The young, the scared, the infertile...

I had a good long weekend...sorta...
A lot of food...a lot of kids...a lot of food...a moderate amount of exercising (spawned from all the food i ate) to compensate...and a lot of shopping!

This post is actually about my Saturday...at my Great Aunt's place...we had a huge family lunch...there were sooo many kiddies...and my cousin (2nd oldest in the family...me being the oldest) brought her baby girl along.

While we were in the kids room, i asked her sister (3rd oldest in our family) when she and her boyfriend are getting married.

This forced our conversation on another tangent...about her older sister + hubby having a long conversation with the 3rd oldest's boyfriend the night before.

The conversation was about how he will be a bachelor for life if he found out that he was infertile. Infertility is something that really scares him. He wants a big family, but if he cant have kids, he doesnt want to stop his gf/future wife from having one, two or three...so, he wont marry her if he finds out.

I was shocked.

As i am the oldest, i havent heard my friends consider how infertile they were...i mean this guy is barely 22 y/o and he is worried about whether his chances of fathering a child is so slim that he will decide to stay a bachelor for the rest of his life?!?!?!

I posed the question about them loving each other? You marry a person because you love them, no? Why is his fertility a question as to whether he would marry you?

To me, marriage comes first. Babies come second. You wont know unless you have been trying for a child for a year that you "might" be infertile...and even then it could be either one of you. But dont you love the person enough to look at other options.

He told her sister + hubby that he would not be okay with another man's sperm fathering their baby. Fair enough, i dont think any man would be comfortable with that. In vitro or no in vitro, another man's sperm is another man's sperm. But what about adoption? Nope...he doesnt want that either.

So, what if their problem was because she was infertile? Would he break her heart and dump her, because he oh so wants his own children??? But doesnt he love her???

I asked her how she felt. She says she understands. She wouldnt break up with him if he was the one infertile. But as she wants kids, she believes its something they will have to work long and hard to overcome.

I'm suprised that they are even talking about it so seriously.

I thought guys fought with a vengence to prove how viril they were! And infertility was not something you would question at the tender age of 21!!! I was so taken aback...i didnt think a guy would question whether he was fertile, not until he was mid 30's or older and was trying his luck at having his first child and continuously failed...even then, i thought he would blame the woman until he finds out that her egg count is actually pretty high!!!

Are most guys worried...but he is the only one who will openly and honestly talk about it?