What's wrong with me???

I have noticed somethings that have been happening to me and i dont quite understand why...

Really odd things that have left me feeling insecure about myself.

I use to be this really brave girl, who would face up to any challenge!
Bite back when bitten.
Had the inner strength to soldier on.
Jumped off a cliff just to prove my purpose.
Argued until the sun has set, and risen the day after.
Scaled heights to show that i could touch the stars when i wanted to.

I was all of these things and then some.

Why have i changes so, in a way that i now cower away when speaking to someone. I consciously stroke my hair like i have something to hide. Even when im addressing a customer on the phone, i still reach for my hair and give it a stroke or put some strands behind my ear. They cant see me, so what am i so afraid of? Its not like a subconcious nervous reaction...like people biting their nails without knowing and then look at their fingers some time later, and find that most of their nail has been chewed off!

Why have i become so insecure??? When did i begin to second guess myself in such a way??? How did it come to be that i am no longer confident in myself or my actions???

I sometimes find myself walking around, going from one destination to another looking nonchalant but seriously worrying about something!

I also walk around looking at the floor. What happened to holding my head up high?

I avoid making eye contact with people. I use to look people in the eye and kept their attention until i chose to let go of it.

I find myself very unhappy.
I have started to lie.
Or maybe i have been lying all this time? And i have been in denial...
I might be going through a "Transition Cycle" in which im at a point of "inner contradictions" or "inner crisis" - based on the diagram on the website i have linked this blog to. I have been dealing with the so-called "Quaterlife Crisis"...I wonder if that is all part of my Transition Cycle? Or is the Transition Cycle part of the Quarterlife Crisis?

I use to be good with change. Saw it as an opportunity. I now look at it with distress.
Why oh why am i reduced to tears by it now?
I should be dealing with it all much better than i did before, should i not? Isnt that what growing up is all about? Am i doing a back flip and instead of growing, im actually mentally regressing*? What happened to my maturity? Out the window i suppose...


*regression (noun) 1: an abnormal state in which development has stopped prematurely [syn: arrested development, fixation, infantile fixation] 2: a defense mechanism in which you flee from reality by assuming a more infantile state.