Post 501...

I have stuffed my face with countless amounts of choc bullets and im contemplating about how wrong it would be to die by complete and sheer gluttony.

Why do weddings bring the worst out of me?

In this morbid, self loathing time of my life i see myself wearing a divine wedding dress, covered with all the jewels a girls heart can desire, with a fabulous pair of pumps and matching clutch...but im not at my wedding...no sir! Im just sitting at home, eating all the glorious food my heart desires and slowly die from utter indulgence...sitting in the most luxurious seat you can imagine...

Hey, i can think of many other ways to die that are less pleasant than the one i just described.

Sure I will die a fat pig...but think about it! If i die at an old and lonely age, who gives a fig as to what i look like...i'll just make sure there is enough in the will to supply enough attendants to carry my coffin to the grave. I mean, knowing my luck, all my friends and family would probably die before i do, just to make it more depressing for myself...and as i would be single, there are no kids to mention...my nieces will probably hate me so much that they wouldnt give a sh*t about their only spinster aunt...

If only I wasn't sitting next to my parents this evening, I could have polished the bottle of Verdi on my own...shame the Verdi is only 4.8% alcohol, it has no effect what so ever in numbing one self.

And what is it with the throwing of the bouquet that says that because you are single "you must" go up and stand and try to catch the friggin bouquet!!! I'm single, my prospects dont look good...if i catch a bouquet, it would just give me false hope, only to be dropped to the floor like a tonne of bricks when reality hits me. No thank you. I'll just keep my fat ass glued to my seat.

I went to the ladies and when i got out of my cubicle I got eyed hideously by a bunch of 20's and there was dead silence...it was like i just intruded on the cool kids circle and they were thinking WTF??? Since when was it okay for them to make me feel that sh*t when i obviously should have the upper hand!!! It was so SATC...uno the episode where Carrie and the crew were contemplating the whole 30-something vs 20-something?!?! Well, it was like these f#$%ing 20's thought that they were so "IT" and that i was so "NOT"...If i was a complete b*tch, i would have said "Dolls, i take it as a compliment that you appreciate my assets!"

They sooo don't know what will hit them after 25 and im sure i will be hit with more home truths when im 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, til forever...and you see, this is where i already have an advantage. I accept that i dont know everything...they are at the stage where they actually think that everything begins and ends with them! HA!

I told my Mum about the toilet incident and she said, "Well, they look like a bunch of b*tches!" Go Mum! *claws came out*

I'm getting really sh*tty with being the only competent person in the bridal party for K's wedding. I'm actually putting more time and effort in organising her Hen's party than my actual paid job!!! What's with that? Organising it has been stressing me out. I hate it when K calls and tells me about another incompetent thing the other bridesmaid has said or done. I was soo close to packing up shop the other day and turn around and just tell her that i dont want the honor any more. That it wasnt worth all the time i spent organising her Hen's Party...and basically being her wedding planner for the past 12+ months...

She constantly insists that i do the table decorations during the time in which we are supposed to be taking pictures. The first time she asked, i pointed out that i would be with her assisting in the photo shoot, or actually being in the photo shoot...what did she want me to do? Decorations or be with her during the photos. She says photos. But then a week later the table decorations get brought up yet again. I remind her, she wants the bridal party in some of the photos...i cant be at two places at once. I advise her to get her sisters, who arent doing anything to oversee the table decorations...she goes with the idea, but a week later we revisit the f#$%ing table decorations. This has been going on for a good 5 months now...

The wedding is a month and 6 days away...there is no itinerary...i ask her if i will need to take the Friday before her big day off, she tells me no. A week later she calls and tells me that the wedding coordinator at the gardens has told her that she will need to do a rehersal before the day. So, I might have to take the day off...which actually doesnt work well for my ride...one of the groomsmen as he can't really take the day off due to work commitments.

I ask her, isnt this your wedding? Shouldnt they accommodate you and your guests? So, shouldnt you be able to arrange the rehersal, say at 5pm on Friday instead of allowing the wedding coordinator to say when and your whole bridal party must jump to it???

Its f#$%ing really annoyig me. If it was my wedding, i would try to make it as hassle free for everyone...because i want everyone to be relaxed and enjoy the day/night with me and my imaginery man celebrating our love...tacky, i know...

It seems like she has adopted the "its my wedding, and im going to do whatever i like whenever i like - who gives a f#$% about the people who i invited to be in the bridal party..." type of mentality. Getting close to Bridezilla...

*sigh*

I should really go to bed and sleep all this negative energy off...as i do have a 1 year old's birthday to attend tomorrow...or should i say today. But i've just continued to stuff my face with more choc bullets...the sugar is giving me a buzz...even if its only temporary, its good while it lasts...