Naked! Exposed! Whatever!

Have u ever watched "Never Been Kissed", the Drew Barrymore movie?

I feel like her character, Josie Geller in the scene at the end of the movie where she stands on the pitch in a baseball field waiting for the guy of her dreams to come and give her her first real kiss. In this scene...there are all these camera ppl, and journalists, reporters, and supporters on the sides and in the stalls...they are all there waiting in anticipation for her "dream guy" to come...there is a timer just clocking down.
...down.
...down.
Closer and closer to 0.

And there was one point in which everyone let out a sigh of disappointment because they were certain that he wasnt going to show...but in true hollywood style, of course "dream guy" turns up and everyone is celebrating as the two kiss!

Well, my story isnt a good fairytale ending...even though i was hoping.

Just like Josie, i wrote my article about the guy i met...and not that i expected him to read it (unlike the movie)...but i let everyone know how i felt and what had happened...and apparently everyone has been talking about it all week!

So, here i was...on the pitch waiting for his call...everyone a buzz waiting for him to call me, ppl there waiting for the goss, ppl there supporting me...after Day 3 of the Waiting game...he was a no show...and the clock is ticking...

Day 4, supporters are asking me..."Did he call you?"...my reply..."nope"... And so they turned around and ask if i would call him...? I didnt want to cos the ball was in his court! So, i did the supposed next best thing to check if he was interested...i sms'd him.

Since it was Chinese New Year's Eve...i thought i would sms a message wishing him a happy new year...*gasp* With a help of a friend (Thank U, uno who u are!), i sent a message that got a reply...it was quite bland...but at least he replied??? I sent another message back and then he replied to that one too. His msg indicated that he was at a concert and that it was "bloody awesome"! I sent another reply back, and that was the end of that.

I thought that by sending the sms, i would indicate to him that i was interested and i hoped that he would call after it...not right away, cos i knew he was busy...but the day after or the day after that...but that was Wednesday...and now its Saturday, so i dont know what the hell is going on?!

I feel like a complete failure...and ino im currently the "hot goss" amongst friends and acquaintances...which makes it worse...i didnt realise how many ppl either read my blog...or how many ppl loved to gossip! >_<

I feel crap...and although another friend told me that it was him that loses out in this situation...i still feel bad! (But Thank U to u too, all ur compliments made me smile...uno who u are!) I think i feel especially like a failure, cos to me...it only made it half way...many have said to me that I succeeded...cos he asked for my number and he was the one who gave me a kiss good bye...but i derno.

I've suprised some, cos they all think that im "confident" and "collected"...i guess they dont realise that a "confident" & "collected" person on the outside can still be highly insecure on the inside. I dont think im pretty...and although friends tell me that im attractive...it feels like they are just saying that to make me feel better or just cos they are my friends...

So, in some sense, i wanted some validation from a stranger! Which sounds a bit warped, but it makes sense to me. Cos strangers are not obliged to talking to u...and a guy doesnt usually talk to a girl that he doesnt find attractive! And he doesnt usually ask a girl for her number if he isnt impressed with her personality and would like to continue the conversation at a later stage! And he wouldnt kiss her goodbye if he didnt want to show her that he is interested...

Well, that was what i thought...but im resolved...i should have been harsh and kept to the "3 Day Grace period!" So, if he didnt call by then, i would give him the boot. But all my friends and collegues said to give him a week...but cos i gave him 5 days...it screwed me over! Not that he "didnt call" affected me so much...but i screwed myself emotionally with self doubt...and now i feel more crap than i have ever felt for a long time now!

I feel like i have exposed myself...and i have shown everyone my weaknesses...

I feel like everyone is snickering behind me, pointing and laughing cos i put myself out there and got rejected!

I feel like what i use to believe in is all so wrong...all those indicators that i use to be able to read in a guy which shows that he likes a girl, they are all false!

So, whats even scarier is the fact that my judgement is twisted or something...*ugh*