i have started to crave for...in terms of my needs. I need someone to talk to sometimes...someone i can just tell everything to. Let down my guards and just let it all flow out!
I need some intimacy with someone...someone i can sit close to, lean my head against their shoulder or chest...someone to gaze into their eyes as they gaze into mine as we speak to eachother...
I need someone to hold hands with...to feel someone's stronger grip around mine, makng me feel secure.
I also need hugs, not the simple *pat pat* hugs from friends...close and warm hugs...the type that u receive from your partner...
I also need a "potential"...i need a potential someone to give my "pursue me" time to.
I dont want marriage material boys...im not ready for marriage...i just want someone to make myself pretty for, now and again - in my attempt to impress them.
I want to have some fun flirting with someone who will flirt back - who i want to flirt back to me...
Thats what i crave...
On the weekend...the long weekend I had some fish and chips in a store in Manly and had a little bit of chocolate.
I use to eat so much chocolate...like in highschool...i lived by the slogan "a mars a day helps you work rest and play"...yeah i had a mars bar a day...sometimes even 2 bars a day! This was when i was frantically doing my art projects and pretty much did 3 months worth of work in 2 weeks with a minimal of 1-2hours per nite of sleep...and some nites without any at all. So...i REALLY needed the sugar!
=P
I use to crave sugar so much that it became a normal everyday thing. But since my detox i no longer crave it, if anything - by example of that nite i had a little bit of it...my body was rejecting it! After eating it i was unsettled and my tongue began to swell. I felt so uncomfortable and sick. So "byebye" to my chocolate cravings!
The oil from the fish and chips...well it was actually cooked quite well..and there was very little traces of oil on the food or the plate, but in my stomach...after i ate it...i bloated up...i never liked oily foods...now it is obvious that my body wont take it!
What i crave for now is meat...beef, chicken, fish, pork, etc...i cut out a lot of meat from my diet...almost vegan...but ive eaten a little here and there...its funny how things change - what u crave for. I like eating all kinds of greens...and herbs...like mint and corriander...i use to push it away from my food...now i eat the lot!
I also noticed some other things that i have started to crave for...in terms of my needs. I need someone to talk to sometimes...someone i can just tell everything to. Let down my guards and just let it all flow out!
I need some intimacy with someone...someone i can sit close to, lean my head against their shoulder or chest...someone to gaze into their eyes as they gaze into mine as we speak to eachother...
I need someone to hold hands with...to feel someone's stronger grip around mine, makng me feel secure.
I also need hugs, not the simple *pat pat* hugs from friends...close and warm hugs...the type that u receive from your partner...
I also need a "potential"...i need a potential someone to give my "pursue me" time to.
I dont want marriage material boys...im not ready for marriage...i just want someone to make myself pretty for, now and again - in my attempt to impress them.
I want to have some fun flirting with someone who will flirt back - who i want to flirt back to me...
Thats what i crave...
Thursday, October 02, 2003
Me against the world...
I think it started when i was born.
I was blessed as a beautiful baby. Ask anyone, and they will tell you i looked like a doll...perfect symmetry in the face, large black eyes like two polished onyx stones, black silky hair that was oh so thick. My face was white as snow and my cheeks were like two rosebuds imprinted on the apple.
I was the cutest thing ever.
My uncle would refuse to eat if i wasnt in his presence.
I was the first born girl for the next generation of my family - so of course everyone loved me for that simple fact. Other than that, i WAS beautiful...undeniably...simply gorgeous...breath taking even...cute as a button...*sigh* But i grew up...turned ugly and it does feel like the world is against me.
I use to study until i basically had no sleep at nite just so that i could achieve my best...It all started in Year 9 in highschool...beginning of the end...it turned out not to be for my best after all...*double sigh*
Its like every time i try...i succeed in failing.
Relationships...dont even talk to me about that subject.
Failed #1/2...which wasnt really a relationship at all...
Failed #1...bad choice?
Failed #2...another bad decision taken...
Failed #3...i actually thought i was ready for a relationship again...
Note to self: You will never be ready you commitment phobe!
Im in my 5th year at Uni doing a degree that im uncertain as to what i will do with it once i actually get it. And even that is in itself a big "IF i get it". One subject lingering...and im so scared that i will fail it AGAIN...i may be reduced to tears soon...exams are only 4 weeks away!!! *panic attack*...i still dont feel like ive learnt anything this semester...*even bigger sigh*
...and...?
I was overweight as a kid...well i wasnt really...but being asian...if ur slighty bigger than the average bones and skin...ur basically FAT. I was only 10 years old when i was told by someone to "diet". That someone was a person that i never thought would judge me as so, especially when they were that close to me. Imagine my self esteem...wait...unless u have been told that u are "overweight" or "fat" by ur family or family friends...then u wont know how it feels, so dont even try to imagine what my self esteem was like!
All this time...i guess i have been obsessed with losing weight...trying to achieve what i think is perfect. There was a period of time where i wasnt even thinking about it...i was just happy to be me and i was happy with the size i was. That soon fizzled, cos my confidence was shot and soon i began obsessing again...i jogged/ran around the local oval...over and over again every morning with dedication of an elite athlete...
I dont think im obsessive about it now, im just challenging myself to reach my goal.
I was fired on Tuesday 23rd Sept 2003 at approximately 1:10pm. I was going to quit...and the bloody bastard beat me to it! *Grr*...i worked really hard for that company, i even stressed for them...and this is how they pay me! I stayed out of office politics...i didnt care for the gossip...and then my ex-friggin "sexually challenged" manager decides to pick on me. I take action and he fires me cos i "dobbed" him in for picking on the staff in the department!
Trust no one...
I got home straight after he fired me and i called all my agencies that afternoon. They called back for interviews to "touch-base" and so on Wednesday i went to interviews, by Thursdays i was offered 4 different roles! On Friday i went to another interview for a position that was most flexible and i got it right away - so i accepted it then and there!
So up yours u prick!!!
I fell sick with what seemed like a never ending virus about 1-2 months ago...i couldnt take antibiotics cos it wouldnt have helped either way and the only thing i could take was panadol and my allergy medication, that wasnt really working anyways...i would cough and what i thought and felt was a chesty cough, turned out to be a dry irritating one!
This is what i get for not going to my doc for a flu vaccination this winter!
When i get sick, its like a bloody curse...i put on weight...yes yes...ino people tend to lose weight...cos they lose their appetite and pretty much just welt like a dying flower...but i, even though all i do is drink water, and i eat very little...i stack on the weight. cos i wasnt allowed to exercise...as an alternate to the intense cardio workouts i usually do, i walked 15 mins to and from work and did body balance classes to stretch and yet i still put on the weight! So much that i had rolls over the top of the waistband on my pants or skirts.
Rolls...there were rolls...
I went on my own version of a detox after researching so much on it. I avoided foods with fats/sugars/junk/fatty meats/preservatives/dairy/salt and some other stuff. I eat fresh fruits and veges, or steamed veges, beans and legumes, soya products, aloe vera juice, freshly squeezed juices...especially ones designed to detoxify or cleanse your system...like Boost's liver cleanser *yuk cos it had beetroot in it* but i drank it regardless...and it was good at flushing the body!
I started my interval training with my trainer and its been good...
I have been bigger than my brothers for so long...albeit my younger brother is 6 years younger...but now he is a teenager...i sort of prefer to be lighter in weight than he is since im shorter. My older brother was heavier the moment he got engaged and cushy with his "married man" lifestyle and he let go...literally, he let himself go!!!
And since my detoxing...i have reached a milestone! *woo hoo* I'm lighter than my younger brother. Like finally some form of redemption for my sad life...Finally the world has given back for all the times it has taken from me! This is really tiring me out...i cant keep on going on like this and just keep on taking the knock backs. I mean there is only SO much a person can take.
Once again *WOO HOO!!!*
I was blessed as a beautiful baby. Ask anyone, and they will tell you i looked like a doll...perfect symmetry in the face, large black eyes like two polished onyx stones, black silky hair that was oh so thick. My face was white as snow and my cheeks were like two rosebuds imprinted on the apple.
I was the cutest thing ever.
My uncle would refuse to eat if i wasnt in his presence.
I was the first born girl for the next generation of my family - so of course everyone loved me for that simple fact. Other than that, i WAS beautiful...undeniably...simply gorgeous...breath taking even...cute as a button...*sigh* But i grew up...turned ugly and it does feel like the world is against me.
I use to study until i basically had no sleep at nite just so that i could achieve my best...It all started in Year 9 in highschool...beginning of the end...it turned out not to be for my best after all...*double sigh*
Its like every time i try...i succeed in failing.
Relationships...dont even talk to me about that subject.
Failed #1/2...which wasnt really a relationship at all...
Failed #1...bad choice?
Failed #2...another bad decision taken...
Failed #3...i actually thought i was ready for a relationship again...
Note to self: You will never be ready you commitment phobe!
Im in my 5th year at Uni doing a degree that im uncertain as to what i will do with it once i actually get it. And even that is in itself a big "IF i get it". One subject lingering...and im so scared that i will fail it AGAIN...i may be reduced to tears soon...exams are only 4 weeks away!!! *panic attack*...i still dont feel like ive learnt anything this semester...*even bigger sigh*
...and...?
I was overweight as a kid...well i wasnt really...but being asian...if ur slighty bigger than the average bones and skin...ur basically FAT. I was only 10 years old when i was told by someone to "diet". That someone was a person that i never thought would judge me as so, especially when they were that close to me. Imagine my self esteem...wait...unless u have been told that u are "overweight" or "fat" by ur family or family friends...then u wont know how it feels, so dont even try to imagine what my self esteem was like!
All this time...i guess i have been obsessed with losing weight...trying to achieve what i think is perfect. There was a period of time where i wasnt even thinking about it...i was just happy to be me and i was happy with the size i was. That soon fizzled, cos my confidence was shot and soon i began obsessing again...i jogged/ran around the local oval...over and over again every morning with dedication of an elite athlete...
I dont think im obsessive about it now, im just challenging myself to reach my goal.
I was fired on Tuesday 23rd Sept 2003 at approximately 1:10pm. I was going to quit...and the bloody bastard beat me to it! *Grr*...i worked really hard for that company, i even stressed for them...and this is how they pay me! I stayed out of office politics...i didnt care for the gossip...and then my ex-friggin "sexually challenged" manager decides to pick on me. I take action and he fires me cos i "dobbed" him in for picking on the staff in the department!
Trust no one...
I got home straight after he fired me and i called all my agencies that afternoon. They called back for interviews to "touch-base" and so on Wednesday i went to interviews, by Thursdays i was offered 4 different roles! On Friday i went to another interview for a position that was most flexible and i got it right away - so i accepted it then and there!
So up yours u prick!!!
I fell sick with what seemed like a never ending virus about 1-2 months ago...i couldnt take antibiotics cos it wouldnt have helped either way and the only thing i could take was panadol and my allergy medication, that wasnt really working anyways...i would cough and what i thought and felt was a chesty cough, turned out to be a dry irritating one!
This is what i get for not going to my doc for a flu vaccination this winter!
When i get sick, its like a bloody curse...i put on weight...yes yes...ino people tend to lose weight...cos they lose their appetite and pretty much just welt like a dying flower...but i, even though all i do is drink water, and i eat very little...i stack on the weight. cos i wasnt allowed to exercise...as an alternate to the intense cardio workouts i usually do, i walked 15 mins to and from work and did body balance classes to stretch and yet i still put on the weight! So much that i had rolls over the top of the waistband on my pants or skirts.
Rolls...there were rolls...
I went on my own version of a detox after researching so much on it. I avoided foods with fats/sugars/junk/fatty meats/preservatives/dairy/salt and some other stuff. I eat fresh fruits and veges, or steamed veges, beans and legumes, soya products, aloe vera juice, freshly squeezed juices...especially ones designed to detoxify or cleanse your system...like Boost's liver cleanser *yuk cos it had beetroot in it* but i drank it regardless...and it was good at flushing the body!
I started my interval training with my trainer and its been good...
I have been bigger than my brothers for so long...albeit my younger brother is 6 years younger...but now he is a teenager...i sort of prefer to be lighter in weight than he is since im shorter. My older brother was heavier the moment he got engaged and cushy with his "married man" lifestyle and he let go...literally, he let himself go!!!
And since my detoxing...i have reached a milestone! *woo hoo* I'm lighter than my younger brother. Like finally some form of redemption for my sad life...Finally the world has given back for all the times it has taken from me! This is really tiring me out...i cant keep on going on like this and just keep on taking the knock backs. I mean there is only SO much a person can take.
Once again *WOO HOO!!!*
Monday, September 15, 2003
What happens...?
What happens when two blind people with canes are walking on their own on the same side of the walkway but are coming towards eachother from the opposite directions? Do they know when to stop before they collide? Or do they battle it out with their canes as to who was on the right of passage?!
I admire blind people who venture in the great vast world on their own like that.
I admire anyone with a disability who manages to lead a more "normal" life - in comparison to someone who has no disability.
I admire blind people who venture in the great vast world on their own like that.
I admire anyone with a disability who manages to lead a more "normal" life - in comparison to someone who has no disability.
Friday, September 12, 2003
Slowly noticing...
(1) Midlife crisis gone too far when ur a 70y/o man driving a red celica with ur chair pushed too far forward and u cant see properly over the steering wheel and ur driving along at 20k/hr
(2) Terrible Two's is really terrible. And apparently i was the worst. Mum claims that she told me to NOT open a draw filled with my uncle's music cassettes or she would spank the hell out of me. So what do i do? When my uncle was babysitting me, i went to the draw and opened it and poured water all over the tapes. He just stared at me and didnt say a word!
My neice the other day (who will be two on the 28 Sept) was naughty, pouring water all over our floor in the living room...luckily its tiled. But when my mother stopped her, and called her "naughty" in vietnamese, she started crying - it was offensive apparently to her! (amazing how they understand so much!) She cried and didnt stop until she puked all over the lounge chair! *sigh* She was being naughty, and she already learnt to be defensive and was denying it.
(3) Mobile phones on the train. Be courteous please! When ur on a train and there are people around:
(i) pick up ur fudging phone instead of waiting for the polyphonic ringtone to play twice! Its bloody irritating!!!
(ii) when u are frantically smsing friends/boyfriends/whoever, please put ur phone on vibrate alert or just lower the bloody volume, the phone is in ur hands, ready to respond...so its not like ur going to miss it!
(iii) when u answer ur bloody call, try not to speak too loud so that the people in the next carriage can hear u!
(4) Being happy for other people is a good thing, even when they are happy for the wrong reason...if they share their happiness with u, its just too infectious to ignore! =D
(5) I like spending money on other people as much as for myself. I like the process of selecting the present, then paying for the present, wrapping the present and then handing the present, and more importantly - i love the appreciative expressions on the recipients face!
^_^
(6) I switch off when im around people who are too out there. I am literally speechless!
(2) Terrible Two's is really terrible. And apparently i was the worst. Mum claims that she told me to NOT open a draw filled with my uncle's music cassettes or she would spank the hell out of me. So what do i do? When my uncle was babysitting me, i went to the draw and opened it and poured water all over the tapes. He just stared at me and didnt say a word!
My neice the other day (who will be two on the 28 Sept) was naughty, pouring water all over our floor in the living room...luckily its tiled. But when my mother stopped her, and called her "naughty" in vietnamese, she started crying - it was offensive apparently to her! (amazing how they understand so much!) She cried and didnt stop until she puked all over the lounge chair! *sigh* She was being naughty, and she already learnt to be defensive and was denying it.
(3) Mobile phones on the train. Be courteous please! When ur on a train and there are people around:
(i) pick up ur fudging phone instead of waiting for the polyphonic ringtone to play twice! Its bloody irritating!!!
(ii) when u are frantically smsing friends/boyfriends/whoever, please put ur phone on vibrate alert or just lower the bloody volume, the phone is in ur hands, ready to respond...so its not like ur going to miss it!
(iii) when u answer ur bloody call, try not to speak too loud so that the people in the next carriage can hear u!
(4) Being happy for other people is a good thing, even when they are happy for the wrong reason...if they share their happiness with u, its just too infectious to ignore! =D
(5) I like spending money on other people as much as for myself. I like the process of selecting the present, then paying for the present, wrapping the present and then handing the present, and more importantly - i love the appreciative expressions on the recipients face!
^_^
(6) I switch off when im around people who are too out there. I am literally speechless!
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
My mother's story...
When i was trying to decide on what kind of career i could follow "if all else failed", i considered writing my mother's life story.
I guess in some ways it would be a tribute, but also just a simple biography of her life. To me, her life was interesting...she was brought up with 10 other brother's a sisters...some of them died very young, her father was jailed because he was fighting in the war on anti-communism side which provoked my mother to marry my father. She was a boat person on her own with my grandfather who happened to have some illness which prevented them to go straight to Australia and whilst looking after my grandfather she had my brother to look after, who was only 1 y/o. She did this in a foreign country with no money of her own. She only had the clothes on her back and another to change in. All her belongings were left in Vietnam with her sisters, in which they later sold for money that they much needed.
But life for my mother wasnt always grey in those days. Her family was once wealthy farmers of rice. But the city was booming and they moved there with so much hope, away from the country in which they should have stayed in.
You see, my mother's life was so colourful with many things occurring in her life when she was younger. She endured heartaches, her parents divorce, war, immigration, etc. There are so many stories that she shares with me...i wish i had recorded them in one way or another. I guess i have to get her to repeat the stories again, but this time have my MD ready to record them.
But she isnt the only one with stories, all her sisters have their own to share too.
I absolutely hate going to Vietnam, but the one thing that i appreciate is seeing my aunts and cousins who share their own stories from their past as girls in a time of revolution in post-war Vietnam.
IF and when i get the time to write my mother's story, i only hope that i do it justice.
I guess in some ways it would be a tribute, but also just a simple biography of her life. To me, her life was interesting...she was brought up with 10 other brother's a sisters...some of them died very young, her father was jailed because he was fighting in the war on anti-communism side which provoked my mother to marry my father. She was a boat person on her own with my grandfather who happened to have some illness which prevented them to go straight to Australia and whilst looking after my grandfather she had my brother to look after, who was only 1 y/o. She did this in a foreign country with no money of her own. She only had the clothes on her back and another to change in. All her belongings were left in Vietnam with her sisters, in which they later sold for money that they much needed.
But life for my mother wasnt always grey in those days. Her family was once wealthy farmers of rice. But the city was booming and they moved there with so much hope, away from the country in which they should have stayed in.
You see, my mother's life was so colourful with many things occurring in her life when she was younger. She endured heartaches, her parents divorce, war, immigration, etc. There are so many stories that she shares with me...i wish i had recorded them in one way or another. I guess i have to get her to repeat the stories again, but this time have my MD ready to record them.
But she isnt the only one with stories, all her sisters have their own to share too.
I absolutely hate going to Vietnam, but the one thing that i appreciate is seeing my aunts and cousins who share their own stories from their past as girls in a time of revolution in post-war Vietnam.
IF and when i get the time to write my mother's story, i only hope that i do it justice.
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
What's wrong with me???
I have noticed somethings that have been happening to me and i dont quite understand why...
Really odd things that have left me feeling insecure about myself.
I use to be this really brave girl, who would face up to any challenge!
Bite back when bitten.
Had the inner strength to soldier on.
Jumped off a cliff just to prove my purpose.
Argued until the sun has set, and risen the day after.
Scaled heights to show that i could touch the stars when i wanted to.
I was all of these things and then some.
Why have i changes so, in a way that i now cower away when speaking to someone. I consciously stroke my hair like i have something to hide. Even when im addressing a customer on the phone, i still reach for my hair and give it a stroke or put some strands behind my ear. They cant see me, so what am i so afraid of? Its not like a subconcious nervous reaction...like people biting their nails without knowing and then look at their fingers some time later, and find that most of their nail has been chewed off!
Why have i become so insecure??? When did i begin to second guess myself in such a way??? How did it come to be that i am no longer confident in myself or my actions???
I sometimes find myself walking around, going from one destination to another looking nonchalant but seriously worrying about something!
I also walk around looking at the floor. What happened to holding my head up high?
I avoid making eye contact with people. I use to look people in the eye and kept their attention until i chose to let go of it.
I find myself very unhappy.
I have started to lie.
Or maybe i have been lying all this time? And i have been in denial...
I might be going through a "Transition Cycle" in which im at a point of "inner contradictions" or "inner crisis" - based on the diagram on the website i have linked this blog to. I have been dealing with the so-called "Quaterlife Crisis"...I wonder if that is all part of my Transition Cycle? Or is the Transition Cycle part of the Quarterlife Crisis?
I use to be good with change. Saw it as an opportunity. I now look at it with distress.
Why oh why am i reduced to tears by it now?
I should be dealing with it all much better than i did before, should i not? Isnt that what growing up is all about? Am i doing a back flip and instead of growing, im actually mentally regressing*? What happened to my maturity? Out the window i suppose...
*regression (noun) 1: an abnormal state in which development has stopped prematurely [syn: arrested development, fixation, infantile fixation] 2: a defense mechanism in which you flee from reality by assuming a more infantile state.
Really odd things that have left me feeling insecure about myself.
I use to be this really brave girl, who would face up to any challenge!
Bite back when bitten.
Had the inner strength to soldier on.
Jumped off a cliff just to prove my purpose.
Argued until the sun has set, and risen the day after.
Scaled heights to show that i could touch the stars when i wanted to.
I was all of these things and then some.
Why have i changes so, in a way that i now cower away when speaking to someone. I consciously stroke my hair like i have something to hide. Even when im addressing a customer on the phone, i still reach for my hair and give it a stroke or put some strands behind my ear. They cant see me, so what am i so afraid of? Its not like a subconcious nervous reaction...like people biting their nails without knowing and then look at their fingers some time later, and find that most of their nail has been chewed off!
Why have i become so insecure??? When did i begin to second guess myself in such a way??? How did it come to be that i am no longer confident in myself or my actions???
I sometimes find myself walking around, going from one destination to another looking nonchalant but seriously worrying about something!
I also walk around looking at the floor. What happened to holding my head up high?
I avoid making eye contact with people. I use to look people in the eye and kept their attention until i chose to let go of it.
I find myself very unhappy.
I have started to lie.
Or maybe i have been lying all this time? And i have been in denial...
I might be going through a "Transition Cycle" in which im at a point of "inner contradictions" or "inner crisis" - based on the diagram on the website i have linked this blog to. I have been dealing with the so-called "Quaterlife Crisis"...I wonder if that is all part of my Transition Cycle? Or is the Transition Cycle part of the Quarterlife Crisis?
I use to be good with change. Saw it as an opportunity. I now look at it with distress.
Why oh why am i reduced to tears by it now?
I should be dealing with it all much better than i did before, should i not? Isnt that what growing up is all about? Am i doing a back flip and instead of growing, im actually mentally regressing*? What happened to my maturity? Out the window i suppose...
*regression (noun) 1: an abnormal state in which development has stopped prematurely [syn: arrested development, fixation, infantile fixation] 2: a defense mechanism in which you flee from reality by assuming a more infantile state.
