I'm a hypocritical b****!

I dont know why...but i am.

I admit it, because i recognise it.

I cause a lot of grief for other people.

I guess i havent changed all that much after all...

=(

But i was fine, really i was. I dont know what brought it about...i was calm and collected all this time...ehh, okay, had a touch of neurosis here and there...but it was all under wraps. Truly, it was...

*bugger*

Okay, im lying...it wasnt okay, it never was...i must have tricked myself into believing that i was a different person, that i had changed.

Someone more considerate...someone more compassionate...someone more selfless...someone more humble...someone just more better than what i originally was.

I mean, i went on a hiatus of over a year to "improve" myself...you know, re-condition one self...re-program my personality to version 1.3!

Maybe i should re-program myself to 1.4 or undergo some form of re-education like how Communist China re-educated their people almost half a century ago...*ugh*...

I guess its an uphill battle that i just need to keep chugging along with, in attempt to overcome it. But what if i cant change this about me?!

What if all my attempts to modify myself is all in vain, and will basically return fruitless???

=(